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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When a woman, during play, makes noises like she is enjoying it, but says "Stop it", do you stop or carry on?
On behalf of everyone everywhere, please just stop - just for a second and say "Do you want me to stop?".
She will either say yes, or no, please don't stop!
It only takes a second to check. (Assuming you don't have a safeword in place.)
(Posted on the back of the squirting thread in chat.)
This also applied (bear with me!) to playing with kids - if you are tickling a child and they say stop, please stop, even if they are laughing. Laughing is an involuntary response.
The kid will either start the game again or be relieved you stopped. And it's important to teach the kid that "stop" should be listened to.
I had an experience recently with a guy who stopped eventually, but there was a general sense of him overriding my feelings. He thought he knew better than I did what I wanted done to my body. Err no. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a woman, during play, makes noises like she is enjoying it, but says "Stop it", do you stop or carry on?
On behalf of everyone everywhere, please just stop - just for a second and say "Do you want me to stop?".
She will either say yes, or no, please don't stop!
It only takes a second to check. (Assuming you don't have a safeword in place.)
(Posted on the back of the squirting thread in chat.)
This also applied (bear with me!) to playing with kids - if you are tickling a child and they say stop, please stop, even if they are laughing. Laughing is an involuntary response.
The kid will either start the game again or be relieved you stopped. And it's important to teach the kid that "stop" should be listened to.
I had an experience recently with a guy who stopped eventually, but there was a general sense of him overriding my feelings. He thought he knew better than I did what I wanted done to my body. Err no. "
that could've gone so wrong! stop means stop  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So why did you stay? Surely push him off, off say NO more forcefully? Leave if you have to.
Depends on how it's said but if someone wasn't listening, just leave. Hope you're ok OP. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Kids and saying stop in the throws of passion 2 separate topics I think lol  "
I'm not totally sure it is? It's about respecting personal boundaries of other people. And not assuming you know what the other is thinking.
I wonder how many kids who were taught that "stop it" is meaningless as a kid go on to not listen to "stop it" as an adult? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kids and saying stop in the throws of passion 2 separate topics I think lol
I'm not totally sure it is? It's about respecting personal boundaries of other people. And not assuming you know what the other is thinking.
I wonder how many kids who were taught that "stop it" is meaningless as a kid go on to not listen to "stop it" as an adult?"
No means no and all kids should be taught that I have 4 and they know the score, adults should know better xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone tickled my kids and continued when they'd been asked to stop, the kids would inevitably pee on them..... Hopefully the tickler learnt something there.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone tickled my kids and continued when they'd been asked to stop, the kids would inevitably pee on them..... Hopefully the tickler learnt something there...."
Not to sound weird or anything, note to self don't tickle kids unless wearing waders  |
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"Kids and saying stop in the throws of passion 2 separate topics I think lol
I'm not totally sure it is? It's about respecting personal boundaries of other people. And not assuming you know what the other is thinking.
I wonder how many kids who were taught that "stop it" is meaningless as a kid go on to not listen to "stop it" as an adult?
No means no and all kids should be taught that I have 4 and they know the score, adults should know better xx "
Adults often act worse than kids so some don't know better |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Many variations of stop during the throws of passion!!!!
Stop - it's going everywhere FFS.
Stop - I cannot handle cuming again.
Stop - you're wearing me out.
And so on.....
And then there is - STOP, I'm not consenting to this, this is technically rape.
Just like somebody telling me to 'fucking ruin them' I don't think they mean literally in the sense. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Many variations of stop during the throws of passion!!!!
Stop - it's going everywhere FFS.
Stop - I cannot handle cuming again.
Stop - you're wearing me out.
And so on.....
And then there is - STOP, I'm not consenting to this, this is technically rape.
Just like somebody telling me to 'fucking ruin them' I don't think they mean literally in the sense."
And how do you know which is which? The guy I was saying no to thought I meant "No, omg I can't take it any more, it's so good, please don't stop!"
But I meant "No, I'm uncomfortable with you doing this."
He then laughed and said that I couldn't handle the teasing.
Which is why I had to say no three times in the end and then physically push him off me saying "you are crossing a boundary I am not happy with".
He couldn't read me at all as it was a first meet, he didn't know me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Many variations of stop during the throws of passion!!!!
Stop - it's going everywhere FFS.
Stop - I cannot handle cuming again.
Stop - you're wearing me out.
And so on.....
And then there is - STOP, I'm not consenting to this, this is technically rape.
Just like somebody telling me to 'fucking ruin them' I don't think they mean literally in the sense."
I think a serious STOP in both adults and kids is totally obvious and a rapist would ignore anyway where as a responsible male would realise he should obey the command
Same with kids a serious STOP a child will stop at least my kids do |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stop is like no they both do what they say on the tin. You should always take both as if they are serious. only in circumstances where you have a safe word set up can either be overridden and even then if your not sure you STOP |
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"
This also applied (bear with me!) to playing with kids - if you are tickling a child and they say stop, please stop, even if they are laughing. Laughing is an involuntary response.
The kid will either start the game again or be relieved you stopped. And it's important to teach the kid that "stop" should be listened to.
"
I hate seeing people tickling or teasing kids when they are asking them to stop. |
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turning this round though I have seen too many women post that they didn't like what a man was doing and were glad when he stopped. We MUST take responsibility for making it known when we don't like something. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"turning this round though I have seen too many women post that they didn't like what a man was doing and were glad when he stopped. We MUST take responsibility for making it known when we don't like something."
I think it takes two to tango though, a woman should say no or stop and a guy should be checking the woman is ok.
It takes seconds to stop and say "so do you want more?" and it can be said in a very playful way that doesn't kill the mood - and listen to the answer!
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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To add (sorry I'm in rant mode today), it's been shown that on a biological level, when we are anxious, one of the first things our brain does is shut down the power of speech.
So it can be very hard for some people in some situations to say that definite no or stop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"turning this round though I have seen too many women post that they didn't like what a man was doing and were glad when he stopped. We MUST take responsibility for making it known when we don't like something."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"turning this round though I have seen too many women post that they didn't like what a man was doing and were glad when he stopped. We MUST take responsibility for making it known when we don't like something.
I think it takes two to tango though, a woman should say no or stop and a guy should be checking the woman is ok.
It takes seconds to stop and say "so do you want more?" and it can be said in a very playful way that doesn't kill the mood - and listen to the answer!
"
Men, please read this. So often guys can't seem to do right, too soft, not manly enough etc. The way of the world. But please just be a little bit more self aware and listen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Many variations of stop during the throws of passion!!!!
Stop - it's going everywhere FFS.
Stop - I cannot handle cuming again.
Stop - you're wearing me out.
And so on.....
And then there is - STOP, I'm not consenting to this, this is technically rape.
Just like somebody telling me to 'fucking ruin them' I don't think they mean literally in the sense.
And how do you know which is which? The guy I was saying no to thought I meant "No, omg I can't take it any more, it's so good, please don't stop!"
But I meant "No, I'm uncomfortable with you doing this."
He then laughed and said that I couldn't handle the teasing.
Which is why I had to say no three times in the end and then physically push him off me saying "you are crossing a boundary I am not happy with".
He couldn't read me at all as it was a first meet, he didn't know me. "
Well the giggle with the stop is normally a give away with the first few I pointed out. That and the facial expressions, glint in their eye etc.
I think somebody when know when it's a serious no.
I'm not condoning anybody doing something to somebody they were not comfortable.
Stop does mean stop if that's what they mean but often or not in my experience with things like when you're making a fem squirt the No just normally means 'FFS, the beds getting wet' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Many variations of stop during the throws of passion!!!!
Stop - it's going everywhere FFS.
Stop - I cannot handle cuming again.
Stop - you're wearing me out.
And so on.....
And then there is - STOP, I'm not consenting to this, this is technically rape.
Just like somebody telling me to 'fucking ruin them' I don't think they mean literally in the sense.
I think a serious STOP in both adults and kids is totally obvious and a rapist would ignore anyway where as a responsible male would realise he should obey the command
Same with kids a serious STOP a child will stop at least my kids do "
doesn't a serious STOP add a certain tone to the voice ,along with body language. I'm pretty certain if I said stop and meant it,they'd know |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Many variations of stop during the throws of passion!!!!
Stop - it's going everywhere FFS.
Stop - I cannot handle cuming again.
Stop - you're wearing me out.
And so on.....
And then there is - STOP, I'm not consenting to this, this is technically rape.
Just like somebody telling me to 'fucking ruin them' I don't think they mean literally in the sense.
I think a serious STOP in both adults and kids is totally obvious and a rapist would ignore anyway where as a responsible male would realise he should obey the command
Same with kids a serious STOP a child will stop at least my kids do
doesn't a serious STOP add a certain tone to the voice ,along with body language. I'm pretty certain if I said stop and meant it,they'd know "
Yes you must stop rubbing yourself when saying it for a start
(Said in jest before I get drop kicked) |
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By *omaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
OP . . I sympathise with your experience on that occasion. Was really wrong of the guy to ignore the word Stop. . . Maybe in future use a safe word that takes away all doubt. . . May save quite a bit of hurt and upset. |
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I actually watched something on YouTube about how we are teaching kids that consent doesn't matter... When you're tickling and they say stop.. Stop. They will tell you to tickle them again if they want you to. Same as if you say "give grandma a kiss" and they don't want to... You shouldn't force them... Think of another way such as shaking their hand or something that isn't an invasion of their personal space or whatever. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stop is a difficult word in sex. Stop now or stop it is less sexual ly charged.
Also the verbal is only one way if saying stop (unless u are tied up). Coupled with a pinch or a kick then it is impossible to ignore it's meaning. Me and my new fella have a safe word for everything now. Not just kinky sex. It might be me wanking him after he has cum and been sensitive. |
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"Many variations of stop during the throws of passion!!!!
Stop - it's going everywhere FFS.
Stop - I cannot handle cuming again.
Stop - you're wearing me out.
And so on.....
And then there is - STOP, I'm not consenting to this, this is technically rape.
Just like somebody telling me to 'fucking ruin them' I don't think they mean literally in the sense.
And how do you know which is which? The guy I was saying no to thought I meant "No, omg I can't take it any more, it's so good, please don't stop!"
But I meant "No, I'm uncomfortable with you doing this."
He then laughed and said that I couldn't handle the teasing.
Which is why I had to say no three times in the end and then physically push him off me saying "you are crossing a boundary I am not happy with".
He couldn't read me at all as it was a first meet, he didn't know me.
Well the giggle with the stop is normally a give away with the first few I pointed out. That and the facial expressions, glint in their eye etc.
I think somebody when know when it's a serious no.
I'm not condoning anybody doing something to somebody they were not comfortable.
Stop does mean stop if that's what they mean but often or not in my experience with things like when you're making a fem squirt the No just normally means 'FFS, the beds getting wet'"
You say about giggling stop... I giggle when I'm nervous... My voice goes higher... So my nervous stop sounds like a playful stop.. For me to get out the other side of nerves and be upset enough to say stop forcefully.. It's already gone too far for me. |
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"turning this round though I have seen too many women post that they didn't like what a man was doing and were glad when he stopped. We MUST take responsibility for making it known when we don't like something.
I think it takes two to tango though, a woman should say no or stop and a guy should be checking the woman is ok.
It takes seconds to stop and say "so do you want more?" and it can be said in a very playful way that doesn't kill the mood - and listen to the answer!
"
Yes I agree absolutely but women (or men come to that) must speak up and not expect their partner to be able to read their minds. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I hear the word stop,,, then I would stop,,, regardless of how it's said, it's the one thing I am totally afraid of is making a woman uncomfortable, or putting her in an uncomfortable position where she has to say stop or no, at that point things are no longer fun for her which is not what I want....
...and that is also the reason, why I like to get to know somebody socially as you can chat about what they do or do not like, any boundaries that they have, it just means I can make sure I won't step over any line so that we both have a great time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes, this, I've smiled/made happy noises and said no and still meant no.
It was during sex - I wanted the play to carry on but for then to stop doing that specific thing because I didn't like it, and for them to do something else.
Why can't no and stop just mean no and stop?
Surely it's better to assume they mean no and stop, and then carry on when asked.
Is it that hard to stop that you would carry on regardless? |
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"Yes, this, I've smiled/made happy noises and said no and still meant no.
It was during sex - I wanted the play to carry on but for then to stop doing that specific thing because I didn't like it, and for them to do something else.
Why can't no and stop just mean no and stop?
Surely it's better to assume they mean no and stop, and then carry on when asked.
Is it that hard to stop that you would carry on regardless? "
You speak a lot of sense and I can't imagine anyone could have a good argument against what you say. |
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By *gNeMan
over a year ago
Harrogate |
Of course if someone says stop you stop.
However a simple solution which you could effect immediately would surely be to stop sending mixed messages. A muffled stop surrounded by moans of pleasure is quite easy to miss in the throws of passion.. |
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"Of course if someone says stop you stop.
However a simple solution which you could effect immediately would surely be to stop sending mixed messages. A muffled stop surrounded by moans of pleasure is quite easy to miss in the throws of passion.."
If it's missed first time it needs saying again then the other person stops. |
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"Many variations of stop during the throws of passion!!!!
Stop - it's going everywhere FFS.
Stop - I cannot handle cuming again.
Stop - you're wearing me out.
And so on.....
And then there is - STOP, I'm not consenting to this, this is technically rape.
Just like somebody telling me to 'fucking ruin them' I don't think they mean literally in the sense.
And how do you know which is which? The guy I was saying no to thought I meant "No, omg I can't take it any more, it's so good, please don't stop!"
But I meant "No, I'm uncomfortable with you doing this."
He then laughed and said that I couldn't handle the teasing.
Which is why I had to say no three times in the end and then physically push him off me saying "you are crossing a boundary I am not happy with".
He couldn't read me at all as it was a first meet, he didn't know me. "
That is why I say to a guy as soon as I step into a room with him, if I say stop or no I mean it. |
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"
If it's missed first time it needs saying again then the other person stops.
What? "
If someone says stop and thinks it hasn't been heard they need to say it again then the other person should stop. You said it can be missed. |
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By *gNeMan
over a year ago
Harrogate |
"
If it's missed first time it needs saying again then the other person stops.
What?
If someone says stop and thinks it hasn't been heard they need to say it again then the other person should stop. You said it can be missed."
Oh right, well yeah obviously if someone hasn't heard you you must repeat yourself.
That wasn't really what I was getting at though. My point was that if you really don't like something you have to make it clear.
The amount of times i've had women trying to put fingers up my rear end. Slight protest and body language suggesting that nothing is amiss often just encourages. A simple yet serious no i don't like that is all it takes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When a woman, during play, makes noises like she is enjoying it, but says "Stop it", do you stop or carry on?
On behalf of everyone everywhere, please just stop - just for a second and say "Do you want me to stop?".
She will either say yes, or no, please don't stop!
It only takes a second to check. (Assuming you don't have a safeword in place.)
(Posted on the back of the squirting thread in chat.)
This also applied (bear with me!) to playing with kids - if you are tickling a child and they say stop, please stop, even if they are laughing. Laughing is an involuntary response.
The kid will either start the game again or be relieved you stopped. And it's important to teach the kid that "stop" should be listened to.
I had an experience recently with a guy who stopped eventually, but there was a general sense of him overriding my feelings. He thought he knew better than I did what I wanted done to my body. Err no. "
Stop means stop, or knee him in the balls. Re safe word, probably is the best option. Ive been told to use one on Monday if I need to and know what it is in advance also. Not meaning to sound supercilious, so if i do, im sorry |
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"
If it's missed first time it needs saying again then the other person stops.
What?
If someone says stop and thinks it hasn't been heard they need to say it again then the other person should stop. You said it can be missed.
Oh right, well yeah obviously if someone hasn't heard you you must repeat yourself.
That wasn't really what I was getting at though. My point was that if you really don't like something you have to make it clear.
The amount of times i've had women trying to put fingers up my rear end. Slight protest and body language suggesting that nothing is amiss often just encourages. A simple yet serious no i don't like that is all it takes. "
But I think the point of this thread is that if you hear protest even slight just take a second or two to ask if it's ok. Man or woman |
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By *tep121Man
over a year ago
manchester |
Done that before. Begged me to stop, so i asked her, she battered me (coz i stopped) Don't take any chances!
Last time i was eating her out, she gushed all over me. Stopped after n said ill just clean u up. She fell for it 7 times n gushed within minutes again and again |
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By *gNeMan
over a year ago
Harrogate |
"
If it's missed first time it needs saying again then the other person stops.
What?
If someone says stop and thinks it hasn't been heard they need to say it again then the other person should stop. You said it can be missed.
Oh right, well yeah obviously if someone hasn't heard you you must repeat yourself.
That wasn't really what I was getting at though. My point was that if you really don't like something you have to make it clear.
The amount of times i've had women trying to put fingers up my rear end. Slight protest and body language suggesting that nothing is amiss often just encourages. A simple yet serious no i don't like that is all it takes.
But I think the point of this thread is that if you hear protest even slight just take a second or two to ask if it's ok. Man or woman "
Oh I know, I was just adding something constructive which anyone in that situation can do for themselves, and that is to be absolutely clear.
I always believe in looking to what you yourself can do to improve a situation, rather than expect others to change for you |
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"
If it's missed first time it needs saying again then the other person stops.
What?
If someone says stop and thinks it hasn't been heard they need to say it again then the other person should stop. You said it can be missed.
Oh right, well yeah obviously if someone hasn't heard you you must repeat yourself.
That wasn't really what I was getting at though. My point was that if you really don't like something you have to make it clear.
The amount of times i've had women trying to put fingers up my rear end. Slight protest and body language suggesting that nothing is amiss often just encourages. A simple yet serious no i don't like that is all it takes.
But I think the point of this thread is that if you hear protest even slight just take a second or two to ask if it's ok. Man or woman
Oh I know, I was just adding something constructive which anyone in that situation can do for themselves, and that is to be absolutely clear.
I always believe in looking to what you yourself can do to improve a situation, rather than expect others to change for you "
me too, I think I said something similar up thread somewhere. So we're in agreement .
We were in a situation once where the woman of a couple was making us anxious by her body language, we stopped three of four times and asked her if it was ok to continue with what we were doing, she said "yes" every time but it was obvious that she wasn't so we brought things to a close. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kids and saying stop in the throws of passion 2 separate topics I think lol "
Not in principle it isnt ..
We went to a club and watched from above a woman in a swing ..being pleasured by one guy ..obviously totally enjoying it ..a few were watching around in the swingroom and one guy started to stroke her she waved him off .. it took a few times before some one else down there gently pulled him away .. i felt very uncomfortable for her .. |
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