FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Jaded about the scene.
Jaded about the scene.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've been in the scene since May 2013 and in that time I've seen and done most things. Maybe I'm jaded by it all now but swinging is losing its appeal and I'd like to find something more meaningful. Has anyone else felt like this? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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When I first got into it and joined fab, I wanted to do everything. I've been to private house parties, several clubs, had numerous private meets, met at hotels, homes, had socials, sex in many combinations ie mmf, ffm, mmff and had lots of pornstar sex. But now I can be in a club and I'm just thinking how good it would be to have that one special person. It's not that I can't get sex, maybe I've had too much meaningless sex and gone home to an empty bed afterwards. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"When I first got into it and joined fab, I wanted to do everything. I've been to private house parties, several clubs, had numerous private meets, met at hotels, homes, had socials, sex in many combinations ie mmf, ffm, mmff and had lots of pornstar sex. But now I can be in a club and I'm just thinking how good it would be to have that one special person. It's not that I can't get sex, maybe I've had too much meaningless sex and gone home to an empty bed afterwards."
Life changes. If it didn't we'd all still be crawling and wearing nappies.
You're maturing and wanting to nest.
Take a break and concentrate on what you want from life now. There are people on here looking for the same (I can think of at least three as well as me).
Be the unicorn of the dating world and be a man looking for someone special and not just an easier route to a sex meet.
You have nothing to lose but your singledom.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When I first got into it and joined fab, I wanted to do everything. I've been to private house parties, several clubs, had numerous private meets, met at hotels, homes, had socials, sex in many combinations ie mmf, ffm, mmff and had lots of pornstar sex. But now I can be in a club and I'm just thinking how good it would be to have that one special person. It's not that I can't get sex, maybe I've had too much meaningless sex and gone home to an empty bed afterwards."
I think you have hit the nail on the head! MEANINGLESS SEX! If I'm on here and having meaningless sex I'd do something about that. I make sure, we'll try to make sure my meets are not meaningless, boring or shit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I just try not to think into things anymore! I get up, go to work, come home, go tutoring and then go to bed and come on here!
And round the circle goes! To be honest I just exist and never think of the future - I don't care to much about it either! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Life changes. If it didn't we'd all still be crawling and wearing nappies.
You're maturing and wanting to nest.
Take a break and concentrate on what you want from life now. There are people on here looking for the same (I can think of at least three as well as me).
Be the unicorn of the dating world and be a man looking for someone special and not just an easier route to a sex meet.
You have nothing to lose but your singledom.
"
What we want out of life changes I suppose and what I want out of life the swinging world doesn't offer them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes I find this all a little samey, when you start its all new and exciting but after a while 3sums and group sex looses its thrill and excitement and feels normal, I find it really hard to find new and exciting things to do becaue as the saying goes....been there done that got several t shirts
I never feel I want to settle down though, there's no way I'd ever have another relationship |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"Life changes. If it didn't we'd all still be crawling and wearing nappies.
You're maturing and wanting to nest.
Take a break and concentrate on what you want from life now. There are people on here looking for the same (I can think of at least three as well as me).
Be the unicorn of the dating world and be a man looking for someone special and not just an easier route to a sex meet.
You have nothing to lose but your singledom.
What we want out of life changes I suppose and what I want out of life the swinging world doesn't offer them."
You are the master of your own destiny.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sexual overload,you have overdosed yourself on sex,been a glutton and now you're sick of it. I'm like that when I have cravings for Belgium buns. After a while I can't stand to look at them and want fruit. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
If I feel this lifestyle is getting stale for me I take a break. Sometimes it's for a few weeks or months, sometimes it's years. This should never become such a large part of our lives that it takes over, and there is so much else we can do to enrich our lives.
Funny thing is though, I always come back. Eventually.  |
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Nothing wrong with having loads of fun when you can but as a few have said priorities change,and different urges come to the front.
Life is about deep connections with people,especially a certain special one person that you love deeply and dearly.
And hopefully they're into swinging to! |
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"I've been in the scene since May 2013 and in that time I've seen and done most things. Maybe I'm jaded by it all now but swinging is losing its appeal and I'd like to find something more meaningful. Has anyone else felt like this?"
Yes, since late last year i've lost interest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, Haven't done most things 103 to be exact (Private joke) 
but I felt like this before I joined also the reason I have hidden my profile as my time might be up on fab,
I might of found my something meaningful |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Sometimes I find this all a little samey, when you start its all new and exciting but after a while 3sums and group sex looses its thrill and excitement and feels normal, I find it really hard to find new and exciting things to do becaue as the saying goes....been there done that got several t shirts"
That's part of the problem. The big attraction is the excitement factor but the other weekend I was in a private room with a couple and me and the other guy were on all fours while his wife took it in turns to milk our cocks from behind. Then we dp'ed her and I'm thinking, 'this isn't really exciting me that much. Overdone it I think. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"Sometimes I find this all a little samey, when you start its all new and exciting but after a while 3sums and group sex looses its thrill and excitement and feels normal, I find it really hard to find new and exciting things to do becaue as the saying goes....been there done that got several t shirts
That's part of the problem. The big attraction is the excitement factor but the other weekend I was in a private room with a couple and me and the other guy were on all fours while his wife took it in turns to milk our cocks from behind. Then we dp'ed her and I'm thinking, 'this isn't really exciting me that much. Overdone it I think."
I do sympathise, but I can't help thinking of all the guys sat there thinking 'lucky bugger!'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, Haven't done most things 103 to be exact (Private joke)
but I felt like this before I joined also the reason I have hidden my profile as my time might be up on fab,
I might of found my something meaningful "
Yayyyyy she is 1 lucky lady  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes I find this all a little samey, when you start its all new and exciting but after a while 3sums and group sex looses its thrill and excitement and feels normal, I find it really hard to find new and exciting things to do becaue as the saying goes....been there done that got several t shirts
That's part of the problem. The big attraction is the excitement factor but the other weekend I was in a private room with a couple and me and the other guy were on all fours while his wife took it in turns to milk our cocks from behind. Then we dp'ed her and I'm thinking, 'this isn't really exciting me that much. Overdone it I think."
I feel the same about relationships....been there done that but only got one t shirt for that
I think I'm kind of between at the moment, not looking for anyone special but need something to keep me interested
Sometimes I wish I could find someone or something to relight that spark but until I know what that is myself I can't expect others to do it |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
Maybe "progressive swinging" or even just regular polyamory might be for you then?
check out this podcast
http://www.lifeontheswingset.com/16731/ss-134-sex-benefits-progressive-swinging-recorded-live-catalystcon-west/
I hope that posting a link to another website isn't banned. Its just a site about ethical non-monogomy, its not a meeting site like fab, but a collection of blogs and podcasts about how to get the most out of the scene. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Some good words of wisdom from everyone thanks.
There is something else that has happened. My ex, who I haven't seen for over two years got in touch recently. We met up for a drink on Sunday evening and then went for a meal. I really enjoyed that feeling of being with someone that I had feelings for and being in a 'normal' situation. It felt really good to be sat in a restaurant having a conversation about normal stuff. I know I probably sound really down on the swinging scene but don't get me wrong I've had some tremendously dirty fun. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
kid in a candy shop.... and you do everything and burn yourself out.... see it loads......
trick is pacing and basically just taking time out from time to time.....
its suppose to be fun, if you are not having fun... why on earth do it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jaded?..
Not really no.
I'm meeting a couple regularly now, well his wife (which he fully knows about)
And I have 1 regular Single Fem fb too that I meet.
I have chatted and am chatting to 1 or 2 good ladies at the moment with one I hope to meet soon. Subject to timing as she's fucking miles away.
There are some I'll likely never meet but I'm chatting and/or have chatted too ...past and present.
Fab is what you make it, for me it works well.
I have felt like you currently do in the past OP and when that happens I just disappear off fab for a few months and come back, done that a few times.
It's normal.  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"I've been in the scene since May 2013 and in that time I've seen and done most things. Maybe I'm jaded by it all now but swinging is losing its appeal and I'd like to find something more meaningful. Has anyone else felt like this?"
I have been swinging / meeting / on sex sites / whatever it is you like to call it since I was 18 - I am now 37 ... and I CAN GUARANTEE! YOU HAVEN'T DONE MOST THINGS - or even gotten remotely close.
Get some funk on mate, AND ENJOY YOURSELF |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some good words of wisdom from everyone thanks.
There is something else that has happened. My ex, who I haven't seen for over two years got in touch recently. We met up for a drink on Sunday evening and then went for a meal. I really enjoyed that feeling of being with someone that I had feelings for and being in a 'normal' situation. It felt really good to be sat in a restaurant having a conversation about normal stuff. I know I probably sound really down on the swinging scene but don't get me wrong I've had some tremendously dirty fun."
The scenario you described is what I insist upon. For me it cannot be fuck n go.
Back to you - are you hoping to reignite that spark with the Ex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some good words of wisdom from everyone thanks.
There is something else that has happened. My ex, who I haven't seen for over two years got in touch recently. We met up for a drink on Sunday evening and then went for a meal. I really enjoyed that feeling of being with someone that I had feelings for and being in a 'normal' situation. It felt really good to be sat in a restaurant having a conversation about normal stuff. I know I probably sound really down on the swinging scene but don't get me wrong I've had some tremendously dirty fun."
I don't think sitting in a restaurant talking about normal stuff and swinging have to be mutually exclusive! There are plenty of people who enjoy meeting that way (with the tremendously dirty fun before or after). But if you really aren't enjoying yourself at the moment then like everyone has said, take a bit of a break. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"sex, maybe I've had too much meaningless sex and gone home to an empty bed afterwards.
I think you have hit the nail on the head! MEANINGLESS SEX! If I'm on here and having meaningless sex I'd do something about that. I make sure, we'll try to make sure my meets are not meaningless, boring or shit. "
Exactly |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Back to you - are you hoping to reignite that spark with the Ex?"
Not really sure. She has asked me to go away with her next weekend. I will see what happens. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some good words of wisdom from everyone thanks.
There is something else that has happened. My ex, who I haven't seen for over two years got in touch recently. We met up for a drink on Sunday evening and then went for a meal. I really enjoyed that feeling of being with someone that I had feelings for and being in a 'normal' situation. It felt really good to be sat in a restaurant having a conversation about normal stuff. I know I probably sound really down on the swinging scene but don't get me wrong I've had some tremendously dirty fun."
She is an Ex for a reason remember.
And why can't you talk about "normal stuff" when meeting singles or couples for socials or even meets!? I personally think your attitude to swinging is all wrong and that's why you feel the way you do. |
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"I've been in the scene since May 2013 and in that time I've seen and done most things. Maybe I'm jaded by it all now but swinging is losing its appeal and I'd like to find something more meaningful. Has anyone else felt like this?"
Sure I think that is normal. I will be very happy if a special person comes along and takes me off here.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mr M!!! I know the real reason you are feeling down on the whole swinging scene and don't worry you won't feel like it forever, you'll get over it and in the meantime you can come and cry on my shoulder anytime you want xxx |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"If I feel this lifestyle is getting stale for me I take a break. Sometimes it's for a few weeks or months, sometimes it's years. This should never become such a large part of our lives that it takes over, and there is so much else we can do to enrich our lives.
Funny thing is though, I always come back. Eventually. "
This |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Mr M!!! I know the real reason you are feeling down on the whole swinging scene and don't worry you won't feel like it forever, you'll get over it and in the meantime you can come and cry on my shoulder anytime you want xxx"
Haha! You're such a bad influence on me Miss Katie B x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you have hit the nail on the head! MEANINGLESS SEX! If I'm on here and having meaningless sex I'd do something about that. I make sure, we'll try to make sure my meets are not meaningless, boring or shit.
Absolutely agree, on the rare occasions I succumbed to spontaneous 1 offs, it was to meet a need and dictated by circumstances. On the whole, I have sex with friends who's company I like and who's sex I adore. I have avoided clubs and parties etc, for just this reason, I do not see sex as a performance, I'm looking for passion, intimacy, eroticism as well as dirty filthy sex.
I don't think I've ever had meaningless sex. I think people get too hung up on the site, hence flaring tempers, rejection rage, nasty replies etc etc. for me this is an enhancement to my life, not the reason for it, if it's not fun, don't do it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"On the whole, I have sex with friends who's company I like and who's sex I adore. I have avoided clubs and parties etc, for just this reason, I do not see sex as a performance, I'm looking for passion, intimacy, eroticism as well as dirty filthy sex. "
How easy is it to find a couple of regular fb's? And isn't part of the thrill of this, meeting new people? There seems to me to be a conflict between swinging and having sex with the same people time and time again. To me anyone doing that might as well be in a relationship. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"On the whole, I have sex with friends who's company I like and who's sex I adore. I have avoided clubs and parties etc, for just this reason, I do not see sex as a performance, I'm looking for passion, intimacy, eroticism as well as dirty filthy sex.
How easy is it to find a couple of regular fb's? And isn't part of the thrill of this, meeting new people? There seems to me to be a conflict between swinging and having sex with the same people time and time again. To me anyone doing that might as well be in a relationship."
I'm only having sex with regular people at the moment, except when we go to clubs and someone catches my eye there. It is a relationship but not one where we sleep together, have meals out or even really speak except to arrange the meets.
Yet, we discuss lots when we meet, know a fair bit about each other and the sex is far from meaningless.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the whole, I have sex with friends who's company I like and who's sex I adore. I have avoided clubs and parties etc, for just this reason, I do not see sex as a performance, I'm looking for passion, intimacy, eroticism as well as dirty filthy sex.
How easy is it to find a couple of regular fb's? And isn't part of the thrill of this, meeting new people? There seems to me to be a conflict between swinging and having sex with the same people time and time again. To me anyone doing that might as well be in a relationship."
I have a few women I see regularly, some more regular than others, inevitably things run their course and come to an end, so I'm always happy to consider new offers, I have had very few one offs, nearly all of my meets have turned into a regular thing, some have gone on for ages and are still going. Whilst I adore my friends, and I care about them (as friends) there is no question of any form of relationship above FWB's. We're meeting each other's needs, physically and socially and everyone's happy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I'm only having sex with regular people at the moment, except when we go to clubs and someone catches my eye there. It is a relationship but not one where we sleep together, have meals out or even really speak except to arrange the meets.
Yet, we discuss lots when we meet, know a fair bit about each other and the sex is far from meaningless.
"
That's all good as long as you can keep your feelings out of it but having sex with someone on a regular basis can lead to developing feelings for them unless you are totally cold about the whole thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
That's all good as long as you can keep your feelings out of it but having sex with someone on a regular basis can lead to developing feelings for them unless you are totally cold about the whole thing."
That's why there are boundaries.
If both keep within them it doesn't get to go that far. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I'm only having sex with regular people at the moment, except when we go to clubs and someone catches my eye there. It is a relationship but not one where we sleep together, have meals out or even really speak except to arrange the meets.
Yet, we discuss lots when we meet, know a fair bit about each other and the sex is far from meaningless.
That's all good as long as you can keep your feelings out of it but having sex with someone on a regular basis can lead to developing feelings for them unless you are totally cold about the whole thing."
Or you keep it within the realms of friendship. I have met the same person for about 5 months now, it's certainly not cold, but there are no inappropriate feelings either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I'm only having sex with regular people at the moment, except when we go to clubs and someone catches my eye there. It is a relationship but not one where we sleep together, have meals out or even really speak except to arrange the meets.
Yet, we discuss lots when we meet, know a fair bit about each other and the sex is far from meaningless.
That's all good as long as you can keep your feelings out of it but having sex with someone on a regular basis can lead to developing feelings for them unless you are totally cold about the whole thing."
I agree that sometimes feelings can develop as I am far from cold but it also depends on how long you've been seeing them for, how often you meet & if it's exclusive or not.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I believe its important that the type of meets and friendships/relationships you have with people off here are meeting your own needs, other then just meeting theirs.
Understanding your needs and ensuring that meets positively feed into meeting them makes this 'hobby' far more rewarding.
Never be afraid to strive for, or hold out, for what you want.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need to have a serious look at yourself if your not happy in yourself where you are and in what your doing, a relationship is last thing you need. Having a dp session and thinking do i really want this is alarming! Have you thought of asking the ex if shes interested in joining as a couple? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP maybe be more picky and pick people you have some sort of feelings for ....... For me sex is nothing more than going to the loo without passion and feelings its dead . Maybe have a long rest and then change how you meet people and really get to know them so it all feel special again and may lead to more. x Good luck xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having sex with lots of different people will eventually screw you up, unless you are screwed up to begin with and getting something from this scene that you are not getting from the real world. From a woman's point of view, this woman' anyway, the attention that you get is very addictive. Walking into a club and having all that male attention feels good but it is all fake. Of course they smile and compliment you but it's only because they want sex with you. That's the game, but you have to remember that you are only receiving attention because they want something from you. That's what makes you different, you are looking for more but I'm afraid you are looking in the wrong place, you won't find your Miss Right in this scene xxx |
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"I believe its important that the type of meets and friendships/relationships you have with people off here are meeting your own needs, other then just meeting theirs.
Understanding your needs and ensuring that meets positively feed into meeting them makes this 'hobby' far more rewarding.
Never be afraid to strive for, or hold out, for what you want.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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being in the scene a while (we wont say how long lol)
but when i start to feel meh and nothing tempts me i just have a break
but then again as much as i am in the forums i haven't had a meet in a while through my own choice
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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what you want is the natural order of things mate
if you have had your fun and gotten what you want out of it go back to the real world and find yourself a nice girl to start a relationship with and enjoy all that it brings
some find that boring but i love that so-called norm
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I think intelligent people (and I am not talking about education etc) have a boredom threshold, different for each individual, which sets in once things (anything from Belgian buns to DP etc) become routine and predictable.
I have experienced the frame of mind in which I just could not be "bothered" - and then again I have experienced times when I found (and continue to find) the scene exciting.
Rather than committing to an either or for the rest of my life I prefer to do what feels right at the time and I do know enough about myself that I need a mental/ cerebral/ emotional connection with somebody to make things interesting. Not just on here... but when choosing friends in general. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
PS I believe that if you have high expectations on any site, this one or conventional dating sites you might set yourself up for failure.
Equally there is no reason to think that finding "the right person" on here is impossible; neither is finding a good sex partner on a dating site.
I just would not EXPECT either but go with the flow so to speak. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm bored of fab I rarely meet and am more dating than fabbing. It's swings and roundabouts for me "
and your chicken!! everytime i laugh when i see it whats their name? |
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"I'm bored of fab I rarely meet and am more dating than fabbing. It's swings and roundabouts for me
cant be arsed with meets or dating LOL"
Both at the moment but someone caught my eye on here yesterday so my fanny must be twitching lol |
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"I believe its important that the type of meets and friendships/relationships you have with people off here are meeting your own needs, other then just meeting theirs.
Understanding your needs and ensuring that meets positively feed into meeting them makes this 'hobby' far more rewarding.
Never be afraid to strive for, or hold out, for what you want.
"
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Have you thought of asking the ex if shes interested in joining as a couple?"
Not a chance, she wouldn't be interested at all, she is very much a one man woman, and I wouldn't want to change that. I like the fact that she never did or never would cheat on me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I'm only having sex with regular people at the moment, except when we go to clubs and someone catches my eye there. It is a relationship but not one where we sleep together, have meals out or even really speak except to arrange the meets.
Yet, we discuss lots when we meet, know a fair bit about each other and the sex is far from meaningless.
That's all good as long as you can keep your feelings out of it but having sex with someone on a regular basis can lead to developing feelings for them unless you are totally cold about the whole thing.
"
There's a huge gap between developing (inappropriate) feelings for someone you have known for a while and being totally cold.
It's certainly not a "you will develop feelings" or "you are totally cold" binary situation. People are way more complex (and interesting) than that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"what you want is the natural order of things mate
if you have had your fun and gotten what you want out of it go back to the real world and find yourself a nice girl to start a relationship with and enjoy all that it brings
some find that boring but i love that so-called norm
"
I think this is spot on. After everything I've read, I think that I do need to take a break and see what's out there. The swinging lifestyle can consume you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you thought of asking the ex if shes interested in joining as a couple?
Not a chance, she wouldn't be interested at all, she is very much a one man woman, and I wouldn't want to change that. I like the fact that she never did or never would cheat on me."
I hope your wknd goes well maybe its time for you to settle down. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can have meaningful sex,sex with conversation,sex with a drink or meal beforehand,sex with someone who has become a friend. You kept that out of it and now realise it's not what you want. You can change that or leave the whole world of sex outside of a relationship behind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I haven't done hardly anything here and feeling fedup also 
take things at your time and your way no need to rush"
I was doing that, I thought, but now Im not so sure ive done the right thing. thank you |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
I'm only having sex with regular people at the moment, except when we go to clubs and someone catches my eye there. It is a relationship but not one where we sleep together, have meals out or even really speak except to arrange the meets.
Yet, we discuss lots when we meet, know a fair bit about each other and the sex is far from meaningless.
That's all good as long as you can keep your feelings out of it but having sex with someone on a regular basis can lead to developing feelings for them unless you are totally cold about the whole thing."
I don't think the men who have I have been meeting for 2-4 years would describe me as being cold about anything. I'm not possessive, I know I could turn to them when I need a friend and they know they can turn to me when they need a friend.
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