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Anger Management

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Its only been really since my brother has had a child,that I always feel I need to protect my brother (where he is a dad)Last night I nearly got into a fight with 5 blokes,just because one of them called him a c==t and etc/pushing him,after my brother beat him at pool,and I lost it (hate violence and I went off like a sailor language )And when 2 of the blokes told me,shake our hands or lets take it outside, I told them to Fu=k off,And they all did......Do I need Anger help or not

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Only you can decide that. I would think that you need more professional help than you are likely to get on a swingers forum

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By *oobsandballsMan over a year ago

st andrews

I agree, only you can decide that.

While they're out of order for having a go at your brother and you have every right to be angry at them, losing it isn't helpful in the situation.

If you do see about some sort of anger management I can say I've found talking things through very helpful. I had counselling for panic attacks, and we talked about many things. I only went for 6 months, but afterwards I found my road rage wasn't as bad, and I tend to not get as wound up over some stuff like I used to.

So for me it worked. But only you can decide if you need it or not. If this is an isolated incident, probably not. But if it's something that occurs frequently, it's worth trying.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Was this a one off or something that you do a lot? I guess that is the acid test.

But as posted above, the only way to really know us to seek professional advice. I would make an appointment with you GP.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nope, if that had been me, A&E would have had a busy night, think you did well, can't stand arrogant mouthy little twats. I'm insanely protective of my son. To be honest, I avoid places where it's likely to kick off, I'm not a violent person, but, being bought up in a very rough environment, and having spent time as a bodyguard and bouncer, i know what I'm capable of. Fortunately, I've been a model citizen for the past 30 years (mostly)

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By *ona29Woman over a year ago

Northampton

I don't think you need to go anger management by protecting your brother.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm surprised you didn't get a kicking. Out numbered and your only part in the process was vto antagonise them and potentially make the situation worse rrather than defuse it. That's nothing to do with anger management and just sounds twattish to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yoga maybe?

Namaste

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Remind me not to go on a night out with you.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"Remind me not to go on a night out with you. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Life's to short for that sort of rubbish. You don't need anger management to realise you just need to stop being silly.

Your actions could have meant your brother getting a kicking as it could have escalated it from a little bit of name calling to you all getting a shoeing.

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By *ENDAROOSCouple over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing"

Really, it's not how I would have handled the situation.

He could have easily made the situation far far worse.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing"

He was outnumbered by 5.

That's thick as fuck if you ask me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing"

Anyone else? Really? Are you sure about that?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

He was outnumbered by 5.

That's thick as fuck if you ask me. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You need to consider whether in the cold light of day whether your actions were reasonable.

Wars have been started and lives have been lost over pride.

Is it really worth someone getting hurt? In my opinion an olive branch was offered in the handshake. If that option was taken everyone could have walked away with pride and ego intact.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

There seems to be a lot of people about who need anger management lessons....and if the night you describe is a regular occurrence then maybe you do need it.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Is your brother younger than you and does he need your protection? How does he feel about this?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You need to consider whether in the cold light of day whether your actions were reasonable.

Wars have been started and lives have been lost over pride.

Is it really worth someone getting hurt? In my opinion an olive branch was offered in the handshake. If that option was taken everyone could have walked away with pride and ego intact."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

All this over a game of pool?

Perspective needed on all sides.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You need to consider whether in the cold light of day whether your actions were reasonable.

Wars have been started and lives have been lost over pride.

Is it really worth someone getting hurt? In my opinion an olive branch was offered in the handshake. If that option was taken everyone could have walked away with pride and ego intact."

Spot on.

I was out on a stag do and one guy couldn't handle his beer, got all irate over nothing and swung a punch at me (whilst I was sat down and he's stood over me at about 6ft 3)

He managed to somehow miss but it would of been a broken jaw for me if he connected.

A million thoughts went through my head on how to hit him back, but instead talked my way out of it and got the train home.

Unnecessary Violence is for bell ends.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

Anyone else? Really? Are you sure about that?

I would like to think anyone would stick up for a family member against bullies

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

He was outnumbered by 5.

That's thick as fuck if you ask me. "

Like most bullies if u front them they will back down

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

Anyone else? Really? Are you sure about that?

I would like to think anyone would stick up for a family member against bullies"

The Op also comes across as a bully. And an idiot for telling them to fuck off.

Do you honestly not think that defusing the situation would have been a better call on the OP's part?

I wonder what his brother is saying this morning, gratitude for 'saving' him or calling him all the names under the sun for almost turning a situation that sounds nothing more than handbags in to something far uglier

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By *layfull pairingCouple over a year ago

Bristol

I cant even go into any of my local pubs now as my kids drink in them... And as an overly protective father, i know i will see or hear something that will make the red mist descend....

cant help being protective towards family fella, even if it risks a kicking....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I cant even go into any of my local pubs now as my kids drink in them... And as an overly protective father, i know i will see or hear something that will make the red mist descend....

cant help being protective towards family fella, even if it risks a kicking.... "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

Anyone else? Really? Are you sure about that?

I would like to think anyone would stick up for a family member against bullies

The Op also comes across as a bully. And an idiot for telling them to fuck off.

Do you honestly not think that defusing the situation would have been a better call on the OP's part?

On telling the to fuck off may not of been a good call but sticking up and fronting them was. I'm not one for fighting but won't stand round letting someone bully someone else as I had a lot of that when I was youngerAnd know how it feels. I have stepped in many times when I have been out and seen it happening. Every time I have fronted them they stop.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

" I'm not one for fighting but won't stand round letting someone bully someone else as I had a lot of that when I was youngerAnd know how it feels. "

So someone calling another a cunt because they beat him at pool is bullying ? Isnt bullying an ongoing thing?

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Anger can be a healthy or destructive emotion. Where we aren't able to be in control, think and behave rationally, then we are bot really in control of ourselves.

Generally being controlled by emotions isn't that positive if our sane minds are displaced.

If we're not in control of ourselves then it means that others will be. That's too much power and responsibility to give up.

It's our call how we live our lives. Most will choose to leave emotionally driven outbursts in childhood. As an adult we have a choice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" I'm not one for fighting but won't stand round letting someone bully someone else as I had a lot of that when I was youngerAnd know how it feels.

So someone calling another a cunt because they beat him at pool is bullying ? Isnt bullying an ongoing thing?"

Not at all. If someone is trying to intimidate someone else and being nasty that bullying

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

Anyone else? Really? Are you sure about that?

I would like to think anyone would stick up for a family member against bullies

The Op also comes across as a bully. And an idiot for telling them to fuck off.

Do you honestly not think that defusing the situation would have been a better call on the OP's part?

So you saren;t one for fighting nut you have stepped in many a time? I'm not convinced by your claim you aren't a fighter. To be honest this post and your original one make it sound like you view violence or threats of violence as an acceptable response.

It was over a game of pool. The OP sounds pathetic as does everyone in the sad little story in the opening post

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

" I'm not one for fighting but won't stand round letting someone bully someone else as I had a lot of that when I was youngerAnd know how it feels.

So someone calling another a cunt because they beat him at pool is bullying ? Isnt bullying an ongoing thing?

Not at all. If someone is trying to intimidate someone else and being nasty that bullying "

But that could be a one off and bullying is often repeated and habitual.

So a question, as you or the OP have said that you would wade in if someone was called a cunt, does that make you a bully for trying to intimidate back??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No it means you are caring and will stick up for people no matter what happens to you. I'm 42 yo and not a small guy. Told I look mean but act like a pushy cat. I have never in my life been told I'm a bully. Standing up for what's right doesn't make me one

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Neither does getting into an odd ruck while playing pool

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

It reminds me of a Dave Allen gag, where his dad told him on his first day at school that there would be a lad who would hit him and that this person was the school bully and how he should stand up to him, show him he wasn't scared. He should hit him first.

He then went to school and went looking for this bully, but unfortunately his dad hadn't told him what he looked like so he hit people just in case they were the school bully.

A week later he was himself expelled for being.... the school bully.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"No it means you are caring and will stick up for people no matter what happens to you. I'm 42 yo and not a small guy. Told I look mean but act like a pushy cat. I have never in my life been told I'm a bully. Standing up for what's right doesn't make me one"

If ypu were caring surely your first option would be to defuse and calm the situation?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If ypu were caring surely your first option would be to defuse and calm the situation? "

That doesn't work .from experience that can often fuel the situation as they think your weak,afraid and trying to talk ya way out of trouble.trust me after many years of being bullied I have concluded that the best way it to stand up and say I'm not taking this shit.it hasn't ended in a fight in over 27 years

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If ypu were caring surely your first option would be to defuse and calm the situation?

In 14 years of working festivals, dealing withe the public and often telling them things they don't want to hear, I and my workmates have been called most names you'd care to imagine, have been threatened with violence, I even had a chap pick up a rock at t in the park and raise it to hit me with......

I dont think I've ever 'seen red' once....

Every situation has been dealt with with with the brain before the fists....Many of the situations have led to ejections from the site but every ejection was carried out through the proper channels of security and police.

A good brain will diffuse a situation before shouting and violence every time pretty much.

I know, because I do it regularly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its only been really since my brother has had a child,that I always feel I need to protect my brother (where he is a dad)Last night I nearly got into a fight with 5 blokes,just because one of them called him a c==t and etc/pushing him,after my brother beat him at pool,and I lost it (hate violence and I went off like a sailor language )And when 2 of the blokes told me,shake our hands or lets take it outside, I told them to Fu=k off,And they all did......Do I need Anger help or not

So by trying to protect your brother you nearly get him into a fracas with five blokes. Some brother you are. If you you were my brother Id have to consider whether it was worth going down the pub with you again.

And all the macho stancing throughout this thread is very unatractive. I'd be wary of going to the pub with any of you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And all the macho stancing throughout this thread is very unatractive. I'd be wary of going to the pub with any of you."

I don't go to pubs, too much violence

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You don't need anger management. You just need to grow up. It was the beer talking. STOP BEING A DICK!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And all the macho stancing throughout this thread is very unatractive. I'd be wary of going to the pub with any of you.

I don't go to pubs, too much violence

Maybe it's just the pubs you choose. I'm a regular pub user and I haven't seen a fight in over fifteen years and I drink all over London.

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan over a year ago

London

Classy joint!

But in my experience don't talk/argue too much. Make you decision either way and stick to it.

You lose a little of something either way.

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan over a year ago

London

And all the macho stancing throughout this thread is very unatractive. I'd be wary of going to the pub with any of you.

I don't go to pubs, too much violence

Maybe it's just the pubs you choose. I'm a regular pub user and I haven't seen a fight in over fifteen years and I drink all over London. "

Nor I, this kind of stuff seems to have gone out of fashion.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And all the macho stancing throughout this thread is very unatractive. I'd be wary of going to the pub with any of you.

I don't go to pubs, too much violence

Maybe it's just the pubs you choose. I'm a regular pub user and I haven't seen a fight in over fifteen years and I drink all over London.

Nor I, this kind of stuff seems to have gone out of fashion."

Absolutely, I actually think the worlds a better place than when I was growing up. You do still run into the odd dickhead though. Having worked in security, most of it is front and comes to nothing, cant stand it when a group of people have a go at 1 or 2 blokes though, that's just cowardice.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing"

No he didn't. Decent, bright people wouldn't have done the same thing.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe it's because you're intimidating and scary.

I don't think that's a compliment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What would they of done run away.hide under the pool table.The only thing bullieso understand it when u stand up to them. Most of u who have negative comments obviously have never been bullied

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe it's because you're intimidating and scary.

I don't think that's a compliment."

I may be intimidating in looks but certainly not in personality

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And all the macho stancing throughout this thread is very unatractive. I'd be wary of going to the pub with any of you.

I don't go to pubs, too much violence

Maybe it's just the pubs you choose. I'm a regular pub user and I haven't seen a fight in over fifteen years and I drink all over London.

Nor I, this kind of stuff seems to have gone out of fashion.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would they of done run away.hide under the pool table.The only thing bullieso understand it when u stand up to them. Most of u who have negative comments obviously have never been bullied"

The irony is that while you are desperately trying to present yourself as some kind of hero leaping to the defence of the weak you actually come across as totally the opposite.

I'm sure your friends must be delighted to go out drinking with someone who at the first sign of trouble wades in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe it's because you're intimidating and scary.

I don't think that's a compliment.

I may be intimidating in looks but certainly not in personality "

And you;ve already said earlier in the thread that you use the fact that you look intimidating. But that;s not bullying, of course not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's like fighting fire with fire....just makes a bigger fire.

Smart people use water.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It's like fighting fire with fire....just makes a bigger fire.

Smart people use water. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe it's because you're intimidating and scary.

I don't think that's a compliment.

I may be intimidating in looks but certainly not in personality

And you;ve already said earlier in the thread that you use the fact that you look intimidating. But that;s not bullying, of course not"

I fail to see how stick get up for someone can be bullying when I'm just trying to stop them getting hurt

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What would they of done run away.hide under the pool table.The only thing bullieso understand it when u stand up to them. Most of u who have negative comments obviously have never been bullied

The irony is that while you are desperately trying to present yourself as some kind of hero leaping to the defence of the weak you actually come across as totally the opposite.

I'm sure your friends must be delighted to go out drinking with someone who at the first sign of trouble wades in"

I'm no hero nor claim to be. I'm just a guy who hates to see people being given bullied. Yes my friends do love going out with me. As I said in 27 years never had to raise my fists as I have the confidence to confront the bullies and they always back down.My friends call me the gentLe giant. You really don't know me so ya not In a position to judge me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I fail to see how stick get up for someone can be bullying when I'm just trying to stop them getting hurt"

Nobody was going to hurt your brother. They just called him a cunt.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I fail to see how stick get up for someone can be bullying when I'm just trying to stop them getting hurt

Nobody was going to hurt your brother. They just called him a cunt."

A bit of cuntage is better than a mass brawl.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

Anyone else? Really? Are you sure about that?

I would like to think anyone would stick up for a family member against bullies"

There is "sticking up" and there is being fucking stupid.

Nobody likes bullies granted, but the OP was attempting to "face off" with 5 blokes to his single self.

That could have ended VERY differently for him and the OP is very fortunate those 5 blokes had the sense to walk away.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If this was a one off then no, you have a bad temper which can blow when pushed

If you find that minor things can make you incandescent with rage (you don't have to act on it it can simply eat away at you) then it's worth looking into getting help. Anger and unresolved anger is detrimental to both your physical and mental health.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

You need to :-

1. Grow up.

2. Keep your temper. It's yours

3. Mix with a more eloquent type of snooker player

4. Stop making excuses for your inability to be in control of your emotions.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

He was outnumbered by 5.

That's thick as fuck if you ask me.

Like most bullies if u front them they will back down"

No. That's cowards.

Some bullies are not cowards and will push you down when you square up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I fail to see how stick get up for someone can be bullying when I'm just trying to stop them getting hurt

Nobody was going to hurt your brother. They just called him a cunt.

A bit of cuntage is better than a mass brawl.

Yet not as good as mass cuntage...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"You did what anyone else would do fella. Don't feel ashamed or anything.You did the right thing

Anyone else? Really? Are you sure about that?

I would like to think anyone would stick up for a family member against bullies

The Op also comes across as a bully. And an idiot for telling them to fuck off.

Do you honestly not think that defusing the situation would have been a better call on the OP's part?

Why am I a bully,for telling people to fuck off,for starting on my brother? I was not scared of them,and their idle threats ! If someone takes the time to tell you what their going to do/threaten to do, to you, odds are they wont,otherwise they would not tell you,they would just do it..They are bullies,I would hate to be your brother if your to scared to put your family first,and would be willing to sit there while,5 blokes end up ganging up on him,just cos he won a game of pool..Life is not rose tinted glasses,just because you turn round to someone and say you dont want no trouble,that dont mean they will walk away,that can actually cause more violence,because they would see you has an easy target,and that they can have a fight with you and would not do nothing to protect yourself by....

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By *un_JuiceCouple over a year ago

Nr Chester

If ypu were caring surely your first option would be to defuse and calm the situation?

I dont think I've ever 'seen red' once....

A good brain will diffuse a situation before shouting and violence every time pretty much.

I know, because I do it regularly.

After years of easily getting drawn into situations anger management and cbt paid dividends. Then almost exactly the same as the above. Still do it now, events and festivals easier to be calm, assertive and diffuse or failing that someone's night or weekend by their own choice comes to an end.

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