FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > child services
child services
Jump to: Newest in thread
| |||
| |||
 | |||
| |||
| |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated " I would do what's best for your children. Hope it all works out for you | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"R u crazy ???? Get in there n take ur children ! Clearly they r better anywhere than with her..., i cant bleve ur posting here about this and not taking charge and sorting ur children. Children !!! Ur children ! What will it take to sort this ? More hosp visits ? An electric shock ? Merciless bullying from peers reg being dirty and nits. ? Maybe she needs help, maybe shes a selfish lazy cow , atm who cares. ? Save ur bloody kids !!!" Can he actually take his kids tho?! She could call the police and have him for kidnapping. You need to do things the right way or you'll be in shit to. | |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated " . What type of support does your wife have from other people or other family members ?. Has she always been like this or is it only recently ?. What type of financial support do you give her and is it sufficient to do the necessary repairs . Does she socialise with other people and what feedback do they give her . Social services should only be involved as a measure of last resort. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Coomon sense, do what's best for your kids! ". Totally agree | |||
"Coomon sense, do what's best for your kids! .
Totally agree"It's not always common sense, what we believe might be best for the kids may not be... Speak to your children OP, especially the eldest to find out what's happening at home... | |||
| |||
"If I were you, and if she has them, my first point of contact would be my ex's parents/family. Are they aware of the state the house, she and the children are in? Could/should they be helping her more? If she was nothing like this when the two of you were together, do you think she may be suffering from depression? Hope you get things sorted for your kid's sake soon op - but would agree that social services should only be called after other avenues have been explored. Xx" Definitely this^^. SS should always be a last resort because the reality is they can take the kids and do what they think is best for them, and it might not include either parent Although they do try to keep kids within the family- but once you allow them access to your life they will force you to do what they think is best, even if you don't agree. I'd even see a solicitor and find out your rights before contacting them (if you feel you have to). Sounds shit, really try to offer her help without looking like you're criticising her parenting skills. If she is down then she's gonna be paranoid as well probably so it might be hard to not do this coz of her mindset. Ask her what she wants as well, don't just presume what you think is right for her is what she wants, although nobody likes living in a shit hole she'll still not like that pointing out to her and not know how to sort it or even care coz it might not be worth her while cleaning up coz the kids make more mess. I went round my exes when i had a flood at mine (we have 50/50 shared care of our kids) his house was a mess tbh, i threw out loads for him and spent a whole weekend just tidying his home coz my kids were living there, but we get on still and i did tell him straight his house wasn't fit for my kids to live in (without being a bitch) and then asked him if it was ok to tidy it for him and he let me. He's pretty lazy, why we split up, but i noticed he has kept his house nice since i tidied it for him, and he even decorated it so it looked nicer. Dunno just rambled on a bit there sorry... | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"R u crazy ???? Get in there n take ur children ! Clearly they r better anywhere than with her..., i cant bleve ur posting here about this and not taking charge and sorting ur children. Children !!! Ur children ! What will it take to sort this ? More hosp visits ? An electric shock ? Merciless bullying from peers reg being dirty and nits. ? Maybe she needs help, maybe shes a selfish lazy cow , atm who cares. ? Save ur bloody kids !!! Can he actually take his kids tho?! She could call the police and have him for kidnapping. You need to do things the right way or you'll be in shit to. " No he would need to go and get a residential order or he would be breaking the law by taking the kids And even if he applies there's no saying he will get one But you have to look long term, if he gets residence of the kids but works full time how will that work, you can't just pack up your job because you can't claim benefits if you give up your job so how would he look after the kids Before you rush into things you need to sit down and make sure it will work | |||
| |||
"Eldest used to be extremely talkative but is now quite quiet " Yeah it will be embarrassing for her, if she's 11 she'll be in secondary school or about to go this year? Kids can be cruel man, I once saw a boy in my school getting a rugby ball kicked at his head just for having two stripe tracksuit bottoms on. Girls can be bitchy and can make horrible comments, if your daughter can't bring friends home because the house is in a shit state that will have an impact on her as well. I know you're already giving your ex money but pay for a weekly domestic cleaner for your ex if she struggles that bad. Buy a couple of new sets of bedding for the two kids, the cleaner can change the bedding each week, ensure their rooms are hoovered and dusted and polished. Even something as simple as having a fresh clean bedroom can be sanctuary for your older daughter, also if your ex see's the house clean she may be more inclined to keep it tidy once someone has already broke the back of it. If you have the kids twice a week let them bath at your house at least that way they'll have clean hair and there's nothing stopping you from checking for nits as well cos that will be embarrassing for an older girl. | |||
| |||
| |||
"i am surprised that the pastoral services that schools provide havent jumped in yet with some support - these are kids at risk - and your ex sounds like she needs a lot of help herself - shes struggling with life " I'm surprised that neither the school nor the hospital feel there is an issue. But, as stated above, they have seen the children and we haven't. | |||
 | |||
"Eldest used to be extremely talkative but is now quite quiet Yeah it will be embarrassing for her, if she's 11 she'll be in secondary school or about to go this year? Kids can be cruel man, I once saw a boy in my school getting a rugby ball kicked at his head just for having two stripe tracksuit bottoms on. Girls can be bitchy and can make horrible comments, if your daughter can't bring friends home because the house is in a shit state that will have an impact on her as well. I know you're already giving your ex money but pay for a weekly domestic cleaner for your ex if she struggles that bad. Buy a couple of new sets of bedding for the two kids, the cleaner can change the bedding each week, ensure their rooms are hoovered and dusted and polished. Even something as simple as having a fresh clean bedroom can be sanctuary for your older daughter, also if your ex see's the house clean she may be more inclined to keep it tidy once someone has already broke the back of it. If you have the kids twice a week let them bath at your house at least that way they'll have clean hair and there's nothing stopping you from checking for nits as well cos that will be embarrassing for an older girl. " I can only afford a one bed flat at the moment,, but we struggle on, I have the girls Saturday night and Monday night,, youngest gets bathed as usual,, I think the eldest is a little different as she is now wanting her privacy and prefers bathing at mum's house,, tho I do try to help her keep check on her hair as it's so long,, The cleaner thing may be more difficult as I'm gonna easily start to over stretch myself financially if I spend much more weekly and I can't help her as I'm usually not welcome inside her house as ex reckons it's not right so I respect her boundary | |||
"Just to be clear, you spoke to the NSPCC who wanted to take the case further as they felt there was a safeguarding issue. Is that correct? . " If the NSPCC feel there is a safeguarding issue they will already have flagged it with social services. My understanding is that the OP#s consent wouldn't be a factor in that decision | |||
| |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated " . It's time to contact them. Do it tomorrow first thing, don't delay. It won't be as bad as you think but importantly it will be better for your children. | |||
| |||
| |||
"I pay her 200 per month in agreed maintenance between me and herself,, her mum n brother know and do as little as possible,, blind eye or laziness who knows,, the school knows my concerns yet nothing has been done - waiting for them to contact me again tomorrow, hospital last week did not want to know,, rang nspcc for second time today and been told that there is a case there and wanted to transfer it,, I so want to but it's really difficult as still sort of have feelings for mum but the marriage etc is definitely over,, and I know outside involvement will cause a lot of extra issues,, I can't just take kids as that's illegal and looks bad on me,, I sort of know what needs doing but afraid it's gonna spiral out of control,, I love my girls and would give up everything to be a full time dad but confused,, she always been awful with cleanliness n hygene The law does not seem to work for the separated parent at all - male or female, and it's hard to see how it works in favour of the kids " I can understand that you worry that the situation will escalate if you contact social services but it already is escalating. What do you think will happen if you donlt get involved. The worsening issues won't go away. And you may have to explain to social services why you stood by and did nothing. | |||
"Just to be clear, you spoke to the NSPCC who wanted to take the case further as they felt there was a safeguarding issue. Is that correct? . If the NSPCC feel there is a safeguarding issue they will already have flagged it with social services. My understanding is that the OP#s consent wouldn't be a factor in that decision" It depends. The person on the end of the phone would follow their safeguarding policy and procedure and a manager would usually make the final decision whether to contact the safeguarding board. The person on the end of the phone may well feel that it should go forward and might say that to the caller but it won't be their final decision unless they feel that the children are in immediate danger and make the case for that. | |||
"she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics," expect a nice tidy home if you do anything as she will get informed of there visit before they show at the property dont mention the key in the lock but you can mention the plugs being unsafe as you taped them up for safety reasons scarlet fever is bad enough and an eye infection is there anymore evidence that your aware of that required hospital or doctors baths and nits is under personal hygiene though they will say your being picky with the nits you may need more than this to prove your case | |||
"Nspcc need my consent,, with it they can't do anything,, and as said earlier I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do just yet, it could leave them without me and them stuck in that squaller,, or worse,, " . If you can't do it, then you must swallow your pride and fears,I know it's hard but you must phone social services tomorrow for the safety of your children. | |||
| |||
"Nspcc need my consent,, with it they can't do anything,, and as said earlier I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do just yet, it could leave them without me and them stuck in that squaller,, or worse,, " They don;t need your consent this is taken from their website: "We have a duty to share information that you give us with other agencies, if we think that a child could be at risk of harm" | |||
"Nspcc need my consent,, with it they can't do anything,, and as said earlier I'm not sure if it's the right thing to do just yet, it could leave them without me and them stuck in that squaller,, or worse,, " It won't. They won't let the kids live like that. I'd say give her the ultimatum, offering her help for the last time, even ask what her problem is if you can be bothered to get emotionally involved with her. If she refuses any help again then you have to get someone involved who will use the law to force your kids to have a better life. I'm lucky my ex respects me still and if i advise him anything he'll consider it, same way i go to him for advice sometimes too. Even if you split up you have to support each other for the kids sake, your kids also see that relationships work when both people treat each other fairly and accept and offer help when it's needed, this kind of role model is necessary for them to grow into healthy adults too. | |||
| |||
"Eldest used to be extremely talkative but is now quite quiet Yeah it will be embarrassing for her, if she's 11 she'll be in secondary school or about to go this year? Kids can be cruel man, I once saw a boy in my school getting a rugby ball kicked at his head just for having two stripe tracksuit bottoms on. Girls can be bitchy and can make horrible comments, if your daughter can't bring friends home because the house is in a shit state that will have an impact on her as well. I know you're already giving your ex money but pay for a weekly domestic cleaner for your ex if she struggles that bad. Buy a couple of new sets of bedding for the two kids, the cleaner can change the bedding each week, ensure their rooms are hoovered and dusted and polished. Even something as simple as having a fresh clean bedroom can be sanctuary for your older daughter, also if your ex see's the house clean she may be more inclined to keep it tidy once someone has already broke the back of it. If you have the kids twice a week let them bath at your house at least that way they'll have clean hair and there's nothing stopping you from checking for nits as well cos that will be embarrassing for an older girl. I can only afford a one bed flat at the moment,, but we struggle on, I have the girls Saturday night and Monday night,, youngest gets bathed as usual,, I think the eldest is a little different as she is now wanting her privacy and prefers bathing at mum's house,, tho I do try to help her keep check on her hair as it's so long,, The cleaner thing may be more difficult as I'm gonna easily start to over stretch myself financially if I spend much more weekly and I can't help her as I'm usually not welcome inside her house as ex reckons it's not right so I respect her boundary " Well your ex doesn't seem to be using the £200 a month to buy cleaning products, and as the cleanliness of the house is such an important issue take £40 a month off what you're giving her. £10 for an hours cleaning a week would help. Even if the cleaner just hoovers, changes some bedding and does some dishes. Having a messy house can add to your ex feeling down, I hate it when my house is messy, my messy though is when I can't be arsed to iron and put away mine and my daughters clothes and they've just come straight out the tumble and dumped on the bed in my spare room. It's not giving your eldest daughter a good impression either, my mum and I don't get on the best, never have but my clothes and my school uniform were immaculate. Shirts starched to within an inch of their lives, pleats on my skirt ironed to perfection. I learnt my ironing skills from my mother! You know if you were to get custody of the children you'd have the child benefit signed over to you and with that you'd also get child and working tax credit, may even get housing benefit if you're renting. That extra money may help you get a bigger place? The eldest is in school and you'd get the majority of child care paid by tax credits if you use a registered childminder or crèche. | |||
| |||
| |||
| |||
"Are you for real? Firstly you talk of little contact and then go on to say you see them twice a week? why the hell are you posting this on a swinger website? Surely you have friends, family or even (not recommended) bloody Facebook. But no, you put your personal business on a swinging website where you most likely have no connection with anyone. Understand your in a really bad situation and it's most definitely not one I would like to experience ... but this is pretty inappropriate don't you think? Imagine it as a news headline "father seeks childcare advice on swingers website" "Yeah and the swingers gave helpful non biased non judgemental advice. This thread will drop off the page soon enough and besides if the ex can't even be arsed to chuck the Hoover round her house or wash a fucking cup I doubt she'd be arsed to go digging into his internet history. | |||
| |||
"Are you for real? Firstly you talk of little contact and then go on to say you see them twice a week? why the hell are you posting this on a swinger website? Surely you have friends, family or even (not recommended) bloody Facebook. But no, you put your personal business on a swinging website where you most likely have no connection with anyone. Understand your in a really bad situation and it's most definitely not one I would like to experience ... but this is pretty inappropriate don't you think? Imagine it as a news headline "father seeks childcare advice on swingers website"
Yeah and the swingers gave helpful non biased non judgemental advice.
This thread will drop off the page soon enough and besides if the ex can't even be arsed to chuck the Hoover round her house or wash a fucking cup I doubt she'd be arsed to go digging into his internet history. "Yeah, think you ccompletely missed the point lol | |||
| |||
"There is so much support given by social services, contact them, and when you do be specific about your concerns, stay factual, don't say I feel, but I know,,, tell them what you would like to happen and be realistic, you could ask for a Family CAF which would offer the mother and children the support they need. Do your research look up your safeguarding children/ child protection website- every local authority has one. If your name is on the children's birth certificate you will have more power than you think, so take control as it seems the mother is unable to at the moment. Good luck x " well said .......  | |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated " I doubt child services would do any thing as they are not in 'danger', she's not harming them. The ex provides a roof over their heads and the authorities wont care too much how dirty is it underneath that roof. At least this is what I think, good luck though. | |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated I doubt child services would do any thing as they are not in 'danger', she's not harming them. The ex provides a roof over their heads and the authorities wont care too much how dirty is it underneath that roof. At least this is what I think, good luck though." It's neglect - they would be. | |||
| |||
| |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated I doubt child services would do any thing as they are not in 'danger', she's not harming them. The ex provides a roof over their heads and the authorities wont care too much how dirty is it underneath that roof. At least this is what I think, good luck though. It's neglect - they would be." Its not neglect, they wouldnt be. They arn't being harmed, hit, beat or whatever, they arn't malnutritioned, it's not a violent home, no drug or alcohol mis use. Thats some of the guidelines they could use, as a Dad I wouldnt be happy, far from it and I hope the situation gets rectified and corrected. | |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated I doubt child services would do any thing as they are not in 'danger', she's not harming them. The ex provides a roof over their heads and the authorities wont care too much how dirty is it underneath that roof. At least this is what I think, good luck though. It's neglect - they would be. Its not neglect, they wouldnt be. They arn't being harmed, hit, beat or whatever, they arn't malnutritioned, it's not a violent home, no drug or alcohol mis use. Thats some of the guidelines they could use, as a Dad I wouldnt be happy, far from it and I hope the situation gets rectified and corrected." state of the house is the first thing SS look at, and the one thing they absolutely care about, more than the kids welfare it can seem at times. they will take it as neglect, especially the door and other safety stuff that puts the kids in danger. they don't look at the facts they look at potentials and perceive worst case scenarios. neglect of the home is not providing children with a safe and clean environment, every child is entitled to live somewhere comfortable, safe and pleasant to live. not bathing them is neglecting their personal hygiene and putting them at risk from bullying. no doubt most parents love their kids, doesn't mean they're capable of looking after them sometimes, simple as that. they won't use your guidelines, they have their own and will use them because the law backs up those guidelines and enables them to act on them. | |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated I doubt child services would do any thing as they are not in 'danger', she's not harming them. The ex provides a roof over their heads and the authorities wont care too much how dirty is it underneath that roof. At least this is what I think, good luck though. It's neglect - they would be. Its not neglect, they wouldnt be. They arn't being harmed, hit, beat or whatever, they arn't malnutritioned, it's not a violent home, no drug or alcohol mis use. Thats some of the guidelines they could use, as a Dad I wouldnt be happy, far from it and I hope the situation gets rectified and corrected. state of the house is the first thing SS look at, and the one thing they absolutely care about, more than the kids welfare it can seem at times. they will take it as neglect, especially the door and other safety stuff that puts the kids in danger. they don't look at the facts they look at potentials and perceive worst case scenarios. neglect of the home is not providing children with a safe and clean environment, every child is entitled to live somewhere comfortable, safe and pleasant to live. not bathing them is neglecting their personal hygiene and putting them at risk from bullying. no doubt most parents love their kids, doesn't mean they're capable of looking after them sometimes, simple as that. they won't use your guidelines, they have their own and will use them because the law backs up those guidelines and enables them to act on them." What do you mean they wont use MY guidelines  how dare they | |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated I doubt child services would do any thing as they are not in 'danger', she's not harming them. The ex provides a roof over their heads and the authorities wont care too much how dirty is it underneath that roof. At least this is what I think, good luck though. It's neglect - they would be. Its not neglect, they wouldnt be. They arn't being harmed, hit, beat or whatever, they arn't malnutritioned, it's not a violent home, no drug or alcohol mis use. Thats some of the guidelines they could use, as a Dad I wouldnt be happy, far from it and I hope the situation gets rectified and corrected." It is. Many of the issues listed by the OP fall into the neglect category. I work with neglected children and young people. Sadly see cases like this weekly. | |||
"When is it time to contact child services?? I have two children with my ex wife, one 3 the other 11,, they both live with her,, she is incapable of keeping a clean and tidy home,, the kitchen is cluttered with unwashed crockery and utensils, there is piles of wet washing stinking the place out,, the bedrooms are filthy,,, she has been called to school for hygiene reasons and unexplained absences yet they are unwilling to do anything,, the girls often have nits and are UN bathed,, I have little access to them as she makes it very difficult,,, the 11 year old was hospitalised last week with scarlet fever and a sever eye infection needing an iv line and anti biotics, I was not told any of this for nearly two days,,, her front door won't lock as she broke her key in the door two months ago,, and she has two live plug sockets that I had to tape up temporally with her promise to have them fixed - this was nearly 6 months ago My dilemma is I know I need to do something but when I try to confront her I just hit a brick wall and get yelled at,, apparently the children are not my business when they are with her she says,, if I contact child services I stand loosing what little contact I have with the girls,, same if I contact letting agents asking for house repairs,, feel like I'm in a rock n hard place,, do I do what's best for the kids and face a court battle to see them again or leave things as they are seeing them twice a week if I'm lucky but know they are at risk Sorry it's a long one but help and insight would be appreciated I doubt child services would do any thing as they are not in 'danger', she's not harming them. The ex provides a roof over their heads and the authorities wont care too much how dirty is it underneath that roof. At least this is what I think, good luck though. It's neglect - they would be. Its not neglect, they wouldnt be. They arn't being harmed, hit, beat or whatever, they arn't malnutritioned, it's not a violent home, no drug or alcohol mis use. Thats some of the guidelines they could use, as a Dad I wouldnt be happy, far from it and I hope the situation gets rectified and corrected. state of the house is the first thing SS look at, and the one thing they absolutely care about, more than the kids welfare it can seem at times. they will take it as neglect, especially the door and other safety stuff that puts the kids in danger. they don't look at the facts they look at potentials and perceive worst case scenarios. neglect of the home is not providing children with a safe and clean environment, every child is entitled to live somewhere comfortable, safe and pleasant to live. not bathing them is neglecting their personal hygiene and putting them at risk from bullying. no doubt most parents love their kids, doesn't mean they're capable of looking after them sometimes, simple as that. they won't use your guidelines, they have their own and will use them because the law backs up those guidelines and enables them to act on them. What do you mean they wont use MY guidelines how dare they"rude i know... | |||
| |||
"R u crazy ???? Get in there n take ur children ! Clearly they r better anywhere than with her..., i cant bleve ur posting here about this and not taking charge and sorting ur children. Children !!! Ur children ! What will it take to sort this ? More hosp visits ? An electric shock ? Merciless bullying from peers reg being dirty and nits. ? Maybe she needs help, maybe shes a selfish lazy cow , atm who cares. ? Save ur bloody kids !!! Can he actually take his kids tho?! She could call the police and have him for kidnapping. You need to do things the right way or you'll be in shit to. " if hes on the birth certificate he cant be done for kidnap. This is another reason I wont let my ex see her. to the op id get social services involved. | |||
| |||
