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Wahoo! Whoop! Whoop!
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Mrs ddc's train arrives in around 6 hours.
I've pulled out all the stops for her: Tesco clubcard and bags4life ready,
washing-up neatly stacked by the sink and even put the heating on in the utility room for her.
Have I forgotten anything?
Mr ddc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mrs ddc's train arrives in around 6 hours.
I've pulled out all the stops for her: Tesco clubcard and bags4life ready,
washing-up neatly stacked by the sink and even put the heating on in the utility room for her.
Have I forgotten anything?
Mr ddc"
You're such a catch. Lucky lady!   |
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"Have a bath so you lovely and clean but make sure you leave a real soap scum tide line in the bath for her "
Good plan, and just thought, ought to take my dirty underwear out the basket and spread them round the bedroom floor.
Phew, nearly missed that one. |
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"Don't forget to cover the bathroom sink in tooth paste so its got enough time to dry up!"
Okay, but surely I don't have to actually brush my teeth do I? It's not her birthday yet.
{goes to find some garlic to suck on} |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Set the ironing board up? Make sure the Hoover is within reach?
Even changed the bag on the hoover, that's how good I am
 "
Have you still got the old hoover bag? Loads of dirt and dust in there.... spread it around |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Make yourself something nice to eat.
Be sure to use as many pots/pans/plates/cutlery as you can, leaving them dirty and strewn all over the kitchen for her to clean.
Ooh and don't forget to burn some toast - she'll love the ashy charcoal-y lingering smell
S x |
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"Before she gets past the hall lay down and get your bits out shouting "jump on its been a while". "
Really? I was thinking about sitting in front of the X-box in my yellowest y-fronts. But still saying the same thing, natch.
Along with the occasional "move your head a bit, luv, this level is particularly tricky, and I can't see the screen" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Before she gets past the hall lay down and get your bits out shouting "jump on its been a while".
Really? I was thinking about sitting in front of the X-box in my yellowest y-fronts. But still saying the same thing, natch.
Along with the occasional "move your head a bit, luv, this level is particularly tricky, and I can't see the screen""
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"Before she gets past the hall lay down and get your bits out shouting "jump on its been a while".
Really? I was thinking about sitting in front of the X-box in my yellowest y-fronts. But still saying the same thing, natch"
If your gona sit infront of the xbox..dont forget to Slop some beans n egg down the front of your t-shirt, give that time to dry up too..  |
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If your gona sit infront of the xbox..dont forget to Slop some beans n egg down the front of your t-shirt, give that time to dry up too.. "
Good plan, though will wear string vest instead, don't want to spoil her with a t-shirt.
.
Thanks everyone, really got my work cut out for me today - you ladies just have no idea how tough it is to be a man, making you feel indispensable an all.
Catch you laters
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Make an absolute mess, leave bin bags and rubber gloves out.. Then when she murders you she can say she came home to you missing and the house ransacked |
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i cant believe youve forgotten about the tea bags....mate..she will rip ur nuts off if you forget.
take as many tea bags as you wish ...the more the merrier.
dunk them so there nice and wet. now sling them at the bin .DO NOT get them in the bin .just around it and over the walls...throw them hard so they either stick or leave lovely runny trails down the wall . a bit of tea bag splatter wouldnt go a amiss .
good luck |
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"i cant believe youve forgotten about the tea bags....mate..she will rip ur nuts off if you forget.
take as many tea bags as you wish ...the more the merrier.
dunk them so there nice and wet. now sling them at the bin .DO NOT get them in the bin .just around it and over the walls...throw them hard so they either stick or leave lovely runny trails down the wall . a bit of tea bag splatter wouldnt go a amiss .
good luck "
I am here you know!
Mrs DDC
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"Have a bath so you lovely and clean but make sure you leave a real soap scum tide line in the bath for her
Good plan, and just thought, ought to take my dirty underwear out the basket and spread them round the bedroom floor.
Phew, nearly missed that one."
Don't forget to ensure that every pair has skiddies! If you can't squeeze any out just raid her chocolate stash, it shouldn't need a whole bar so be sure to put it back when you've finished.  |
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"Have you not knocked one out and wiped it on the curtains yet? "
That was a tough choice. I felt it better not to - that way I'd shoot my load almost immediately once we get together, giving her more time for chores |
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"Make an absolute mess, leave bin bags and rubber gloves out.. Then when she murders you she can say she came home to you missing and the house ransacked "
Murder
Not a chance, I've used all her kitchen knives on various DIY jobs round the house. In fact I'm down to the one I use in the garden for throwing the slugs over the fence. |
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"Mr DDC just inadvertently hinted at all this (I knew he couldn't be THAT busy).
I am laughing so much, my Mum giving me curious looks.
Can't wait to get home, lol!
Mrs DDC"
Shit! I forgot these modern trains have wi-fi.
Which one of you buggers has shown her how to turn on the wi-fi on her tablet? |
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"damn ...you must have turned up as i was typing .
sorry mr ddc ....your on your own . "
(Tea bags sorted, and don't worry, I've got this covered...)
Ahem!
Does anyone know how to contact admin? I think our account may have been hacked.
 |
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"Have a nice hot bath and shave. And leave the water in for her. She can top it up with more hot water later  "
Shhh! I'm trying to manage expectations downwards, not get her hopes up!
Besides, I'm not a complete Philistine, I've done one load of washing for her.
90 degree boil wash is right for her best jumper and expensive 'unmentionables' isn't it? They look a bit small now, and I'm worried her bum really WILL look big in them.
And why didn't the washing machine instructions say you're meant to wash the cement if your hands before unloading the clean clothes?
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Don't forget to ensure that every pair has skiddies! If you can't squeeze any out just raid her chocolate stash, it shouldn't need a whole bar so be sure to put it back when you've finished. "
Chocolate?
That was the kids breakfast on day 1.
It'll have to be soggy bran flakes now
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got an old car or motorbike ? put as many componants around thr kitchen as possable...maybe a few bits in the dishwasher.....chicks love that .
oh and op....funniest thread in a while ....thankyou |
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"got an old car or motorbike ? put as many componants around thr kitchen as possable...maybe a few bits in the dishwasher.....chicks love that .
oh and op....funniest thread in a while ....thankyou "
Funny?
I'm just grateful I managed to persuade admin to delete those verifications from the 5 sexy young girls who stayed the night.
(Which is a shame, because I liked being described as a 'stud-muffin' and 'the best sandwich-filling since honey & Ferrero-Roché') |
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"got an old car or motorbike ? put as many componants around thr kitchen as possable...maybe a few bits in the dishwasher.....chicks love that .
oh and op....funniest thread in a while ....thankyou "
oh no get an engine and strip it and put all the parts on the worktops and table and all over the floor
it just has to be done not forgetting the oil as well over some parts |
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"Unmake the bed and lift all toilet seats up..... "
Just realised you were setting me up!
Just time to put on the toilet seats down and wee round them instead.
Phew, had the text her trains just passed Derby, just got time to forget to pick her up from the station.
Wish me luck everyone, a man couldn't do more! |
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By *ildt123Man
over a year ago
Huddersfield |
"Leave all the dirty dishes scattered about. Kitchen, lounge floor. "
Dirty dishes? You've been cooking your own meals???!!! How very Metro-sexual!!
Unless your referring to the take away mess but putting it on plates is just showing off! |
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"Now I have to wonder what he meant yesterday when he said he was making her a coconut pie?
"
That was before Wyrdwoman reminded me it was Shrove Tuesday. Obviously, as soon as I got Mrs ddc home, I had to give her pancakes...
.
Then, afterwards I cooked her some too.
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"
ps great thread. "
Ty. 
But thanks must really go to everyone who joined in and made it so easy for me.
Thanks everyone xx
(Mrs ddc especially liked all referencesy to dust and making a mess in the kitchen, which we are currently renovating and looks like a bomb's hit it!) |
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