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looking for opinions from the ladies
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
No it's not a what's wrong/right with my profile post yay.
We've recently discussed my wife having sex with another man as I think seeing it would be extremely erotic (not everyone's cup of tea but neither is peeing on folks or being whipped) but whilst she's open to the idea we can't seem to find the right guy on here. The single guys don't seem to fit the bill for one reason or another.
So I got to thinking how I could help her get her first experience in a safe controlled manner that would hopefully allow her to more freely take the plunge? I wanted the ladies on here to give their opinion on the idea.
Her birthday is coming up and I thought of hiring a male stripper for her to come to our home and put on a show for her preferably one who wouldn't be averse to doing a lot more than taking his clothes off if she wanted him to. Obviously for this scenario it would only be me and her home not at a party or anything. I wonder if any of the ladies think this might be a good idea or a bad one.
The thinking is the guy would be someone she'd certainly fancy (hasn't really happened on here) she'd be in an environment she's comfortable in. The show might get her warmed up a bit which hasn't happened on a meet off here, if she still doesn't want anything to happen it's a bit of harmless fun.
I see the he's being paid as the only negative and we certainly don't have to pay someone but if my TV was broke I wouldn't ask a neighbour to fix it, although he might do a good job I'd rather let a professional do it?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh |
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"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh"
Yeah, it may feel incredibly uncomfortable and awkward.
I agree a club would be a better idea |
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By *awkesWoman
over a year ago
Corwen |
For me ..I would choose a club too....you won't have an opportunity to get to know the 'stripper../escort' it would be a total stranger in your home. it could be awkward. In a club environment you at least get to socialise with a few folk and see if anyone clicks for you? But I understand clubs aren't for everyone and it's both your experiences you have to be comfortable with. Good luck. |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh"
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her."
Just wondering - she's never fancied ANY of the guys she's come across?
There's such a wide selection..
If not - is her heart really in it?
S x |
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By *ickawitchCouple
over a year ago
Away with the fairies (Liverpool to you) |
At a club you will find a large number of men (for free) which has got to be a better plan than paying one single guy who she may look at and dismiss anyway. If you go to clubs and play with each other and never find a guy she likes the look of then maybe she isn't looking for another guy..... Swinging isn't for everyone and sometimes the fantasy is enough  |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her.
Just wondering - she's never fancied ANY of the guys she's come across?
There's such a wide selection..
If not - is her heart really in it?
S x "
There is a wide selection and to be honest in 4 visits I have seen 2 that were maybe's at best, but they weren't her type. And rightly so she says why bother unless he's someone I want. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her.
Just wondering - she's never fancied ANY of the guys she's come across?
There's such a wide selection..
If not - is her heart really in it?
S x
There is a wide selection and to be honest in 4 visits I have seen 2 that were maybe's at best, but they weren't her type. And rightly so she says why bother unless he's someone I want. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No it's not a what's wrong/right with my profile post yay.
We've recently discussed my wife having sex with another man as I think seeing it would be extremely erotic (not everyone's cup of tea but neither is peeing on folks or being whipped) but whilst she's open to the idea we can't seem to find the right guy on here. The single guys don't seem to fit the bill for one reason or another.
So I got to thinking how I could help her get her first experience in a safe controlled manner that would hopefully allow her to more freely take the plunge? I wanted the ladies on here to give their opinion on the idea.
Her birthday is coming up and I thought of hiring a male stripper for her to come to our home and put on a show for her preferably one who wouldn't be averse to doing a lot more than taking his clothes off if she wanted him to. Obviously for this scenario it would only be me and her home not at a party or anything. I wonder if any of the ladies think this might be a good idea or a bad one.
The thinking is the guy would be someone she'd certainly fancy (hasn't really happened on here) she'd be in an environment she's comfortable in. The show might get her warmed up a bit which hasn't happened on a meet off here, if she still doesn't want anything to happen it's a bit of harmless fun.
I see the he's being paid as the only negative and we certainly don't have to pay someone but if my TV was broke I wouldn't ask a neighbour to fix it, although he might do a good job I'd rather let a professional do it? "
This is only my take on this but I would murder andy of he did that too me. I would be turned off jot turned on. I want to explore mmf with andy but he doesn't know how he would feel about it. I don't think me just arranging it behind his back would be the best move. Like people have suggested maybe try a club etc. Maybe even have more luck pulling a fit bloke she fancies on a vanilla night out in your local pub. She wants to enjoy the experience as do you not be put off x |
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I don't think if you can't find a guy out of the thousands on here or the dozens at a club that she fancies that the chances of a stripper being suitable are very slim!
It does sound like she's not really that keen on the idea. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her.
Just wondering - she's never fancied ANY of the guys she's come across?
There's such a wide selection..
If not - is her heart really in it?
S x
There is a wide selection and to be honest in 4 visits I have seen 2 that were maybe's at best, but they weren't her type. And rightly so she says why bother unless he's someone I want.
"
She sounds as though you have a difficult task on your hands as it does sound like you could be looking for the proverbial needle... How far wide of your location are you looking online? As i can't believe that it's not feasible that there is no man on this site out of the many thousands on here that must be in drivings distance that tickles her fancy??
Failing that do you have a twin brother?  |
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I have to say from my opinion ....I also find it difficult to find someone I actually fancy but there is plenty of choice on here
How do,you know she will fancy the stripper
Why don't you just look at the single guys photos and see for yourself what is out there
Other than that forget the idea and give her a good seeing to more often
Xxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think if you can't find a guy out of the thousands on here or the dozens at a club that she fancies that the chances of a stripper being suitable are very slim!
It does sound like she's not really that keen on the idea. "
This. |
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By *D40Couple
over a year ago
Wolverhampton |
Maybe she's not comfortable with you in the room? I know my partner couldn't do it with a previous partner in the same room. Too conscious of what she/they were doing
Just a thought
Mrs _d40 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her.
Just wondering - she's never fancied ANY of the guys she's come across?
There's such a wide selection..
If not - is her heart really in it?
S x
There is a wide selection and to be honest in 4 visits I have seen 2 that were maybe's at best, but they weren't her type. And rightly so she says why bother unless he's someone I want.
She sounds as though you have a difficult task on your hands as it does sound like you could be looking for the proverbial needle... How far wide of your location are you looking online? As i can't believe that it's not feasible that there is no man on this site out of the many thousands on here that must be in drivings distance that tickles her fancy??
Failing that do you have a twin brother? "
Twin brother ha |
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"I don't think if you can't find a guy out of the thousands on here or the dozens at a club that she fancies that the chances of a stripper being suitable are very slim!
It does sound like she's not really that keen on the idea.
This. "
Agreed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her.
Just wondering - she's never fancied ANY of the guys she's come across?
There's such a wide selection..
If not - is her heart really in it?
S x "
I was thinking this too. Plenty of guys to choose from. One must take her fancy Surely |
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"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her.
Just wondering - she's never fancied ANY of the guys she's come across?
There's such a wide selection..
If not - is her heart really in it?
S x
I was thinking this too. Plenty of guys to choose from. One must take her fancy Surely"
I think part of the problem is that he must be blonde, over 5'9", muscular, good looking, have a decent sized penis and a sense of humour! And fancy the OP. |
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"Have you ever attended or thought of attending a club? Even just to play together first off then if more comfortable involve a guy who takes her fancy? I think paying someone and inviting them to your home is going to kill the excitement tbh
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her.
Just wondering - she's never fancied ANY of the guys she's come across?
There's such a wide selection..
If not - is her heart really in it?
S x
I was thinking this too. Plenty of guys to choose from. One must take her fancy Surely"
Must say this would be my initial thought too that her hearts really not in it and its more something shes doing to try and please you as opposed to being what she really wants. I know you say shes says she will "try" but in what tone does she say it? And in fairness she has obviously tried it and lets face it, its not working for her you trying to force the issue by using a paid escort to strip for her isnt going to help matters. Sorry if this isnt what you want to hear but you asked for an OP and thats my honest one |
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By *eithoWoman
over a year ago
Chatham |
I think you'd be better off looking further on here, rather than at a club purely from a numbers point of view. I think a lot of people will have been to a club and not found anyone they fancy and only having a short amount of time to get to know someone might not help. If you look on here at least you can spend time chatting and getting comfortable with someone.
You need to identify what the problem is. Is it a lack of physical attraction or a lack of chemistry in other ways? Either way, I think you're more likely to find him here amongst the 1000s of guys than among the 50 or so you might encounter at a club. |
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"
Been to clubs and we're perfectly comfortable there, played with each other every time. Spoke to other couples. She just never fancies anyone she meets. Met some couples off here and again at the meet no interest in the guy, it's not like she's not prepared to try, on the last attempt we went back to their hotel room and she kissed the guy a bit and then a bit more light soft play but there was still nothing, when I asked her she said she's glad his partner interrupted because it was doing nothing for her."
Whilst you don't want a man's opinion...
Single guys on here get a lot of stick, but there are plenty who are handsome, witty, intelligent and fun. From what you've said above I would suggest it is not a lack of physical attraction, but more a mental block. Perhaps she feels the 'I'd luv to but no-one here is good enough' line is easier for you to hear.
We started looking for hunks, but Mrs ddc's best time yet has been with someone she has been chatting to for a while, so has built up a mental connection.
So how about sending out a few pm's together, then giving her some space to develop it further on her own.
Paying for a male escort/ sorry 'stripper' doesn't seem a likely success, sorry
Good luck
Mr ddc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just had a read and OP's profile is particularly long and demanding! In my opinion at least. Seeing as you're cutting so many men out of the equation, i'm not surprised you're having little joy. "
I'm inclined to agree with this...I know plenty of men who even though they fit your bill would probably move swiftly on from a profile that sounded this way, on to another couple or woman with less of a sense of entitlement. I understand why you've got the shouty capitals bit, I get those messages too, but you'll turn off a lot of men with the ranty sounding nature of it, and the ones who send those messages don't pay any attention anyway. |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"Maybe she's not comfortable with you in the room? I know my partner couldn't do it with a previous partner in the same room. Too conscious of what she/they were doing
Just a thought
Mrs _d40"
She's always insisted I be there as it wouldn't feel right and she wouldn't feel safe when I've offered. To a previous post I don't have a twin unfortunately. |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"Just had a read and OP's profile is particularly long and demanding! In my opinion at least. Seeing as you're cutting so many men out of the equation, i'm not surprised you're having little joy.
I'm inclined to agree with this...I know plenty of men who even though they fit your bill would probably move swiftly on from a profile that sounded this way, on to another couple or woman with less of a sense of entitlement. I understand why you've got the shouty capitals bit, I get those messages too, but you'll turn off a lot of men with the ranty sounding nature of it, and the ones who send those messages don't pay any attention anyway."
I'm glad we're excluding a lot we're after quality not quantity, also the way I/we see it the profile states the parameters by which we we exclude and rule people out if that happens before we've exchanged half a dozen messages then hurrah.
If the detail puts someone off because it's too much like hard work, who wants someone who's looking for basically fancy a fuck?
I realise this goes against the original idea of the post but at least I would know we're half way there as she would at least get aroused by the guy, but I've already had the question answered. It's not the best idea, patience it seems is the only solution.
I just thought once she's took the plunge there'd be no looking back sort of rip that plaster off scenario. |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
"
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just had a read and OP's profile is particularly long and demanding! In my opinion at least. Seeing as you're cutting so many men out of the equation, i'm not surprised you're having little joy.
I'm inclined to agree with this...I know plenty of men who even though they fit your bill would probably move swiftly on from a profile that sounded this way, on to another couple or woman with less of a sense of entitlement. I understand why you've got the shouty capitals bit, I get those messages too, but you'll turn off a lot of men with the ranty sounding nature of it, and the ones who send those messages don't pay any attention anyway.
I'm glad we're excluding a lot we're after quality not quantity, also the way I/we see it the profile states the parameters by which we we exclude and rule people out if that happens before we've exchanged half a dozen messages then hurrah.
If the detail puts someone off because it's too much like hard work, who wants someone who's looking for basically fancy a fuck?
I realise this goes against the original idea of the post but at least I would know we're half way there as she would at least get aroused by the guy, but I've already had the question answered. It's not the best idea, patience it seems is the only solution.
I just thought once she's took the plunge there'd be no looking back sort of rip that plaster off scenario. "
You've missed what I meant, in my experience the aggressive profiles do put off some of the "quality men" who are fully prepared to put the effort in but also have a bit of self respect. The "quality men" have the option to meet other people, so would they meet someone whose profile sounds like it's shouting at them, or that they're going to be marked out of 10 at the door, or would they meet someone who frames their requirements in a more positive way? It alienates precisely your target audience, but has no effect on the ones who you probably wouldn't want to meet anyway.
Just my opinion though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense? "
The more you've said - to an outsider it really sounds like she's not that into it and is going along with it to keep you happy. And in that situation you're never going to find anyone good enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think if you can't find a guy out of the thousands on here or the dozens at a club that she fancies that the chances of a stripper being suitable are very slim!
It does sound like she's not really that keen on the idea. "
I agree here, maybe deep down it is ONLY YOU who pushes her buttons... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense?
The more you've said - to an outsider it really sounds like she's not that into it and is going along with it to keep you happy. And in that situation you're never going to find anyone good enough."
I totally agree, it appears shes just not into it. How could she be "cheating" if you're fully aware?
Out of interest, which of you wrote/set the parameters of your profile? |
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By *odareyouMan
over a year ago
not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds) |
"Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense?
The more you've said - to an outsider it really sounds like she's not that into it and is going along with it to keep you happy. And in that situation you're never going to find anyone good enough."
Totally agree. |
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"
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense? "
This statement speaks volumes to me, the message being that;
sorry OP but if thats the case shes not happy with the situation and believing she is is wishful thinking on your part. Any person that truely wants something will strive to get it for themselves the fact she wont and it makes her feel unfaithful means this isnt for her. In fact the seemingly impossible to meet high demands in your profile only echoes the message IMHO |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think if you can't find a guy out of the thousands on here or the dozens at a club that she fancies that the chances of a stripper being suitable are very slim!
It does sound like she's not really that keen on the idea.
This. "
This again |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense?
The more you've said - to an outsider it really sounds like she's not that into it and is going along with it to keep you happy. And in that situation you're never going to find anyone good enough.
I totally agree, it appears shes just not into it. How could she be "cheating" if you're fully aware?
Out of interest, which of you wrote/set the parameters of your profile?"
She did based on guy's she does find attractive.
Correct somewhat that she's not that into it, but not because she doesn't want to more because of social conditioning and her upbringing but if we can tick all the boxes I know she wants to try because she fantasizes about it and it makes her very horny.
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
We've moved away from the original question which I already have my answer to, now I'm just fielding responses to assumptions with no background knowledge.
Thanks for the replies and some advice has been taken on board. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense?
The more you've said - to an outsider it really sounds like she's not that into it and is going along with it to keep you happy. And in that situation you're never going to find anyone good enough.
I totally agree, it appears shes just not into it. How could she be "cheating" if you're fully aware?
Out of interest, which of you wrote/set the parameters of your profile?
She did based on guy's she does find attractive.
Correct somewhat that she's not that into it, but not because she doesn't want to more because of social conditioning and her upbringing but if we can tick all the boxes I know she wants to try because she fantasizes about it and it makes her very horny.
"
As I thought...she's set the bar so high its almost impossible to reach, whether that be conciously or not.
Forget the stripper, forget the fantasy, and just enjoy each other more, perhaps in a club setting, until the time is right for that to happen...if at all xx
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"Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense?
The more you've said - to an outsider it really sounds like she's not that into it and is going along with it to keep you happy. And in that situation you're never going to find anyone good enough.
I totally agree, it appears shes just not into it. How could she be "cheating" if you're fully aware?
Out of interest, which of you wrote/set the parameters of your profile?
She did based on guy's she does find attractive.
Correct somewhat that she's not that into it, but not because she doesn't want to more because of social conditioning and her upbringing but if we can tick all the boxes I know she wants to try because she fantasizes about it and it makes her very horny.
"
OP there is a difference between fantasising about something and actually wanting it or the likelyhood of it becoming a reality.
To give a wordly example as opposed to a sexual one. I regularly fantasise about wining the lotto and what id do with th money but the.chances of tha happinging arent likely.
From what youve said I can fully believe she was the one that wrote the profile, as its specifically designed to keep people away. All your veris appear to be social ones. Sometimes people enjoy the social side of swinging and dont mind being watched playing but dont actially want to swop its perfectly acceptable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a single guy whom I hope is nice, friendly and fun (feel free to agree folks!) I would certainly not contact a couple who were so demanding and seemed to have a sense of entitlement. It has to be fun from my point of view too, I'm not just after sex and couples who seem to feel they're doing me a favour get a very wide berth indeed
On the wider subject op, I have to agree with the vast majority. Your partner really doesn't seem to be interested, whether consciously or unconsciously it sounds like she's trying not to engage. For some people the fantasy is enough, anything more is just cheating to them irrespective of how much their partner wants it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've moved away from the original question which I already have my answer to, now I'm just fielding responses to assumptions with no background knowledge.
Thanks for the replies and some advice has been taken on board."
All the responses are based on the background you've given. You're right that only you two know your relationship and what you both want, but you did ask for opinions on the situation. |
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"We've moved away from the original question which I already have my answer to, now I'm just fielding responses to assumptions with no background knowledge.
Thanks for the replies and some advice has been taken on board."
Of course they are assumptions as we dont know you personally and really i wouldnt harshly call them assumptions, they were the opinions you asked for that were based around the background information you gave us. Im affraid you cant expect much more than that from people that dont know you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't see anything that this elusive single guy you seek would find inviting about your profile. It comes across as a bit passive aggressive to me. I know you are looking for something specific which is fine but it does seem like you are trying to deter interest rather than invite it. That is just my persons though. As a 'fussy' and 'selective' fem myself, I find it difficult to find the couples or guys I would like to play with. Nothing wrong with being choosy or taking your time to find what you are looking for. It does come across as being more a fantasy than an actual desire from what has been portrayed here though. Again just my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't see anything that this elusive single guy you seek would find inviting about your profile. It comes across as a bit passive aggressive to me. I know you are looking for something specific which is fine but it does seem like you are trying to deter interest rather than invite it. That is just my persons though. As a 'fussy' and 'selective' fem myself, I find it difficult to find the couples or guys I would like to play with. Nothing wrong with being choosy or taking your time to find what you are looking for. It does come across as being more a fantasy than an actual desire from what has been portrayed here though. Again just my opinion."
*perception not person
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't trust a guy to buy me a pair of shoes let alone find someone for me to fuck.
Everything that I've read just seems like it's you that what's this not her. You've been together 20 years, assumingly in a monogamous relationship where you both love and respect one and other.
I was with my ex 10 years and if during that time he'd ever said to me that he'd like to watch me with another guy I'd think well you can't care about me that much if you'd be happy to watch me getting fucked by another guy.
Not everybody has the right mindset for swinging. If she won't look for the guy herself because she thinks she's being unfaithful and if she doesn't like the guys that you pick for her then use your fucking head, she doesn't want to do it. |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
I wrote the profile not her with her input EG the kind of guy she finds attractive,
Her preferences aren't that unachievable as she has already achieved it. However at 43 the Muscular bit got a little left behind 
She has played a little but the guy did nothing for her when they got down to it.
The passive aggressive in the profile has arrived born out of the sheer number of dopey and useless approaches we get from fakes and idiots and people that shouldn't be allowed out in public to be frank, we all get them I just don't have the patience to deal.
I know I should delete and ignore as a lot do but felt that making those people jump through hoops might save me a lot of messing and if they come across as dopey at least if they jump through the hoops they might just be genuine and just misunderstood in the first message
I know the difference between fantasy and reality and as far as winning the lottery goes it's a wonderful fantasy and yes the likelihood is slim but does it stop you from buying a ticket? It does me actually not bought one in years so know when I'm on a loser.
The meets we had all except one were in various clubs when we were looking for some action and working out in our own very cautious way that this was for us and we think that it is.
As for
"I was with my ex 10 years and if during that time he'd ever said to me that he'd like to watch me with another guy I'd think well you can't care about me that much if you'd be happy to watch me getting fucked by another guy."
we are all different and it wasn't ever expressed in such a blunt manner, it evolved into that, isn't it the essence of what most couples into swinging enjoy, of the ones I have spoken to they say that its erotic seeing their partner with another being pleasured, or did I miss something? or is it all about getting off with others for your own pleasure?
I will re-write the profile as have been thinking it had got a little too much and not many get my sense of humor, besides I think we have blocked most of the lunatics by now anyway.
Thanks for the input, I realize before I asked that it wasn't the best idea I just wanted to know whether I was being overly sensitive by not entertaining the idea it seems I was correct in the first thought.
I don't really need the closet psychology, my profession requires I understand at a very good level how people tick, just sometimes you can be too close to something to see it clearly and was the reason for asking. Thanks again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I was with my ex 10 years and if during that time he'd ever said to me that he'd like to watch me with another guy I'd think well you can't care about me that much if you'd be happy to watch me getting fucked by another guy "
So on that basis you think most couples on here don't care about each other? |
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Didnt think it would be long before you back tracked and it changed from her writing the profile to it being all of a sudden you that wrote it on her behalf.
And to answer your question my ex husband used to play the lotto ive never entertained it i save that money up instead and funnily enough with the odds im better off doing that. So the last ticket i bought was about 5 years ago on his behalf. Its sometimes amazing how we compromise what we want and believe for the people we love
 |
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"
I was with my ex 10 years and if during that time he'd ever said to me that he'd like to watch me with another guy I'd think well you can't care about me that much if you'd be happy to watch me getting fucked by another guy
So on that basis you think most couples on here don't care about each other? "
I dont think.shes outright saying that, just that if it was her in that situation she would feel that way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I was with my ex 10 years and if during that time he'd ever said to me that he'd like to watch me with another guy I'd think well you can't care about me that much if you'd be happy to watch me getting fucked by another guy
So on that basis you think most couples on here don't care about each other?
I dont think.shes outright saying that, just that if it was her in that situation she would feel that way "
Yes I get that but it implies it, and in a way belittles the relationship between a swinging couple. Just my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I was with my ex 10 years and if during that time he'd ever said to me that he'd like to watch me with another guy I'd think well you can't care about me that much if you'd be happy to watch me getting fucked by another guy
So on that basis you think most couples on here don't care about each other?
I dont think.shes outright saying that, just that if it was her in that situation she would feel that way "
My husband loves to watch me enjoying myself. If I didn't think he cared that much we wouldn't be swinging. We'd be sat at home talking about our relationship, trying to fix it. |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"Didnt think it would be long before you back tracked and it changed from her writing the profile to it being all of a sudden you that wrote it on her behalf.
And to answer your question my ex husband used to play the lotto ive never entertained it i save that money up instead and funnily enough with the odds im better off doing that. So the last ticket i bought was about 5 years ago on his behalf. Its sometimes amazing how we compromise what we want and believe for the people we love
"
Sorry the original question was twofold and my answer wasn't clear in response the question was "who wrote the profile/set the parameters"
I answered to "set the parameters" as she set the parameters, who wrote it was myself and there is a very good reason for that which is the same as why she very rarely chats on here due to being dyslexic. So no backtracking. |
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"Didnt think it would be long before you back tracked and it changed from her writing the profile to it being all of a sudden you that wrote it on her behalf.
And to answer your question my ex husband used to play the lotto ive never entertained it i save that money up instead and funnily enough with the odds im better off doing that. So the last ticket i bought was about 5 years ago on his behalf. Its sometimes amazing how we compromise what we want and believe for the people we love
Sorry the original question was twofold and my answer wasn't clear in response the question was "who wrote the profile/set the parameters"
I answered to "set the parameters" as she set the parameters, who wrote it was myself and there is a very good reason for that which is the same as why she very rarely chats on here due to being dyslexic. So no backtracking. "
Fair enough, but the fact she demands such high standards and wont do the communicating for herself is your downfall and wether you choose to accept it or not, from the profile and information youve given, it all screams shes just not wanting it in the same way you are and thats the trending message in this entire thread, that you are seemingly unwilling to acknowledge.
Im personally dyslexic myself and i communicate fine. I just take extra time to type and proof read as best i can but i still make mistakes (the little green arrow to other posts ive made will show this) . Most people are very understanding of a common condition like dyslexia so it cant really be used as an excuse. |
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If you were closer to Penge, I'm sure ShagTonight would be a good entertainer. I'd look for someone on Fab who would be willing to strip, possibly go further but without any issues if she's not up for it. There are some good fit guys on fab, and your meeting them alone, in advance of them meeting your partner would be important for vetting.
You could post in the meets section over a few days, to see what the response is like, rather than you checking laboriously through random profiles.
Decent guys are fine with meeting socially first as well as the first meeting with a couple delivering no guaranteed sex. |
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Terrible idea. Springing someone on her is not wise. She's not found the right person which is totally fine. There's no rush (except maybe for you) but better to find the right person for her than a belt in the baws for you cause you were too impatient.
Personally your baws would be lucky to survive if it were me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I was with my ex 10 years and if during that time he'd ever said to me that he'd like to watch me with another guy I'd think well you can't care about me that much if you'd be happy to watch me getting fucked by another guy
So on that basis you think most couples on here don't care about each other?
I dont think.shes outright saying that, just that if it was her in that situation she would feel that way
Yes I get that but it implies it, and in a way belittles the relationship between a swinging couple. Just my opinion. "
I give my opinions based on the facts I'm presented with ok. He said his partner doesn't want to look for a guy herself because she felt like she was being unfaithful, (she isn't being unfaithful as her partner is aware and encouraging it) in her mind however she believes that she is being unfaithful. It's the same as how I would feel so on that basis I would assume she thinks in a similar way to me, they've been together over 20 years, he said that social conditioning and her upbringing may mean that she's not as liberal as some of the people on here, she may wonder why he's happy to see the woman he loves with another man. That is why I said in the next paragraph that not everyone has the right mindset for swinging. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"Paying for a stripper/escort is the worst thing you could ever do for her from this womans point of view
If she wants to play with a guy then you go at her pace and let her lead the way in finding someone that she is attracted too,putting on any sort of pressure will just be a major turn off for her
She won't look for herself as it feels wrong whereas if I look and give her the suggestion she won't feel she's instigated it and therefore not being unfaithful if that makes sense? "
From a mans point of view yes
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was brought up with a very religious, strict and reserved background.
But for me, swinging feels as natural as breathing. My husband suggested it to me after ten years together and after a LOT of checking his reasoning behind it for about a year, we went for it.
It's been amazing. I was always a bit of a slut when I was single (as was my husband) and I feel alive again. Human.
I don't think she's going against her upbringing. It sounds like she's trying to force herself to do something to please you, but she doesn't really want to do it.
There are some things my husband wants me/us to do and I feel a lot of pressure to "try" even though he'd never knowingly pressurise me.
I am strong enough to feel I can say no and we communicate a lot about this.
I agree with the others, I really think she doesn't want to do it.
And I'm confused you want a guy who "works hard" to try and please you both? Does that mean he has to dye his hair, go down the gym loads and grow taller to fit your criteria properly?
You are never going to pick out a guy she likes. My husband has tried and failed repeatedly. It's my job to choose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What staggers me most of all with this thread is that there is not a suitable guy for the ops wife .
Either she must be so stunning in both mind and body or the guys that have messaged and those they have met are munters !
Sabrina has met with plenty of super guys in our 3 years of swinging , and I have been lucky enough to be present on each and every meet . Not being able to find a suitable guy has never been an issue . And that doesn't mean we don't have standards - far from it - but we do see those that we play with as equals to us . |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"if you have attended clubs and not finding a guy she fancies there - and i dont just mean looks - i think the idea of a stripper might fall flat"
Me too that's why I killed it 5 hours ago Lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if you have attended clubs and not finding a guy she fancies there - and i dont just mean looks - i think the idea of a stripper might fall flat
Me too that's why I killed it 5 hours ago Lol."
can see tonights news headlines |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"if you have attended clubs and not finding a guy she fancies there - and i dont just mean looks - i think the idea of a stripper might fall flat
Me too that's why I killed it 5 hours ago Lol."
I knew my parents were right I can start an argument in an empty room.
And to all the she doesn't want to. She has told me herself she wants me to make it happen so she won't feel guilty.
We only discussed this for the first time 4 months ago and decided to give it a try 2 months ago so she's hardly had time to go from liberal to swinger and she wasn't exactly promiscuous before we met we didn't have sex until around 3 weeks after our first date. I think that is pretty rare.
And yes she is stunning and 4 visits to a club isn't a lot and we don't both play so that limits our options too, she's not going to settle, obviously for the first time she's going to be nervous and I'm not going to push it.
I told her it's something she could do if she wants, I have told her countless times we can walk away but she's enjoying that adventure just a little hesitant.
My original thought was a treat for her birthday with an option if she wanted to take it further herself. Jeeze has no-one on here had an erotic massage or had a stripper for a birthday, starting to feel like a pimp posting on netmums lol. |
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"
My original thought was a treat for her birthday with an option if she wanted to take it further herself. Jeeze has no-one on here had an erotic massage or had a stripper for a birthday, starting to feel like a pimp posting on netmums lol."
No I haven't but I don't let others decide who will be waving their tackle in my face or touching me. I choose that myself. I know plenty have though it's just not my thing. Strippers actually make me cringe.. Some friends got one for my mate for her 30th. I'm just glad I couldn't go. Shudder... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
And to all the she doesn't want to. She has told me herself she wants me to make it happen so she won't feel guilty.
 "
So if she goes through with it and regrets it will she blame herself or you ? Legitimate question ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"
And to all the she doesn't want to. She has told me herself she wants me to make it happen so she won't feel guilty.
"
So she won't feel guilty or so she can blame you if it all goes wrong? |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"
And to all the she doesn't want to. She has told me herself she wants me to make it happen so she won't feel guilty.
So she won't feel guilty or so she can blame you if it all goes wrong?"
Isn't that always the risk when you first get into this lifestyle?
Whoever brings it up, be it swinging or any other variant the person who originally makes the decision always runs that risk don't they? or do all couples turn to one another and say let's try swinging together? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
You are never going to pick out a guy she likes. My husband has tried and failed repeatedly. It's my job to choose."
THIS!!!
Her dyslexia is neither a reason or an excuse for anything. Just a little longer replying to messages is nothing if it brings about the desired result.
My advice?
Let her have her own profile OR control of the joint one.
Dont hide anything but she has the freedom to look, message, chat, build up that rapport that she so obviously needs to go past a certain point.
One of the constant things as a guy you get on here - "my body my rules, my way or the highway"
Perhaps its time to let her play the game? |
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By *ll 4 her OP Couple
over a year ago
Bury/Bolton |
"
You are never going to pick out a guy she likes. My husband has tried and failed repeatedly. It's my job to choose.
THIS!!!
Her dyslexia is neither a reason or an excuse for anything. Just a little longer replying to messages is nothing if it brings about the desired result.
My advice?
Let her have her own profile OR control of the joint one.
Dont hide anything but she has the freedom to look, message, chat, build up that rapport that she so obviously needs to go past a certain point.
One of the constant things as a guy you get on here - "my body my rules, my way or the highway"
Perhaps its time to let her play the game?"
She does when she wants to, when she doesn't I do it because she asks me to It's a couple profile because she won't meet alone if she wanted a single profile she would still ask me to do the same only then it would require her/us telling everyone, by the way my husband will be with me because that's also what she wants. How does that work better? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why not let her browse the local guys and hotlist the ones she likes the look of. Let her do that for a few days without your input/ encouragement. Then she can sleep on it, look through the hotlist again and delete any guys she's gone off. If there's any she still likes, you can do the mailing and make contact.
She may be up for it but nervous in case she does meet someone.. and when it's real, you hate it and won't see her in the same light again. She may not want to do anything that causes issues between you.
Or she may just not fancy anyone.
If she does find a guy she likes, just meet for soft swap the first time. Just touching and oral, no penetration. Very small steps. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
And to all the she doesn't want to. She has told me herself she wants me to make it happen so she won't feel guilty.
So she won't feel guilty or so she can blame you if it all goes wrong?
Isn't that always the risk when you first get into this lifestyle?
Whoever brings it up, be it swinging or any other variant the person who originally makes the decision always runs that risk don't they? or do all couples turn to one another and say let's try swinging together? "
We did and it works for us |
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