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Colonoscopy... how to alleviate the embarrassment of a very personal procecedure
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"Ask to use poppers...." They've already offered gas and air and a sedative.  | |||
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"Every year I have to have a colonoscopy... camera up the bum for those who dont know what it is. I am going in on Saturday for the latest one. Needless to say, its invasive and embarrassing. I thought to lighten the mood that I will get a joke false eye from a toy shop and swallow it. Do you reckon the doctor will appreciate the joke when his camera reaches it? "What if he panics and rushes you to theatre for emergency surgery to remove the eye lol  | |||
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"Just say you draw the line at fisting, it will put the medical staff at ease.... ps.. Hope it goes ok "Ditto | |||
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Good luck
Mr ddc | |||
"Before I had my ileostomy (at 22), I had a fair few of them (due to Ulcerative Colitis). On more than one occasion, upon learning that I was a Biology student, angled the screen so I could _iew my colon too... Which was nice. "I got to see it last year. Was quite fascinating | |||
"Before I had my ileostomy (at 22), I had a fair few of them (due to Ulcerative Colitis). On more than one occasion, upon learning that I was a Biology student, angled the screen so I could _iew my colon too... Which was nice.
I got to see it last year. Was quite fascinating "I've watched every one of mine, I thought it was the norm | |||
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"After having this done, your prostate check should be a piece of cake. They might even give you a thumbs up." #BoomTish | |||
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"I have to have these every 3 months too, there always seems to be a sexy young nurse knocking about which only adds to the embarrassment. My consultant is also quite tasty, she's Scandinavian and always has the top 3 buttons if her blouse undone showing off her bra. I've seen her that many times now that last time I just dropped my jeans facing towards her without thinking and she gave me a little smile. It's not too bad once you get used to it, they do it day in day out "You're bloody lucky - I have to have one every 3 months for my Crohns, and the woman that does them is a South African former shot-putter with an accent that could cut through Kevlar. | |||
"I have to have these every 3 months too, there always seems to be a sexy young nurse knocking about which only adds to the embarrassment. My consultant is also quite tasty, she's Scandinavian and always has the top 3 buttons if her blouse undone showing off her bra. I've seen her that many times now that last time I just dropped my jeans facing towards her without thinking and she gave me a little smile. It's not too bad once you get used to it, they do it day in day out
You're bloody lucky - I have to have one every 3 months for my Crohns, and the woman that does them is a South African former shot-putter with an accent that could cut through Kevlar."Kinky! | |||
"I have to have these every 3 months too, there always seems to be a sexy young nurse knocking about which only adds to the embarrassment. My consultant is also quite tasty, she's Scandinavian and always has the top 3 buttons if her blouse undone showing off her bra. I've seen her that many times now that last time I just dropped my jeans facing towards her without thinking and she gave me a little smile. It's not too bad once you get used to it, they do it day in day out
You're bloody lucky - I have to have one every 3 months for my Crohns, and the woman that does them is a South African former shot-putter with an accent that could cut through Kevlar.
Kinky! "You could ask one of the younger staff whether he/she ever looks up old friends. That one's always good for a chuckle. | |||
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"When they pull the camera out, grunt and drop a fake rat on the floor... Shout... Ffs, thats where the other Ben went." | |||
"Google the "Picolax Thread" Really.. Seriously.. Do it "Fuck me. I just read the whole thing. It may actually be better than the infamous hair removal cream for men re_iews on Amazon.  | |||
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"Google the "Picolax Thread" Really.. Seriously.. Do it
Fuck me. I just read the whole thing. It may actually be better than the infamous hair removal cream for men re_iews on Amazon.
"I defy anyone to read it out loud to others and manage it Without stopping Crying Snorting And/or wetting themselves.. I know the guy who wrote that - poor fucker | |||
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"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified "Which one are you having  | |||
"Every year I have to have a colonoscopy... camera up the bum for those who dont know what it is. I am going in on Saturday for the latest one. Needless to say, its invasive and embarrassing. I thought to lighten the mood that I will get a joke false eye from a toy shop and swallow it. Do you reckon the doctor will appreciate the joke when his camera reaches it? "Insert a butt plug before you go and tell them you were trying to make their job easier and it was nothing more, honest sir!!!! | |||
"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified
Which one are you having ". Colonoscopy | |||
"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified
Which one are you having . Colonoscopy "Ahh it's not too bad, it just makes you jump a bit when they go round corners but it's more uncomfortable than painful. Good luck | |||
"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified
Which one are you having . Colonoscopy "Theres nothing scary - look up 'colonoscopy farts' on youtube for a good laugh. | |||
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"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified "Its not too bad. When they inflate you its uncomfortable, but nowt to worry about. | |||
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"Every year I have to have a colonoscopy... camera up the bum for those who dont know what it is. I am going in on Saturday for the latest one. Needless to say, its invasive and embarrassing. I thought to lighten the mood that I will get a joke false eye from a toy shop and swallow it. Do you reckon the doctor will appreciate the joke when his camera reaches it? "I had a very straight talking Aussie woman do mine. Her words to me were "we fill you up with air. We`d like it back!" Sadly I had both ends done and they quickly realised my gag reflexes would make things difficult so they gave me a general anaesthetic and was asleep through the whole procedure! I hope they used a different camera for each end!!!  | |||
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Reassurance when it's needed.
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"Fab has a thread for every occasion.
Reassurance when it's needed.
"It must be near that time again for him. | |||
"Fab has a thread for every occasion.
Reassurance when it's needed.
It must be near that time again for him."I hope I don't bum(p) into him. | |||
"Ask to use poppers.... They've already offered gas and air and a sedative. "is that for the doctor? | |||
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"Have to agree i didnt find it embassing. just made sure my arse was clean as i had to put vasilne on it as was sore from power hosing the toilet. Worst part was the drink they give you was gagging the second half off glasses. That stuffs fail.  "edited | |||
"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified "Yes I've got one too on Monday at 0900. Can't say I'm looking forward to this tbh | |||
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"not had a camera up my bottom,,but have had camera man up my bottom" 48 weeks late, but that made me laugh | |||
"I work on an endoscopy unit. We get all sorts of comments. The procedure can be quite painful for some people others just say it's more uncomfortable than painful. The air that's used to inflate the bowel slightly is what causes most people's discomfort. So I always encourage patients to "break wind/fart" as it can help that windy, crampy discomfort "I had one done in Poole Hospital a few years ago. The lady doing the procedure was a very straight talking Aussie. "We fill you full of air! We`d like it back!" Sadly/thankfully they had to knock me out as I was having the other end done at the same time and have a gag reflex problem. Hope they did the top end first! | |||
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"Ask them if they can guess what you had for tea "Ask if they can check the filling on that back tooth that's been a little sensitive recently... | |||
"I had an endoscopy and colonoscopy done together a few years ago. The doctor was very jovial and said I'd be fine. I felt like saying 'have you ever had one? But I managed without a sedative so could leave straight away. All clear, luckily." Same here G | |||
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 The sedation is ok though and every time I’ve had one I can barely remember the procedure. Afterwards is a bit embarrassing when they put you in a ward until you’ve got rid of some of the gas and come round a bit. First time I was struggling as there were other people in the other beds. The nurse pulled the curtain round. I mean they can still hear you which is the embarrassing part!  | |||
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"Well done on the clear results and good luck on the biopsy. As to where to go next. What are your original symptoms and is there a name for them as there maybe a dedicated charity that will be able to answer some more questions. Until my investigation I had never even heard of GUTS UK! and British Society of Gastroenterology." Thanks Symptoms Faecal calprotectin: 519 Sharp abdominal pains (off and on) Occasional bloating Achy joints (occasional flare ups) Thought it might be Crohn’s but surgeon said didn’t look that way. Biopsy should reveal more or nothing. Thanks re the charities - I’ll take a look. M | |||
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"Well done on the clear results and good luck on the biopsy. As to where to go next. What are your original symptoms and is there a name for them as there maybe a dedicated charity that will be able to answer some more questions. Until my investigation I had never even heard of GUTS UK! and British Society of Gastroenterology. Thanks Symptoms Faecal calprotectin: 519 Sharp abdominal pains (off and on) Occasional bloating Achy joints (occasional flare ups) Thought it might be Crohn’s but surgeon said didn’t look that way. Biopsy should reveal more or nothing. Thanks re the charities - I’ll take a look. M " Try this https://www.crohnscolitisfoundation.org/what-is-ibd/ibs-vs-ibd | |||
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"Got to have one on Monday absolutely petrified
Its not too bad. When they inflate you its uncomfortable, but nowt to worry about. "The moviprep drink before is awful,it's basically a sugar and salt drink....I too didn't like the inflation bit..seemed like I was bursting...but those two downsides are nothing compared to missing bowel cancer ..     
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"Google the "Picolax Thread" Really.. Seriously.. Do it
Fuck me. I just read the whole thing. It may actually be better than the infamous hair removal cream for men re_iews on Amazon.
I defy anyone to read it out loud to others and manage it
Without stopping
Crying
Snorting
And/or wetting themselves..
I know the guy who wrote that - poor fucker "After having suspect IBS and 6 years of the trots I am crying and howling like Mutley reading this. Read the date, read the date, ask a friend just to be sure! | |||
"Google the "Picolax Thread" Really.. Seriously.. Do it
Fuck me. I just read the whole thing. It may actually be better than the infamous hair removal cream for men re_iews on Amazon.
"What's the link? I found an Amazon Fire stick re_iew, that was says more about the customer than the product. Gaia and I quote.. ________________________________ Saving me from cheap gin. ----------------------------------- Re_iewed in the United Kingdom on 27 May 2015 Verified Purchase I bought this as an electronic babysitter, for my husband, who is five. Oh, wait, not five, 48. I was pigsick of him watching Netflix on his mobile phone, with his netbook pinging up Facebook messages, with the TV on full blast, and the sound from his Netflix leaking out of his earphones, because he had that on full volume as well, to counter-balance whatever was happening on the TV he wasn't watching. It has worked a treat, as he now watches endless hours of crap on the big TV, while his netbook and phone ping Facebook messages at him, and he lies on the couch, re-arranging his crotch, and grunting. The installation was easy, despite the fact that I only have full use of one hand, I didn't need any screwdrivers, and I'm not allowed hammers anyway. I did stand on an apple that the dog had taken behind the TV, for dog-reasons, and it squidged between my toes a bit, but I don't suppose that's a universal installation issue, not everyone having a dog that hides fruit behind the TV. The plug-and-play nature of the device meant that I was able to install without asking for help from a man, and I didn't even break any fingernails. I'm relatively certain I've deleted any links to my social media from Amazon, so the husband won't be able to ferret about, at two in the morning, while he's watching something with boobs in, or yet another concert from the time period when I was being potty-trained, and see all of the nasty things I say about him. For me, it has been £35 well-spent, although the glut of adverts offering it for £25 have been a bit of a kick in the crotch, I could have spent the extra £10 on gin, but it would have been cheap gin, so there would have been no real gain." 21,078 people found this helpful Such brilliant writing, I feel humbled. Fringe festival material from Gaia and Blu-Tone | |||
"Wear leather chaps, white vest and biker boots, grow a handlebar moustache... It will be in, up and out before you say sing Bohemium Rhapsody..." I was in long enough to sing Supper's Ready all 22 minutes of it! | |||
"However, it’s taking awhile for things to return to ‘normal’ and I still have the original symptoms that sent me to the dr in the first place" It took me a few weeks to get over, I think it was partly due to the biopsy and part because it’s fairly intrusive poking s camera down your bowel. Bizarrely I think the colonoscopy actually cured my IBS. All they suggested was take Imodium if it gets bad, and put me on a PPI (Lanzoprazole) and I’ve been so much better ever since - probably 15 years ago now. | |||
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"However, it’s taking awhile for things to return to ‘normal’ and I still have the original symptoms that sent me to the dr in the first place It took me a few weeks to get over, I think it was partly due to the biopsy and part because it’s fairly intrusive poking s camera down your bowel. Bizarrely I think the colonoscopy actually cured my IBS. All they suggested was take Imodium if it gets bad, and put me on a PPI (Lanzoprazole) and I’ve been so much better ever since - probably 15 years ago now. " There is a chance that the prep has given your bowels a bloody good clean and gave your natural fauna a chance to restore the balance pH and bacteria-wise, thus soothing your innards. I'm hoping it will be the same for me. | |||
"Google the "Picolax Thread" Really.. Seriously.. Do it "I've spread the word. It needs to come with a health warning:, may cause breathing to spasm, tears to flow and severe bladder weakness. My re_iew? POETRY IN MOTIONS!  (poo) | |||
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"I had one a few years ago (all clear other than a bit of diverticulitis). Apologised for the air escaping, and was told not to worry as they've heard it all before...."but not played so well"!! Certainly eased the tension "Was this that tune? Classical Gas, by Mason Williams from Granada's consumer programme This is your right/Aap kaa haak https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3NE6X4IQNA4 | |||
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"Google the "Picolax Thread" Really.. Seriously.. Do it "It's a podcast on Youtube. Play this one at full blast (pun intended) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB03nnc_7AA This is mainly Blu-tone's voice being read aloud. the others got left out, which is a shame: as the other comments say stop! No carry on are so funny and just add to the disASSter movie. and for the record, I've had Picolax's bigger brother Movistar (I think its a contraction "MOVIng the whole of the Universe via your rusty STARfish") Whilst transforming Uranus into a non rotating pulsar. Downloading never had such a Freudian meaning.
We're gonna need a bigger thumb! | |||
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"Tell him the cameraman can go in, but the rest of the film crew will make it a tight squeeze "Go Pro's can go where iPhones fear to tread! | |||
