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childless

By *organ and rob zombie OP Couple over a year ago

bradford

Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

I never considered myself selfless or responsible enough to have children. (Male half)

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By *edangel_2013Woman over a year ago

southend

I don't have children. I have no wish to have children.

I can be extremely selfish and enjoy doing what I want, when I want and with whom I want. A child wouldn't fit into the last minute holidays I like etc.

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By *organ and rob zombie OP Couple over a year ago

bradford

"Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

I never considered myself selfless or responsible enough to have children. (Male half)"

Was this at your partners expense, or a joint decision?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have kids.... love them to bits even when they drive me crazy. ..

Don't want any more. ..

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

My sister and husband don't have children it was completely their own decision and they have a great life.

They do have lots of godchildren and love children just chose not to have any of their own.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Childless as ive not got the vital part of baby making to go with my eggs....sperm. I'm not childless through choice and broody as ever

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've no children, and never been pregnant. Haven't found the right person to start a family with yet

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By *organ and rob zombie OP Couple over a year ago

bradford

"I've no children, and never been pregnant. Haven't found the right person to start a family with yet

At least you've been sensible and responsible x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

I never had a desire to have a child till i miscarried 6 years ago and then i had this yearning for one. the relationship i was in wasnt good and i wouldn't have wanted kids in that circumstances

years on and thanks to 1st stage of cancer this was took from me. and it destroyed me took me a while to get back up from the floor and fight again but i am here im healthy and happy

if i cant have children no problems i could adopt or foster x

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By *organ and rob zombie OP Couple over a year ago

bradford

"Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

I never had a desire to have a child till i miscarried 6 years ago and then i had this yearning for one. the relationship i was in wasnt good and i wouldn't have wanted kids in that circumstances

years on and thanks to 1st stage of cancer this was took from me. and it destroyed me took me a while to get back up from the floor and fight again but i am here im healthy and happy

if i cant have children no problems i could adopt or foster x"

Good on ya girl x

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By *oxy_minxWoman over a year ago

Scotland - Aberdeen

I'm childless through choice, from the age of 21 I knew I didn't want any, even told my ex when we first met, if he wanted children he was with the wrong person.

I have had weird looks over the years from other females when I say this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did not want children till we could give them all the things we did not have that was twenty five years ago and still couldn't afford to now!

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By *oward1978Man over a year ago

Rotherham

I don't have children and don't ever plan on having any though I'd never say never. Not for one second of my life have I have had the desire to have kids.

One of my number one hates is being tied down. And kids definitely do that to you. I like being able to do what I want when I want. There's many other reasons as well why I don't want kids but I won't bore you with them now. My ideal relationship would be with a woman who has similar views.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have 3 boys. I love them more than life. However I'd never want any more. I don't get broody and I'm not really the maternal type. As they get older I can see more freedoms coming back to me and I like it. I've friends who don't have children and I have to say they have a fantastic life and they don't feel they have missed anything. If I had my time again I'd be the same

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No children here. Have never found a woman worthy enough to carry my child

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By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

I dont have children and i don't want any .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I want children but haven't found the right woman

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't see myself having a child but I also don't see myself without any... I would much rather give a child that one... A home and a family. I know it's a particularly strange way to feel but I have no yearning to be pregnant

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

I always wanted children, I was always the one with younger children hanging off me and thought I'd have at least 4.

After a bad miscarriage I was told I wouldn't have children, I had fertility treatment that didn't work.

When I met my ex husband I had to explain the situation to him and adapt to a life without children.

Less than 6 months after meeting him miracles of miracles I fell pregnant naturally.

After he was born we stopped using contraception about a year later and 18 months later I fell pregnant again, sadly I miscarried again.

My ex husband and I split up.

When I was 34 I made the decision to have the coil fitted knowing I didn't want any more children.

I couldn't imagine my life without my son and now my "miracle" baby is having a child of his own

Now I can't actually imagine having 4 children

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

* that needs one

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Childless initially through circumstance (my then partner miscarried a decade ago) but now through choice. As weird as it sounds I look at losing my son as possibly the best thing that ever happened to me. I think of him everyday and my gratitude for how he changed me will never fade. I am a much much better person today than I was then. And now I'm self-aware enough to acknowledge that my shortcomings as a person combined with my own relationship with my parents would likely make me a truly terrible father. And tthat's a risk I will never intentionally take.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have never wanted children, due to the fact that I wouldn't be around for him/her as they grow up due to being in the forces. It's also the reason I remain single. It's a single persons job being in the forces, at least in my eyes it is. I am away too much and that would be a huge problem as I wouldn't want to miss any part of my child growing up. That's why I am childless and going to remain childless.

I am actually getting a vasectomy soon, so no worries on that one haha

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

The world is one fucked up place nowadays. We're also vastly overpopulated considering we're a small island.

I'm doing my bit, by choosing not to bring children into it.

Never been interested in having any, either.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I never wanted children for various reasons - had made this very clear before getting married.

Some years in, found out he thought I would change my mind, biological clock and all that. I divorced him so he could go have children with someone else.

I only miss the idea of being a grandma

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By *L RogueMan over a year ago

London

No children. Maybe one day but need the right woman first!

I wouldn't be upset or regretful if I didn't start a family and comfortable with the fact that it might not happen. My siblings have children which is enough for me. My own would be great but not essential.

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By *ELLONS AND CREAMWoman over a year ago

stourbridge area

I consider myself a very lucky lady ... I have two children .. now both grown up ... 23 and 26 ... and recently I now have a baby grandson whom I adore ..

I dont condem anyone who doesnt want children ...

But in my experience .. if you wait for money to come along in order to have children .. youd never have any ... and then one day find its too late ..

Its not easy bringing up children .. my marriage ended when my youngest was 3 ... but I wouldnt change a thing ... ive been told ive done a good job .. I love them to bits ..

I will never be rich .... but im happy ...

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By *ady LickWoman over a year ago

Northampton Somewhere

I have 3. My childless friends are envious of that. I am slightly envious of them because of the 'freedom factor' but I wouldn't change a thing

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By *ckleticklesWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

Never had a maternal fibre in my body till i became pregnant with my daughter. Fretted all through my pregnancy about it.

The second she was born I became a Mum in every sense. She is my world.

Wouldn't do it again tho...that shit hurts!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dont have kids mainly through personal choice, i do enjoy the freedom of doing what i want when i want

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

There was a discussion about AWoCs on the radio a couple of months ago.

I don't have a living child of my own but I have children all around me who love me and for whom I have undying love.

As Wheels said above, I am grateful for what my son taught me and it has helped make me who I am now. It was his anniversary yesterday and children are in my mind. Thankfully, I am now too old and don't have the kit to have children.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

Yes. I'm childless by choice and I've been surgically sterilised.

I simply don't want kids. That's it. Nothing more complicated than that.

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By *oodmessMan over a year ago

yumsville

I did want the 2.1 children thing though girlfriends have stayed just that and never developed, when they have - they have been nutters. I also have high demands on myself, that, I need to be financially secure before I can think about bringing a baby into the world. Something that when I have had a relationship that has mattered, my job hasn't been that what I wanted it to be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I remember when I was a kid there seemed to be kids everywhere now the streets are empty. Very few friends have kids and yet they say the population has hit 7 billion! They can't all be in China, India and Brazil!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

The thought of not having a child scares the shit out of me. Not a feeling I would wish on my worst enemy. My biological clock is going like an alarm at the moment. If people think I'm mad or weird so be it. The most horrific experience of my life was losing my baby one I have yet to get over but that's my bridge to cross

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've never had the desire to have kids. Never been broody and not maternal in the slightest. Didn't even play with dolls when i was a kid. Had a Sindy doll but only so i could get the horse and a tiny tears doll which got chucked in a cupboard and i kept tadpoles in her bath

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By *isa 59Woman over a year ago

Newcastle

I'm childless...even IVF didn't work. It hit me hard at the time and I understood how some women who snatch kiddies feel...I could have done it so many times myself.

I forced a split with an ex as I knew he would be a great dad and he is now, with 2 gorgeous boys. I wish him nothing but happiness.

I've come to terms with it now but it was hard and took a long time.

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By *issmorganWoman over a year ago

Calderdale innit

"The thought of not having a child scares the shit out of me. Not a feeling I would wish on my worst enemy. My biological clock is going like an alarm at the moment. If people think I'm mad or weird so be it. The most horrific experience of my life was losing my baby one I have yet to get over but that's my bridge to cross

Big hugs to you x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

I never had a desire to have a child till i miscarried 6 years ago and then i had this yearning for one. the relationship i was in wasnt good and i wouldn't have wanted kids in that circumstances

years on and thanks to 1st stage of cancer this was took from me. and it destroyed me took me a while to get back up from the floor and fight again but i am here im healthy and happy

if i cant have children no problems i could adopt or foster x"

I was adopted...best thing that happened to me j.

The little I know of you tells me if you took that route, you'd do ok

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i love children, used to baby sit and wanted to be a primary school teacher at one point however being selfish i never wanted to be a mum.

destiny had other plans for me though and gave me a surprise baby even though i had the implant ..

id be totally lost without her now

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was adopted...best thing that happened to me j.

The little I know of you tells me if you took that route, you'd do ok

Conversely I was adopted and have found it a very, very, very difficult experience.

I would not suggest people go into it without reading an awful lot of academic literature on the potential for psychological problems, and also talking to as many adopted people as they can find.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally i've never wanted children, I never had the paternal urge...

plus I never saw myself as being a good father, I'm a bit erratic, unsettled, never happier than when on the move...not an ideal environment in my eyes for having them.

Having said that, i get on with kids amazingly....I'll turn up places and invariably end up playing with the kids, buggers use me as a human climbing frame and as a rule they seem to like talking to me...I just talk the them like grown ups as much as is possible and they seem to like it...

If I was settled and in the right place, with the right person then who knows, but up untill now, I've always taken the right steps never to have one...and shall continue doing so for the foreseeable.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

always wanted a child,but didnt happen despite fertlity treatment...now i dont think its the tragedy i did 10 years ago...i would have found it much harder to leave my husband if we'd had children...i have close friends with wonderful children,and a baby nephew i adore...it has in no way ruined my life!

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By *londeCazWoman over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

Biological clock never started ticking and I like to do my own thing...also I do think one should be a responsible grown up to bring a child into the world - reckon I may just fit that description should I live to be around 97

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Biological clock never started ticking and I like to do my own thing...also I do think one should be a responsible grown up to bring a child into the world - reckon I may just fit that description should I live to be around 97

Haha, my nesting partner and I say the same thing. We went to New York and we brought back a suitcase full of lego... customs stopped us at Heathrow and was asking if it was for our children... we were trying not to laugh when we said it was all for us...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was adopted...best thing that happened to me j.

The little I know of you tells me if you took that route, you'd do ok

Conversely I was adopted and have found it a very, very, very difficult experience.

I would not suggest people go into it without reading an awful lot of academic literature on the potential for psychological problems, and also talking to as many adopted people as they can find."

I'm sorry to hear that....not every adoption is a sucsess I suppose.

I myself count myself blessed, i got in touch with mt biological family about seven years ago when news reached me my fatherhad passed away and I attended the funeral..met every family member, mum, brothers, sisters, aunts uncles...everyone...in one day...remains one of the strangest days of my life...but i'm glad I did, I now consider myself privalaged enough to have two entire families......

I was concieved for adoption though so that puts a different slant on things I guess...

The one thing I'm most thankfull for though was my adoptive parents never hid it from me...I can't remember a time when didn't know my own history...they are good people and kept me in the loop with everything, from as early an age as possible, and that was key to my happiness...total an utter honesty and clarity.

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By *allipygousMan over a year ago

Leicester

I've known I wanted children since I was a child myself but after the fifth had the snip.

If I could go back in time I wouldn't change a thing that would prevent me having the children I have now, even marrying the ex!

I have tremendous respect for women who make a conscious decision not to have children, not everyone is maternal, particularly when I see the way some parents are with theirs and think it's such a shame the gift is wasted on them.

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By *adybee77Woman over a year ago

MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire)

My son was 4 years of fertility treatment. I would never go through all of that again, and have no desire to have any more children either.

I'm not with his dad anymore, and don't want kids with different dads. It doesn't feel right for me personally, not judgement on anyone who chooses a different path - my older sister has 4 kids with 3 different fellas.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tell me it was lego technics!? I love Lego technics! Eeeeeek! Can spend hours with that stuff!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Tell me it was lego technics!? I love Lego technics! Eeeeeek! Can spend hours with that stuff! "

A combination of Lego Architecture and Lego Minecraft...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This I agree with, totally. I've always known too, and I think that made it better in some ways.

Although, still not great.

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By *riendlyGirlWoman over a year ago

lancashire

I do not want to have a child. Just not my thing. I actually think it may have become a bit of a phobia as the idea of pregnancy and childbirth honestly brings me out in a sweat and I feel sick.

I've felt this way since I was a teen and I always said if I changed my mind I would rather adopt. I have loads of God kids to keep me busy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The world is one fucked up place nowadays. We're also vastly overpopulated considering we're a small island.

I'm doing my bit, by choosing not to bring children into it.

Never been interested in having any, either."

The world's always been fucked up. It's actually better now in some ways.

Doing your bit could also mean having children and instilling them with the knowledge and wherewithal to try and make this world a better place?

S x

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"I did want the 2.1 children thing though girlfriends have stayed just that and never developed, when they have - they have been nutters. I also have high demands on myself, that, I need to be financially secure before I can think about bringing a baby into the world. Something that when I have had a relationship that has mattered, my job hasn't been that what I wanted it to be. "

Responsible thinking. Very commendable.

Just a shame more people don't think things through properly, before making such a life changing decision.

The benefits system in this country, also has a lot to answer for, in this respect (but, that's one for another day).

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By *he-Hosiery-GentMan over a year ago

Older Hot Bearded Guy

"The world is one fucked up place nowadays. We're also vastly overpopulated considering we're a small island.

I'm doing my bit, by choosing not to bring children into it.

Never been interested in having any, either.

The world's always been fucked up. It's actually better now in some ways.

Doing your bit could also mean having children and instilling them with the knowledge and wherewithal to try and make this world a better place?

S x"

Fair point.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can honestly say i've never ever wanted children always been honest with partners about this too. I adore my nephews tho

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By *asokittyWoman over a year ago

Nr Worksop

I don't have children. Part through choice part through fear. I had cancer at 19 and I don't know if it's affected my ability to carry a child. I've never met anyone I would want to try for a child with.

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

We had friends who tried but couldn't have kids and it drove them both crazy and then they divorced and when we had kids they said we'd taken their chance. Not friends any more. It was a long time ago.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We're childless, not through choice, children had always been the dream, and we still talk as though, maybe... One day....however

I'm unable to have children so really I'm just kidding myself.

Sometimes I'm fine about it and put it down to it just not being meant to be but at other times I really struggle.

I have nieces and nephews whom I adore but it's just not the same but I think I'll always feel incomplete and like I've let my hubby down although I know he doesn't feel that way really and has always been supportive.

Well that's affected my mood more than I thought

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'll always feel incomplete and like I've let my hubby down although I know he doesn't feel that way really and has always been supportive.t

Society is shit for placing that expectation on you. It's nothing more than social construction.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

With my ex-husband, the idea of children made me hyperventilate. I used a condom AND was on the pill with him. Even on our wedding day I wouldn't have sex with him as he's forgotten condoms! Arghh I can't believe I'm admitting that. I was that terrified of having kids with him.

He wanted kids and I didn't. He was very child-like himself and I had my hands full with him. I had a lot of pressure from his parents to have kids. Even on our wedding day they spoke about it to me!

We split up soon after getting married. He remarried and now has a kid of his own.

I met my now and forever husband and really wanted kids suddenly.

But then infertility struck. IVF landed us with our kids and for those that know, it's been a rollercoaster ever since.

Rollercoaster is the wrong word. It implies we are sitting back for the ride. No we're not. We're pushing that roller coaster car up every bloody hill, and legging it after the car on the downs. It's the hardest work I've ever done in my life.

I'm often found in floods of tears, in the corner of the kitchen or outside the school gates after drop off.

But they are amazing. I love them more than life itself. They have unique gifts which may well change the world a little bit one day. If I do my job right.

But I'm not having any more. Sod that. It would kill me. So I'm back to being terrified of getting pregnant!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have two children and they truly are our world, and cannot imagine life without them. I was told I would never have children after having an operation so to have one is fantastic, two was an absolute miracle. My only regret is that we found the swinging scene after we'd started a family, so child care is always a big stopper. Can only imagine how naughty I could have been 12 yrs ago lol. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'll always feel incomplete and like I've let my hubby down although I know he doesn't feel that way really and has always been supportive.t

Society is shit for placing that expectation on you. It's nothing more than social construction."

I don't really know how much of that is society and how much is desire, want and how much is guilt for the inability to perform the whole function of owning a womb and breasts lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't really know how much of that is society and how much is desire, want and how much is guilt for the inability to perform the whole function of owning a womb and breasts lol"

Owning something doesn't mean you have to use it.

As far as I'm concerned, my uterus is there in order to help chemically regulate my body.

My breasts are just useless lumps of fat that apparently some men find attractive.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"We had friends who tried but couldn't have kids and it drove them both crazy and then they divorced and when we had kids they said we'd taken their chance. Not friends any more. It was a long time ago. "

That is very sad. I have had a momentary twinge if envy at friends falling pregnant (and it has only ever been just a fleeting moment) but I can't imagine thinking they had taken my chance from me.

I get worked up when I see child abuse and neglect and feel those people have unfairly been given such a precious gift. Then I remember that this is a very real world and I don't know what led to those people becoming abusive or neglectful and get on with doing what I can, in my limited way, to help.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I'll always feel incomplete and like I've let my hubby down although I know he doesn't feel that way really and has always been supportive.t

Society is shit for placing that expectation on you. It's nothing more than social construction."

To a point. Until my first pregnancy, and then its loss, I would have agreed. After that I was craving the fix of another pregnancy. The hormones kick started some sort of addictive biological imperative to breed.

I have met other women who have felt that at-all-costs imperative even without that first pregnancy.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't really know how much of that is society and how much is desire, want and how much is guilt for the inability to perform the whole function of owning a womb and breasts lol

Owning something doesn't mean you have to use it.

As far as I'm concerned, my uterus is there in order to help chemically regulate my body.

My breasts are just useless lumps of fat that apparently some men find attractive."

I get this totally. My womb won't be removed unless the cancer goes stage 2

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By *uby0000Woman over a year ago

hertfordshire

had my first child very young life sort of became about her 11 years between her and my other daughter

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always thought I'd be a mum but it didn't happen. I don't regret it, it's just the path not travelled in my case.

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By *allipygousMan over a year ago

Leicester

"I'll always feel incomplete and like I've let my hubby down although I know he doesn't feel that way really and has always been supportive.t

Society is shit for placing that expectation on you. It's nothing more than social construction."

Usually you write a lot of sense but that statement is ridiculous.

She is responding to a biological need. A need that is necessary to continue the species. As I've said above, I respect women that make the choice to not bring a child into the world they do not want but to say those that want children, but are unable to, and feel bad about it, are merely responding to "social construction" is fatuous.

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By *organ and rob zombie OP Couple over a year ago

bradford

I appreciate your honest and quite heartfelt comments, thank you for sharing

Your a bloody lovely bunch xx

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By *at69driveMan over a year ago

Hertford

"Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

"
. I was brought up to pay my own way in life and behave responsibility . When younger this meant my time was concentrated on passing exams and maybe not enough time spent on finding a partner with whom to have children. I am not certain if I have any regrets though do sometimes wonder what will happen in old age as I will not have any family to look after me. I am financially secure now and can do as I please within reason.. It seems that quite a few people with children are lacking in responsibility and expect the government to pick up the tab. The current benefits system needs a complete overhaul. I fail to see why we should subsidise those on benefits who choose to have large families .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm just glad I had my daughter out of my 10 year relationship with my ex cos I've been single 5 years now and will be 32 in a few months.

I was selfish before I was a mother, lives with my grandad, no bills no responsibilities, went on at least 2 holidays a year, drove a nissan 350Z, would think nothing of spending £170 on a pair of jeans!

Now I live alone, gone from a 3.5 litre car to a 1.3! Buying something in new look is a treat otherwise it's primark for my leggings, tops and jumpers with the occasional treat of a new pair of trainers or gym gear when my mum buys me something. All my money goes on my daughter, ballet, gymnastics, swimming, tap dancing and piano lessons. Oilily bags, ralf Lauren and joules coats and clothes from boutiques. She looks good and well dressed whilst I rock it in my £3 primark leggings and a top that cost a fiver! I get joy and pleasure from getting things for her, she's my world, my best friend and she's only 5!

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By *inkxRabbitWoman over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

I've got three by the same father (I'll never get on Jeremy Kyle now!), the eldest of whom was much longed for. I'd always wanted children, from a very young age. My husband, who is older than me, wanted one right awAy so our first one came along 16 months after we got married. In due course we had another. Well, they need a playmate and picnic sets are always in 4s lol.

I had wto beautiful, polite, clever little angels until the youngest was five. Along came the son who was a complete mistake and our lives changed for ever. I don't regret a moment of it, we've had our ups and downs, we've had two teenagers in he house for the last six years, one way or another, but the younger daughter turns 20 this year so only one teenager! He's problems of the behavioural type so none of us have had a normal life for 14 years. It hit the girls hard as they couldn't have mates round to play or sleep over bcause of the millstone (sorry!) that our son is.

I would never ever do it again! No way! If I had my time again I'd have waited. I was 26, too young, when I had my first. And I'd have stuck with my two girls. But you deal with the hand you've been dealt , you don't have much choice.

I'm very proud of them all, though there have been times I'd cheerfully leave left them at the door of social services. Somehow two of them have become normal, well adjusted adults, fuck knows how, so I guess I must have done something right. Spookily one of them has my temper!!!!!!!

I'm in no hurry to be a granny though!

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By *ampWithABrainWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

I fell pregnant at 18 and mc and from that point on was so ridiculously broody married wrong man but my beautiful daughter was worth it. Ironically he didnt want kids initially but has had 3 more with his new wife! I can't have any more. A friend who thought she didn't want kids then needed hysterectomy and then met her husband is full of regret. Another has a vomiting phobia that's so bad pregnancy (morning sickness) terrified her. Another 2 friends, one much older and from a generation where if there was no baby 9 months into marriage there were whispers have both stood by decision to remain child free and happy.

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By *at69driveMan over a year ago

Hertford

"I'm just glad I had my daughter out of my 10 year relationship with my ex cos I've been single 5 years now and will be 32 in a few months.

Now I live alone, gone from a 3.5 litre car to a 1.3! Buying something in new look is a treat otherwise it's primark for my leggings, tops and jumpers with the occasional treat of a new pair of trainers or gym gear when my mum buys. me something. All my money goes on my daughter, ballet, gymnastics, swimming, tap dancing and piano lessons. Oilily bags, ralf Lauren and joules coats and clothes from boutiques. She looks good and well dressed whilst I rock it in my £3 primark leggings and a top that cost a fiver! I get joy and pleasure from getting things for her, she's my world, my best friend and she's only 5! "
. Good post and nice to see someone putting considerable effort in bringing up their family. It proves that money is not everything , but health and being happy is .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

It can be a very dark road being childless - even if you didn't want children. As a 30 year old woman who lives with a man I am asked probably at least once a week when I'm going to start a family. When I say I'm not, I'm told I am selfish. That am I not doing what I'm supposed to do. That I should let my partner go so that he can find another woman to have children with (he doesn't want children either...). When people find out I have been surgically sterilised through choice, they look at me like I'm sort kind of freak who eats babies for breakfast. It's just not socially acceptable to be a woman who chooses not to have children.

I'm always hopeful when I see threads like this, that they will be a place to discuss being childless. That it will be a place where, just for a brief moment, we can come together and not feel like total outcasts from society.

And then, as usual, people start to post about how having children changed their life, how it's the only way they could imagine their lives, and inadvertently pouring utter heteronormativity all over the thread. I get it, it's not your fault. You're just doing what society expects you to do, which is having children and talking about how wonderful it is.

But spare a thought for those of us who have to face difficulties for our own choices regularly. And perhaps next time you see a thread discussing why people choose to be childless, just refrain from talking about how having children is the best thing in the world. Because we know that's how we're supposed to feel, but for one reason or another many of us don't.

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

From a young age i always wanted children and a big family at that, when all the other kids wanted to.be nurses, vets etc I would always say i wanted to be a mummy and have lots of babies. Unfortunately finances just arent realistically there for me to have more after the one im carrying now so im having a elected csection so i can be sterilised at the same time. I know myself well enough to know ill still get broody for more but hopefully ill have some grandchildren to look forward to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

I have three wonderful children and yes life has been enriched because of them... I tell you this, NOT as you claim because that's what "society excepts me to do", but because I love my children.

I understand your point of view in general here and I personally don't think you are a freak for not wanting children. I do however take issue with your passive aggressive tone in somehow thinking that because someone what's a child then it's because they are expected to... The reality is that desire to reproduce is the fundamental premise of life... Watch Lucy, it explains it really well... And is a cracking film too!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The reality is that desire to reproduce is the fundamental premise of life..."

That's my point, that isn't the fundamental premise of life for everyone. Especially now that we live in a more modern society where we don't *need* to have children. Times have changed, we have evolved mentally and socially.

Saying things like 'it's the fundamental premise of life' when talking about reproduction just reinforces the social hierarchy that I'm supposed to have children in order to be a successful female.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

Brilliant post. It would be good for people to remember this whether it's someone who is choosing to be childless or is childless against their wishes. It offends me on pretty much a weekly basis to be told "ooh it'll be you next", "when are you going to hurry up and have a baby", "are you one of these selfish career women who's going to leave it too late", etc. etc. It's an incredibly personal decision that people at large feel it's their right to comment on or question all the time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

I have three wonderful children and yes life has been enriched because of them... I tell you this, NOT as you claim because that's what "society excepts me to do", but because I love my children.

Absolutely bang on!

S x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Having read some of the posts above, I have children, not because society expected it of me. 6 rounds of IVF later I had them and yes I love being a Mum.

However, I thought I never would so I've been the person who got asked all the time , when are you having children? You should get on with it! Etc etc.

Because of that I never ask anyone about having babies, as it's none of my business. Plus I know it can be painful subject.

I also never ask anyone if they think they'll be a grandmother soon. I have a friend who's daughter had cancer and had to have a hysterectomy in her early 20's. I've watched the pain cross her face when someone who doesn't know, asks her when she will have grandchildren.

Many of my friends did not have children, some are happy with that decision and others less so. I think it all depends on whether you've consciously decided it or if nature/circumstance made the decision for you.

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

Everyone is entitled to make their own personal decisions where children are concerned and id never accuse anyone of not having them to be selfish, but im not going to say the having my kids wasnt the best decision i ever made because it was and i didnt choose to have them because society dictates I should, I had them because I wanted and love them.

I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

As to people that are childless through no choice of their own, they simply cant have children, I do feel so strongly for them as i tried for 8 years with my previous partner and faced heartache and disappointment so I do have some insight into how awful that feeling is. i consider myself very lucky that ive now got the children I have with my new partner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

If people with children feel offended reading that post, then that is absolutely nothing compared to the judgement poured down on people who choose to be childless every single day.

I'm waiting for the "you don't understand because you don't have kids yet" comment. Well maybe people don't understand because they DO.

There are also people elsewhere on the thread who are childless not by choice, and who've admitted to struggling with that. It must be wonderful for them to hear that they're not fulfilling their natural purpose in life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

I have three wonderful children and yes life has been enriched because of them... I tell you this, NOT as you claim because that's what "society excepts me to do", but because I love my children.

I think Wasp Hunter's post was beautiful worded. And I totally agree with her points that the fact that a thread discussing being childless has evolved in to a thread discussing how children are the best thing ever.

The social pressure to conform to having children is huge. To accuse someone of making a passive aggressive post and at nthe same time dismiss their views in such a crass way shows a stunning lack of self awareness.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should."

I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It is wonderful having children but it's also a huge responsibility. I love my children and grandchildren but sometimes I want to be far,far away from them. Some people don't want that responsibility and I absolutely respect that. It's not compulsory to have children,I have a few friends who don't have any. Not always through choice,I admit but they lavish their love on nieces,nephews and friends' children. A career can be as rewarding as a child and you have your freedom. As long as you have friends to spend your old age with,and you'll probably have the money to retire to a nice senior retirement home somewhere hot,you won't be lonely.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It is wonderful having children but it's also a huge responsibility. I love my children and grandchildren but sometimes I want to be far,far away from them. Some people don't want that responsibility and I absolutely respect that. It's not compulsory to have children,I have a few friends who don't have any. Not always through choice,I admit but they lavish their love on nieces,nephews and friends' children. A career can be as rewarding as a child and you have your freedom. As long as you have friends to spend your old age with,and you'll probably have the money to retire to a nice senior retirement home somewhere hot,you won't be lonely. "

It's not even about responsibility and money for me.

I am a responsible adult (most of the time). I have a house, bills to pay, freelance work to get in on time.

I don't care about money, as long as I pay the bills. Money doesn't matter to me any more than getting me through this world. I don't particularly want to retire to somewhere hot and it doesn't bother me 'being lonely'.

The simple fact is that I have no desire to have children. Not because of responsibilities or a career, but because I just do not have that drive. There is nothing inside me that says 'you must bring a child into the world' or 'you must choose between a child and a career'. I just don't have any desire to have them.

I'm sure if I had a child I'd be a reasonable parent. I'd bring them up to like neutral coloured things and to let them decide if they were a girl or a boy. But I just have nothing inside of me that makes me want to have children. Or that makes me want to choose. Not having them is not really a choice for me, it's just the way I am.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fate rolled against me once, many years ago; my last relationship was headed toward being a family but it soon became apparent that this was just a lie being proffered to keep me supporting her financially.

Over the last 18 months, I've had to come to terms with the fact that will never be a father - it is, as someone said above. a very dark road and its forever altered who I am and how I view the rest of my life - I now take a far more nihilistic view to life and humanity.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm just glad I had my daughter out of my 10 year relationship with my ex cos I've been single 5 years now and will be 32 in a few months.

Now I live alone, gone from a 3.5 litre car to a 1.3! Buying something in new look is a treat otherwise it's primark for my leggings, tops and jumpers with the occasional treat of a new pair of trainers or gym gear when my mum buys. me something. All my money goes on my daughter, ballet, gymnastics, swimming, tap dancing and piano lessons. Oilily bags, ralf Lauren and joules coats and clothes from boutiques. She looks good and well dressed whilst I rock it in my £3 primark leggings and a top that cost a fiver! I get joy and pleasure from getting things for her, she's my world, my best friend and she's only 5! . Good post and nice to see someone putting considerable effort in bringing up their family. It proves that money is not everything , but health and being happy is ."

This is so true. Having children helps you see the world in so many new ways x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Having children helps you see the world in so many new ways x"

We get it. Not having children keeps you closed minded and unable to see this bright new way.

Thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Having children helps you see the world in so many new ways x

We get it. Not having children keeps you closed minded and unable to see this bright new way.

Thanks."

Not having children helps me see the world exactly how I want to.

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

"I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?"

Fully understand that, but the subject of children will always be an emotive regardless of which side of the argument you represent.

The forums being the forums, I know if someone were to start a thread on how wonderful having children is there would be someone of a differing opinion commenting on it, its just the nature of a public forum.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Having children helps you see the world in so many new ways x

We get it. Not having children keeps you closed minded and unable to see this bright new way.

Thanks.

Not having children helps me see the world exactly how I want to. "

Bravo

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Never give up, Prof.

My mum was 42 when she had me, my dad 47 when he had my half-brother. Plus there is always the chance of step-children/adoption. You're not as old as you think.

Mr ddc

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My boss doesnt have any kids, she turned 41 - no chance of her having now due to no man in the scene but she has the joys of living next door to her sister who has a baby and shes soo pleased cause she can spoil her neice and is there if her sister needs a sitter yet she can still go on holidays

having a child isnt the be all and end all of life

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Having children is a huge responsibility and we have to appreciate people's honesty in not feeling that they want to or even could take that on. Having had children with a mother that opted out of responsibility and unfortunately is no longer with us I can certainly agree with those who recognise the huge difficulties it involves. If you are going to have kids be sure that you are both able to do so otherwise you can find yourself left in an incredibly hard situation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Fully understand that, but the subject of children will always be an emotive regardless of which side of the argument you represent.

It's not an emotive topic. It's just offensive to be told we are somehow inferior for nit having kids.

But if we are going to do sweeping generalisations I just wish people would admit that their reasons for wanting children are often incredibly selfish.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

And I'm sorry if I initially skipped a few posts in the middle, didn't see it getting a bit dark, and consequently come across as a bit insensitive/judgemental.

There is a world of difference between wanting to have kids, but not being able to, and choosing not to have them for whatever personal reasons you have. No-one in the latter camp should ever feel the need to justify their decisions to anyone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The reality is that desire to reproduce is the fundamental premise of life...

Saying things like 'it's the fundamental premise of life' when talking about reproduction just reinforces the social hierarchy that I'm supposed to have children in order to be a successful female."

You have completely missed my point and side stepped what life is about... Whether you consciously as an evolved species make the decision to have children or not, it is a built into your genetic makeup ... Pass the knowledge on and adapt fit survival of the species .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have children and love them to the moon and back. My reason for getting up every morning and working my nellys off. I know many people who dont deserve children and also know people who would love children but cant have them.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

We live in a judgemental world about many choices.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You seem very sure of that. You have no idea at all if that is the existential reason for existing. We are equipped with the ability to pass on our genetic materials. However we are also equipped with the ability to kill people with our bare hands. Yet we don't feel the need to do the latter.

We could be on this earth for any number of reasons, and passing on genetic material may just be a side-effect.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have children and love them to the moon and back. My reason for getting up every morning and working my nellys off. I know many people who dont deserve children and also know people who would love children but cant have them. "

Ditto. I'll never apologise for being happy and very grateful for being a parent. Never. Ever.

S x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Fully understand that, but the subject of children will always be an emotive regardless of which side of the argument you represent.

Somehow I think it's slightly different to be honest and I agree with wasp hunter. Although my childless-ness is in a completely different vein to wasps, she has no desire to have children and has made her own difficult decisions where as my decisions,medicine has made for me, a thread that I thought was going to be about people's experience withour children, for whatever reason, and I appreciate both sides of the coin has in places, to those that have such heartache and pain over what they will never have, become a little like "look what you could have won" and "don't children make the world a brighter place".

They do, I'm so glad your happy... Please let me continue in my misery lol.

I'm not miserable really.... I've the hardest job in the world for a baby desiring infertile woman and if I can manage that every day, you lot won't bring me down!!

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

"I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Fully understand that, but the subject of children will always be an emotive regardless of which side of the argument you represent.

It's not an emotive topic. It's just offensive to be told we are somehow inferior for nit having kids.

But if we are going to do sweeping generalisations I just wish people would admit that their reasons for wanting children are often incredibly selfish."

If youve taken offence to something you clearly do find the subject emotive, whether you choose to see it that way or not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And my grammar and spelling is shocking

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

And, to be fair, you have missed hers, which is that we have now evolved to the point where we are more than just rutting stags and are able to make conscious decisions about how we live the lives we have been given. Everyone should be able to do so without others constantly judging them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And the implication that without children you risk being lonely in life inadvertently highlights the very selfish reason people have children. It's nothing to do wity procreation being natural and everything to do with fear and a need for Iunconditional love

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

If people with children feel offended reading that post, then that is absolutely nothing compared to the judgement poured down on people who choose to be childless every single day.

I'm waiting for the "you don't understand because you don't have kids yet" comment. Well maybe people don't understand because they DO.

Added with some of the 'religious' family I have (Christian) telling me I lost my pregnancies and son because God did not approve of my life.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never give up, Prof.

My mum was 42 when she had me, my dad 47 when he had my half-brother. Plus there is always the chance of step-children/adoption. You're not as old as you think.

Mr ddc"

Sadly, the emotional toll events took upon me altered my view of the world, of people, to such an extent that I simply cannot trust anyone enough now to ever consider it.

I realise that my decision in part - I have to carry the weight of it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just on the back of the last post I read

Curious if anyone is childless and for what reasons

I have some close friends who don't have children through choice, but some who wish to have a child and now age is a big factor for them, as well as their partner doesn't want kids

I never had a desire to have a child till i miscarried 6 years ago and then i had this yearning for one. the relationship i was in wasnt good and i wouldn't have wanted kids in that circumstances

years on and thanks to 1st stage of cancer this was took from me. and it destroyed me took me a while to get back up from the floor and fight again but i am here im healthy and happy

if i cant have children no problems i could adopt or foster x"

I'm sorry your choice was taken from you but it's good to adopt or foster. I'm proof of this and proud to say I'm adopted x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never give up, Prof.

My mum was 42 when she had me, my dad 47 when he had my half-brother. Plus there is always the chance of step-children/adoption. You're not as old as you think.

Mr ddc

Sadly, the emotional toll events took upon me altered my view of the world, of people, to such an extent that I simply cannot trust anyone enough now to ever consider it.

I realise that my decision in part - I have to carry the weight of it. "

If it helps, one of my partners is a nihilist. And I actually find it quite attractive.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I had to google nihilist lol

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?"

The Fab issue. IWD threads discuss men. Poverty threads discuss why it's OK to be rich.

Back on topic, as we get older being childless is going to become another big issue for society.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to google nihilist lol"

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

"I shouldnt be made to feel bad about sparing your feelings over decision you made that is different to the one i made anymore than you should.

I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Fully understand that, but the subject of children will always be an emotive regardless of which side of the argument you represent.

They do, I'm so glad your happy... Please let me continue in my misery lol.

I'm not miserable really.... I've the hardest job in the world for a baby desiring infertile woman and if I can manage that every day, you lot won't bring me down!!

I have also said me and my ex partner tried without joy (i guess we just werent compatible in that way) so i can deeply empathise with the heartache of having the desire and not being able to have children brings. Ive been very lucky to have met matt and now have the children we do, especially after accepting the fact i was likely to never have them and initially making my peace with that.

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

Ditto. I'll never apologise for being happy and very grateful for being a parent. Never. Ever.

S x"

No one is asking you to. What is being discussed is not having them and yet it seems the childless, and I am one, are being asked to apologise for not wanting to discuss the joys of parenthood on a thread about being childless.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always feel bad for people who can't have children, if you decide not to that fine, its your body, your choice, but having that decision taken from you is sad, I have children myself but one of my daughters had a hysterectomy at 18 and it breaks my heart to see her

Since the operation her relationship has broken down, she suffers from depression, she's dropped out of university as she sees no point anymore, she's basically an emotional wreck

Something like not having kids which seems trivial to some wrecks other peoples lives

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Back on topic, as we get older being childless is going to become another big issue for society."

Nah, we'll just bring in some young immigrants. Oops, have I gone off topic again!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I always feel bad for people who can't have children, if you decide not to that fine, its your body, your choice, but having that decision taken from you is sad, I have children myself but one of my daughters had a hysterectomy at 18 and it breaks my heart to see her

Since the operation her relationship has broken down, she suffers from depression, she's dropped out of university as she sees no point anymore, she's basically an emotional wreck

Something like not having kids which seems trivial to some wrecks other peoples lives

Hopefully it'll not last too long for her. (Although at 18... do any relationships last?).

After I had my sterilisation last year there were a few months where I occasionally had real pangs of guilt about what I'd done - even though I didn't want to have children. So I can sympathise on some level, but also hopefully reassure you both that it passes in time.

I know a woman who was in the same situation in her early 20s, she went on to become just about the best foster parent on the planet.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to google nihilist lol

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread"

Can you expand on that? Not sure what you mean?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Fucking hell you lot need to agree to disagree...we have choices in life some choose not to push out a watermelon some are unable to push out a watermelon some want to push out a wayemelon but are lacking the tools to make the watermelon. We all have choices in life to do what we want and live how we want. I should of never been born I was an accident (pesky condoms on the 70's)

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

"I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?"

Sounds like you made a decision early in your life and are perhaps not totally happy with it! Why else would you be getting upset about people saying how great it is to have children?

Anyhoo.. The decision not to have children is ours to make if we so desire. I have no problem with those who decide that route and applaud they courage to fly in the face of societies pressures. OK, at this point you are expecting a "but". No, there isn't one! Your choice and your lives.

We have two kids, had no trouble conceiving them and no real problems bringing them up. They both now have great jobs and are married with two of their own each, I feel our job is done. But that is a personal thing, not something that I think we should all feel.

Having kids made me a more rounded person, took away some of my selfishness and encouraged me to put more back. But that is me! I can now have the joy of seeing my children live their lives and bring their children up whilst having the freedom to do as we please. We have brought a motorhome with only two seat belts and we are not around much, but we do know that if we both reach a ripe old age, we will have someone to change our nappies!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to google nihilist lol

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread"

I've seen very little in this thread which would constitute nihilistic thinking as you outlined in your 'vox-pop' explanation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to google nihilist lol

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread

Can you expand on that? Not sure what you mean?"

Really? I've put it as plainly as I can

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to google nihilist lol

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread"

Really? I must have missed those

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to google nihilist lol

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread

I've seen very little in this thread which would constitute nihilistic thinking as you outlined in your 'vox-pop' explanation. "

Good how we don't all see everything the same isn't it

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

Ditto. I'll never apologise for being happy and very grateful for being a parent. Never. Ever.

S x

This thread as made (me a mother through choice after having difficulties conceiving myself) been made to feel that i should be apologising for having them. So far on this thread weve been called selfish for wanting them and been told we only want them as its what society and elvolution dictates we should. I would consider my decision to have my children to be for any of the above.

If people that have the choice to have children and choose not want respect for making that decision without judgement, then the people that choose to be parents should be respected for making their choice without having judgements passed upon them, but thats unfortunately not the nature of the world

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Since the operation her relationship has broken down, she suffers from depression, she's dropped out of university as she sees no point anymore, she's basically an emotional wreck

Something like not having kids which seems trivial to some wrecks other peoples lives

Hopefully it'll not last too long for her. (Although at 18... do any relationships last?).

I know a woman who was in the same situation in her early 20s, she went on to become just about the best foster parent on the planet.

It lasts a life time for some women, not being able to have children is something some women never get over

She had the op 3 years ago and to be honest I'd say she's worse now than after the op, she even fell out with her best friend for having an abortion, you just can't reason with her over such things anymore

Making that choice and having it made for you in worlds apart

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ditto. I'll never apologise for being happy and very grateful for being a parent. Never. Ever.

S x

I didn't say anyone was asking me to? I can discuss what I like

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ditto. I'll never apologise for being happy and very grateful for being a parent. Never. Ever.

S x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ditto. I'll never apologise for being happy and very grateful for being a parent. Never. Ever.

S x

THIS is the point. If the thread had been "Hey, isn't having children mint? Discuss" I'd have stayed away because I have nothing to offer that conversation.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I didn't say anyone was asking me to? I can discuss what I like"

You can indeed discuss whatever you like, wherever you like.

You can also think about what you post, before you post it, and consider if your contribution is going to be a helpful addition to the topic at hand.

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

Ditto. I'll never apologise for being happy and very grateful for being a parent. Never. Ever.

S x

This thread as made (me a mother through choice after having difficulties conceiving myself) been made to feel that i should be apologising for having them. So far on this thread weve been called selfish for wanting them and been told we only want them as its what society and elvolution dictates we should. I would (meant wouldnt) consider my decision to have my children to be for any of the above.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to google nihilist lol

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread

I've seen very little in this thread which would constitute nihilistic thinking as you outlined in your 'vox-pop' explanation.

Good how we don't all see everything the same isn't it"

Also incredibly offensive but hey ho.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"I had to google nihilist lol

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread"

I'm not sure that's the true definition. I thought it was more to do with not believing that life has a higher purpose or meaning, thereby rejecting societal 'norms'.

One man's nihilism is another man's free choice...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I feel like this is a bit like the threads on women's rights. Where guys go I FEEL SO UPSET BECAUSE YOU HAVE SUGGESTED REASONS THAT MY PEER GROUP MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT.

More seriously though, consider how you've been made to feel here through people suggesting that you might have other motivations.

And then consider that I have that conversation at least once a week about my choice not to have children.

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By *trawberry-popWoman over a year ago

South East Midlands NOT

I'm childless because i've not yet met the right guy. I think.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Humanities search for a 'Grand Unified Theory' is really a fruitless search for one thing we can all agree on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I didn't say anyone was asking me to? I can discuss what I like

You can indeed discuss whatever you like, wherever you like.

You can also think about what you post, before you post it, and consider if your contribution is going to be a helpful addition to the topic at hand."

I do

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits..."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits..."

I'd love to see your specific examples of that.

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By *urvymamaWoman over a year ago

Doncaster

I feel like this is a bit like the threads on women's rights. Where guys go I FEEL SO UPSET BECAUSE YOU HAVE SUGGESTED REASONS THAT MY PEER GROUP MIGHT NOT BE PERFECT.

More seriously though, consider how you've been made to feel here through people suggesting that you might have other motivations.

And then consider that I have that conversation at least once a week about my choice not to have children."

I can understand no one wants to constantly explain their own decisions/choices and have them questioned it can be hurtful thats the point im trying to make, when i say people should try to respect peoples personal views without passing judgement but its unfortunately nit the case

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By *organ and rob zombie OP Couple over a year ago

bradford

Since the operation her relationship has broken down, she suffers from depression, she's dropped out of university as she sees no point anymore, she's basically an emotional wreck

Something like not having kids which seems trivial to some wrecks other peoples lives

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As is usual whenever there is a discussion about being childless and the reasons why... lots of people chime in with their stories of how wonderful it is to have children.

Why is it a 'dark road' for someone who chooses to be childless. I have difficulty in seeing this, surely you should be happy and content, knowing that you made the correct decision for you.

As for the issue of you feeling that society is judging you and attempts to make you feel you are not fulfilling your obligations to populate the species, this is no more onerous than those woman who choose to have more than the 2.2 children that is deemed an acceptable limit and then find themselves derided as a drain on society.

Both parties have made a choice knowing that certain sections on society may have views that they find unpalatable.

I can see that a 'dark road' may lay ahead for those that have no choice in being childless and how desperately want a child of their own. I sympathise with such woman and wish they have the gift of a child soon.

However for those who make the choice to have childten or not, and are content with your choice, thenyou should feel like skipping down the 'yellow brick road' and some tut-tutting by insensitive sections seems a small price for your own happiness x.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I would like to say thanks for this thread it has given me the kick up the arse I need to make huge changes and to try and move on from all the pent up emotions and some what bitterness I have inside of me from losing a child that I wanted. I hope in time I become a mother and I can control is bloody alarm that is ringing in my head. It's not helping me but rather hindering me and I don't want my life to be a hinderence. I hope one day I become a mother its my biggest wish.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits...

I'd love to see your specific examples of that."

And me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Sounds like you made a decision early in your life and are perhaps not totally happy with it! Why else would you be getting upset about people saying how great it is to have children?

I am very happy with my decision and my life. Thank you for your concern.

I just find it quite selfish and frustrating that on a thread about *not having children* and the problems that it can entail, people are rather inconsiderately discussing how much better the world is when you have children.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would like to say thanks for this thread it has given me the kick up the arse I need to make huge changes and to try and move on from all the pent up emotions and some what bitterness I have inside of me from losing a child that I wanted. I hope in time I become a mother and I can control is bloody alarm that is ringing in my head. It's not helping me but rather hindering me and I don't want my life to be a hinderence. I hope one day I become a mother its my biggest wish.

Just remember wishes DO come true xxx

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

"The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits...

I'd love to see your specific examples of that."

As I said, if the cap fits! You are I am sure, quite able to read and interpret the posts on this thread. From my point of view, if I had made the decision not to have children and was 100% happy, it would not bother me if someone says how great it is to have children!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Sounds like you made a decision early in your life and are perhaps not totally happy with it! Why else would you be getting upset about people saying how great it is to have children?

I am very happy with my decision and my life. Thank you for your concern.

Yet would I want to bring children up in this world?

Thats a question?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why is it a 'dark road' for someone who chooses to be childless. I have difficulty in seeing this, surely you should be happy and content, knowing that you made the correct decision for you."

Because when you tell people that you are happy and that you have made the correct decision for you, they tell you that you are wrong and lecture you on how you are wrong.

I would like to go just one month without being asked when I am planning to have children.

Just one month.

It would be wonderful.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits...

I'd love to see your specific examples of that.

Exactly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits...

I'd love to see your specific examples of that.

Personally I am more bothered for those people who have undergone heartbreak and upset because they *cannot* have children.

It seems mightily unkind to rub those peoples faces in it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Sounds like you made a decision early in your life and are perhaps not totally happy with it! Why else would you be getting upset about people saying how great it is to have children?

I am very happy with my decision and my life. Thank you for your concern.

Yet would I want to bring children up in this world?

Thats a question?

I agree that it is every woman's right to choose whether to have children or not. I have never understood the 'this world' argument ad justification for not having a child, always thought this was strange.

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By *andomfodCouple over a year ago

walsall

"The world is one fucked up place nowadays. We're also vastly overpopulated considering we're a small island.

I'm doing my bit, by choosing not to bring children into it.

Never been interested in having any, either."

That's my opinion. There's nothing here at the minute to bring kids into. No real prospects with things how they are. If it happened I'd be over the moon, but if it doesn't I won't regret it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Why is it a 'dark road' for someone who chooses to be childless. I have difficulty in seeing this, surely you should be happy and content, knowing that you made the correct decision for you.

Because when you tell people that you are happy and that you have made the correct decision for you, they tell you that you are wrong and lecture you on how you are wrong.

I would like to go just one month without being asked when I am planning to have children.

Just one month.

It would be wonderful."

Same argument for a mother of six being told she is wrong and is a drain on society, irresponsible etc.

But you have both made choices knowing that this may happen. Seems a small price to pay for the happiness you gain from knowing you have made the correct choice for you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Sounds like you made a decision early in your life and are perhaps not totally happy with it! Why else would you be getting upset about people saying how great it is to have children?

I am very happy with my decision and my life. Thank you for your concern.

Yet would I want to bring children up in this world?

Thats a question?

My choice for children was taken away at 38.

It's 99.9% I cant and one more cancer blip hysterectomy here I come

Should I be upset I cant have kids at 41 no.

As I have my health and if I met someone I could adopt or foster If I wished

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

"The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits...

I'd love to see your specific examples of that.

Personally I am more bothered for those people who have undergone heartbreak and upset because they *cannot* have children.

It seems mightily unkind to rub those peoples faces in it."

Seems I have it all wrong, your concerns are purely altruistic.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"The longer this thread goes on, the more evident that some who have made the decision to remain childless are not 100% happy with that decision..

Oh and if the cap fits...

I'd love to see your specific examples of that.

Personally I am more bothered for those people who have undergone heartbreak and upset because they *cannot* have children.

It seems mightily unkind to rub those peoples faces in it."

And very ignorant to say parent's had their children not out of love or a natural instinct but because they were dictated to by society or because they didn't want to be lonely...that's quite a (false) depressing view of parenthood /children?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 11/03/15 10:33:32]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm not making you feel bad.

I'm merely asking that on a thread about being childless you don't talk about how wonderful it is to have children. Perhaps you could have your own thread about having children?

Sounds like you made a decision early in your life and are perhaps not totally happy with it! Why else would you be getting upset about people saying how great it is to have children?

I am very happy with my decision and my life. Thank you for your concern.

Yet would I want to bring children up in this world?

Thats a question?

My choice for children was taken away at 38.

It's 99.9% I cant and one more cancer blip hysterectomy here I come

Should I be upset I cant have kids at 41 no.

As I have my health and if I met someone I could adopt or foster If I wished"

Sorry I seem to have misunderstood, I thought you ere saying the world right now is a bad place to bring kids up in whereas I believe it is no worse than any other time and it lots of elements it is a whole lot better x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Same argument for a mother of six being told she is wrong and is a drain on society, irresponsible etc.

But you have both made choices knowing that this may happen. Seems a small price to pay for the happiness you gain from knowing you have made the correct choice for you."

Because it gets tiring to be told you're wrong all the time. That you're selfish. That you have major character flaws. That you're not performing your purpose as a woman. That you're somehow defective. Broken. Damaged.

Imagine if someone different told you those things every week. Do you not think it would start to grind you down eventually? Do you not think you'd start to eventually wonder if perhaps you *are* a selfish, unkind, horrible person who has failed in her duty as a woman?

Of course you'll say no, you wouldn't feel that way. Of course you'll suggest that perhaps I have a secret longing for children. But psychology isn't that simple. I just want respite from being told it's better to have children. That my life will be better. That I will be a better person. That I will suddenly become less selfish.

I've been adamant that I've not wanted children since I was about 8 years old - I even remember clearly when it happened. It was christmas as my great nan had given me a stupid doll that cried when you picked it up and stopped crying when you put it down. I cried and cried and cried and eventually my granddad had to work out how to take the batteries out to stop it upsetting me. My Aunt jokingly said that I would be better suited one day and my maternal instincts would kick in. I told her very seriously that I did not want children (in that way that 8 year olds can be very serious).

I've left two long term relationships because my partners decided they could want children. And when I'm honest about this being the reason, people tell me I'm selfish and that I should have done what they wanted. It's my fault that the relationships ended because I wouldn't have children - apparently.

And in job interviews when they ask if I am planning to have children, they look at me funny when I say no and you just know that they're judging me in their head.

These things aren't a small price to pay. These are mentally draining things that take time and energy away from me. It's not a small price to pay, week in and week out, to have to justify why you are a selfish person. Or why you aren't fulfilling your role on this earth as a woman.

It's horrible. And it affects you. It really does. Hence my plea for just a small space where we can discuss the various issues surrounding being childless.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I had to google nihilist lol

Absolute pessimism. Nothing means anything. No particular loyalty. Eurrgh. How very apt. Explains many posts on this thread

I'm not sure that's the true definition. I thought it was more to do with not believing that life has a higher purpose or meaning, thereby rejecting societal 'norms'.

One man's nihilism is another man's free choice..."

Not believing that life has a meaning?

Yes pretty much what I said nihilism means...quite a pessimistic outlook

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Actually what I was saying with that comment was that if you have children then society expects you to sing from the rooftop about how wonderful they are.

Although saying that, I do know some people who had children just because that's the next logical step on the relationship escalator, and it's what people expected them to do. They're not really sure why they did it, but they had them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not believing that life has a meaning?

Yes pretty much what I said nihilism means...quite a pessimistic outlook"

Believing that life does not have a meaning does not have to be pessimistic. It just means that you don't see there being a purpose to being here. That can actually be incredibly positive and liberating.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"...

Not believing that life has a meaning?

Yes pretty much what I said nihilism means...quite a pessimistic outlook"

Not necessarily, I believe there are quite a few optimistic atheists, sometimes people find it quite liberating to feel their life is theirs to do with as they see fit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Same argument for a mother of six being told she is wrong and is a drain on society, irresponsible etc.

But you have both made choices knowing that this may happen. Seems a small price to pay for the happiness you gain from knowing you have made the correct choice for you.

You really need to change your circle of friends if your being told that on a weekly basis by numerous people

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

Not believing that life has a meaning?

Yes pretty much what I said nihilism means...quite a pessimistic outlook

God, you're a fast typer!

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By *umourCouple over a year ago

Rushden

My last word.

"Bitter"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You really need to change your circle of friends if your being told that on a weekly basis by numerous people

Mostly my family. You can't change your family. Well I did technically change my family because I was adopted.

To be fair, it's got an awful lot better since going self employed. The women in the office used to ask me regularly when I was planning on having children.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not believing that life has a meaning?

Yes pretty much what I said nihilism means...quite a pessimistic outlook

God, you're a fast typer!

I'm a professional writer and I can transcribe from slowish speech.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My last word.

"Bitter""

whos bitter?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Actually what I was saying with that comment was that if you have children then society expects you to sing from the rooftop about how wonderful they are.

I can assure you, I've never been one to follow societal rules. My son IS wonderful. He can be annoying, tiring, exasperating BUT I can't put into words how grateful I am to have him.

I get what you're saying about it being the expected thing for some people but I'm sure even with them it all falls into place eventually.

Parent's aren't showing off - remember they were childless once and can see it both ways.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a shame that after decades of feminism, women today can't be child-free by choice without being treated with suspicion or sympathy. The number of women (and couples) making this choice is growing fast, so hopefully it will soon be less 'remarkable'.

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By *erbyDalesCplCouple over a year ago

Derbyshire

"My last word.

"Bitter""

I'm way too slow to get the last word, so I got mine in early on the "do you judge" thread

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