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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Excerpts from a Dog's and Cat's Diary
Excerpts from a Dog's Diary...
8:00 am - Dog food! My favourite thing!
9:30 am - A car ride! My favourite thing!
9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favourite thing!
10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favourite thing!
12:00 pm - Lunch! My favourite thing!
1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favourite thing!
3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favourite thing!
5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favourite thing!
7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favourite thing!!
8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favourite thing!
11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favourite thing!
Excerpts from a Cat's Diary…
Day 983 of my captivity.
My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects.
They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.
The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. B******s.
There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means and how to use it to my advantage. Today I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs.
I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.
The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicating with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now.........
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How To Wash The Cat
1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water.
3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom.
4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape).
CAUTION: Do not get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out for anything he can find.
5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective.
6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the
outside door.
7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself.
Sincerely, The DOG
I got this as an email years ago and still threaten my cat with it when she is scratching at my bed!!! 
Shona
x x x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How To Wash The Cat
I got this as an email years ago and still threaten my cat with it when she is scratching at my bed!!!
Shona
x x x "
excellent! and tempting...first to procure a cat.....muahaha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How To Wash The Cat
I got this as an email years ago and still threaten my cat with it when she is scratching at my bed!!!
Shona
x x x
excellent! and tempting...first to procure a cat.....muahaha"
I think that's still illegal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my cat copper love a bath ,,, when i am in the bath he sit on the side play with bubbles and slip in a times ,, lol he dont care ... and at times i find him fast a sleep in the bath ... no water .. He is a lovely cat xx jo |
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By *habsMan
over a year ago
Fortress of Solitude, Middlesex |
"How To Wash The Cat
I got this as an email years ago and still threaten my cat with it when she is scratching at my bed!!!
Shona
x x x
excellent! and tempting...first to procure a cat.....muahaha"
I have one.. and she is such a naughty bugger! Time for her bath |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"my cat copper love a bath ,,, when i am in the bath he sit on the side play with bubbles and slip in a times ,, lol he dont care ... and at times i find him fast a sleep in the bath ... no water .. He is a lovely cat xx jo"
Yup Jo my cat stupid (OK not her name but the one she answers to most often) loves to lie in the bath when its warm in the house, but after trying to drown herself when she was a kitten she wont go near the bath when there is water in it.
However she refuses to drink from a water bowl and only drinks from a slow dripping tap in the bathroom 
Shona
x x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both my 2 cats and 2 dogs would drink out of the toilet bowl if they could! As it is, when the boss cat (Glory) wants a drink, she shoves the rottie out of the way with a threatened bloody nose and drinks out of her bowl :o) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have one of each too, and love them both to bits.
Cat will do whatever she likes to do most of the time.
Dog just loves being with me.
Bless them both! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im not about to bless any of them.
kin animals....
All i can hear is next doors dogs (5) barking like mad and then the kin cats start moaning(8)
Add that to 6 bleeding kids and its sodding bedlam.
And the dirty so and so,s crap in my garden and not there own.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Im not about to bless any of them.
kin animals....
All i can hear is next doors dogs (5) barking like mad and then the kin cats start moaning(8)
Add that to 6 bleeding kids and its sodding bedlam.
And the dirty so and so,s crap in my garden and not there own. "
The six kids crap in your garden  |
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