FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Witty one liners.

Witty one liners.

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Has anyone in the forums local to me noticed my little status update jokes? I found it's a good way to get myself to the top of the page and give people a little chuckle at the same time. It's got me a bit more interest lately too

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I like witty panty liners

the paint by numbers ones are hilarious

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

A nice twist on the look at me.

Go on then, give us something witty in one line.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't know any one liners

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I met Phil Specters brother Crispin at the weekend. He's in charge of quality control at Walkers.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I struggled to pick up a bottle of water today. It was an Evian.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I met Phil Specters brother Crispin at the weekend. He's in charge of quality control at Walkers."

That's two sentences. Is it written on a really long line?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My grandad got his tongue shot off in the second world war. But he doesn't talk about it.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I met Phil Specters brother Crispin at the weekend. He's in charge of quality control at Walkers.

That's two sentences. Is it written on a really long line?

Bloodu hell! I want expecting hecklers.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP your status is funny though.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you have trouble sleeping, lay on the edge of the bed, you will soon drop off

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My current status is

BJs may make your day, but anal makes your hole weak.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Jesus. I've started something now. Feel free to chip in. I'll be borrowing them tomorrow

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

Sorry op this one beats yours lol

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

Sorry op this one beats yours lol"

I have to agree. I did actually lol in real life.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eliciousladyWoman over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

Sorry op this one beats yours lol

I have to agree. I did actually lol in real life.

and I did

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

funny

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I once had an audition for the porn industry, but the competition was stiff.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I cannot wait until tomorrow!! I get more beautiful everyday

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I cannot wait until tomorrow!! I get more beautiful everyday"

Now that one I like

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hortieWoman over a year ago

Northampton

Parachute for sale. Never opened. One small stain.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I got a letter from the Origami association today...i dont know what to make of it yet

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I didnt come here to be insulted,why where do you normally go.Thanks to Groucho Marx.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My granddad walked into the room with boot polish on his knob. Seems he misheard us when we said to turn his clock back.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Saw a man walking round and round the cemetery with a gravestone on his shoulder

Think he'd lost the plot

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whats the definition of blue tac? Smurf shit

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Relationships are a lot like algebra. Have you ever looked at your X and wondered Y?"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball."

Shouldn't that be, a man has more chance of finding a good ball, lol. X

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Doctor Doctor i feel like a roundabout..dont worry theres alot of that going around at the moment

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.

Shouldn't that be, a man has more chance of finding a good ball, lol. X

Most men spend more time looking for a golf ball. lol. Apart from some I know.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I remember my ex asking me what I was looking at on the PC

I said. Flights love

She gave me the best bj I've ever had.

Did not even know she liked darts

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak."

I'm stealing that one for future status updates!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

We're on a roll now people. I love laughing me!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

Sorry op this one beats yours lol

I have to agree. I did actually lol in real life.

and I did

and me, and iv nicked it for facebook

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

Sorry op this one beats yours lol

I have to agree. I did actually lol in real life.

and I did

and me, and iv nicked it for facebook

"
I do have copyrights Yer know

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

I've just nicked these two from a friend too shy to post:

Life is an STI.

Sex is like air - it's not important unless you're not getting any.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak."

I had that.

Only it should be: "Until you HEAR them speak"

Or it doesn't work.

You know sound/light speed travel.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *VfunGUY007Man over a year ago

Glasgow

[Removed by poster at 27/04/15 21:41:27]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

: What do a Rubik's cube and a penis have in common?

The more you play with them, the harder they get!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Whats the definition of blue tac? Smurf shit"

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

I had that.

Only it should be: "Until you HEAR them speak"

Or it doesn't work.

You know sound/light speed travel.

You are so smart

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

I had that.

Only it should be: "Until you HEAR them speak"

Or it doesn't work.

You know sound/light speed travel.

You are so smart

Oh hello..look who it is.

You can go away.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eliciousladyWoman over a year ago

Sometimes U.K

"I remember my ex asking me what I was looking at on the PC

I said. Flights love

She gave me the best bj I've ever had.

Did not even know she liked darts

Erm..I don't get it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I remember my ex asking me what I was looking at on the PC

I said. Flights love

She gave me the best bj I've ever had.

Did not even know she liked darts

Erm..I don't get it

That's made me laugh. Sorry.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I remember my ex asking me what I was looking at on the PC

I said. Flights love

She gave me the best bj I've ever had.

Did not even know she liked darts

Erm..I don't get it

Dart Flights

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *loriajonCouple over a year ago

near u

now that's funny, cos its true

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Got rid of the vacuum cleaner today, fed up with it collecting dust

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ive gone back to college to study sweets, its a refresher course

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What smells funny? Clown shit...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hyblueEyesMan over a year ago

Daventry

My sister accused me of being a transvestite.

So I packed her things and left.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ichaelangelaCouple over a year ago

notts

be yourself,

everyone else is taken

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why do chemists call helium, curium and barium the healing elements?

Because if you can't helium or curium, you barium!!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

What's brown and sticky? A brown stick.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you call a girl with slates on her head?

Roof.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Here's one I posted on Saturday.

I won the euro millions last night. Told the girlfriend to pack her bags. She said 'Are we going on holiday?'. I said 'No, I'm kicking you out!'

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's red and smells like blue paint?

Red paint.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What do you get when you cross a one liner and a rhetorical question?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My pet mouse Elvis died last night.......He was caught in a trap..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My pet mouse Elvis died last night.......He was caught in a trap..

love it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Has anyone in the forums local to me noticed my little status update jokes? I found it's a good way to get myself to the top of the page and give people a little chuckle at the same time. It's got me a bit more interest lately too

Think it may be more than just the one-liners, my status regularly has them on but it doesn't get me any extra interest!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My Grandad was a soldier who specialised in arctic warfare.........He used to throw snowballs at the Germans....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *londeCazWoman over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Mine is currently "Vin Diesel - American actor or cheap French wine from Aldi"

I rarely put statuses other than one/two liners up and get occasional messages if folk like them

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"What's brown and sticky? A brown stick."

Ha, I like those.....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won't expect it back.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I liked the Smurf poo

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Two nuns riding down a cobbled road on a tendem. One stays to the other 'ooh, I've never cum this way before!'.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine"

Hahahaha!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine

Hahahaha!!

Im glad your laughing with me as im not fucking funny at all and just googled it .

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *odareyouMan over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Saw a long line of teddy bears outside the vasectomy clinic.....I guess today's the day the teddy bears get their picks snipped...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Saw a long line of teddy bears outside the vasectomy clinic.....I guess today's the day the teddy bears get their picks snipped... "

Prick

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

The dyslexic devil worshipper..........sold his soul to Santa.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don't mind people telling me they're gay, but I don't want it ramming down my throat.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't mind people telling me they're gay, but I don't want it ramming down my throat. "

whoop ha

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm glad I'm not bisexual. I don't think I could handle being rejected by men as well as women.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I was tending to the mother in laws grave today. She thinks I'm digging a pond.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Went to the Drs ' I said " Dr I think I'm a moth.

He said " you don't want to be here , you need to be at the psychiatrist down the road.

I said ' " I know I was on my way there and saw your light on

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

A man was arrested today for stealing helium balloons. Police held him for a while then let him go.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *dam_TinaCouple over a year ago

Hampshire

"My pet mouse Elvis died last night.......He was caught in a trap..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine

Hahahaha!!

Now that is a witty one-liner

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Current status is....

Ever had sex while camping? It’s fucking intents.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't mind people telling me they're gay, but I don't want it ramming down my throat. "

Less of the gay jokes. Cum on guys

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Watching a Squirrel trying to get at the bird feeder. He must have gone to the "school of hard nuts" as he managed to get past the defences.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Velcro ....... What a rip off !!!

Black Beauty....... Now that was a dark horse

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't mind people telling me they're gay, but I don't want it ramming down my throat.

Less of the gay jokes. Cum on guys

Point taken but your the one that cums on guys

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Velcro ....... What a rip off !!!

Black Beauty....... Now that was a dark horse

Black beauty ... he was a dark horse.....is better

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you hear about the man who stole a calendar? He got 12 months

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thanks everyone. Really enjoyed this thread

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Think it may be more than just the one-liners, my status regularly has them on but it doesn't get me any extra interest!!"

I get a lot of messages about mine. However, I make mine up, rather than find them on the net, so it can be hit and miss.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *artytwoCouple over a year ago

Wolverhampton

Apparently nine out of ten people enjoy gang rape.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Collecting antiques won't make you gay but it will make you buy curios

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to be addicted to the hokey y but I've turned it around now, and THAT'S what it's all about....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *illymint45Man over a year ago

Cheshire

What's the difference between light and hard?

You can sleep with a light on!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Watched a tv show on ship building the other night....it was riveting!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *illymint45Man over a year ago

Cheshire

What's the difference between an egg and a walk?

You can beat an egg!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *illymint45Man over a year ago

Cheshire

* want. Damn autocorrect

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *illymint45Man over a year ago

Cheshire

*wank. Double damn

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *illymint45Man over a year ago

Cheshire

What do you know my phone doesn't like having a wank

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I heard a song on the radio this morning about fajitas

Well it was actually more of a wrap

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ain n MableWoman over a year ago

Milton Keynes

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In Tesco today some random guy was throwing milk and cheese around. How dairy.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rank EinsteinMan over a year ago

Burton upon stather

Never hold in a fart. The gas travels up to your brain and that's where shitty idea's come from.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Went to my local pet shop to buy a spider ! They charge anywhere between £50 to £150 for one !!!

Surely you can get em cheaper off the web

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can I use your dictaphone? No, use your finger like anyone else.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

I think that's hilarious but I would

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

I think that's hilarious but I would

"
that's what they say when I get naked

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

"Got a delivery of bubble wrap today at work .

My boss said "just pop it in the corner

4 hours I was there

I think that's hilarious but I would

that's what they say when I get naked

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ustcutieWoman over a year ago

edinburgh

My boyfriend broke up with me after I stole his wheelchair..... But don't worry he'll come crawling back

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

QE2. That's one liner

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you know theyre making contact lenses out of viagra now? Supposed to make you look hard.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tim Vine on fab..... Well I very never....

Good thread btw

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My wife went on holiday to the West Indies....

/insert punch line

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Relationships are like a pack of cards. Hearts to love, diamond to marry, club to batter and a spade to bury

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Punched a guy in B&Q today, he came up and asked if I wanted decking....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Punched a guy in B&Q today, he came up and asked if I wanted decking....

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic