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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So I've been having a discussion with a mate who thinks relationships should be 1 on 1 forever. But I believe That it was a concept brought in by commercial business and the church to make money and we should have the freedom to fuck who we like what's peoples opinions on this |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
Some people live very happily in an exclusive relationship. Some live unhappily in an exclusive relationship. Some live in a seemingly exclusive relationship but one or both partners are cheating on each other.
Some people live in a faithful relationship but have sex, with permission, with other people.
Some people aren't made to have any sort of long term relationship and are happy to have sex wherever they can find it.
Something for everyone. It doesn't have to be one way or another for everyone.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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No I agree each to their own but just curious about the origins of relationship. When did it become everey person for themself to one on one and where did marriage come into the equation |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"No I agree each to their own but just curious about the origins of relationship. When did it become everey person for themself to one on one and where did marriage come into the equation"
Marriage and ownership of goods and chattels all came together. Once you settle down and start owning things and want a line of succession for the things you own then marriage is a way of ensuring that.
Religion helped to bind the codes of marriage together.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No I agree each to their own but just curious about the origins of relationship. When did it become everey person for themself to one on one and where did marriage come into the equation"
Post Neanderthal I suspect |
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"So I've been having a discussion with a mate who thinks relationships should be 1 on 1 forever. But I believe That it was a concept brought in by commercial business and the church to make money and we should have the freedom to fuck who we like what's peoples opinions on this "
I suspect that monogamy was a result of men not wanting to bring up another man's children and women wanting security from a regular man while they were bearing those children. Religion saw it as a good way of controlling people's sex lives probably. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe marriage came in when exclusivity wasn't around - maybe people wanted to say "look were only fucking each other" and they had a little party - which we now know as marriage |
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"I believe more on mating to be one on one but to own a woman is treating her like a object she should be free to mate and enjoy who she likes as honesty is the foundations of a relationship not ownership. I am not confussed "
The foundations of some relationships are based on ownership but not all. Some relationships are based on mutual respect and love and the realisation that love doesn't mean ownership. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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A woman should breed with the man she loves but enjoy herself with who ever she wants. To own a woman is treating her like an object and I feel femininity should be expressed as an individual need not a Christian marriage to be ruled over by man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If both agree to play with others then bonus if one wants to and one dont then your not meant to be together..
As for marriage we belive that if your meant to be together till death you do part as vows say then you will be a certificate an a few thousand pound lighter wont make it happen |
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"A woman should breed with the man she loves but enjoy herself with who ever she wants. To own a woman is treating her like an object and I feel femininity should be expressed as an individual need not a Christian marriage to be ruled over by man "
You're basing your views on a very narrow definition of a relationship. Many people actually want monogamy and don't see it as ownership. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some very valid points but when did the change come about for humans to go from fucking and impregnating anything to having one2one relationships there are few other mammal species doing it it just baffles me lol |
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By *ipswingCouple
over a year ago
portrush |
think its traditionally about looking after the lady,or ladies..if you are rich ,and making sure your kids are yours.... biologically ..passing on healthy genes...and that means not sleeping with close relatives... so ye gotta know who is who ..  |
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"Some very valid points but when did the change come about for humans to go from fucking and impregnating anything to having one2one relationships there are few other mammal species doing it it just baffles me lol"
Possibly it happened during the time that we moved from being hunter gatherers to farmers or possibly it's within most humans to want to form a family unit. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Some very valid points but when did the change come about for humans to go from fucking and impregnating anything to having one2one relationships there are few other mammal species doing it it just baffles me lol"
See my earlier point. Once you move to living off the land (settling, farming etc.) and not as part of the land, you start to gather things around you. More things means you start owning and you want the things you own to be passed on.
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
The interesting thing is that many birds and some animals pair for life - and life can be decades. There is every possibility that we are programmed to be monogamous but our higher cerebral activity and the desire to seek out pleasure has led us to enjoy infidelity and override instinct. |
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"Some very valid points but when did the change come about for humans to go from fucking and impregnating anything to having one2one relationships there are few other mammal species doing it it just baffles me lol"
That was only for the poor... The chief, lord, shogun, whatever always has and always will take what and whom ever he pleases...
The theme that runs through human history is not sex or love...
It's power, with it we can have what we want and do as we please.
Once those hunter gatherers discovered this... It was you guys must have one-to-ones and we will do as we please. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"A woman should breed with the man she loves but enjoy herself with who ever she wants. To own a woman is treating her like an object and I feel femininity should be expressed as an individual need not a Christian marriage to be ruled over by man "
You have rather an unhealthy, warped view of marriage. For many it's an ideal partnership and suits both parties very well. It's nothing to do with ownership.
Why should marriage automatically be seen as ownership of a woman rather than ownership of a man?
That's especially true today when people usually choose to marry rather than it being arranged for them, (outside of certain groups), and where divorce is easily sought.
That you consider those men that want marriage as wanting to own women makes me, despite your railing against this practice, makes me wonder about your own genuine views of women.
The marriage ceremony gives each partner to the other.
If two people choose that for themselves, who are you to say it's wrong? |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
I'm in a relationship and as I have high adrenaline rush need sex is the best and easiest way to get those needs but rarely have it as most days/ weeksin left sitting bored and the reason I come on here just for the chats and possible meets in the future if things have to get worse  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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At the last wedding I attended the vicar made a speech about how people used to have their children first and marry afterwards. The couple getting married already had children. |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man."
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return "
So why stay? |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return
So why stay?"
I really wish I knew why I stayed I genially do care love an cherish her company but mabye I'm to scared to be alone as most my friends have left because she docent trust me drinking or anything |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man."
When the man was the sole breadwinner and managed the finances, they often did feel like they owned their wives. They could control them because it was difficult for the wife to survive alone.
Fortunately times have changed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return
So why stay?"
She has insecurities that need addressing and you have to be the one to tell her. I'm going to assume she knows you're on here as she has every right to be suspicious if not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a relationship and as I have high adrenaline rush need sex is the best and easiest way to get those needs but rarely have it as most days/ weeksin left sitting bored and the reason I come on here just for the chats and possible meets in the future if things have to get worse "
Your lining up potential meets for when it goes tits up? And looking for chat with women.....and you have a veri tick so you've at least cammed at a guess...I'd say give up and go your own way.
She already has an idea your playing away if she doesn't trust you.... sounds like there's little love there...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
When the man was the sole breadwinner and managed the finances, they often did feel like they owned their wives. They could control them because it was difficult for the wife to survive alone.
Fortunately times have changed."
Are changing for some. I don't know if it's an East End thing but a lot of men I know still have that outlook on marriage,even the ones whose wives' work |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return
So why stay?
I really wish I knew why I stayed I genially do care love an cherish her company but mabye I'm to scared to be alone as most my friends have left because she docent trust me drinking or anything "
Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship. Being alone isn't purgatory.
If you choose to stay, it's up to you but don't let fear prevent you from moving forward if that's what you want to do.
Controlling relationships rarely improve and they don't usually work out well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return "
Your 19. Get rid. No need to be controlled like that. |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return
So why stay?
She has insecurities that need addressing and you have to be the one to tell her. I'm going to assume she knows you're on here as she has every right to be suspicious if not"
You have a point and she docent know I'm on here the only reason I'm on here is to commincate and possibly meet someone who could help me with this situation as I'm lost I genially have no one to talk to about my frustrations and intrests and she won't sit down and listen or even think of trying new things I've to do all the work and be left to finish myself afterwords |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
When the man was the sole breadwinner and managed the finances, they often did feel like they owned their wives. They could control them because it was difficult for the wife to survive alone.
Fortunately times have changed.
Are changing for some. I don't know if it's an East End thing but a lot of men I know still have that outlook on marriage,even the ones whose wives' work"
If the wives accept it then it won't change. They must know they have other options now. It's up to them to choose another way if that's what they want though. |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
"Why doesn't she trust you to drink? "
Honestly I wish I knew and in the 2 and a half years of being with her ive never once weant out and got d*unk she must think I'm going to go out and meet someone but I have respect for her myself a and everyone around me not to mess people around I'm 19 trapped with a sexless relationship and all I can ask is ? Is it always like this? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
When the man was the sole breadwinner and managed the finances, they often did feel like they owned their wives. They could control them because it was difficult for the wife to survive alone.
Fortunately times have changed.
Are changing for some. I don't know if it's an East End thing but a lot of men I know still have that outlook on marriage,even the ones whose wives' work
If the wives accept it then it won't change. They must know they have other options now. It's up to them to choose another way if that's what they want though."
They accept it probably from conditioning as their parents' relationships were the same. Or they just felt it was their duty, who knows, but they don't complain. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Why doesn't she trust you to drink?
Honestly I wish I knew and in the 2 and a half years of being with her ive never once weant out and got d*unk she must think I'm going to go out and meet someone but I have respect for her myself a and everyone around me not to mess people around I'm 19 trapped with a sexless relationship and all I can ask is ? Is it always like this?"
It is if that's what you choose for yourself.
You can't change other people.
You have to decide if that's what you want or not.
If a friend told you what you've said to us, what would you say to him? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why doesn't she trust you to drink?
Honestly I wish I knew and in the 2 and a half years of being with her ive never once weant out and got d*unk she must think I'm going to go out and meet someone but I have respect for her myself a and everyone around me not to mess people around I'm 19 trapped with a sexless relationship and all I can ask is ? Is it always like this?"
It doesn't have to be. You have to sit down with her and tell her how this makes you feel and the consequences if she keeps doing it. It's impossible to prove to someone you are faithful and love them when they are filled with jealousy and mistrust |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
"Why doesn't she trust you to drink?
Honestly I wish I knew and in the 2 and a half years of being with her ive never once weant out and got d*unk she must think I'm going to go out and meet someone but I have respect for her myself a and everyone around me not to mess people around I'm 19 trapped with a sexless relationship and all I can ask is ? Is it always like this?
It is if that's what you choose for yourself.
You can't change other people.
You have to decide if that's what you want or not.
If a friend told you what you've said to us, what would you say to him?"
I'd say go with your heart and gut.... |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
Mabye I should give it ago?
Ive tried sending her sexy texts and trying everything to make our relationship more sexual and show her i only want her I spent the full night watching 50 shades just for her to roll over to the other end and go to sleep |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"
Mabye I should give it ago?
Ive tried sending her sexy texts and trying everything to make our relationship more sexual and show her i only want her I spent the full night watching 50 shades just for her to roll over to the other end and go to sleep "
Some women just aren't that into sex. If your appetites are wildly different, there's probably not much you can do about that.
Are you sure there's nothing from her past causing a problem for her, like a bad experience which has put her off it? |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
"
Mabye I should give it ago?
Ive tried sending her sexy texts and trying everything to make our relationship more sexual and show her i only want her I spent the full night watching 50 shades just for her to roll over to the other end and go to sleep
Some women just aren't that into sex. If your appetites are wildly different, there's probably not much you can do about that.
Are you sure there's nothing from her past causing a problem for her, like a bad experience which has put her off it?"
I was her first and mabye I'm just to much I told her what I was like before we even got togher she know what she was up for and now I'm the stupid one |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"
Mabye I should give it ago?
Ive tried sending her sexy texts and trying everything to make our relationship more sexual and show her i only want her I spent the full night watching 50 shades just for her to roll over to the other end and go to sleep
Some women just aren't that into sex. If your appetites are wildly different, there's probably not much you can do about that.
Are you sure there's nothing from her past causing a problem for her, like a bad experience which has put her off it?
I was her first and mabye I'm just to much I told her what I was like before we even got togher she know what she was up for and now I'm the stupid one "
Maybe she lacks confidence. Maybe she's not that into it. Maybe you've not found what works for her yet.
Talk to her but remember fundamentally you probably won't change her. |
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Fidelity, rather than monogamy, is what most religions have taught across time. Also the emphasis has normally been more on female fidelity than male fidelity.
Why is this?
The answer is simple. A woman can be almost completely sure that a child that she believes to be hers is actually hers. For a man it's not so certain. Until the advent of DNA testing there was no way for a man to know if a child he believed to be his was actually his. The only thing that he had to rely on was the fidelity of his partner.
Different attitudes to male and female fidelity, historically, are based on this dilemma and nothing else.
It's about the children and getting the male to accept his role as father. This was far more likely if the man believed his partner was not also having sexual relations with other men (remember there was no effective birth control either) |
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"Fidelity, rather than monogamy, is what most religions have taught across time. Also the emphasis has normally been more on female fidelity than male fidelity.
Why is this?
The answer is simple. A woman can be almost completely sure that a child that she believes to be hers is actually hers. For a man it's not so certain. Until the advent of DNA testing there was no way for a man to know if a child he believed to be his was actually his. The only thing that he had to rely on was the fidelity of his partner.
Different attitudes to male and female fidelity, historically, are based on this dilemma and nothing else.
It's about the children and getting the male to accept his role as father. This was far more likely if the man believed his partner was not also having sexual relations with other men (remember there was no effective birth control either)"
That sounds like it's pretty close to the mark.
People have romantic or dickensian (needs a more appropriate word, was going to use dystopic... But found out that's just a noise), visions of what the world was/is/should be like...
Better just to accept the way it is....
I think the Buddha taught something about that. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Yeah mabye time is up for us well after my interview I'll just ask her to meet take her for some food and decide where we shall stand thanks n night guys hope everyone gets more luck than me"
She is acting like she doesn't trust you = she feels insecure.
You're on here and she doesn't know = she shouldn't trust you.
You feel bullied but say you love and respect her = you're not loving or respecting yourself or anyone else.
Leave now before this gets worse.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return "
Your 19 and that's still very young and have your life ahead of you ....... why put up with this ..? You don't have to there is a big world out there lots to offers its being brave and going for what makes you happy in life .. not sitting there being unhappy because a persons controlling it for you. |
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By *yan19Man
over a year ago
NLC |
"Yeah mabye time is up for us well after my interview I'll just ask her to meet take her for some food and decide where we shall stand thanks n night guys hope everyone gets more luck than me
She is acting like she doesn't trust you = she feels insecure.
You're on here and she doesn't know = she shouldn't trust you.
You feel bullied but say you love and respect her = you're not loving or respecting yourself or anyone else.
Leave now before this gets worse.
Good luck."
See she didn't trust me from day one? 2 years later I get fed up and come on here to talk to other people married people who have the same problem see if there is answers for this solution I don't plan on going behind her back she goes out on her nights out I don't say a word and I think about it and I get an argument? I'm not here to cheat disrespect anyone and for my own respect well that was gone the day I let things get this bad |
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"I met my husband young and only wanted him. I wouldn't have bothered getting married but in those days it was better for children you were. No one told me I had to be monogamous,I wanted to be. Or I wouldn't have had his children. Sadly some people still saw it as the woman being owned/controlled by the man.
Well I feel owned/controlled as my partner goes throw my phone reads my texts checks my FB and pretty much dictates my life this would be the reason my life feels so boring especially when I do everything possible to make her happy and get nothing in return
So why stay?
I really wish I knew why I stayed I genially do care love an cherish her company but mabye I'm to scared to be alone as most my friends have left because she docent trust me drinking or anything
Life is too short to be in an unhappy relationship. Being alone isn't purgatory.
If you choose to stay, it's up to you but don't let fear prevent you from moving forward if that's what you want to do.
Controlling relationships rarely improve and they don't usually work out well."
This 
For God's sake, and your own, get out and get out NOW.
YOUR ONLY 19. You should be enjoying yourself not living in fear and misery.
She has no right to do what she is doing to you. You are being abused, plain and simple. Abusive relationships never get better they only get worse.
The longer you let this go on the worse it will get and the harder it will be to end it. Do you honestly think it will be any easier to get out in 2, 5, 10, or 25 years. Do you honestly think you'll be happy with her after 2, 5, 10 or 25 more years of being abused. YOU have to take action to end this and take that action NOW!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some good debate please don't make me out to be narrow minded I understand monogamy and the emotion behind it I just wanted to create some conversation on people's views of The history of it.
Ryan you are still young and from experience of a similar situation you are in you need to have a very deep conversation with her that will only go 1 of two ways.go clubbing have some "single" fun before you settle down  |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Some good debate please don't make me out to be narrow minded I understand monogamy and the emotion behind it I just wanted to create some conversation on people's views of The history of it. "
You didn't come across as very open to the idea that marriage can be a balanced partnership and that some are very happily married, whether monogamous or in a more open arrangement.
I think what you said could be quite offensive to some married people. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Some good debate please don't make me out to be narrow minded I understand monogamy and the emotion behind it I just wanted to create some conversation on people's views of The history of it.
You didn't come across as very open to the idea that marriage can be a balanced partnership and that some are very happily married, whether monogamous or in a more open arrangement.
I think what you said could be quite offensive to some married people. "
I respect anyone's views or beliefs and understand that diversity plays a big part in society. I'm just curious to. Views and opinions that is all. There are worst places in the world to be married where culture unfortunately has not develops equal rights like our great nation  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Marriage vows used to say 'love, honour and cherish' for men. And 'love, honour and obey' for women.
But when we got married they were both 'love, honour and cherish'.
Man I wish I'd insisted my wife said obey.
On a serious note, there are theories that humans are 'serial monogomists', that having several long term partners being the most natural for us. This is based on the behaviour of our closest relatives, it being the likely behaviour of our primitive ancestors. A dominant male with a group of women baring his children, with juvenile males leaving when they mature and building their own group.
Sounds nice...
I do agree though that marriage likely came about with ownership of property, and to ensure fidelity. Marriage is far older than anything in the bible, its not a Christian construct.
The post about men wanting to be sure they are the fathers of their children being the major influence in opinions of female fidelity vs male is very interesting. In an age where men held the power, it would have been easy to enforce such a way of thinking. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So your saying monogamy is nature not nurture basically. Serial monogamy is an interesting subject in it self I love the feeling of sharing cuddles and moments with and have felt the need to always be in a relationship but I always felt that is my insecurity hating the fact I am alone rather than a need to share life. I suppose again it's down to individuality |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So your saying monogamy is nature not nurture basically. Serial monogamy is an interesting subject in it self I love the feeling of sharing cuddles and moments with and have felt the need to always be in a relationship but I always felt that is my insecurity hating the fact I am alone rather than a need to share life. I suppose again it's down to individuality "
Monogamy is certainly nature, in the animal kingdom where it is present it is instinctual.
The question really is whether it is our nature, and has yet to be answered.
Serial monogamy is only a theory but it has good supporting evidence.
We understand very little about our own behaviour, and the study of nature vs nurture is inherently difficult because of our own bias and assumptions.
A truly unbiased study could only really be carried out by another species. And since we know of none with equal or greater intelligence it is unlikely to happen for a while. Assuming when we meet some they care at all. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I do not believe for one moment that monogamy is natural in humans and there is plenty of evidence in history and human evolution with whcih I do not want to bore anybody.
I am not against monogamy per se but feel it is a form of relationhsip supported by some (not all) religions for the sole purpose of suppressing (mainly female) sexuality.
That said I do believe it is a sensible concept while raising a family upt to the point that the offspring is genuinely ready to fly the nest.
Just my personal stance - I would not want to live in a predictable monogamous relationship now that mine have grown up.
But... horses and stuff... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not believe for one moment that monogamy is natural in humans and there is plenty of evidence in history and human evolution with whcih I do not want to bore anybody.
I am not against monogamy per se but feel it is a form of relationhsip supported by some (not all) religions for the sole purpose of suppressing (mainly female) sexuality.
That said I do believe it is a sensible concept while raising a family upt to the point that the offspring is genuinely ready to fly the nest.
Just my personal stance - I would not want to live in a predictable monogamous relationship now that mine have grown up.
But... horses and stuff... "
Does your evidence contradict mine or support it. I'm just interested to know, not disagreeing necessarily.
How does marriage and monogamy suppress men's sexuality any less than women's? If one man marries one woman, that's one if each taken out of the pool... |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I do not believe for one moment that monogamy is natural in humans and there is plenty of evidence in history and human evolution with whcih I do not want to bore anybody.
I am not against monogamy per se but feel it is a form of relationhsip supported by some (not all) religions for the sole purpose of suppressing (mainly female) sexuality.
That said I do believe it is a sensible concept while raising a family upt to the point that the offspring is genuinely ready to fly the nest.
Just my personal stance - I would not want to live in a predictable monogamous relationship now that mine have grown up.
But... horses and stuff...
Does your evidence contradict mine or support it. I'm just interested to know, not disagreeing necessarily.
How does marriage and monogamy suppress men's sexuality any less than women's? If one man marries one woman, that's one if each taken out of the pool..."
I think that the churches, and the catholic church is just one example here, have been rather successful in creating guilt and shame associated with sex and enjoyment for both sexes.
That said I do believe the suppression. bullying culture is worse for women, remember for example the traditional labelling of a woman as "slut" for the same behaviour that a man would earn the description "casanova" or "bit of a lad" etc.
By making people marry and stay within monogamy it has been easier to control them... does this make sense? |
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As I said before, it's nothing to do with monogamy and everything to do with fidelity.
It's also nothing to do with tying the woman to the man or the man to the woman but everything to do with tying the man to the children.
In tying parents to children the fidelity of the man is not really relevant but the fidelity of the woman is essential. That's why many societies have traditionally aloud polygamous male fidelity but very few ever aloud the same for the female.
It's simple. Who's the mum is easy to answer, Who's the father required trust and fidelity to answer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not believe for one moment that monogamy is natural in humans and there is plenty of evidence in history and human evolution with whcih I do not want to bore anybody.
I am not against monogamy per se but feel it is a form of relationhsip supported by some (not all) religions for the sole purpose of suppressing (mainly female) sexuality.
That said I do believe it is a sensible concept while raising a family upt to the point that the offspring is genuinely ready to fly the nest.
Just my personal stance - I would not want to live in a predictable monogamous relationship now that mine have grown up.
But... horses and stuff...
Does your evidence contradict mine or support it. I'm just interested to know, not disagreeing necessarily.
How does marriage and monogamy suppress men's sexuality any less than women's? If one man marries one woman, that's one if each taken out of the pool...I think that the churches, and the catholic church is just one example here, have been rather successful in creating guilt and shame associated with sex and enjoyment for both sexes.
That said I do believe the suppression. bullying culture is worse for women, remember for example the traditional labelling of a woman as "slut" for the same behaviour that a man would earn the description "casanova" or "bit of a lad" etc.
By making people marry and stay within monogamy it has been easier to control them... does this make sense? "
I wonder if 'feminism' has affected your views. The reason promiscuous females are called sluts and males are called studs is based in our nature, not our nurture. Men's role is to sow their seed as wide as possible, (hence studs, mission successful). Women's is to select the best male and bare and raise his offspring, (hence sluts, neither being highly selective, nor raising the offspring).
Making offspring is biologically, in our species a far bigger commitment for women than for men. That's why the injustice. Its simple not possible for our instincts and biology to evolve as quickly as our society.
Feminists don't like it, but it is scientific fact. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I do not believe for one moment that monogamy is natural in humans and there is plenty of evidence in history and human evolution with whcih I do not want to bore anybody.
I am not against monogamy per se but feel it is a form of relationhsip supported by some (not all) religions for the sole purpose of suppressing (mainly female) sexuality.
That said I do believe it is a sensible concept while raising a family upt to the point that the offspring is genuinely ready to fly the nest.
Just my personal stance - I would not want to live in a predictable monogamous relationship now that mine have grown up.
But... horses and stuff...
Does your evidence contradict mine or support it. I'm just interested to know, not disagreeing necessarily.
How does marriage and monogamy suppress men's sexuality any less than women's? If one man marries one woman, that's one if each taken out of the pool...I think that the churches, and the catholic church is just one example here, have been rather successful in creating guilt and shame associated with sex and enjoyment for both sexes.
That said I do believe the suppression. bullying culture is worse for women, remember for example the traditional labelling of a woman as "slut" for the same behaviour that a man would earn the description "casanova" or "bit of a lad" etc.
By making people marry and stay within monogamy it has been easier to control them... does this make sense?
I wonder if 'feminism' has affected your views. The reason promiscuous females are called sluts and males are called studs is based in our nature, not our nurture. Men's role is to sow their seed as wide as possible, (hence studs, mission successful). Women's is to select the best male and bare and raise his offspring, (hence sluts, neither being highly selective, nor raising the offspring).
Making offspring is biologically, in our species a far bigger commitment for women than for men. That's why the injustice. Its simple not possible for our instincts and biology to evolve as quickly as our society.
Feminists don't like it, but it is scientific fact."
I am not a feminist at all - but I am an egalitarian and I do believe that the traditional roles are based on culture rather than a natural propensity for women to be more suited for the long term raising of the offspring.
Of course, breastfeeding is the first and obvious strong connection between mother and child but after that....?
I have no objections to women being the "primary" carer - then again I have no objections to this being reversed.
I was really more making the point that so much relating to the traditionality in our roles is primarily down to external factors such as culture, religion etc rather than the commitment for women to naturally be greater than for men.
As I said, I do not have an issue either way... I would not in a million years have wanted to miss raising my offspring. That said, their father had a fairly equal, balanced part to play. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some interesting points going on here . I guess bottom line other than that of opinion we will never know the true reason for monogamy. But hey we are here to have a cracking time lol. Please though I did not want to offend anyone on here just create a conversation debate on something that had me thinking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do not believe for one moment that monogamy is natural in humans and there is plenty of evidence in history and human evolution with whcih I do not want to bore anybody.
I am not against monogamy per se but feel it is a form of relationhsip supported by some (not all) religions for the sole purpose of suppressing (mainly female) sexuality.
That said I do believe it is a sensible concept while raising a family upt to the point that the offspring is genuinely ready to fly the nest.
Just my personal stance - I would not want to live in a predictable monogamous relationship now that mine have grown up.
But... horses and stuff...
Does your evidence contradict mine or support it. I'm just interested to know, not disagreeing necessarily.
How does marriage and monogamy suppress men's sexuality any less than women's? If one man marries one woman, that's one if each taken out of the pool...I think that the churches, and the catholic church is just one example here, have been rather successful in creating guilt and shame associated with sex and enjoyment for both sexes.
That said I do believe the suppression. bullying culture is worse for women, remember for example the traditional labelling of a woman as "slut" for the same behaviour that a man would earn the description "casanova" or "bit of a lad" etc.
By making people marry and stay within monogamy it has been easier to control them... does this make sense?
I wonder if 'feminism' has affected your views. The reason promiscuous females are called sluts and males are called studs is based in our nature, not our nurture. Men's role is to sow their seed as wide as possible, (hence studs, mission successful). Women's is to select the best male and bare and raise his offspring, (hence sluts, neither being highly selective, nor raising the offspring).
Making offspring is biologically, in our species a far bigger commitment for women than for men. That's why the injustice. Its simple not possible for our instincts and biology to evolve as quickly as our society.
Feminists don't like it, but it is scientific fact.
I am not a feminist at all - but I am an egalitarian and I do believe that the traditional roles are based on culture rather than a natural propensity for women to be more suited for the long term raising of the offspring.
Of course, breastfeeding is the first and obvious strong connection between mother and child but after that....?
I have no objections to women being the "primary" carer - then again I have no objections to this being reversed.
I was really more making the point that so much relating to the traditionality in our roles is primarily down to external factors such as culture, religion etc rather than the commitment for women to naturally be greater than for men.
As I said, I do not have an issue either way... I would not in a million years have wanted to miss raising my offspring. That said, their father had a fairly equal, balanced part to play. "
I understand what you're saying. My only disagreement really is that I would suggest that cultures are formed/developed to serve the needs of its people.
I will grant you that in the centuries that men had the majority of the power the culture would have served to benefit men more. But I would dispute the extent to which this affects marriage and gender roles. There would after all have been far fewer gender neutral roles.
I should clarify at this point that I am not an old fasioned misogynist or sexist. It might be fair to say that I have some old fashioned views. But I would say that a woman's place is where it best suits the couple, as is a mans.
There is a perception, seemingly perpetuated by feminists, that gender equality is empowering for women is emasculating for men, and that is why they feel men resist it.
I feel equality can be equally empowering for men, think of all the things we can now do that previously would have been women's work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As I said, I do not have an issue either way... I would not in a million years have wanted to miss raising my offspring. That said, their father had a fairly equal, balanced part to play. "
I don't think anyone is offended, its a good old hearty debate. Its good to have opposing views, its all in how you conduct yourself. |
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