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Tired of being the poor sibling.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I was s wondering how everyone on here deals with jealousy of any type? Just interested after my own pangs of jealousy struck this morning.
My sister earns twice as much as me and is always asking me to do stuff I HATE saying 'I'm sorry I can't afford it' because I know she will kindly offer to pay and that makes me feel worse!
I hate feeling jealous of her and don't want to go through my whole life like this.
Any suggestions other than 'feel great fill for what you do have?' Lol
Having written this down I feel terrible, lol. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Both my sisters earn a colossal amount, much more than me. But I earn enough, and if I know there's a visit to them coming up I save so I have spare dosh for the event.
I'm not saying I'm happier than them, but I am happy with my life, my job, and my house, so I don't feel that jealous. I must admit I wouldn't mind going on the holidays my younger sister can afford though. But then, she didn't have kids. You can be a parent, or you can be rich. Rarely both.  |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
Love her and accept her and yourself for the people you are.
My brother was killed 18 months ago.
Don't waste your time stressing about the things that really aren't as important as they sometimes seem.
If you're unhappy with your life, as View says, study, change jobs and do what you need to in order to be more fulfilled, financially successful and whatever else you want.
Don't let money come between you and your sister though. Ultimately it's not what matters. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Wyrdwoman your right, I am really happy with my life, I only feel jealous when she is flying off on 4 week holidays to Thiland and I'm scrimping to pay for a night out.
Was just wondering how people deal with jealousy in any aspct of their life? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
" Was just wondering how people deal with jealousy in any aspct of their life? "
I rarely get jealous, so probably not the best person to ask. I also enjoy my life far too much to worry about scrimping. My daughter leaving home and giving up smoking gave me a considerable amount of spare cash though.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Money isn't everything though, quality of life is more important. I work hard and earn enough money to enjoy myself but I really aren't bothered in working every hour around the clock for more money but no social life like some of my mates.
I guess your jealousy could be difficult to deal with but if you're happy with who you are and with your life in general then just keep thinking about that.
Your sister may well have more money but not really be as content as you are. |
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"I was s wondering how everyone on here deals with jealousy of any type? Just interested after my own pangs of jealousy struck this morning.
My sister earns twice as much as me and is always asking me to do stuff I HATE saying 'I'm sorry I can't afford it' because I know she will kindly offer to pay and that makes me feel worse!
I hate feeling jealous of her and don't want to go through my whole life like this.
Any suggestions other than 'feel great fill for what you do have?' Lol
Having written this down I feel terrible, lol. "
Go and pull a rich old man |
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My sister and her husband are on a decent wage they have their own house and two kids and have great holidays. For years I wanted what she had and it destroyed our relationship. I woke up one day and came to the conclusion I could of had what she had if I put my mind to it and didn't fuck up my life. Now we are closer than ever because I no longer have that element of jealousy.
I just keep positive that I'm still Young enough to achieve what I want in life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't feel jealous about things like this. Other people made their choices and I made mine. I only feel jealous if I'm unhappy with my own situation, and if you love your job that shouldn't be the case. How about suggesting things you both can afford? Or take her up on the offer to pay every once in a while, you'll both have the benefit of spending time together and that's worth more than money. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've had the money, the house, the job that paid well, 3 holidays a year and a greedy wife who was jealous of anyone who had anything better.
Now I don't have any of that anymore, but I'm not envious of anyone who has done well for themselves, I just make the best of what I have. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
By the way OP, if your sister offers to pay, accept it. Then you can both have fun. Then pay her back by making her dinner or something. I'd rather owe my sisters money than owe the bank or credit card company. |
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My brother earns more than 3 times what I do but I feel no jealousy what so ever. I've Benn blessed with being a nice person where as he is a colossal selfish c**T.
I may have very little in comparison to him but I'm a much nicer honest and genuine person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why don't you invite her to enter your world instead of looking in on hers
Ask her to come and do something you like with you that is at a level you can afford
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very lucky that I don't feel jealousy where money is concerned.
Have you ever felt irrational jealousy over anything else? "
No. I see people who look like they have a wonderful relationship and want it but I don't envy them of it. I'm glad for them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I honestly think money does not buy happiness how many people do u hear off who come into a lot of money and it destroys them , I think as long as u r comfortable live by your means and don't go without what more can you ask for I always think there's a lot of people better off than me but probably hell of a lot more worse off |
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Years ago I had friends who had everything, the holidays, the champagne lifestyle, designer clothes, everything.
They used to treat me and I hated taking it, but as they said, we have you haven't and you never know when things might change.
Years later they lost everything, finished up living in rented house, had very little money, complete opposite.
That Christmas we bought them a booze box, with everything for Christmas that they were used to. As they say what goes round comes round. We are still friends and as they say you can't take memories away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Money isn't everything though, quality of life is more important. I work hard and earn enough money to enjoy myself but I really aren't bothered in working every hour around the clock for more money but no social life like some of my mates.
I guess your jealousy could be difficult to deal with but if you're happy with who you are and with your life in general then just keep thinking about that.
Your sister may well have more money but not really be as content as you are."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have an amazing job I love and have a masters degree thanks  .
Get one that pays the same as your sister, then you won't feel second rate..
And a PhD "
Ever thought about a career as a inspirational speaker. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"I have an amazing job I love and have a masters degree thanks .
Get one that pays the same as your sister, then you won't feel second rate..
And a PhD
Ever thought about a career as a inspirational speaker. "
No |
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OP, jealousy will eat at you till it destroys your relationship with your sister..
then all your left with is still jealousy, bitterness and guilt over the issue..
be happy for her now..
as VV said life is too short.. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I rarely get jealous. I sometimes have fleeting envy but it doesn't last for long.
I had friends who were the most generous people you could ever meet. They were generous with their time, their hospitality and their wealth. I couldn't afford the Italian holiday they planned for a group of us but they wanted me there with everyone else and paid for my holiday. I repaid them with babysitting and the things I could afford to give them - helping out and just spending time with them.
I never once envied their wealth and now that things have changed for them we are more equal financially but the friendship has never altered.
Wanting what others have just eats you up so make the most of what you have.
I am always grateful that my sister and I support each other, as we always have.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't have any siblings to be jealous of, I have friends who earn more than me and go on expensive holidays ect, but I'm not envious at all... They earn the money that pays for all they have in their lives!
Your life is what you make it, so make the most of it! Jealousy will only eat you up and lead to bitterness and resentment |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was s wondering how everyone on here deals with jealousy of any type? Just interested after my own pangs of jealousy struck this morning.
My sister earns twice as much as me and is always asking me to do stuff I HATE saying 'I'm sorry I can't afford it' because I know she will kindly offer to pay and that makes me feel worse!
I hate feeling jealous of her and don't want to go through my whole life like this.
Any suggestions other than 'feel great fill for what you do have?' Lol
Having written this down I feel terrible, lol. "
I haven't read the responses to this because I don't want it to cloud my reply to you. ..
Sometimes as people who earn a little more, or who are lucky in life, we want to treat people who are close to us. Why? Because we can. For no other reason that it gives immense pleasure and happiness to spend the time with you, and to see you happy. Let us. Let your sister. She loves you and shows her love by treating you. I can guarantee that you can "repay" her by doing things that don't cost money, but cost your time... Framing a special photo, making her a bunch of pretty flowers from ones you have picked, a little thought sometimes means more and lasts longer than £££  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's 11 years between my younger sister and I, we have different fathers and her father has been married to a millionaire for the last 8 years. She has a brand new car every year for her birthday, she was 20 yesterday and had a brand new Audi A1 with all her insurance paid. I've got an 07 plate car that I bought myself in 2009! She has everything she wants bought for her, clothes, make up, gets to stay in his wife's villa in Marbella every year or whenever she wants with flights paid an her friends. I get jealous of that but then she's also very spoilt and selfish. She'll think nothing of coming round my house, eating my food or borrowing shoes or clothes, if I ask her to lend me something it's a different story. Just last week I wanted to borrow her Guess ankle boots just cos I was going for food for my friends birthday so would have only been in and out the car but she's like no these are designer you're not taking them, but she'll take anything I've got. Pisses me off. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is ALL relative. If one parent earns £1000 per week and give their child 10%, and another earns £100 per weeks and still gives 10%, it's the same... But massively different. I hate being called spoilt purely because I have been able to have nice things in my life. It's my biggest bug bear..
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By *imiUKMan
over a year ago
Hereford |
"There's 11 years between my younger sister and I, we have different fathers and her father has been married to a millionaire for the last 8 years. She has a brand new car every year for her birthday, she was 20 yesterday and had a brand new Audi A1 with all her insurance paid. I've got an 07 plate car that I bought myself in 2009! She has everything she wants bought for her, clothes, make up, gets to stay in his wife's villa in Marbella every year or whenever she wants with flights paid an her friends. I get jealous of that but then she's also very spoilt and selfish. She'll think nothing of coming round my house, eating my food or borrowing shoes or clothes, if I ask her to lend me something it's a different story. Just last week I wanted to borrow her Guess ankle boots just cos I was going for food for my friends birthday so would have only been in and out the car but she's like no these are designer you're not taking them, but she'll take anything I've got. Pisses me off. "
I'll repeat, but in English: You can't take it with you. |
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"Wyrdwoman your right, I am really happy with my life, I only feel jealous when she is flying off on 4 week holidays to Thiland and I'm scrimping to pay for a night out.
Was just wondering how people deal with jealousy in any aspct of their life? "
concentrate on what you have got rather than what you haven't. Ask your sister to do things with you that you can afford and participate in equally.
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By *tevelizCouple
over a year ago
northampton |
"I was s wondering how everyone on here deals with jealousy of any type? Just interested after my own pangs of jealousy struck this morning.
My sister earns twice as much as me and is always asking me to do stuff I HATE saying 'I'm sorry I can't afford it' because I know she will kindly offer to pay and that makes me feel worse!
I hate feeling jealous of her and don't want to go through my whole life like this.
Any suggestions other than 'feel great fill for what you do have?' Lol
Having written this down I feel terrible, lol. "
bet she does not look as good as you. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"There's 11 years between my younger sister and I, we have different fathers and her father has been married to a millionaire for the last 8 years. She has a brand new car every year for her birthday, she was 20 yesterday and had a brand new Audi A1 with all her insurance paid. I've got an 07 plate car that I bought myself in 2009! She has everything she wants bought for her, clothes, make up, gets to stay in his wife's villa in Marbella every year or whenever she wants with flights paid an her friends. I get jealous of that but then she's also very spoilt and selfish. She'll think nothing of coming round my house, eating my food or borrowing shoes or clothes, if I ask her to lend me something it's a different story. Just last week I wanted to borrow her Guess ankle boots just cos I was going for food for my friends birthday so would have only been in and out the car but she's like no these are designer you're not taking them, but she'll take anything I've got. Pisses me off. "
I've never been able to afford a car. It's all relative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's 11 years between my younger sister and I, we have different fathers and her father has been married to a millionaire for the last 8 years. She has a brand new car every year for her birthday, she was 20 yesterday and had a brand new Audi A1 with all her insurance paid. I've got an 07 plate car that I bought myself in 2009! She has everything she wants bought for her, clothes, make up, gets to stay in his wife's villa in Marbella every year or whenever she wants with flights paid an her friends. I get jealous of that but then she's also very spoilt and selfish. She'll think nothing of coming round my house, eating my food or borrowing shoes or clothes, if I ask her to lend me something it's a different story. Just last week I wanted to borrow her Guess ankle boots just cos I was going for food for my friends birthday so would have only been in and out the car but she's like no these are designer you're not taking them, but she'll take anything I've got. Pisses me off. "
Yeah but those A1's are shit though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is ALL relative. If one parent earns £1000 per week and give their child 10%, and another earns £100 per weeks and still gives 10%, it's the same... But massively different. I hate being called spoilt purely because I have been able to have nice things in my life. It's my biggest bug bear..
"
Spoilt is about attitude though, not about the things themselves. I have nice things in my life. This doesn't make me spoilt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like others have said, don't let money get in the way of your relationship with your sister.
I've let mine pay for me when i'm skint, same with friends, and when i've had enough i've enjoyed paying for them.
Only thing i can say is let her enjoy paying for you because she would much rather have you come with her on days out and pay than have a day out without you. I'm serious about that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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With my sister there has never been any jealousy though, so don't know how you get over that? I've always been very comfortable being honest with my sisters though, she even said when i got more money she was pleased for me, and i was pleased for her when i was in poverty and she wasn't, because we just like to see each other happy and know what it's like to struggle and would never wish that on anyone else.
My other sister ended up severely disabled and needed DLA for years but never got it, her daughter was her carer for years and had to miss a lot of school, of course i was pleased when she got awarded more money and her life could become relatively normal at last. Maybe find things like this in your sisters life, look at all the positives she has from not struggling and feel grateful she isn't relying on you for money or anything else and that her family can have a normal life. I would love every person alive to be able to have this life and so many can't.
I used to be very independent, and still am to a degree, but i've never let pride stop me from taking any help that's offered, i'd love to have a normal life as much as possible so try my best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is ALL relative. If one parent earns £1000 per week and give their child 10%, and another earns £100 per weeks and still gives 10%, it's the same... But massively different. I hate being called spoilt purely because I have been able to have nice things in my life. It's my biggest bug bear..
Spoilt is about attitude though, not about the things themselves. I have nice things in my life. This doesn't make me spoilt. "
I totally agree. But I can also guarantee that some people will think you are spoilt because you have more than them, no matter how giving you are x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is ALL relative. If one parent earns £1000 per week and give their child 10%, and another earns £100 per weeks and still gives 10%, it's the same... But massively different. I hate being called spoilt purely because I have been able to have nice things in my life. It's my biggest bug bear..
Spoilt is about attitude though, not about the things themselves. I have nice things in my life. This doesn't make me spoilt.
I totally agree. But I can also guarantee that some people will think you are spoilt because you have more than them, no matter how giving you are x "
I'm sure they will, but they're obviously dickheads Anyone who matters to me knows I'm not. |
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"By the way OP, if your sister offers to pay, accept it. Then you can both have fun. Then pay her back by making her dinner or something. I'd rather owe my sisters money than owe the bank or credit card company."
I agree with this comment, repay your sisters kindness by doing something simple for her, and remember she must really enjoy being with you, love your company to be wanting to spend quality time with you,,, I say to my very good friend who has less pennies than me, to not give me a gift or even a card, just give me your time, your wit, your conversation and your wisdom. That's gift enough xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have 3 brothers, I am very close to one of them and his wife. We look out for each other, and lend each other money we take it in turns buying meals etc.
My 2 other brothers don't really bother with me. *shrug*
I do get slightly jealous if they go on holiday, but it soon goes, and I just shrug it off. They worked hard for it so I don't see why they can't go on their Hols. |
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Accept yourself and your sister for who you are. If there's any left over baggage from when you were growing up then deal with it somehow, maybe in therapy.
As Voluptuous says, its not worth it. We've both lost family recently and it highlighted to me what I need to focus on and value.
You may need to spend time talking with your sister but aim to do it when there's not an issue that's live. |
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