FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Safe word gone wrong
Safe word gone wrong
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We were having a great night at a club with a couple and got on really well all of us clicked. Eventually we all stepped it up another level and ventured into the play room and fun had been happening for a good half an hour. I turned around to the lady I was playing with and told her I really need to go for a pee and would be back in a min. Looking over at Deb having the time of her life getting a good seeing to I told her what I was doing and said don't stop carry on I genuinely need to go to the toilet stay and have fun I'll be back in a min luv u. At that I rushed to the loo done my pee and walking back through passing the bar area I stopped and saw Deb sat back at the table looking pretty pissed off. I asked what's wrong babe and she replied you called the safe word just when I was having a really great time. So I stopped the play to find out what was wrong. I was gutted I genuinely needed to go to the TOILET (our safe word at the time was toilet). We both laugh about it now after 5 years of swinging and use a different safe word now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why would you need a safe word in play unless it was extreme BDSM?
Safe words are supposed to surreal so as not to get in the way of pleasure. Toilet seems a little lavatorial? |
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"Why would you need a safe word in play unless it was extreme BDSM?
Safe words are supposed to surreal so as not to get in the way of pleasure. Toilet seems a little lavatorial?"
Lots of couples have words or phrases they use if they feel the play is not what they want. |
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"Why would you need a safe word in play unless it was extreme BDSM?
Safe words are supposed to surreal so as not to get in the way of pleasure. Toilet seems a little lavatorial?"
Because when couples are playing they need a word that will stop play if one person is uncomfortable.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something? 
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation. "
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment? "
Because ignoring 'no' can often be part of the play...adds to the helplessness.
A more unusual word is often substituted |
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment? "
If your in the middle of play or even just at the foreplay bit, suddenly shouting STOP could seem kind of rude but using a phrase to let the other person know you want out can be nicer. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment?
Because ignoring 'no' can often be part of the play...adds to the helplessness.
A more unusual word is often substituted "
ok I understand this point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment?
If your in the middle of play or even just at the foreplay bit, suddenly shouting STOP could seem kind of rude but using a phrase to let the other person know you want out can be nicer. "
Ok, I have no experience in this area that's why I wondered. As a single fem in a swinging environment, I aways just try to change the situation etc but can understand if you are restrained etc that wouldn't be possible. I think I'd still end up saying stop though lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn't it also the case that some people, maybe in the heat of the moment or otherwise will say Stop and not really mean it as in teasing? Hence you use a different word.
nb saying Stop and not meaning it or acting on it isn't the same as No=No. Just for clarity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment?
If your in the middle of play or even just at the foreplay bit, suddenly shouting STOP could seem kind of rude but using a phrase to let the other person know you want out can be nicer.
Ok, I have no experience in this area that's why I wondered. As a single fem in a swinging environment, I aways just try to change the situation etc but can understand if you are restrained etc that wouldn't be possible. I think I'd still end up saying stop though lol "
A level of trust is needed before playing this way...the dominant partner as it were needs not only to know the safe word or phrase but has to know their play partner well enough to know if they've forgotten the safe word and when no really means no....it's quite a deep thing between two folk and isn't easy to explain in text....you need a deeper understanding of each other and a trust that only time and familiarity can build |
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment?
If your in the middle of play or even just at the foreplay bit, suddenly shouting STOP could seem kind of rude but using a phrase to let the other person know you want out can be nicer.
Ok, I have no experience in this area that's why I wondered. As a single fem in a swinging environment, I aways just try to change the situation etc but can understand if you are restrained etc that wouldn't be possible. I think I'd still end up saying stop though lol "
It doesn't have to be in a restraint situation. Imagine you are playing with s man you don't know very well and your partner is close by but busy enjoying sex with a woman. The man you're with begins to do things you're not happy with and won't stop when you ask him to. A word out of context with the whole
situation attracts attention from your partner much more quickly than simply saying stop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment?
If your in the middle of play or even just at the foreplay bit, suddenly shouting STOP could seem kind of rude but using a phrase to let the other person know you want out can be nicer.
Ok, I have no experience in this area that's why I wondered. As a single fem in a swinging environment, I aways just try to change the situation etc but can understand if you are restrained etc that wouldn't be possible. I think I'd still end up saying stop though lol
It doesn't have to be in a restraint situation. Imagine you are playing with s man you don't know very well and your partner is close by but busy enjoying sex with a woman. The man you're with begins to do things you're not happy with and won't stop when you ask him to. A word out of context with the whole
situation attracts attention from your partner much more quickly than simply saying stop. "
I understand that. Thank you |
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment?
If your in the middle of play or even just at the foreplay bit, suddenly shouting STOP could seem kind of rude but using a phrase to let the other person know you want out can be nicer.
Ok, I have no experience in this area that's why I wondered. As a single fem in a swinging environment, I aways just try to change the situation etc but can understand if you are restrained etc that wouldn't be possible. I think I'd still end up saying stop though lol
It doesn't have to be in a restraint situation. Imagine you are playing with s man you don't know very well and your partner is close by but busy enjoying sex with a woman. The man you're with begins to do things you're not happy with and won't stop when you ask him to. A word out of context with the whole
situation attracts attention from your partner much more quickly than simply saying stop.
I understand that. Thank you "
You're welcome. We discussed the use of a stop strategy after an intimidating experience for me when there was nothing I could put my finger on but the guy was saying some very odd things and my instincts were screaming at me to stop. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation. "
Toilet doesn't? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment?
Because ignoring 'no' can often be part of the play...adds to the helplessness.
A more unusual word is often substituted "
ignoring no is a custodial sentence of about 7 years! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment? So you shout TOILET.....................seems reasonable!
If your in the middle of play or even just at the foreplay bit, suddenly shouting STOP could seem kind of rude but using a phrase to let the other person know you want out can be nicer.
Ok, I have no experience in this area that's why I wondered. As a single fem in a swinging environment, I aways just try to change the situation etc but can understand if you are restrained etc that wouldn't be possible. I think I'd still end up saying stop though lol
It doesn't have to be in a restraint situation. Imagine you are playing with s man you don't know very well and your partner is close by but busy enjoying sex with a woman. The man you're with begins to do things you're not happy with and won't stop when you ask him to. A word out of context with the whole
situation attracts attention from your partner much more quickly than simply saying stop. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I used a safe word with a trusted fb at a club in case someone joined in that I wasn't happy with.
Get that ugly old fat fucker off me wasn't it!!
 "
It was, and i did.  |
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation. Toilet doesn't?"
Not if used in a sentence lol as it was in the op. Mind you, if used on its own it might cause confusion and amusement rather than offence lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
Because that's obvious and may cause offence and confrontation.
Surely it's no different to saying no in a normal environment?
Because ignoring 'no' can often be part of the play...adds to the helplessness.
A more unusual word is often substituted ignoring no is a custodial sentence of about 7 years!"
Thankyou for your expertise. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something? "
because sometimes saying stop,doesn't necessarily mean stop !!
hence another word, preferably nowhere near sex (ie) rhubarb n custard. |
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
because sometimes saying stop,doesn't necessarily mean stop !!
hence another word, preferably nowhere near sex (ie) rhubarb n custard. "
That might be nowhere near sex for you, what about us rhubarb and custardists?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something? "
A good safe word should be one which would never be said during enjoyable sex.
Something like "stop" is an everyday word. She might be saying "don't stop!" But it could be heard as "Don't! Stop!!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
because sometimes saying stop,doesn't necessarily mean stop !!
hence another word, preferably nowhere near sex (ie) rhubarb n custard.
That might be nowhere near sex for you, what about us rhubarb and custardists? "
Bloody pudding fetishists! Never easy with you lot! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
because sometimes saying stop,doesn't necessarily mean stop !!
hence another word, preferably nowhere near sex (ie) rhubarb n custard.
That might be nowhere near sex for you, what about us rhubarb and custardists? "
well for all you rrhubarb n custardists looks like somebody's getting well hammered then !!  |
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"Excuse my ignorance. But if you both know that the "safe word" means stop. Why not just say stop? Am I missing something?
because sometimes saying stop,doesn't necessarily mean stop !!
hence another word, preferably nowhere near sex (ie) rhubarb n custard.
That might be nowhere near sex for you, what about us rhubarb and custardists?
Bloody pudding fetishists! Never easy with you lot! "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm guessing "llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch" probably isn't the easiest word to say but as a safe word it's not likely to be spurted out by accident  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm guessing "llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch" probably isn't the easiest word to say but as a safe word it's not likely to be spurted out by accident "
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"I'm guessing "llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch" probably isn't the easiest word to say but as a safe word it's not likely to be spurted out by accident "
difficult to say with your mouth full |
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