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Coming to terms with a loss!!
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By *rsIdiotWoman
over a year ago
Bedworth |
Hugs
Grieving is different for all of us. But, eventually it does get easier. There will be ups and downs. Even when you think all is getting better, something will suddenly make it hurt again.
However, one day you will realise that the pain isn't so raw any more. We never forget, we just learnt to live with it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You won't ever forget but life and thoughts will become less raw for you . In time you'll be able to deal with things better .Us humans are designed to carry on and cope with losses and has time goes on and the grieving process works its way through you'll come out the other end. ..but you'll never forget nor should you want to ...big hugs xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've not lost a partner , I have lost both parents to cancer though. A year isn't a long time in the grieving process. I'm not sure you ever get over it, however you learn to live with it better. Someone once described it to me - that if your grief was in a bucket , to start with it's overflowing and you can't hold it in. As time goes on, that bucket gets bigger and eventually the grief will be contained within it so it's more manageable.
Everyone grieves differently. I hope that in time, your pain becomes less. Hopefully , you'll remember more of the good times and your girlfriend would want you to live a full and happy life. Hugs xx |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
A year isn't that long. Don't beat yourself up but do try and take it a day at a time.
The anniversary may be very painful or it may be a beautiful day of remembering the wonderful times you had together. There is no right or wrong.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Grief has no time limit. Memories last a life time. You are still here breathing and living. We all have a time limit. Live each day like its your last. Sending hugs xxx |
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Someone once told me that it takes a year and a day to even start coming to terms with the loss of a loved one.
A year to go through all the anniversary's, the birthdays, Christmas those special days only to you both, but alone.
You may never get over her, but remembering will become less painful.
Hugs.
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By *erry50Man
over a year ago
Liverpool and Cotswolds |
she no longer feels pain or remorse and she would want you to move on but it will take time yes 2,5 years at least sadly some people that go past 5 years never recover You are doing the correct thing by talking about her never stop. Perhaps do something in her name as I did for my girlfriend who had melanoma aged 30 and 25 years later her name resounds, we are with you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it does get easier - after 20 yrs in a crap marriage i met someone - had two great years and then a year of cancer - thought the bottom had fallen out of my world - but now i have other people in my life and getting on with it - |
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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
I miss my dad terribly who died in 2013 ... easier for me as I have to concentrate on my mum
found out today my mums brother died last night hes been ill ever since his wife died .. as people have said the pain don't go away
your girlfriend was lucky to have had you in her life |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"A year nearly and doesnt get any easier, after losing my gf to cancer, i know i will never forget but i know i need to move on. Grrrrrrr its tough!!  "
Sorry to hear and, not sure if this is helpful, but I would say that you should try not to put yourself under pressure to move on.
There really is no set time scale within which people have to grieve and move on. Some counselling agencies suggest that 2 years is a reasonable time to expect to feel grief although the bad days will become rarer and the grief hopefully diminishing a little at a time and give way to acceptance and happier memories : But this is not set in stone and it depends on how much support you have around you.
The other thing is to try an limit the time you allow to think of the sadness rather than trying to avoid thinking about it. By giving yourself permission to grieve for a while on certain days/ evenings you are not desperately trying not to think about it and feel sad ALL the time.
There may also be something about the "unfairness" of losing somebody young to a cruel illness such as cancer.
There could be a sense of "guilt" about moving on... kind of as if betraying your girlfriend's memory.
Any of those feelings are completely normal and I really hope that you have some good friends/ family with whom you can talk about this whenever you need/ want to.
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sending hugs, give yourself time. I lost a baby late in pregnancy so understand loss. Will be nearly 13 yrs and I still grieve for her and miss her terribly but time does heal xx |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
22 months on and I'm still grieving. It still hits me and stops me in my tracks completely unexpectedly.
Don't be hard on yourself. It takes as long as it takes.
Have you had any bereavement counselling? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah sorry to hear that dude. We all take different amounts of time but never think u really get over it. I feel ya pain.lost my mum 2 months ago and I well up every time I think of her. |
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By *irceWoman
over a year ago
Gloucester |
"A year nearly and doesnt get any easier, after losing my gf to cancer, i know i will never forget but i know i need to move on. Grrrrrrr its tough!! "
Your right loss is tough " Google Grief" understand the beast,it has phases and it may just help if you can identify just what part of a phase your going through and how to deal with it long term  |
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By *smCouple
over a year ago
Liskeard |
A year since I lost my husband . I think of him every day sometimes with a smile sometimes with tears .
You don't "get over" grief .you don't " move on" You learn to live with it . To deal with the emotions , the memories don't hurt as much .
It's like a Journey through the mountains. One day you walking through the dark valleys. You trudge up the sides straining to reach the top, where the sunlight is. You feel good. You feel alive you start moving forward on your journey. You can see a life continued withOut your loved one . Lived for them .
Then suddenly you are in the dark valley again , memorys like shadows overwhelming you .
You take a deep breath . Pull their love around you like a shield and start back up the path to sunlight .
That's how I see it . Hugs and strength x from some one on the same path |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I totally understand what you are going through having lost my most loved one.
Big hug from me and will say a little prayer for you and her. Take care xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I lost my partner in a freak accident 4 years ago...he was killed instantly. I was the last person he spoke to...just 9 minutes before...and had to cut him short. That haunts me everyday. I've just got used to how I feel rather than getting over it...and still shut myself off to grieve every few months...I get under my covers...read his texts...emails...facebook etc...I need to. |
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I am coming up the the first anniversary of losing someone I loved very much, I think about him all the time and sometimes I can't believe he has gone, I still have mail from him, he shows on my contact list at work and I cannot bring myself to delete his number from my phone, so hugs for you, many of us understand xxxx |
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I lost my dad six years ago yesterday. The first few years were very difficult, every anniversary saw me crying in bed all day, crying at the silliest things, like when I wad in a bookshop once asks instantly thought how much he'd enjoy a newly released book before realising, worth a lump in my throat that is never again buy him a book.
Yesterday I'd remembered but was fine until a friend gave me a plant. This particular plant used to griw in my grandmother's garden, in the house my dad was born in and my grandmother died in the same house. I just hit a nerve and I cried for the first time in several years.
I found several years after he died that I could talk about him, think about him, on xmas day, which was especially difficult as it was also his birthday, without feeling the grief. It had turned into a fond memory instead.
I don't know how it changed, what happened to make me feel better but I do know that as the years go on things get easier.
Please keep talking about it - it really does make things better.
Somehow we feel better, you never get over it, you learn to cope with it.
Feel better soon x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey op man hug buddy . I've lost my mum with that horrible disease I was in bits for a long time but you do learn to live without them but you never stop loving or forget them . Life is cruel but you have to now rebuild your life without her not easy mate I no . We are going through it again with the wife's mum she's been given three months but once again we will get through it just takes time a long time . Good luck buddy and take care xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A year nearly and doesnt get any easier, after losing my gf to cancer, i know i will never forget but i know i need to move on. Grrrrrrr its tough!! "
I lost my hubby 5-years ago and you never forget but time does heal and although you'll always have good days and bad I still do now you will move on but you have to go through the process and not force it.. I tried and it set me back big time..
Good luck and pm me if you ever need to let off steam.. I honestly know what your going through. Big hugs and good luck xx |
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You don't have to get over it. It doesn't have to be a goal. It's been two years and 12 days since I lost my mentor and goddess mother, I have her company logo on my wrist. My aunt died 16 years ago, it still isn't right that she is gone. There are other losses, there will be more, terrifyingly. Our lives do go on, we will have all sorts of developments, but our loved ones are worth remembering and greiving. I feel sick thinking that I might one day get over the loss of these people, I don't want to. I'm scared it might mean they don't matter to me anymore, that I don't love them anymore. I have some beautiful memories I can focus on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its been 2 years for me and some days are still hard. ..but the hard days get less and less frequent. You just have to put one foot in front of the other...and believe that one day you will be together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A year nearly and doesnt get any easier, after losing my gf to cancer, i know i will never forget but i know i need to move on. Grrrrrrr its tough!! "
You should not mourn her passing but Celebrate her life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's tough mate .... you'll never get over it but you will learn to live with it but every now and again something will poke and prod you and make you re-live it all over again.
12 years ago I finally received my decree absolute and although my then wife and I had grown to hate each others guts, once I had that piece of paper in my hand, I was gutted and cried my eyes out - the end of an era. 8 years later, I found out that the woman I'd grown to hate, and divorced, had cervical cancer and had very little time left to live - she was 38 years of age. I'd married again by this time, but both my present wife and myself were there for my ex until eventually she passed away at the age of 39 .... despite our ill feelings for each other, I'll never forget her, she was part if my life in good times and in bad - stay strong fella, stay strong. |
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My only son died 25 years ago: I found him dead, revived him but he was brain dead. I never truly recovered from his death and it all but ended my marriage.
It has got less raw over the years, and you learn to live with it: cliché as it is, life must go on and sadly death is part of life.
You'll get through it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My only son died 25 years ago: I found him dead, revived him but he was brain dead. I never truly recovered from his death and it all but ended my marriage.
It has got less raw over the years, and you learn to live with it: cliché as it is, life must go on and sadly death is part of life.
You'll get through it."
much love for you xx Sx |
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