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yet another joke
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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As a family, we're trying to keep up with technology. So, I bought my son an iPod, my daughter an iPhone and myself an iPad. I felt sorry for the wife so I bought her an iRon and that's when it all fuckin kicked off. What an ungrateful bitch. |
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A Cleaning lady was applying for a new position. When asked why she had left her previous employment, she replied ‘Well the wages were good but it was the most ridiculous place I have ever worked!’
They played a game they called bridge, and last night a lot of people where there. As I was about to bring in the refreshments, I heard a man say, “Lay down and let’s see what you’ve got”
Another man said, “I’ve got strength but not much length.” Then another man said to a lady “ Take your hand off my trick”.
I pretty near dropped dead just when a Lady answered: “You forced me, you jumped me twice, when you didn’t have the strength for one good raise.”
Another Lady talked about protecting her honour, but two other Ladies said: “Now it’s my turn to play with your husband while you play with mine.”
Well, I got my coat on and, as I was leaving- I hope to die, if I didn’t hear one say: Well, I guess we can go home now. That was our last rubber!”’
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A dwarf pulls in a bar and tells a woman he can give her the ride of her life. Curiously she goes home with him and before she knows it, she is lying on the bed screaming in estasy. She says to the dwarf your amazing. The dwarf says thats fook all love just wait till i get the other leg in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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commonwealth officials have issued a statement saying that despite concerns about hygiene,security,the threat of diease,lack of sanitation,poor food,inwardlooking locals who cannot speak properly and the extreme poverty the games in glasgow in 2014 will still go ahead... |
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"Two lesbians in a bath…
One says “Where’s the soap?”
And the other one says, “Yes it does, doesn’t it”
dont get that one  "
Dont worry took me 20 years to get it only we used to say two nuns in a bath |
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Thatcher dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates St Peter asks for her name.
"Baroness Thatcher" comes the reply.
"Get lost, your not coming in here! You have to go to hell"
Lady Thatcher goes downstairs, and three days later Peter gets an irate phonecall from Lucifer.
"What the hells going on! Did you send her down here?"
"Yes there's no way shes coming into heaven.."
"Well shes been here for three days an has already closed down 4 furnaces..!!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"HELP does anybody know how to cancel a bid on e-bay,
Ive bid £4 on a mickey mouse outfit and i am three minutes away from owning liverpool f.c.  "
Priceless. Loved it!  |
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By *inklinkMan
over a year ago
Rotherham |
A lady walks into her gp's office and asks what she can do about her husbands domestic violence. She says "he comes home every night d*unk and ends up smacking me in the mouth". An then asks, " are there any pills he can take to calm him down?" doctor replies, "I've got a better solution, when he walks in take a swig of some sweet tea and just keep swishing around your mouth none stop till he falls asleap". The woman is puzzled but does as he says. She returns a few days later to thank him and also ask him how it works, as she was sceptical at first. She asks, " is it the sound, does it lull him into a peaceful sleep"? The doctor replies, " no it just keeps your fuckin mouth shut"! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ive just lost my job as a lifeguard at our local swimming pool,apparently tapping the no bombing sign as a family of muslems walk past is not acceptable? |
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So David cameron is going to use credit rating firms to root out benefit cheats.
While he is at it, why not get in touch with Ocean finance to consolidate the budget deficit into one managable monthly payment? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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have you ever noticed how its only ever the perfect people that are murdered or killedthese days? he/she was the perfect son/daughter.they were such a perfect couple.the perfect family killed in tragic accident.
does"nt it make you glad youre a cunt? |
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"have you ever noticed how its only ever the perfect people that are murdered or killedthese days? he/she was the perfect son/daughter.they were such a perfect couple.the perfect family killed in tragic accident.
does"nt it make you glad youre a cunt?"
Fuck me, that made me laugh so much I almost taxed my car! |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"Thatcher dies and goes to heaven. At the pearly gates St Peter asks for her name.
"Baroness Thatcher" comes the reply.
"Get lost, your not coming in here! You have to go to hell"
Lady Thatcher goes downstairs, and three days later Peter gets an irate phonecall from Lucifer.
"What the hells going on! Did you send her down here?"
"Yes there's no way shes coming into heaven.."
"Well shes been here for three days an has already closed down 4 furnaces..!!" "
lol my god jane thats one of the only times,i really have laughed out loud.
love casper xx |
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a woman taking golf lessons started her first round and got stung by a bee, She raced back to the clubhouse and her golf pro asked her why she was back so early. She told him she had been stung. "where did it sting you?" he asked. "between the 1st and 2nd hole" she replied."mmmmmmmm" replied the pro "it sounds like your feet are to far apart" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i braked hard but still hit the car in front of me,a cute blonde got out and shouted "ram me up the arse why dont you?"
this your honour is where the confusion began!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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RENAULT AND FORD have joined forces to create the perfect small car for a woman.mixing the clio and the taurus.they have designed the clitaurus,it comes in pink and the average male car theifwont be able to find it,let aloneturn it on.even ifsomeone tells him where it is andhow to do it.rumour has it that it leaks transmission fluid once a month and can be a real cow to start in the morning! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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superman is feeling horny. he is flying about when he looks down and sees wonder woman lying legs splayed so he thinks i could just nip down there and have a go. so he flies down and quick as a flash its over and he flies off.she says what was that " i dont know" says the invisible man but my arse hurts. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A Chillean miner making love to his wifr for the first time since release.
"can we switch the lights off?"
"Of course honey"
"Can I have you from behind?"
"Anything you want my brave boy"
"Ok, can I call you Pedro?......."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was woken this morning by the noise and smell from downstairs. I ran down and saw my wife face down on the burning cooker. She wasn't breathing and was unresponsive. I panicked as I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered that McDonalds do breakfast until 10:30am. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Schizophrenia- together I can beat it!
I used to be Schizophrenic but I'm alright now... and so am I."
I used to be a Warewolf... But Im alright nowooooooh!
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By *inklinkMan
over a year ago
Rotherham |
Kids nowadays know too much. I was at the doctors earlyer and I saw a young girl playing with some barbie and Ken dolls imitating the doggie position. I told her "if you keep doing that you'll end up with dome little dolls!" She "no I won't he's doing her up the arse!" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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pedro rodriguez,one of the chilean miners trapped underground was said to be distraught today,after being told he"d forgotten to clock on at the start of his shift. |
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