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The bad advice thread
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After some bad advice on another thread I thought it could be funny what bad advice others can give I'll start with my bad advice.
Wear nipple tassels with man Boobs, people will be too busy laughing at them to notice the surrounding moob. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you run out of lube, vicks is an acceptable substitute"
This can be good advice, depends how you like it  
Always turn your mobile phone to silent before inserting it up your rectum. |
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"Initially ask if shes 'up for a fuck' before laying out the red carpet treatment with a thoughtful & attentive message on Fab.
#timesaver  "
And you can never have enough public cock pictures of course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Initially ask if shes 'up for a fuck' before laying out the red carpet treatment with a thoughtful & attentive message on Fab.
#timesaver
And you can never have enough public cock pictures of course "
And of course...you should show all your cock pics taken while in public on your profile...obligatory, cock out while posing in front of Big Ben pic being your avatar  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When you stare at the sun your eyes absorb it's light and uses it at night to give you night vision.
So you should do it as much as you can. "
as long as its not an eclipse. Thay shit is dangerous |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's fine to bring your mum along to a meet.
"
What you mean I can bring her inside? I usually make her wait outside in the car.
Before you start slagging me though I make sure she has a flask of tea and a rug over her knees - I'm not completely heartless! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted."
Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful."
I thought everyone did this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pick the busiest pub you know for your first meet and if you decide you don't like her when you spot her in the distance you can claim she didn't turn up and report her for timewasting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful.
I thought everyone did this?"
I tend to use swarfega..I got a load on bulk discount |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.
Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo"
I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.
Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo
I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!"
Bravo sir, bravo  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Only bathe once a week to build up smegma, scrape it off and save it up for a unique dinner dressing "
I have just reached on a busy bus at this....urgh
Her |
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By *j47Man
over a year ago
limerick |
"Only bathe once a week to build up smegma, scrape it off and save it up for a unique dinner dressing
I have just reached on a busy bus at this....urgh
Her "
I hope someone held ur hair  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful."
Sounds like something I'd do! |
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"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.
Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo
I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!"
Charlie don't swing! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful."
I prefer my meets to go through the sheep dip of bleach. |
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"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.
Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo
I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!"
Thomas the tank engine for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Initially ask if shes 'up for a fuck' before laying out the red carpet treatment with a thoughtful & attentive message on Fab.
#timesaver "
In the words of Kevin bloody wilson "do you fuck em first date, does your dad own a brewery. can i feel your tits, and will you show them too me."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone doesn't reply within 5 seconds of reading your message send them another saying "am I not your type??" guaranteed to get a shag that way "
And call them bbe, makes them go weak at the knees. |
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"If someone doesn't reply within 5 seconds of reading your message send them another saying "am I not your type??" guaranteed to get a shag that way
And call them bbe, makes them go weak at the knees."
And I get soooo wet just reading the word wuu2 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have a shit before a meet, and when you get to their house, get all the crust off with your fingers, they'd be fine with that and get a semi lob on whilst watching then they will join in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful.
I prefer my meets to go through the sheep dip of bleach. "
That sounds very proper |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone doesn't reply within 5 seconds of reading your message send them another saying "am I not your type??" guaranteed to get a shag that way "
Sending just a '?' is quicker. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When accomodating a meet, hang your previous meet's knickers from your lampshade; this will show her that you're popular with women and she will buck her ideas up in the sack to eliminate the competition.
If you haven't had a previous meet to obtain skimpies from, then your Mum's will do, she'll never know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When accomodating a meet, hang your previous meet's knickers from your lampshade; this will show her that you're popular with women and she will buck her ideas up in the sack to eliminate the competition.
If you haven't had a previous meet to obtain skimpies from, then your Mum's will do, she'll never know."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To make your playmate feel extra special, invest in one of the ticket machines you used to get on the meat counter in supermarkets, then dont let them start until the number is displayed outside the door. For extra points tell them they can keep the ticket as a memento |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When your meet turns up strip them naked and spray with disinfectant as soon as they walk in. You can never be too careful.
I prefer my meets to go through the sheep dip of bleach.
That sounds very proper "
Also this is the point that you can write their name in sharpie on their stomach, forehead, ass and back of neck (written upside down). Its very rude to forget the name of someone you are enjoying physically. An acceptable alternative is a number of 'Hi, my name is ________' stickers from a speed dating event. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set your timer before you start to fuck & proudly say cumming in 5.4 seconds is the longest you've ever lasted.
Or as soon as you start to fuck start singing the superman theme tune at the top of your voice, and say you have to time your climax with the final crescendo
I use Wagner's Ride of the Valkyrie, blasted out of massive speakers in the style of Col. Kilgore's Air Cav troop from Apocalypse Now. Get some!"
The next time I give someone a facial I am so yelling "get some" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Always remember that lube is for wimps and the correct protocol for anal is to line it up and just grab the hips and slam in hard while shouting 'Hulk, smash!' Over and over again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Always remember that lube is for wimps and the correct protocol for anal is to line it up and just grab the hips and slam in hard while shouting 'Hulk, smash!' Over and over again."
This made me giggle!! |
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