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Do I stay in my sexless marriage

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

only you can decide x best of luck though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No one can answer that question Hun only you , grass is not always greener as they say

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Stay and play the game

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

How does he feel about you being on here? Is that enough of a compromise for you?

Stay or go, it's your life.

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By *ornyHousewife 68Couple over a year ago

Manchester

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it"

Personally I'd give him 3 options, fulfil your needs, allow you to fulfil them elsewhere, or pack a bag.

Only you and him can decide the best option for you both though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's lots more to a marriage than sex

Only you can make a decision, the only thing I'm learning is life's way too short to be unhappy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Does he know you are in here.

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

End of day you are in effect cheating on him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There's lots more to a marriage than sex

Only you can make a decision, the only thing I'm learning is life's way too short to be unhappy "

I agree with this advice as you don't know what's round the corner

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you got to the root of why he has no sex drive ? Just asking , as feeling down can be a cause.

Only you can decide. You do only live once and although, I for one , love sex. It isn't everything. I would talk talk and talk. Perhaps even talk to an objective third party.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Marriage is the whole package, not just the sex. What has changed, work pressures, health issues, have you put weight on? Has he? Age?

Are there kids involved?

Lots of things to consider

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By *pontanious3Man over a year ago

West Midlands

listen ,this is your life..no one elses..know your worth...

you are not on this planet to make someone else happy...you are here to make sure you are happy....

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By *tmmCouple over a year ago

harlow

"I'm really unhappy"

This is your answer.

It's hard to jump believe me both of us know this all too well. But there is no point in being with someone who makes you unhappy.

The thing to realise as well that although sex is the main issue you see there are/will be knock on effects to. Lack of communication has already started, lack of confidence, self worth and any other forms of _iewing yourself badly.

No one needs to feel that way whether through abuse, neglect or thoughtlessness.

Whatever you decide - best of luck xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does he know you are in here.

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

End of day you are in effect cheating on him."

I like to think the same advice would be given be it a male or female posting.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it"

Only you can make this decision op

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does he know you are in here.

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

End of day you are in effect cheating on him.

I like to think the same advice would be given be it a male or female posting."

I doubt that

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By *irceWoman over a year ago

Gloucester

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it"

I have had the same issue, drove me to take steps that i knew would hurt the person

i like sex and made a choice, harsh but i cannot just become a nun!

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By *pontanious3Man over a year ago

West Midlands

its al very good you being understanding to him....but what about you ?...

where does he fit in making sure you feel loved ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But then again do you really need help with your decisions at your age.. You're old enough even I should be asking you for advice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

Personally I'd give him 3 options, fulfil your needs, allow you to fulfil them elsewhere, or pack a bag.

Only you and him can decide the best option for you both though

Yeah well said.

I'm not married but am not happy at home either, I stay around because it seems like the right thing to do but I get madly depressed when I'm unable to openly enjoy other woman's company as my misses is jeasous type.

I'm a sucker for flirting..

I'm on here for some fun and it seems to do the trick...

Stay positive and don't make a rash decicion if you love him, have you tried telling him how you feel?

Ask him how he'd feel if some stranger give you what you need, see his reaction , you'll be bent over in no time lol..

Hope it goes well

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple over a year ago

near cardiff

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it"

Get rid of him..no sex is legit grounds for divorce...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Show him your profile on fab. Your have no need to make a choice then. Poor bloke

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You should definitely seek it cos you shouldn't be left out cos he don't want to x.

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By *tmmCouple over a year ago

harlow

"But then again do you really need help with your decisions at your age.. You're old enough even I should be asking you for advice"

Advice has no age limit.

Advice only has life experience and everyone has that and it's always different for each person at different ages.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/05/15 21:08:29]

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By *tmmCouple over a year ago

harlow

"But then again do you really need help with your decisions at your age.. You're old enough even I should be asking you for advice

I understand why you would say this but

It's been churning round in my head for months. Driving me mad I don't have anyone to ask "

I'm glad you understand. I don't lol!

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By *pontanious3Man over a year ago

West Midlands

advice it only to be listened to ...

doesn't mean you have to take it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/05/15 21:06:50]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/05/15 21:11:55]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A lot of marriages lack intimacy. That is why there are sites like this!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

Get rid of him..no sex is legit grounds for divorce...

On what grounds?

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple over a year ago

near cardiff

"Most marriages are sexless that's why so many people stray"

I think a lot of People are to uncomfortable talking about sex,talking about what they like,and don't and get frustrated,and bored with each other...if you cant talk about having sex with each other then you shouldn't be doing it

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By *eithoWoman over a year ago

Chatham

A lack of sex in a relationship is never without cause. IMO you need to ascertain what that cause is before deciding on a course of action.

Is he depressed?

Has he got a medical issue?

Was your sex life good before and if so was there a precipitating event which started the decline?

Could he have strayed?

You need to talk about it honestly and openly. In my experience many people don't always appreciate the gravity of what's being said either, for example mentioning you'd like more sex is not really giving the full extent of how unhappy you really are.

I reckon communicate, be honest about how dire things feel for you, go to counselling if necessary. Figure out what the issue is, then you stand a chance of fixing it. If it can't be fixed, leave.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP, I am afraid there is no easy answer. Ultimately, if you are severely unhappy, then that may outweigh love and an uncertain future. It is very difficult to weigh up the two situations.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Can you picture what will be, so limitless and free? Desperately in need of some stranger's hand, in a desperate land.....

Jim Morrison sang that.

You must do what you feel is right. Sometimes a great deal of pain and angst is needed before a change for the better develops. If you are truly unhappy then you already know the answer.

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple over a year ago

near cardiff

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

Get rid of him..no sex is legit grounds for divorce...

On what grounds?"

Clearly not on theirs!

No sex can equal divorce in a marriage

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

Get rid of him..no sex is legit grounds for divorce...

On what grounds?

Clearly not on theirs!

No sex can equal divorce in a marriage"

You do know the grounds for getting a divorce don't you?

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By *eithoWoman over a year ago

Chatham

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

Get rid of him..no sex is legit grounds for divorce...

On what grounds?

Clearly not on theirs!

No sex can equal divorce in a marriage

You do know the grounds for getting a divorce don't you?"

Pretty sure a lack of sex could qualify as 'irretrievable breakdown'?

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By *arry247Couple over a year ago

Wakefield

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it"

The answer depends on you and whether you believe the vows you took on marriage should be kept or not.

In sickness and in health, till death us do part.

There are two people who matter you and your husband, not one or the other but both.

Do you still love him?

Does he love you?

Is there a medical or physical reason for his not wanting sex?

Do you want sex more than you want him?

Would you both be happy if you both split up or would one or the other or both of you be unhappy if you split up?

We on the forum cannot answer these and all the other questions you both need answered. Only the two of you can do that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does he know you are in here.

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

End of day you are in effect cheating on him.

I like to think the same advice would be given be it a male or female posting.

I doubt that"

Agreed

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Oh dear,

Everyone give this lady a big group hug. Some of us have been where the OP is and it's not a nice place to be.

Whatever you choose to do will throw up lots of pleasures and lots of down sides.

If his final word is that you must be celibate then he is being a bit childish and needs to grow up. I fear you have some difficult decisions to make. Try visiting your local citizens advice and see if the can put you in touch with some marriage guidance. Even if you just go on your own they will be able to fill you in with your rights and help you make the right decision for you.

Good luck.

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By *tmmCouple over a year ago

harlow

To be fair you make your reasons "fit" into the grounds of divorce.

No one really "cares" now for want of a better term it's so much more common and less frowned upon

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

Get rid of him..no sex is legit grounds for divorce...

On what grounds?

Clearly not on theirs!

No sex can equal divorce in a marriage

You do know the grounds for getting a divorce don't you?

Pretty sure a lack of sex could qualify as 'irretrievable breakdown'?"

There are 5 grounds to get a divorce which has led to the irretrievable breakdown of your marriage.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As a friend advised me...'Put up, or shut up.' You say your husband is lovely and kind.

You have been deceiving him for more than a year.

If you are not happy, leave and be honest with yourself and your husband.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Does he know you are in here.

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

End of day you are in effect cheating on him.

I like to think the same advice would be given be it a male or female posting."

It never is....this is really sedate and polite

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP I feel you & your husband need to talk to Relate.

The starting point has been raised already by him in wanting to remain celebate, there must be reasons behind this decison which needs to be addressed for both of your sakes.

Sex is not the be all and end all in a marriage but for some its very important, it creates and intimacy & bond between 2 people which without the marriage struggles.

Good luck x

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By *ath_Neil_bifunCouple over a year ago

near cardiff

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

Get rid of him..no sex is legit grounds for divorce...

On what grounds?

Clearly not on theirs!

No sex can equal divorce in a marriage

You do know the grounds for getting a divorce don't you?"

My favourite is unreasonable behaviour

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a friend advised me...'Put up, or shut up.' You say your husband is lovely and kind.

You have been deceiving him for more than a year.

If you are not happy, leave and be honest with yourself and your husband. "

Well said indeed.

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By *trawberry-popWoman over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

My question would be-

Do you see yourself happier in your life with your husband and without sex?

Happier with sex and without your husband?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Given you've sagged 22 people over the cours e of at least a year can you really class it as sexless?

Tell him so he can move on and be with someone who actually gives a damn about him.

It's quite possible he already suspects and this is what's putting him off you.

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By *trawberry-popWoman over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

"Given you've sagged 22 people over the cours e of at least a year can you really class it as sexless?

Tell him so he can move on and be with someone who actually gives a damn about him.

It's quite possible he already suspects and this is what's putting him off you."

Fair point...I didn't look at OPs profile. Not cool luv, not cool.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it

Get rid of him..no sex is legit grounds for divorce...

On what grounds?

Clearly not on theirs!

No sex can equal divorce in a marriage

You do know the grounds for getting a divorce don't you?

My favourite is unreasonable behaviour

I'm quite intrigued now as to whether a judge would grant a divorce based merely on one party not wanting sex anymore. I'll ask one tomorrow at work!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Given you've sagged 22 people over the cours e of at least a year can you really class it as sexless?

Tell him so he can move on and be with someone who actually gives a damn about him.

It's quite possible he already suspects and this is what's putting him off you."

Well she didn't say she wasn't having sex she said her marriage was sexless.

'sagged' 22 people.....is that a new festish I haven't heard of.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Given you've sagged 22 people over the cours e of at least a year can you really class it as sexless?

Tell him so he can move on and be with someone who actually gives a damn about him.

It's quite possible he already suspects and this is what's putting him off you."

Not all veri's are sex meets, some can be from socials.

OP - we can all give advice, we are not living your life. You are! So our advice is only based on limited facts, our own beliefs and not necessarily right for you.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"How does he feel about you being on here? Is that enough of a compromise for you?

Stay or go, it's your life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/05/15 21:40:38]

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

[Removed by poster at 11/05/15 21:43:38]

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"its al very good you being understanding to him....but what about you ?...

where does he fit in making sure you feel loved ?"

There are two sides in a relationship. What does each of them do the make the other feel loved? If the OP is cheating that may not make him feel loved. Just because he hasn't said anything doesn't mean he doesn't know.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does he know you are in here.

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

End of day you are in effect cheating on him.

I like to think the same advice would be given be it a male or female posting.

I doubt that

Agreed"

The OP certainly wouldn't be offered a 'group hug'!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So if no sex in a marriage is not enough for the OP to leave her husband, why is everyone getting so uppity about her getting sex from somewhere else?

Just playing devils advocate ok xxx

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By *ex_OnTheBeachCouple over a year ago

kent ( by the seaside )

You really need to talk to your husband and find out if there's anything troubling him, there's so many reasons why someone may lose their sex drive.

If you value your marriage you will try and resolve this between the two of you.

Good luck

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By *illyrocCouple over a year ago

north west

Has this happened since last Thursday's election results by any chance

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The lady has been.playing aww for a cpl of years according to.one veri.

So, its not a new dilemma...to stay.or go...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You say he is kind and lovely but you don't mention actual love.

Both vicky and me were married before and sex was the main reason I left my ex. We had become like friends more than lovers.

Sex gives everyone the feeling of closeness and love when in a relationship. If I don't have sex with vicky for a while I get irritable and moody.

I love the closeness we feel when we are together and intimate.

You only have one life and although leaving someone is very hard, if you feel you can't live without sex then you either leave him or tell him you are going to join a sex site because you can't live without sex.

Pm if you want to talk more. And do what is rite for you. X

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"Does he know you are in here.

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

End of day you are in effect cheating on him."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why in the bejebus do people post things like this on one of the most judgemental "holier than thou" forums online.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

Just a bit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My partner told me years ago that she no longer finds me sexually attractive. It hurt. We get along fine, but I miss the intimacy so much. We've had separate bedrooms for about 5 years now, and I wank most nights with porn. I really should go, and make the most of the years I have left, but I'm frightened. I too hate the dilemma im in.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"only you can decide x best of luck though"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My partner told me years ago that she no longer finds me sexually attractive. It hurt. We get along fine, but I miss the intimacy so much. We've had separate bedrooms for about 5 years now, and I wank most nights with porn. I really should go, and make the most of the years I have left, but I'm frightened. I too hate the dilemma im in. "

In same boat as you oiledshaft ..... doesn't leave you in a happy place doesit?

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By *ire_bladeMan over a year ago

Manchester

If you both felt the same way about sex and I mean the only reason he doesn't want sex is at this point in his life sex no longer interest him and you honestly did feel no interest for sex as well. would your marage now be a happy 1 ?.....

If your answer is yes then the best thing I think you can try. Is a frank open hearted bullshit free talk you have to explain his choice to not have sex any longer isn't a choice he can make on his own for you both. Sex is a natural perfectly normal thing any adult should want to have in what ever form they prefer. Just like him you can't make the final chose he has to have sex for you. Tell him you don't want to treat him like a fool but your human. you need sex full stop. so for your marage to carry on and get past this problem he has to expect and be capable to cope with some hard facts. You will be having sex with other men and he's the reason you will be doing that. your not cheating in my eyes now your doing something that means your marage has got a chance. he has to deal with the very hard fact it's his falt some other guy is taking cards of what he isn't. The truth is if he can't get his head round you wont stop having sex then if nothing else you have treated the man with love. good luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Either work it out or walk away.. Only you can make that decision. Good luck in whatever you decide to do..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Does he know you are in here.

Am sure if male posted this the outcry and slating would have been horrendous.

End of day you are in effect cheating on him."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is a swingers site not a sex site...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well here goes, I'm married and can count on 1 hand the times we've had sex in the last 10 years, my choice as she has totally let herself go (5ft and size 26) whilst I'm certainly no Adonis I've tried to stay in shape. No intentions of leaving as we still get on great and would never leave my kids, she doesn't know about this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is a swingers site not a sex site..."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Well here goes, I'm married and can count on 1 hand the times we've had sex in the last 10 years, my choice as she has totally let herself go (5ft and size 26) whilst I'm certainly no Adonis I've tried to stay in shape. No intentions of leaving as we still get on great and would never leave my kids, she doesn't know about this "

It might just be me, but talking about your wife like that on here. Shows a total lack of respect in my eyes. I wonder how you'd feel if it was the other way round.

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By *ickawitchCouple over a year ago

Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Well it seems you have managed to fill the sex gap for over a year by being on here, so may I ask why now are you asking yourself this question?.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You say he is kind and lovely but you don't mention actual love.

It's because kind and lovely is code for " its his house, he pays the bills and I really don't fancy getting a job:

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You say he is kind and lovely but you don't mention actual love.

It's because kind and lovely is code for " its his house, he pays the bills and I really don't fancy getting a job:"

Cynic ! I shouldn't have laughed but I did !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooo you see size as the problem here?

Hmmm.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it"

I relationship isn't based on sex. I met my partner 19 months ago and over the last couple of months due to an illness sex happens when he feels better. Doesn't mean that even though we are on fab I go looking else where. Our relationship isn't based on sex. It's based on spending time together , having a laugh going out together doing things as a family. And even if it's just a kiss and a cwtch I am happy....

Like someone has said the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Ok you may find someone who lows your mind sexual but treats you like a tw@t xx

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By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BAE

[Removed by poster at 12/05/15 07:46:11]

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By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BAE

Well, you have been cheating on him for a few years now so I guess it's not as sexless as you make out.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Her"

To be fair size 26 is pretty far gone.

That's into the size range where simply trying to work out the mechanics of sex it difficult.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooo you see size as the problem here?

Hmmm.

Would you be sexually attracted to a man who was of a similar size to a size 26 woman?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You say he is kind and lovely but you don't mention actual love.

It's because kind and lovely is code for " its his house, he pays the bills and I really don't fancy getting a job:"

Oooh sweeping statement award goes too....^^

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The poor bugger, he's lost his sex drive and you just want to shag other people and possibly leave him, have you talked to him about his lack of sex drive? Have you thought that he might have depression?

Or it could be that you aren't the same woman he married, have you thought about that? He might not find you atractive anymore, and before anyone starts going off at me for slating the op, think about what she is saying about her husband?

Till death do us part, not till the fucking stops, perhaps you should leave and be honest with the bloke instead of parading his faults in front of the world

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooo you see size as the problem here?

Hmmm.

Would you be sexually attracted to a man who was of a similar size to a size 26 woman?

I wasn't talking about size.

I'm talking about attitude.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooo you see size as the problem here?

Hmmm.

Would you be sexually attracted to a man who was of a similar size to a size 26 woman?

While we're at it yours stinks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Do I stay in my sexless marriage"

If it's a warm, loving, supportive and secure relationship and you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Yes.

If you need sex, excitement, experiences and adventure outside of your marriage on top of all of the positives and you can't live without that, then do what makes you happy. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooo you see size as the problem here?

Hmmm.

Would you be sexually attracted to a man who was of a similar size to a size 26 woman?

I wasn't talking about size.

I'm talking about attitude.

Ahh forgive me I was confused when you said "so you see size as the problem here" when talking to a man who felt that his now morbidly obese wife was no longer attractive.

You'll forgive me for thinking that size was what was being talked about.

But hey wait a minute I see what you did there... you dodged the question you Wile Coyote you!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's nobody's business but you and your husband.

You NEED to talk.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sooooo you see size as the problem here?

Hmmm.

Would you be sexually attracted to a man who was of a similar size to a size 26 woman?

I wasn't talking about size.

I'm talking about attitude.

Ahh forgive me I was confused when you said "so you see size as the problem here" when talking to a man who felt that his now morbidly obese wife was no longer attractive.

You'll forgive me for thinking that size was what was being talked about.

But hey wait a minute I see what you did there... you dodged the question you Wile Coyote you!

Not at all.

Have a great day!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Do I stay in my sexless marriage

If it's a warm, loving, supportive and secure relationship and you want to spend the rest of your lives together. Yes.

And for the husband who has no idea his wife has been cheating on him for years and slating him to the internet is it a warm loving, supportive and secure relationship for him?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Her

To be fair size 26 is pretty far gone.

That's into the size range where simply trying to work out the mechanics of sex it difficult."

I was a size 30 and didn't have problem having sex. And I didn't have any problems meeting men for sex either. So it just goes to show how shallow minded some people can be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Uh oh a discussion about overweight & cheating in one thread.....it's gonna implode

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

everything has to be a quick fix these day's.

Sounding like an old fart, but I blame society society's obsession with celebrity and social media.

We have Plastered wall to wall 24 hours a day blogs and vlogs etc about this celebrity and shows like Essex and Towie where infidelity is glamorised and cheating becomes an easier, sexier option to sitting down and sorting issues out via good old face to face communication.

The ease at which people can log in and find a sexual partner is quite scary.

My point is this, marriage has its ups and downs, occasionally the downs don't stop and things need to be sorted out.

This will take hard work and dedication to your marriage and deciding what's best for you in the long run.

Cheating is a quick fix, it's not the answer.

Sitting down discussing this with your husband will be the only long term fix.

If you stay or go, don't hide in a secret world that will ultimately blow up in everyones face.

Everyone will get hurt.

If sex is more important than your marriage then leave.

But maybe no sex is just an excuse for deeper issues which are making you unhappy.

Communication is the key, even if you split your still going to have to talk to him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Uh oh a discussion about overweight & cheating in one thread.....it's gonna implode

What do I need to get a meet? I never get messages, which of my pics is the best?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It might just be me, but talking about your wife like that on here. Shows a total lack of respect in my eyes. I wonder how you'd feel if it was the other way round. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Uh oh a discussion about overweight & cheating in one thread.....it's gonna implode

What do I need to get a meet? I never get messages, which of my pics is the best?

Really, this again?!!

A few standard replies:-

Lose sense of entitlement

Check out previous threads

You haven't been on here long

More cock photos needed

Actually the last one is a personal request....

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By *appyguy17Man over a year ago

walthamstow

It can work......

If you really like your hubby......but you must try and work out a compromise..

Sex is only one element !!!

If you have kids.....you'll always be together.....so work something out xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As a friend advised me...'Put up, or shut up.' You say your husband is lovely and kind.

You have been deceiving him for more than a year.

If you are not happy, leave and be honest with yourself and your husband. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Given you've sagged 22 people over the cours e of at least a year can you really class it as sexless?

Tell him so he can move on and be with someone who actually gives a damn about him.

It's quite possible he already suspects and this is what's putting him off you."

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By *innamon!Woman over a year ago

no matter

Depends on the relationship.

Im too old to move on but maybe 20 years ago I would have. Too late now,no sense in both being alone and running two homes. If you are able to maybe discuss your need for a sexual relationship if not with him then you need to go else where. Depends if he is prepared to accept that. If no then really you have no choice.

Living without sex is very hard and very sad after 22 years I am extremely lonely. I wouldnt recommend it to anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

IMO OP is looking for people on a swingers site to say "yes honey, it is okay for you to cheat on husband"...and the post is just attention seeking to get more meets.....

but then I might be being cynical ....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Her

To be fair size 26 is pretty far gone.

That's into the size range where simply trying to work out the mechanics of sex it difficult.

I was a size 30 and didn't have problem having sex. And I didn't have any problems meeting men for sex either. So it just goes to show how shallow minded some people can be. "
Yes and you usually find they have not worked out they are no adonis either.

Her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"IMO OP is looking for people on a swingers site to say "yes honey, it is okay for you to cheat on husband"...and the post is just attention seeking to get more meets.....

but then I might be being cynical ....

Yep I'd say cynical ~ who needs the forum to find meets.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Uh oh a discussion about overweight & cheating in one thread.....it's gonna implode

What do I need to get a meet? I never get messages, which of my pics is the best?

Really, this again?!!

A few standard replies:-

Lose sense of entitlement

Check out previous threads

You haven't been on here long

More cock photos needed

Actually the last one is a personal request....

I'd a lady had asked this she would have got a totally different response...

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By *ifferent69Man over a year ago

BRIGHTON, UK

Thats a tough one...

I am single..... Sub conciously think I prefer ut that way...nothing I fear more than being lonely in a relationship rather be lonely on myown.

However if your still hapoy with each others company and spending time together your very lucky.....

My past partners i,ve always allowed my cock do the judgeing for me........ Needless to say when the lustdies down have found were not much for each other..

Good luck anyway..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Her

To be fair size 26 is pretty far gone.

That's into the size range where simply trying to work out the mechanics of sex it difficult.

I was a size 30 and didn't have problem having sex. And I didn't have any problems meeting men for sex either. So it just goes to show how shallow minded some people can be. Yes and you usually find they have not worked out they are no adonis either.

Her"

Ironic given the man's exact words were "I'm certainly no Adonis"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Her

To be fair size 26 is pretty far gone.

That's into the size range where simply trying to work out the mechanics of sex it difficult.

Her

Ironic given the man's exact words were "I'm certainly no Adonis""
I said "they" not "him"

Her

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

There are so many ways to abuse each other in a relationship. Withdrawing affection and sex is one. Having affairs is another.

There are too many dynamics for a three line opening post to cover: her feelings, his feelings, their feelings, how they behave separately, how they behave together and, most importantly, what led to this situation. We don't know the mind games they play with each other.

All I know is that marriage/relationships is a complex brief and it's best not to judge them from the outside.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

So the moral of the story....if you are going to say you are not happy with your partner, you will get more polite answers if you are female and don't mention the weight of your partner

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

To the OP....If all avenues of communication has been exhausted then you have to make a decision but ultimately only you can decide.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was in a sexless marriage, however it wasn't just the lack of sex that made me leave, I felt trapped, unwanted for anything other Tha my wallet and a whole rake of other things,

Se isn't everything, but it does form an important part of a relationship.

You gave to look at the overall picture and decide if you are happy with that before you make any kind of decision

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are so many ways to abuse each other in a relationship. Withdrawing affection and sex is one. Having affairs is another.

All I know is that marriage/relationships is a complex brief and it's best not to judge them from the outside.

There is one thing that is clear though.

The OP knows her partners position on sex she can make a fully informed decision about the relationship.

The ops partner does not know she's has been cheating on him for years and so he is unable to make an informed decision about the relationship.

Until that's balanced he will always be at a disadvantage

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The OP knows her partners position on sex she can make a fully informed decision about the relationship.

The ops partner does not know she's has been cheating on him for years and so he is unable to make an informed decision about the relationship.

Until that's balanced he will always be at a disadvantage

No. Too simplistic. It was unbalanced with the OP at a disadvantage as soon as her partner made his decision about sex, which the OP had no choice in.

Not arguing that two wrongs make a right, but it might balance things a little more evenly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"IMO OP is looking for people on a swingers site to say "yes honey, it is okay for you to cheat on husband"...and the post is just attention seeking to get more meets.....

but then I might be being cynical ....

Yep I'd say cynical ~ who needs the forum to find meets.

some of the whinging guys who post "what do I have to do to get a meet???...attention seeking of the highest degree....

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By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

Same here.. the kids were all grown up.. things came to a head so I left.. now divorced and I feel it's the best thing I ever did. But It's got to be your decision after exhaustively considering every option xx olov

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By *icentiousCouple over a year ago

Up on them there hills

You can only really answer this from your own values.

However, celibacy sounds more like torture then a value to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You can only really answer this from your own values.

However, celibacy sounds more like torture then a value to me.

"
couldn't agree more, been there, got the bit of paper, never been happier.

However that is me. We don't personally know th OP, so we can not provide an informed judgement, only _iew our opinions.

At the end of the day she has to make up her own mind, maybe she has and just wants some confirmation

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Given you've sagged 22 people over the cours e of at least a year can you really class it as sexless?

Tell him so he can move on and be with someone who actually gives a damn about him.

It's quite possible he already suspects and this is what's putting him off you.

Well she didn't say she wasn't having sex she said her marriage was sexless.

'sagged' 22 people.....is that a new festish I haven't heard of.

Sagged is someones tits hanging to their knees ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The OP knows her partners position on sex she can make a fully informed decision about the relationship.

The ops partner does not know she's has been cheating on him for years and so he is unable to make an informed decision about the relationship.

Until that's balanced he will always be at a disadvantage

No. Too simplistic. It was unbalanced with the OP at a disadvantage as soon as her partner made his decision about sex, which the OP had no choice in.

Not arguing that two wrongs make a right, but it might balance things a little more evenly. "

You mention balance as we only getting o p version could be pack of lies to try in her head justify cheating on her hubby.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There's lots more to a marriage than sex

Only you can make a decision, the only thing I'm learning is life's way too short to be unhappy "

I had a sexless relationship for 8 years. I had Love.

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"There are so many ways to abuse each other in a relationship. Withdrawing affection and sex is one. Having affairs is another.

All I know is that marriage/relationships is a complex brief and it's best not to judge them from the outside.

There is one thing that is clear though.

The OP knows her partners position on sex she can make a fully informed decision about the relationship.

The ops partner does not know she's has been cheating on him for years and so he is unable to make an informed decision about the relationship.

Until that's balanced he will always be at a disadvantage

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There's lots more to a marriage than sex

Only you can make a decision, the only thing I'm learning is life's way too short to be unhappy

I had a sexless relationship for 8 years. I had Love."

Was that mutually agreed that you wouldn't have sex or did one want it & the other didn't?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The OP knows her partners position on sex she can make a fully informed decision about the relationship.

The ops partner does not know she's has been cheating on him for years and so he is unable to make an informed decision about the relationship.

Until that's balanced he will always be at a disadvantage

No. Too simplistic. It was unbalanced with the OP at a disadvantage as soon as her partner made his decision about sex, which the OP had no choice in.

Not arguing that two wrongs make a right, but it might balance things a little more evenly.

You mention balance as we only getting o p version could be pack of lies to try in her head justify cheating on her hubby."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Wonder if OP has actually asked why he won't have sex with her? Maybe because she cheats it actually turns him off her....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I live in a more or less sexless marriage.

Ive only recently started to meet a couple of people and love it and feel no guilt.

I love my Mrs to bits and would never leave her.

she knows I masturbate frequently and it doesnt bother her.

So OP if you love him stay with him and get your fun else where.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wonder if OP has actually asked why he won't have sex with her? Maybe because she cheats it actually turns him off her...."

You'll never know. And neither will we. So it's pointless speculating or judging or making sneaky remarks. However, given all of the above the entire thread is a bit pointless, but I'm glad to see the OP has been given what looks to me to be good advice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Depends on the relationship.

Living without sex is very hard and very sad after 22 years I am extremely lonely. I wouldnt recommend it to anyone.

"
This is exactly my scenario. Just feel so stuck.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wonder if OP has actually asked why he won't have sex with her? Maybe because she cheats it actually turns him off her...."

and runner up for sweeping statements goes to.....

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By *innamon!Woman over a year ago

no matter

May seem strange to people who have no clue what a long term relationship involves. We just stopped it has never been discussed. One day we had sex..we just never did it again.LOL (that just made me giggle)Neither of us ever asked the other why.

We never discuss our relationship at all.Just pootle along in our own bubbles.

There are however lots of people in the same situation..There isnt really a way out we get on ok so just stick with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wonder if OP has actually asked why he won't have sex with her? Maybe because she cheats it actually turns him off her....

and runner up for sweeping statements goes to.....

Really? ...I was chatting to a guy on here whose wife was cheating...put him totally off her as soon he found out...never looked at her in the same way again...so hardly a sweeping statement...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We are split into four groups:

Those who have been (or are) on the receiving end of a similar situation. They understand that what some people do is justified, and what some people do is selfish and destructive.

Those who've been the cause of a similar situation and suffered as a result. They are very anti-cheating.

Those who've not been in a similar situation and don't judge what they don't understand

Those who've not been in a similar situation and still think they're able to understand the emotions and complex issues enough to tell someone else why they are wrong.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wonder if OP has actually asked why he won't have sex with her? Maybe because she cheats it actually turns him off her....

and runner up for sweeping statements goes to.....

Really? ...I was chatting to a guy on here whose wife was cheating...put him totally off her as soon he found out...never looked at her in the same way again...so hardly a sweeping statement..."

Sweeping as in you have no idea if he knows about her other life or their relationship dynamics.

If he knows and withholds sex because of it then I would say their marriage is probably doomed but from her opening OP I assume he doesn't.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/05/15 16:50:12]

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By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

all I can say is fuck him!! oh no that wont work lol

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"I live in a more or less sexless marriage.

Ive only recently started to meet a couple of people and love it and feel no guilt.

I love my Mrs to bits and would never leave her.

she knows I masturbate frequently and it doesnt bother her.

So OP if you love him stay with him and get your fun else where."

How can you say you love somebody and not be totally honest with them, why do that to the one person you profess to love?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Let me set the record straight, I still love my wife and have no intentions of leaving ever. Do I lust after her the way I use to? No, is that down to weight gain? Then yes mainly. I have supported her for the last 12 years both financially and emotionally to help lose weight. I'm a very open person but please don't mistake that for me ridiculing my wife.

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

Shame supermarkets do not sell backbones!!

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

are we any closer to a decision ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"are we any closer to a decision ?"

nope, we've got another 30 assuming posts to go yet...

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

"are we any closer to a decision ?

nope, we've got another 30 assuming posts to go yet...

cheers, I will check back later.

I am just wondering if this will be the first ever of these posts that we get told the outcome...

I left them

or I was honest and confessed that I was on here and they left me...

or ........

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"all I can say is fuck him!! oh no that wont work lol "

Haha

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I live in a more or less sexless marriage.

Ive only recently started to meet a couple of people and love it and feel no guilt.

I love my Mrs to bits and would never leave her.

she knows I masturbate frequently and it doesnt bother her.

So OP if you love him stay with him and get your fun else where.

How can you say you love somebody and not be totally honest with them, why do that to the one person you profess to love?"

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"are we any closer to a decision ?

nope, we've got another 30 assuming posts to go yet...

cheers, I will check back later.

I am just wondering if this will be the first ever of these posts that we get told the outcome...

I left them

or I was honest and confessed that I was on here and they left me...

or ........"

That would be novel.

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By *ere-for-my-convenienceWoman over a year ago

West Midlands

Do what you think is best

I was in a long marriage

With lots of sex

He still had an affair

His only motivation was to find a woman to give him more children

Which he now has, and he's cheating on her

Whereas me, I'm very happy

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Once a cheater always a cheater I guess..

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

(*not about anyone on the site)

I was in a relationship with someone who began to have medical issues to do with sex. The first few times we talked about it frankly. Or so I thought.

After time he began to withdraw from the relationship and from me. The issue flared up again more seriously.

His response was to stop initiating sex and to avoid it if I tried. He even pulled away from any kind of intimacy including kisses and cuddles and refused to discuss it. The closest we came to a discussion was him telling me that he knew I'd dump him because I have such a high sex drive that he knew he wouldn't be able to keep me. Eventually all communication went - it's very difficult to talk something through with someone who won't even talk.

I was prepared to face the problems and find a way to deal with them. He wasn't. Unfortunately no matter how much one of you wants to resolve things if the other won't go there then you can't fix it alone.

Good luck OP. But if he refuses to talk about it then things are never going to improve.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I live in a more or less sexless marriage.

Ive only recently started to meet a couple of people and love it and feel no guilt.

I love my Mrs to bits and would never leave her.

she knows I masturbate frequently and it doesnt bother her.

So OP if you love him stay with him and get your fun else where."

Does she know you shag other people causes that's a fair bit different to maturation.

If you love her tell her so she can decide if she wants you or someone more faithful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 12/05/15 19:37:35]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"How can you say you love somebody and not be totally honest with them, why do that to the one person you profess to love?"

Easily; when I feel it's the best option out of a series of imperfect options.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"all I can say is fuck him!! oh no that wont work lol "
Well I'm sure that comment really fuckin helped.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why in the bejebus do people post things like this on one of the most judgemental "holier than thou" forums online.

"
lol yip

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

The OP didn't ask for her profile to be dissected so please don't do it as it is against rules. The rules apply to EVERYONE and not just one gender.

If you want to want to question what any mod does on the forum, please do it through the CONTACT button rather than make snide remarks on here as it isn't fair as the mod can't get into it with you on the forum AND it is also breaking forum rules

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry, I was just being cheeky in response to all the "it would be different if it was a single man posting" comments. No snideyness intended at all.

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By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

"all I can say is fuck him!! oh no that wont work lol Well I'm sure that comment really fuckin helped.

my attempt at humour sorry lol

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

So the answer for the cheaters, is to carry on cheating for ever more, and pretend your in a honest relationship.....well good luck to you, hope they wake up and realise they can do so much better than you, and live with somebody who will be totally honest with then no matter what!

But without you being honest with them

you then take the choice away from them, that is the selfish part of people who cheat!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Posting this thread has not been one of my best decisions and I'm actually embarrassed that I let people I don't know into what's going on with me right now.

Amazing how with very little information

loads of harsh judgements can be made. I've guess I've learned my lesson

the hard way.!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Posting this thread has not been one of my best decisions and I'm actually embarrassed that I let people I don't know into what's going on with me right now.

Amazing how with very little information

loads of harsh judgements can be made. I've guess I've learned my lesson

the hard way.!

Yep people don't like cheats.

However could you have guessed.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Posting this thread has not been one of my best decisions and I'm actually embarrassed that I let people I don't know into what's going on with me right now.

Amazing how with very little information

loads of harsh judgements can be made. I've guess I've learned my lesson

the hard way.!

We can all have moments where we let our guard down. An open forum is just that. It will drop to page 2 soon enough and then be forgotten. Unless you post about your marriage again.

As I said at the beginning, stay or go it's your decision.

Good luck with making it.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"Posting this thread has not been one of my best decisions and I'm actually embarrassed that I let people I don't know into what's going on with me right now.

Amazing how with very little information

loads of harsh judgements can be made. I've guess I've learned my lesson

the hard way.!

Yep people don't like cheats.

However could you have guessed."

Some don't mind, as evidenced on this thread and in the number of married people getting meets.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it"

But you have meet verification's from here,Maybe he knows you have been cheating on him with strangers

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"Posting this thread has not been one of my best decisions and I'm actually embarrassed that I let people I don't know into what's going on with me right now.

Amazing how with very little information

loads of harsh judgements can be made. I've guess I've learned my lesson

the hard way!

Nonsense. You and your hubby are totally anonymous, and if just one of the non-judgmental posts has helped, or even being able.to get something off your chest, has helped, then there is a silver lining.

I had a close friend who was in a similar position. She had a couple of affairs, but ultimately decided to stick with her marriage. It is a long and complicated story, but certainly sometimes making time for yourself can help you see things differently.

Only you know how you feel deep down, but I suspect you already know your own answer.

Good luck

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My husband is kind and lovely but he doesn't want sex with me or anyone else and expects me to be celibate.

I'm really unhappy and there's no more talking about it"

Loss of sex drive is usually a by product for something deeper. From experience I would recommend couples counselling to try and get to the root of the issue. Unfortunately a lot of times these things spiral out of control and just make things worse. Only you can decide if your marriage is worth fighting for. If he loves you he will fight for it too. And you do have to identify the root issues. Anything else is a sticky plaster over it.

I wish you all the best with this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I personally think her husband is wrong to not have sex with the OP. Sex is an important part of a marriage otherwise you wouldn't be able to get your marriage annulled if you don't consummate your marriage or get divorced if you commit adultery.

There are all these poor husband comments on here but I feel sorry for the OP that her hubby has apparently rejected her sexually, not that I can actually claim to know what their marriage is about as neither can anyone else.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I personally think her husband is wrong to not have sex with the OP. Sex is an important part of a marriage otherwise you wouldn't be able to get your marriage annulled if you don't consummate your marriage or get divorced if you commit adultery.

It was one of the reasons my marriage failed. In the last few years of it I was lucky if it hit double figures per year and even that was crap. But it was only one of the reasons. Like I said you have to get to the root of the problem...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

nobody has heard his side of the story....but the simple matter is she is cheating....for whatever reason....

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

nobody has heard his side of the story....but the simple matter is she is cheating....for whatever reason...."

Or she hasn't disclosed that he knows she is on here and has permission. It has been known.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I personally think her husband is wrong to not have sex with the OP. "

Maybe he doesn't want to risk catching an std given she's playing away with multiple partners.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I personally think her husband is wrong to not have sex with the OP.

Maybe he doesn't want to risk catching an std given she's playing away with multiple partners. "

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