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Advice needed-Back stabbers at work!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What's the best way at dealing with someone that's stabbed you in the back at work?
Killing me not to have my say to this particular person but trying just to rise above!
Anyone had this?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In theory ignoring them works best And being the best you can be...
However I struggle to hold my tongue and tend to tell people what I think of them...
However it can make you look like the idiot if you do it while your still angry x |
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"What's the best way at dealing with someone that's stabbed you in the back at work?
Killing me not to have my say to this particular person but trying just to rise above!
Anyone had this?
"
I think anyone who's worked as long as I have will have a collection of work related knives sticking out of their back.
Why do you feel unable to say anything? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a year of this recently and tried all kinds of things- being nice...trying to make things better...mediation. Nothing worked. Some people are just nasty.
Try not to stress over it and dont let them see you are upset. Get support from your boss and your friends. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's not that I'm unable to say anything it's that I probably won't stop and end up in trouble! Lol trying to rise above it.
Hate it when others especially management just can't see how nasty and vindictive this arse licking trout is!! |
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"It's not that I'm unable to say anything it's that I probably won't stop and end up in trouble! Lol trying to rise above it.
Hate it when others especially management just can't see how nasty and vindictive this arse licking trout is!!"
Is it someone talking about you to colleagues? Or are they badmouthing you to your superiors? It's tough I know and can be difficult to deal with but people usually know what this type of person is like and don't listen also your bosses probably know too but it would be very unprofessional of them to talk about her. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm stabbed in the back from her to anyone that will listen management included! ( I'm not the only one) she's currently had her line manager demoted, one person sacked, numerous people in trouble. All people that act 100% more professional than her! Our management team are extremely unprofessional and almost stir it up by befriending her and disclosing everyone's business! Real frustrating situation. Facebook is also a real big issue too even though I've now taken her off |
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"I'm stabbed in the back from her to anyone that will listen management included! ( I'm not the only one) she's currently had her line manager demoted, one person sacked, numerous people in trouble. All people that act 100% more professional than her! Our management team are extremely unprofessional and almost stir it up by befriending her and disclosing everyone's business! Real frustrating situation. Facebook is also a real big issue too even though I've now taken her off "
One person shouldn't have that much influence and having someone sacked isn't easy without evidence neither is getting someone demoted, it can't just be done because someone says so. Is there more to it that you don't know about? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not that I'm unable to say anything it's that I probably won't stop and end up in trouble! Lol trying to rise above it.
Hate it when others especially management just can't see how nasty and vindictive this arse licking trout is!!"
tell you what really really bugs people that are wanting to do things like this.. BE NICE TO THEM!! Really seriously... it messes with them 
oh and then when you get your revenge no one would ever ever suspect you  |
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"I'm stabbed in the back from her to anyone that will listen management included! ( I'm not the only one) she's currently had her line manager demoted, one person sacked, numerous people in trouble. All people that act 100% more professional than her! Our management team are extremely unprofessional and almost stir it up by befriending her and disclosing everyone's business! Real frustrating situation. Facebook is also a real big issue too even though I've now taken her off
One person shouldn't have that much influence and having someone sacked isn't easy without evidence neither is getting someone demoted, it can't just be done because someone says so. Is there more to it that you don't know about?"
If management are disclosing yours and other people's business you need to escalate this above them. What do you mean by Facebook being an issue? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's not that I'm unable to say anything it's that I probably won't stop and end up in trouble! Lol trying to rise above it.
Hate it when others especially management just can't see how nasty and vindictive this arse licking trout is!!
tell you what really really bugs people that are wanting to do things like this.. BE NICE TO
THEM!! Really seriously... it messes with them
oh and then when you get your revenge no one would ever ever suspect you "
Loving that idea! Lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm stabbed in the back from her to anyone that will listen management included! ( I'm not the only one) she's currently had her line manager demoted, one person sacked, numerous people in trouble. All people that act 100% more professional than her! Our management team are extremely unprofessional and almost stir it up by befriending her and disclosing everyone's business! Real frustrating situation. Facebook is also a real big issue too even though I've now taken her off
One person shouldn't have that much influence and having someone sacked isn't easy without evidence neither is getting someone demoted, it can't just be done because someone says so. Is there more to it that you don't know about?"
I obviously can't disclose my job but be sure I'm in a job where everyone knows the ins and outs and that we all have to have everyone else's backs even if they make errors. You have hit the nail on the head though she has managed to get great influence over ppl more so management |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find the 'get them alone/what's your fuckin problem?' Approach usually works. If it doesn't gather as much evidence as possible and go to management/HR. Good luck x |
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"I'm stabbed in the back from her to anyone that will listen management included! ( I'm not the only one) she's currently had her line manager demoted, one person sacked, numerous people in trouble. All people that act 100% more professional than her! Our management team are extremely unprofessional and almost stir it up by befriending her and disclosing everyone's business! Real frustrating situation. Facebook is also a real big issue too even though I've now taken her off "
Sorry, I find that very hard to believe one person - an employee - has so much power unless it's a private company and she's shagging the owner! |
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"I'm stabbed in the back from her to anyone that will listen management included! ( I'm not the only one) she's currently had her line manager demoted, one person sacked, numerous people in trouble. All people that act 100% more professional than her! Our management team are extremely unprofessional and almost stir it up by befriending her and disclosing everyone's business! Real frustrating situation. Facebook is also a real big issue too even though I've now taken her off
One person shouldn't have that much influence and having someone sacked isn't easy without evidence neither is getting someone demoted, it can't just be done because someone says so. Is there more to it that you don't know about?"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had a year of this recently and tried all kinds of things- being nice...trying to make things better...mediation. Nothing worked. Some people are just nasty.
Try not to stress over it and dont let them see you are upset. Get support from your boss and your friends."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find the 'get them alone/what's your fuckin problem?' Approach usually works. If it doesn't gather as much evidence as possible and go to management/HR. Good luck x"
Get them alone? This can be the absolute worse thing to do.
Totally agree with you on gathering evidence. And to be careful, re what you say to whom.
Trust no one, adhere to the official grievance procedure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly, get people you work with off of your personal Facebook. I will never understand people who mix their personal and business lives on social media.
Secondly, as mentioned before, gather evidence. Use it if you have to, but only via official procedures. Don't let on to anyone you're gathering it, because it will get back to the other party and it will be twisted to suit their needs (such as a harassment complaint).
Thirdly - and I cannot stress this enough - protect yourself, cover your arse. Make sure your conduct and work are above reproach as far as possible.
If you have work related meetings with this person, back up the key points / outcomes in email (if you use it) so that there is demonstrable audit trail should questions arise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly, get people you work with off of your personal Facebook. I will never understand people who mix their personal and business lives on social media.
Secondly, as mentioned before, gather evidence. Use it if you have to, but only via official procedures. Don't let on to anyone you're gathering it, because it will get back to the other party and it will be twisted to suit their needs (such as a harassment complaint).
Thirdly - and I cannot stress this enough - protect yourself, cover your arse. Make sure your conduct and work are above reproach as far as possible.
If you have work related meetings with this person, back up the key points / outcomes in email (if you use it) so that there is demonstrable audit trail should questions arise. "
and kill them with kindness! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly, get people you work with off of your personal Facebook. I will never understand people who mix their personal and business lives on social media.
Secondly, as mentioned before, gather evidence. Use it if you have to, but only via official procedures. Don't let on to anyone you're gathering it, because it will get back to the other party and it will be twisted to suit their needs (such as a harassment complaint).
Thirdly - and I cannot stress this enough - protect yourself, cover your arse. Make sure your conduct and work are above reproach as far as possible.
If you have work related meetings with this person, back up the key points / outcomes in email (if you use it) so that there is demonstrable audit trail should questions arise.
and kill them with kindness!"
Yes to all of this, especially the colleagues on Facebook bit - that never seems to end well. |
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I've had this and occasionally struggle as I can find it easy to say things that are potentially inappropriate.
I do whatever I can to build my emotional stability and ensure that I don't say or do anything that is fired from an emotional base, but must be from having thought things through rationally - without emotion. I find only if I've analysed things from that perspective will I act appropriately. And having a secure and confident inner calm is important to help ensure that I behave rationally.
It's potentially seemingly easier said than done. So it can mean that I have to create an impermeable barrier, to prevent myself from leaking acid onto someone who's stabbed or harmed me. They will continue to do what they want, and we're human so they will have some impact. The main thing that I can control is what I give out.
Getting the support you need, so that any damage etc that you've had inflicted upon you, is dealt with as best as possible.
I do regular yoga as well as make the time to relax. Building an inner calm becomes a habit, that can become a habit that you slip into without consciously doing anything. Chat things through with the right people too.
And make sure that you have plenty of nourishment and fun for your soul. Add in as much fun to your life - not specifically thinking sexual fun here, but that's fine too, if it works for you. We're playful creatures, so have time to laugh and play around.
Hope the situation improves! |
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The whole picture is needed before we can properly advise. This woman must have huge influence if she has managed to achieve control over an entire management team and manipulate them into sackings, demotions and other disciplinary action. If that is the case then it's a matter for senior management or directors or unions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its been said above but firstly cover your ass. Make sure that your work is thorough and you're at the very least competent. This person obviously has a great deal of influence and to challenge that would be very difficult and damaging. Sometimes you have to pick your fights and know when to nod and smile.
If this person is as toxic as you say then they will get found out, until that point bide your time. I honestly believe though that your best approach is to work hard and build upon yourself, the best revenge is a life well lived |
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"Revenge breeds bad energy and karma
The universe will pay them back so you don't have to xx 
Karma is a lie.
There is no universal justice."
Bad things regularly happen to bad people
That's the truth
Call it what you like
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"Revenge breeds bad energy and karma
The universe will pay them back so you don't have to xx
Karma is a lie.
There is no universal justice.
Bad things regularly happen to bad people
That's the truth
Call it what you like
"
Bad things regularly happen to good people. The universe doesn't discriminate on virtue. |
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"i think karma is teaching me some huge fk off lesson - ive been waiting a long time for a lot of stuff "
You have been baaaaaad. Along with all those tiny children with life limiting illness. Either that or karma isnt quite what people hope. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What's the best way at dealing with someone that's stabbed you in the back at work?
Killing me not to have my say to this particular person but trying just to rise above!
Anyone had this?
"
saying nothing get to them more then words .......... I would look happy as they are nothing to me .. |
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I would suggest keep a workplace diary at HOME to keep a log of events. Communicate work issues via email so there is a log of who's supposed to be doing what. Especially use if your colleague says they'll help out with a workplace task, send a thanks for offering and confirm what help offered.
Also if this persists go to HR with you log and evidence. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes it's a bit of paranoia creeping in. They all have it in for me kind of thing. I saw it at my last job,a woman who was lazy and had time off for no reason at all kept moaning about people talking behind her back and getting her into trouble. |
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