FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Work place bullying......
Work place bullying......
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
Has anyone as a manager been accused of this? If so how have you dealt with it knowing it was complete bullshit?
Now I know I have not bullied this person in the slightest, however, because she does not have 100% of my attention 100% of the time she decided to make a complaint (not a formal one) And my manager is backing me, so maybe bullying is a bit strong, however, I am finding it hard to stay upbeat with her, and I have to do her appraisal next week and I am dreading it!
Does anyone have any pearls of wisdom, to help me get through this or at least to try and ignore?
I can't stand diva's and what they think they 'feel is happening' compared to what has actually been said?
All opinions/situations welcome  x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You can use the appraisal to clear the air. Ask her calmly how she feels you could support her as a manager at a time she feels vulnerable around you.
I'm not suggesting you take on board the accusations, but understand she has her own perceptions which are real to her (even as a drama queen). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You can use the appraisal to clear the air. Ask her calmly how she feels you could support her as a manager at a time she feels vulnerable around you.
I'm not suggesting you take on board the accusations, but understand she has her own perceptions which are real to her (even as a drama queen)."
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You can use the appraisal to clear the air. Ask her calmly how she feels you could support her as a manager at a time she feels vulnerable around you.
I'm not suggesting you take on board the accusations, but understand she has her own perceptions which are real to her (even as a drama queen)."
Or defer the appraisal if timing is not appropriate. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"You can use the appraisal to clear the air. Ask her calmly how she feels you could support her as a manager at a time she feels vulnerable around you.
I'm not suggesting you take on board the accusations, but understand she has her own perceptions which are real to her (even as a drama queen).
Or defer the appraisal if timing is not appropriate."
I'd caution care on that as she may take it as a sign that a) she is being treated differently and b) raise her sensors that she may be in line for some sort of disciplinary.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Has she accused you of actual bullying or something else ?"
No she just went to my manager on Tuesday behind my back, to say she wasn't happy with how I had dealt with her queries the last two days!
She then asked for a meeting yesterday (with me) where it got very high in emotions (her part) because I refused to accept what she said. I am the type of person who will admit if I am in the wrong or the perceived wrong but this time, there was no way!
But now I am sitting here at home thinking how on earth can I communicate with her without holding a grudge, even though the meeting yesterday ended up on a positive note after she threatened to just walk out because I wasn't agreeing with her
This new age of warm and fuzzy is just pissing me off! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Has she accused you of actual bullying or something else ?
No she just went to my manager on Tuesday behind my back, to say she wasn't happy with how I had dealt with her queries the last two days!
She then asked for a meeting yesterday (with me) where it got very high in emotions (her part) because I refused to accept what she said. I am the type of person who will admit if I am in the wrong or the perceived wrong but this time, there was no way!
But now I am sitting here at home thinking how on earth can I communicate with her without holding a grudge, even though the meeting yesterday ended up on a positive note after she threatened to just walk out because I wasn't agreeing with her
This new age of warm and fuzzy is just pissing me off!"
do you have in house mediation?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
It happened to me, and I immediately reported myself to my own manager and left the site to enable the "facts" to be gathered, 100% confident that everyone knew what was really happening.
Hopefully it's the same for you. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"Has she accused you of actual bullying or something else ?
No she just went to my manager on Tuesday behind my back, to say she wasn't happy with how I had dealt with her queries the last two days!
She then asked for a meeting yesterday (with me) where it got very high in emotions (her part) because I refused to accept what she said. I am the type of person who will admit if I am in the wrong or the perceived wrong but this time, there was no way!
But now I am sitting here at home thinking how on earth can I communicate with her without holding a grudge, even though the meeting yesterday ended up on a positive note after she threatened to just walk out because I wasn't agreeing with her
This new age of warm and fuzzy is just pissing me off!
do you have in house mediation?
"
I don't know about mediation, but we do have a good HR dept, so I'm not really worried to be honest, however I am worried about how on earth am I meant to maintain a positive relationship with her but I suppose that is just something I will to suck up and put up! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Hard to comment having only heard one side of the story
Peoples ideas of bullying differ you may see what you are doing to upset her as acceptable she obviously does not
There are so many things that bullying in the work place covers now days you could be doing it without realising |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
"It happened to me, and I immediately reported myself to my own manager and left the site to enable the "facts" to be gathered, 100% confident that everyone knew what was really happening.
Hopefully it's the same for you."
The thought has crossed my mind! But it is a critical time of year that my presence is critical lol (financial year end plus other team members need their appraisals done) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sometimes managers can be very wrapped up in their own tasks, that actually they can be letting team members down without realising. Although bullying is a strong word, she may feel recently you haven't be as supportive as you previously have. If you have then told her you are not willing to accept her opinion, you are then just cementing in the fact that you are not supportive of her.
My suggestion would be to ask her just exactly what she feels is unfair in the way you treat her, and why she is unhappy. If you then still can not see her point of view, professionally explain this to her, using factual evidence. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Having managed several large teams I know much of what your talking about. For me I always found just having regularly chats and being none confrontational helped allot, try to empathise with them whilst also explaining why you feel the way you do. If you can perhaps go a little out of your way to just try and see for a moment where they may be coming from and then work from that point to where you are it may help. Saying that I would not take my advice, I left people management because of these kinds of hassle! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Has she accused you of actual bullying or something else ?
No she just went to my manager on Tuesday behind my back, to say she wasn't happy with how I had dealt with her queries the last two days!
She then asked for a meeting yesterday (with me) where it got very high in emotions (her part) because I refused to accept what she said. I am the type of person who will admit if I am in the wrong or the perceived wrong but this time, there was no way!
But now I am sitting here at home thinking how on earth can I communicate with her without holding a grudge, even though the meeting yesterday ended up on a positive note after she threatened to just walk out because I wasn't agreeing with her
This new age of warm and fuzzy is just pissing me off!
do you have in house mediation?
I don't know about mediation, but we do have a good HR dept, so I'm not really worried to be honest, however I am worried about how on earth am I meant to maintain a positive relationship with her but I suppose that is just something I will to suck up and put up! "
mediation may be one way to address the issue's you both seem to have with each other..
speak to HR for some advice perhaps..? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had 2 team leaders discriminating me against my learning difficulty because I couldn't prove it, because I'm too old for the test, I was wrongfully dismissed on Monday so I'm now going through solicitors to take it to court |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I had 2 team leaders discriminating me against my learning difficulty because I couldn't prove it, because I'm too old for the test, I was wrongfully dismissed on Monday so I'm now going through solicitors to take it to court"
I'm sorry to hear that your case has ended in dismissal. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had 2 team leaders discriminating me against my learning difficulty because I couldn't prove it, because I'm too old for the test, I was wrongfully dismissed on Monday so I'm now going through solicitors to take it to court"
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *oxy_minx OP Woman
over a year ago
Scotland - Aberdeen |
to not quote anyone here is what my work does:
We have monthly 1-1 meetings so any 360% feedback is encouraged, so going out with the process to me being but I have had pm's that have helped me with the snide remarks that I am not willing to accept have given me great advise on how to deal with so thank you x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Myself and 2 colleagues been accused of bullying at work. We clearly haven't abs was totally shocked. Manager is discretely backing us but seen to "do the right thing".
Not an easy situation at all.
Just remain strong and professional |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
As a follow up, I don't have anything useful to help you rebuild the relationship, except to ask if a move to another team (for either of you) is a possibility?
I was lucky(!) in that the lady I was apparently bullying went back on the sick for the remainder of her maternity leave, and then resigned. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
