FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Damned if I do, damned if I don't
Damned if I do, damned if I don't
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Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
Yes, without a doubt.
You only get one life so you don't want to spend it being unhappy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
yes ,lifes too short to be in a loveless relationship,,move on and good luck,x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been divorced once. After a four year relationship - only were married a few months.
He was a nice guy but we just weren't right for each other. We brought each other down. I remember being desperate for him to cheat on me so I could leave him. And it was that point that made me realise I just needed to tell him it wasn't working any more. Really hard conversation.
For me personally, I don't think I could ever stay in a relationship where I was permanently not happy.
Everyone has ups and downs. But I think you always know whether it will pick back up or if it's not worth the effort.
With kids in the mix I'm guessing it's different. But surely you and your husband both deserve to find happiness even if it's not with each other? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
Yep(and have!)...
You deserve to be happy. It will be hard but totally with it.
I wish you well with your decision. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have to ask why you're still together if things are that bad? Doing it for the kids is probably the worst reason ever. I breathed a sigh of relief when my parents eventually decided to split. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're at each other's throats 24/7. Kids know we don't get on already. Eldest daughter asked me 18 months ago why I don't get rid of him. "
If its like that yes but why not one move out see how it go first .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes...I did.
Was terrified how I'd manage financially but decided I'd rather be permanently broke than permanently unhappy.
Took me a while to get back on my feet but, hand on heart, it's the best thing I ever did
Good luck whatever you decide to do OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years .......... OP its a long time to be married .... you could have gone years ago why now .? How long have you not been getting on ,?? Do he know your on here.? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A mans _iew (well mine anyway) irretrievable marrage only one answer divorce, yes someone will get hurt for a short time but better than both getting hurt for a long time"
If it's broken down as described in the OP, and so far past irretrievable, why should there be any hurt for anyone? None more than is minimally necessary anyway. It's also cheaper that way too.
Seems a moot point considering the OP's status, having already filled out the divorce forms.
Good luck to all involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont look back in another 10 years and think why didnt i.
If something is not making you happy, move on, biggest mistake i made sticking around, never again.
Her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
I did after 24 years. Similar situation. We get on better now than we ever did. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
Life is too short to be unhappy.
Chances are you would both be happy separated.
Good luck with whatever you decide. Xx
It's never going to be an easy decision
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
My Question is why was this just aimed at the Ladies 
Gimp |
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He's just so unsupportive. Yesterday I took the dogs for a 2 hr walk without having had a drink or anything. I'm diabetic so I was knackered and hypoglycemic when he bowls through the door andgives me hell for not cleaning the fridge out. Like a blinking victorian. So I told him I'm having a hypo and need something to eat and a drink. He says he's fucking fed up of my diabetes and that he hasn't had breakfast either. Yes love, but that's a bit different. When I start crying he orders me to stop. He hasn't shown a thread of concern for 20 years. |
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you?
My Question is why was this just aimed at the Ladies
Gimp"
I never take any notice of things like that cos I'm bi so am allowed a single sentence. Fab rules ans regulations etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 26/01/15 22:02:44]"
op do you sit him down tell him how you feel ?? if not your really should ...........as if he loves you he will listen as you could well be off ..
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"[Removed by poster at 26/01/15 22:02:44] op do you sit him down tell him how you feel ?? if not your really should ...........as if he loves you he will listen as you could well be off .."
He knows how I feel but admittedly we need to talk again.
There's nothing to retrieve though. We're way past that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you?
My Question is why was this just aimed at the Ladies
Gimp
I never take any notice of things like that cos I'm bi so am allowed a single sentence. Fab rules ans regulations etc. "
The only sentence you will get is Guilty as Hell....Take him down  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 26/01/15 22:02:44] op do you sit him down tell him how you feel ?? if not your really should ...........as if he loves you he will listen as you could well be off ..
He knows how I feel but admittedly we need to talk again.
There's nothing to retrieve though. We're way past that. "
Does he know you are on here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 26/01/15 22:02:44] op do you sit him down tell him how you feel ?? if not your really should ...........as if he loves you he will listen as you could well be off ..
He knows how I feel but admittedly we need to talk again.
There's nothing to retrieve though. We're way past that. "
Maybe go out have a drink and a chat ......... if you go out things will be under control as others around . Tell him how pissed off you are how he is treating you .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just do it..............and to hell with the consequences! the only possession we have that cannot be replaced is time..........once its gone its gone never to be seen again. Time wasted is just not on. I did it! |
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I ended my marriage after nearly 20 years as I was reaching the age of 40 and for years I had not loved him or wanted to be with him, we had split up before and I wish I had of called it quits that first time. It drags you down and I couldn't do it any longer.
OP deep down you know what to do, it's scary but it's worth it to get your sanity and self worth back |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As my first question was ignored my second would be what would the replies be if it was a bloke posting 
And my third is...does anybody read Profiles ???
Gimp |
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By *vsnikkiTV/TS
over a year ago
Limavady |
Just playing the devil's advocate. Please realize I am not trying to be rude.
You have been on this site for a number of years and had lots of extra marital sex (according to your profile). Would your husband be happy with that or would he divorce you? Why wait for him to play away when you have been? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
Get out of iit and go have fun..you deserve it..
Life is to short for saddos in this world xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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if you are miserable do it !I led a lie for years and became a different person. I have two young kids and my family hated it at first but now, as we all settle we are happy. I am getting back to the person I used to be x life Is too short to be miserable and unloved |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All I know if it was ever me I would be doing it for myself not for others ... As its like a candy shop here and men come and go and its not real half the time ... I know women who meet others here and run off only to go back when they find out the grass was not greener on the other side . 24 years is a long time to have lived being unhappy . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've long believed marriage should come with a renewal date. Maybe every five or ten years. All things equal both parties walk away without it being messy, if possible
Think of it as like the bosman ruling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 26/01/15 22:02:44] op do you sit him down tell him how you feel ?? if not your really should ...........as if he loves you he will listen as you could well be off ..
He knows how I feel but admittedly we need to talk again.
There's nothing to retrieve though.
We're way past that. "
Sorry if a mans point is irrelevant, but this sounds like you have already made up your mind and it's no longer a question? Are you hoping that someone convinces you otherwise? If you DO still hold that little bit of hope then I think after 24 years that bit of hope should be given a chance and maybe you should speak with a professional instead of seeking help from a swinging site (does he know your on)?
If you haven't tried a marriage councillor, I'd reccommend it.
If you have and as it sounds, there is no hope, pack your bags and stay with a friend or family, if you find living away from each other easy. Make the move permanent.
Sorry if any of that sound harsh, I've never been in your shoes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just playing the devil's advocate. Please realize I am not trying to be rude.
You have been on this site for a number of years and had lots of extra marital sex (according to your profile). Would your husband be happy with that or would he divorce you? Why wait for him to play away when you have been? "
I was also curious about that. But more importantly, what's holding you back from what on appearances seems a blatantly easy decision? |
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By *zeye73Man
over a year ago
Amersham |
"[Removed by poster at 26/01/15 22:02:44] op do you sit him down tell him how you feel ?? if not your really should ...........as if he loves you he will listen as you could well be off ..
He knows how I feel but admittedly we need to talk again.
There's nothing to retrieve though. We're way past that. "
I'm getting the feeling you know what you want to do. I think you should start to realise what you need to.
As many have said previously "life is far too short" to waste without happiness. Try contacting a local support group for practical advise.
Good luck x
Hope you
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're at each other's throats 24/7. Kids know we don't get on already. Eldest daughter asked me 18 months ago why I don't get rid of him. "
thats a good enough reason make sure you get all the legal stuff sorted and plan a happy future x best of luck
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You seem to have embraced the swinging lifestyle. I think you know what you should really do.
My question is; has it been less pressured and more convenient to swing as a married woman, albeit cheating I assume? And therefore are you insecure about leading the lifestyle as a single?
I don't judge, it's just that you've posed a question to which the answer seems self evident. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guy...been there twice...you can't get advice on it..so dont listen to leave him...stay...follow your heart. Seperation is not divorce..tho obviously it will at sometime get there..if you leave..leave divorce alone for a while...in a few months...a year...then go there if you feel it's right...twice in my life I have faced this...it can take a long time to recover...so take good care...x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you're marriage is over you're the only one who knows it nobody else on here does because you know most of the picture and will only give us your side of the story.
You won't even confirm on here if your husband knows you're having sex with strangers! Is guilt playing any part in you seeking external backing?
I wouldn't dream of advising you to get a divorce, only you can or should make that decision. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's just so unsupportive. Yesterday I took the dogs for a 2 hr walk without having had a drink or anything. I'm diabetic so I was knackered and hypoglycemic when he bowls through the door andgives me hell for not cleaning the fridge out. Like a blinking victorian. So I told him I'm having a hypo and need something to eat and a drink. He says he's fucking fed up of my diabetes and that he hasn't had breakfast either. Yes love, but that's a bit different. When I start crying he orders me to stop. He hasn't shown a thread of concern for 20 years."
I'd have walked out on him there and then.
Split with my ex a few years ago, he didn't even treat me like shit, but it's been great having the freedom to have my own life.
Not sure if you're scared of anything but being single is a lot better than being in a miserable relationship. Your guy sounds abusive, honestly. Not sure you can fi abusive relationships, i've never tried to. |
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"[Removed by poster at 26/01/15 22:02:44] op do you sit him down tell him how you feel ?? if not your really should ...........as if he loves you he will listen as you could well be off ..
He knows how I feel but admittedly we need to talk again.
There's nothing to retrieve though. We're way past that.
Does he know you are on here?"
I doubt it. But he's not into swinging. |
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"He's just so unsupportive. Yesterday I took the dogs for a 2 hr walk without having had a drink or anything. I'm diabetic so I was knackered and hypoglycemic when he bowls through the door andgives me hell for not cleaning the fridge out. Like a blinking victorian. So I told him I'm having a hypo and need something to eat and a drink. He says he's fucking fed up of my diabetes and that he hasn't had breakfast either. Yes love, but that's a bit different. When I start crying he orders me to stop. He hasn't shown a thread of concern for 20 years.
I'd have walked out on him there and then.
Split with my ex a few years ago, he didn't even treat me like shit, but it's been great having the freedom to have my own life.
Not sure if you're scared of anything but being single is a lot better than being in a miserable relationship. Your guy sounds abusive, honestly. Not sure you can fi abusive relationships, i've never tried to."
I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'd have walked out on him there and then
This was the straw that broke the camels back. "
OP you really need to sit him down and have this all out in the open ............ it will do you both good and things will change ...... and you may go but you will both get things off your chests .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest! "
Yeah. Can't say i blame you for being worried about that. Not even gonna say leave him because money isn't everything because you do need money to exist on.
Not sure how to advise you on finances. I'm working (topped up by benefits) but yeah it can take 6 weeks for money to come through, plus i've no savings to fall back on any more thanks to rent deductions and council tax going up.
Can you save up some money to get by? No idea how you'd get by long term though. Hope someone has better advice coz i do think you should leave him for being abusive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with thread above
You need to sit him down and talk to him.
No love. No lust. No happiness.
You only have one life so enjoy it.
I was married but we became like brother sister. We were friends so it was very hard. My kids were Young. That made it harder.
Now my ex and I have a good relationship. We are friends. I have a better relationship with my kids. And I am the happiest I have ever been.
Him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest!
Yeah. Can't say i blame you for being worried about that. Not even gonna say leave him because money isn't everything because you do need money to exist on.
Not sure how to advise you on finances. I'm working (topped up by benefits) but yeah it can take 6 weeks for money to come through, plus i've no savings to fall back on any more thanks to rent deductions and council tax going up.
Can you save up some money to get by? No idea how you'd get by long term though. Hope someone has better advice coz i do think you should leave him for being abusive."
he may know she has been different and think she is cheating and that's why he is like this .. we don't know his side . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're marriage is over you're the only one who knows it nobody else on here does because you know most of the picture and will only give us your side of the story.
You won't even confirm on here if your husband knows you're having sex with strangers! Is guilt playing any part in you seeking external backing?
I wouldn't dream of advising you to get a divorce, only you can or should make that decision. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest!
Yeah. Can't say i blame you for being worried about that. Not even gonna say leave him because money isn't everything because you do need money to exist on.
Not sure how to advise you on finances. I'm working (topped up by benefits) but yeah it can take 6 weeks for money to come through, plus i've no savings to fall back on any more thanks to rent deductions and council tax going up.
Can you save up some money to get by? No idea how you'd get by long term though. Hope someone has better advice coz i do think you should leave him for being abusive. he may know she has been different and think she is cheating and that's why he is like this .. we don't know his side ."
Agreed, always 2 sides |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest!
Yeah. Can't say i blame you for being worried about that. Not even gonna say leave him because money isn't everything because you do need money to exist on.
Not sure how to advise you on finances. I'm working (topped up by benefits) but yeah it can take 6 weeks for money to come through, plus i've no savings to fall back on any more thanks to rent deductions and council tax going up.
Can you save up some money to get by? No idea how you'd get by long term though. Hope someone has better advice coz i do think you should leave him for being abusive. he may know she has been different and think she is cheating and that's why he is like this .. we don't know his side .
Agreed, always 2 sides "
Usually at least 3. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's just so unsupportive. Yesterday I took the dogs for a 2 hr walk without having had a drink or anything. I'm diabetic so I was knackered and hypoglycemic when he bowls through the door andgives me hell for not cleaning the fridge out. Like a blinking victorian. So I told him I'm having a hypo and need something to eat and a drink. He says he's fucking fed up of my diabetes and that he hasn't had breakfast either. Yes love, but that's a bit different. When I start crying he orders me to stop. He hasn't shown a thread of concern for 20 years.
I'd have walked out on him there and then.
Split with my ex a few years ago, he didn't even treat me like shit, but it's been great having the freedom to have my own life.
Not sure if you're scared of anything but being single is a lot better than being in a miserable relationship. Your guy sounds abusive, honestly. Not sure you can fi abusive relationships, i've never tried to.
I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest! "
I walked out on 20yrs of marriage at 2am, in the clothes I stood in, with £20.00 in my pocket, and a 16 and 17yr old in tow. I never looked back, You'll manage, with guts and determination, but don't let it get to that stage.... Better to be happy and poor than rich and miserable... Good luck, it's a horrible situation to be in... My box is open. Er no pun |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're at each other's throats 24/7. Kids know we don't get on already. Eldest daughter asked me 18 months ago why I don't get rid of him. "
.
I'd choose lacing his Sunday sport pages with arsenic, then when he licks his fingers to turn the page he'll receive a small dose and over the course of a month he,ll fall.... Ohh wait your just taking divorce .. Oops  |
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"I agree with thread above
You need to sit him down and talk to him.
No love. No lust. No happiness.
You only have one life so enjoy it.
I was married but we became like brother sister. We were friends so it was very hard. My kids were Young. That made it harder.
Now my ex and I have a good relationship. We are friends. I have a better relationship with my kids. And I am the happiest I have ever been.
Him. "
I'm pleased there might be happiness on the horizon . We're like bickering siblings, it is true! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please note that any abusive posts or messages will be reported. I've had hate mail. Sigh. "
I haven't. So send em to me instead and i'll have a laugh and delete. Pics would be appreciated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest!
Yeah. Can't say i blame you for being worried about that. Not even gonna say leave him because money isn't everything because you do need money to exist on.
Not sure how to advise you on finances. I'm working (topped up by benefits) but yeah it can take 6 weeks for money to come through, plus i've no savings to fall back on any more thanks to rent deductions and council tax going up.
Can you save up some money to get by? No idea how you'd get by long term though. Hope someone has better advice coz i do think you should leave him for being abusive. he may know she has been different and think she is cheating and that's why he is like this .. we don't know his side ."
Doesn't matter.
If he can't deal with his problems without being abusive then he has the problem. I never make excuses for abusers, sorry i just don't.
If this is a one off and out of character then fair enough maybe then make an allowance, but i doubt it is because she said he doesn't show her any care for the past 20 years.
Will let OP explain further, if she wants to, and she doesn't have to explain anything coz this is all about her and how to figure out how get what she wants from life. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest!
Yeah. Can't say i blame you for being worried about that. Not even gonna say leave him because money isn't everything because you do need money to exist on.
Not sure how to advise you on finances. I'm working (topped up by benefits) but yeah it can take 6 weeks for money to come through, plus i've no savings to fall back on any more thanks to rent deductions and council tax going up.
Can you save up some money to get by? No idea how you'd get by long term though. Hope someone has better advice coz i do think you should leave him for being abusive. he may know she has been different and think she is cheating and that's why he is like this .. we don't know his side .
Doesn't matter.
If he can't deal with his problems without being abusive then he has the problem. I never make excuses for abusers, sorry i just don't.
If this is a one off and out of character then fair enough maybe then make an allowance, but i doubt it is because she said he doesn't show her any care for her illness."
no one should abuses no one ........ But we are hearing one side .. she maybe doing the same to him in some way........ when you don't know everything you just never know. OP should be happy and her playing away shows she is not happy . |
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"I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest!
Yeah. Can't say i blame you for being worried about that. Not even gonna say leave him because money isn't everything because you do need money to exist on.
Not sure how to advise you on finances. I'm working (topped up by benefits) but yeah it can take 6 weeks for money to come through, plus i've no savings to fall back on any more thanks to rent deductions and council tax going up.
Can you save up some money to get by? No idea how you'd get by long term though. Hope someone has better advice coz i do think you should leave him for being abusive. he may know she has been different and think she is cheating and that's why he is like this .. we don't know his side .
Doesn't matter.
If he can't deal with his problems without being abusive then he has the problem. I never make excuses for abusers, sorry i just don't.
If this is a one off and out of character then fair enough maybe then make an allowance, but i doubt it is because she said he doesn't show her any care for the past 20 years.
Will let OP explain further, if she wants to, and she doesn't have to explain anything coz this is all about her and how to figure out how get what she wants from life."
He's always been controlling. |
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"We're at each other's throats 24/7. Kids know we don't get on already. Eldest daughter asked me 18 months ago why I don't get rid of him. "
My parents were in the same boat and thankfully they have gone their separate ways...with my parents (mum and step dad) things actually turned very sour so I would recommend living YOUR life how YOU will be happy! Don't stay with someone if you aren't happy. My mum is now divorced and I have never seen her so happy, my step dad on the other hand I couldn't tell you as he disowned me haha!!
But honestly I am a true believer in following your heart and knowing what will make you happier in the long run. Life is too short to just do what you think is right rather than what feels right! |
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"We're at each other's throats 24/7. Kids know we don't get on already. Eldest daughter asked me 18 months ago why I don't get rid of him.
My parents were in the same boat and thankfully they have gone their separate ways...with my parents (mum and step dad) things actually turned very sour so I would recommend living YOUR life how YOU will be happy! Don't stay with someone if you aren't happy. My mum is now divorced and I have never seen her so happy, my step dad on the other hand I couldn't tell you as he disowned me haha!!
But honestly I am a true believer in following your heart and knowing what will make you happier in the long run. Life is too short to just do what you think is right rather than what feels right! "
That's encouraging! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd always advocate talking first. Sometimes that's all it takes but if after that there is no spark then cut loose. From your pics you will find someone else quickly if you chose to do so. Good luck best wishes |
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"I'd always advocate talking first. Sometimes that's all it takes but if after that there is no spark then cut loose. From your pics you will find someone else quickly if you chose to do so. Good luck best wishes "
These days mediation is the thing. There is no spark at all. That was extinguished the moment I produced our 21 year old. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's always been controlling. "
You need to take control now. How you do that is up to you, if you stayed with him it would have to be under your terms. If you walk out on him then don't let him affect your life.
It's a long time since i've been with anyone abusive, and he put me off relationships completely if i'm honest, i always hold back when in one. Pretty sure my ex is a sociopath, so i have had to cut off contact with him completely, i talk to him but never show emotion, never let him think he's getting to me coz he gets off on that. On the rare occasions he tries to tell me how to live my life i just ignore him and give him shit and show him my life is mine, not his and he has no control over me (i do this in a calm way though).
You just need advice on how to survive on your own, i did it in relative poverty for years but the safety nets available 15 years ago were better than now. Maybe seek professional advice from CAB? I just fled to a bedsit with my toddler, while i was pregnant, claimed my own benefits, had help from a church with food, they also gave me furniture months later when i got housed because the bedsit was condemned.
So that's how i did it, wasn't too hard and i was very grateful for the crappy place to live and the poverty was better than being with a dickhead. Your kids are grown as well so it might be easier for you because you don't have dependents, dunno of you have any family to help you out as well? I didn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think 'for the sake of the kids' applies anymore if two adults are proverbially at each other's throats.
I got out of a VERY long relationship a few years ago and really regret not leaving sooner.
I've learnt that it's important to live your live and be happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Everyone missing the obvious here, he has grounds for divorce (her cheating), she doesn't. "
The only grounds for divorce are irretrievable breakdown of marriage.
Put any shit you like in "the papers", no one cares a fuck, least of all the courts.
Bit more concern when ther are young children. But not much more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please note that any abusive posts or messages will be reported. I've had hate mail. Sigh. "
That's disgraceful. Totally out of order. No one has any clue about what u may have been through |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He will not divorce me. I've asked him to four times in the last year. That's why I'm starting proceedings. He'd keep me as his housekeeper for ever! "
Do he know you meet others for sex.? If he don't do you think he may have a gut feeling you are.? Like with dog 2 hours did he think you was shagging .? Why so upset ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He knows I'm on here and also knows I was being a pro last year for a week. He still wants me but as a slave, not as a wife."
You were a pro? 
Which sport? |
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"Please note that any abusive posts or messages will be reported. I've had hate mail. Sigh.
That's disgraceful. Totally out of order. No one has any clue about what u may have been through "
Exactly. Walk a day in my shoes then tell me I'm in the wrong.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just do what protects your happiness, not finances. And if you both have the lack of feelings, then divorce. Though you have been cheating, which indicates you care as little as you can really.
Also, there's several sides to any story, so the advice on here is pretty much like chewing gum to solve algebra |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please note that any abusive posts or messages will be reported. I've had hate mail. Sigh.
That's disgraceful. Totally out of order. No one has any clue about what u may have been through
Exactly. Walk a day in my shoes then tell me I'm in the wrong.
"
When something's that dead I don't blame U looking elsewhere
Everyone deserves some loving in their life !! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you ever seen the Steptoe and Son episode where they divide the house into two and still share?
Might make watching TV interesting but you could maybe give it a go and live your own life within the existing home, as you appear to be doing.
Just let him have a once a month slot for the washing machine and he should be ok. |
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"If the love and emotional support has gone then yes, I would."
but need to be sure, you only see this when you are in need. Those who you might least exptect to stand by you in your hour of need, but do is a show of their true feelings.
Wish you all the best.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Have you ever seen the Steptoe and Son episode where they divide the house into two and still share?
Might make watching TV interesting but you could maybe give it a go and live your own life within the existing home, as you appear to be doing.
Just let him have a once a month slot for the washing machine and he should be ok. "
...Washing machine.. Phew I wondered what you were gonna say for a minute |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Have you ever seen the Steptoe and Son episode where they divide the house into two and still share?
Might make watching TV interesting but you could maybe give it a go and live your own life within the existing home, as you appear to be doing.
Just let him have a once a month slot for the washing machine and he should be ok. ...Washing machine.. Phew I wondered what you were gonna say for a minute "
So do i, everytime lol  |
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"
Have you ever seen the Steptoe and Son episode where they divide the house into two and still share?
Might make watching TV interesting but you could maybe give it a go and live your own life within the existing home, as you appear to be doing.
Just let him have a once a month slot for the washing machine and he should be ok. ...Washing machine.. Phew I wondered what you were gonna say for a minute
So do i, everytime lol "
sex with him was loveless, emotionless and no pleasure for me. Eats. Roots. Shoots and leaves. Oh yeah, he has hands like sandpaper and wouldn't know what to do with a woman if she sat on him stark naked. Touches So rough even the dogs don't like it! My parts used to be treated like the metal he works with and smells of every day. Shudder. What was I thinking?!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Have you ever seen the Steptoe and Son episode where they divide the house into two and still share?
Might make watching TV interesting but you could maybe give it a go and live your own life within the existing home, as you appear to be doing.
Just let him have a once a month slot for the washing machine and he should be ok. ...Washing machine.. Phew I wondered what you were gonna say for a minute
So do i, everytime lol
sex with him was loveless, emotionless and no pleasure for me. Eats. Roots. Shoots and leaves. Oh yeah, he has hands like sandpaper and wouldn't know what to do with a woman if she sat on him stark naked. Touches So rough even the dogs don't like it! My parts used to be treated like the metal he works with and smells of every day. Shudder. What was I thinking?!!!!"
.
This hate mail.... I'm still wondering how did they know where you live |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Have you ever seen the Steptoe and Son episode where they divide the house into two and still share?
Might make watching TV interesting but you could maybe give it a go and live your own life within the existing home, as you appear to be doing.
Just let him have a once a month slot for the washing machine and he should be ok. ...Washing machine.. Phew I wondered what you were gonna say for a minute
So do i, everytime lol
sex with him was loveless, emotionless and no pleasure for me. Eats. Roots. Shoots and leaves. Oh yeah, he has hands like sandpaper and wouldn't know what to do with a woman if she sat on him stark naked. Touches So rough even the dogs don't like it! My parts used to be treated like the metal he works with and smells of every day. Shudder. What was I thinking?!!!!.
This hate mail.... I'm still wondering how did they know where you live "
They can hear the husband demand his breakfast, tea and conjugals. |
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"Everyone missing the obvious here, he has grounds for divorce (her cheating), she doesn't. "
I have grounds as the marriage has broken down irretrievably and his behaviour is unreasonable. No question. |
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"I've long believed marriage should come with a renewal date. Maybe every five or ten years. All things equal both parties walk away without it being messy, if possible
Think of it as like the bosman ruling. "
What a brilliant idea! I tried for four years before I married him. I'm a different person now though, as he is. I've rediscovered my fun side, the one he'd managed to suppress through years of calling me fat and disgusting and refusing to touch me. My self esteem has improved dramatically thanks to all the lovely guys on Fab! I feel I now have the strength to move forward. No more marriages but definitely, if I did, five year contracts would be the best idea. |
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Is quite a long shot to believe that two people can be together forever till death do they part .All good and well but we all change over time ... All can be different people in our veiws n beliefs, opinions etc .. And they can change too over years , with experiences we have and more life we live.
Yeap it can and does work for some ,if all these changes are in the same direction for both... Seperate paths often taken tho aint they... And sometimes the paths never meet again. And can lead to limbo for all.
When it's done it's done. If people were able to be brutaly honest with each other and admit they are far from happy with their lot, the choices then are try make it work or move on...
Damned if do and Damned if dont? I personally would ' do ' or spend the rest of my life wishing I had and resenting every breath the other takes.. Life really is too short a thing....
Good Luck with all you decide .... The thinking about it all is often far worse than the doing ( i speak from experience! ) ( mrs) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This hate mail.... I'm still wondering how did they know where you live
I live on fabwingers site of course! So I am getting hate mail in my inbox. Did you think I actually have a life?!
 "
You don't deserve hate mail because no one here knows enough about your situation to make that judgement. However you haven't said how the swingers lifestyle came about and how it has impacted on your marriage, why you got into it etc If you are going to ask for advice you need to present more information. You have had a lot of support here of your one sided _iew, the flip side of that is the people who have judged you without knowing the full picture. |
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
I did! |
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"We're at each other's throats 24/7. Kids know we don't get on already. Eldest daughter asked me 18 months ago why I don't get rid of him. "
My children adore their dad, but my eldest said something similar: she said I hope you're not staying with him because of us. |
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"We're at each other's throats 24/7. Kids know we don't get on already. Eldest daughter asked me 18 months ago why I don't get rid of him.
My children adore their dad, but my eldest said something similar: she said I hope you're not staying with him because of us."
We were but that's not necessary any more. They've all grown up! |
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If he controlling get out of it as I got out of mine 9 months ago took me while but I am happier person feel better in myself I know some situations not easy but you deserve to be happy will get through this whatever you decide and good luck do what you think is right |
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you?
I did after 24 years. Similar situation. We get on better now than we ever did. Xx"
Same here after 24 years. We got on better, never missed a college/uni visit, graduation, birthday for the kids etc. I even had his mum one Christmas to give him a break.
He moved out of London after his mother died last year and I went to visit him. All was well until he realised Ben had moved in. He phoned me at work to call me a desperate slut who was going to make someone steal my money and deprive the kids of any legacy.
Think it's fair to say I haven't spoken to him since! |
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Thanks everybody for your advice. Although I've read each and every one of your comments I can't reply individually to you all. However, I wanted you to know that I really appreciate your support.
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"He's just so unsupportive. Yesterday I took the dogs for a 2 hr walk without having had a drink or anything. I'm diabetic so I was knackered and hypoglycemic when he bowls through the door andgives me hell for not cleaning the fridge out. Like a blinking victorian. So I told him I'm having a hypo and need something to eat and a drink. He says he's fucking fed up of my diabetes and that he hasn't had breakfast either. Yes love, but that's a bit different. When I start crying he orders me to stop. He hasn't shown a thread of concern for 20 years.
I'd have walked out on him there and then.
Split with my ex a few years ago, he didn't even treat me like shit, but it's been great having the freedom to have my own life.
Not sure if you're scared of anything but being single is a lot better than being in a miserable relationship. Your guy sounds abusive, honestly. Not sure you can fi abusive relationships, i've never tried to.
I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest! "
If I'd still been married I'd be mortgage free, hundreds of thousands in the bank and sailing the seven seas.
I left my husband having lost 80% of my sight due to illness with a whopping interest only mortgage. There was no guarantee my sight would return and the recession saved me.
My ex has just bought a house for cash in Essex and all three kids drive brand new cars courtesy of dad: they are replaced every two years.
Would I have changed a thing? Would I fuck! You'll survive! |
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"He's just so unsupportive. Yesterday I took the dogs for a 2 hr walk without having had a drink or anything. I'm diabetic so I was knackered and hypoglycemic when he bowls through the door andgives me hell for not cleaning the fridge out. Like a blinking victorian. So I told him I'm having a hypo and need something to eat and a drink. He says he's fucking fed up of my diabetes and that he hasn't had breakfast either. Yes love, but that's a bit different. When I start crying he orders me to stop. He hasn't shown a thread of concern for 20 years.
I'd have walked out on him there and then.
Split with my ex a few years ago, he didn't even treat me like shit, but it's been great having the freedom to have my own life.
Not sure if you're scared of anything but being single is a lot better than being in a miserable relationship. Your guy sounds abusive, honestly. Not sure you can fi abusive relationships, i've never tried to.
I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest!
If I'd still been married I'd be mortgage free, hundreds of thousands in the bank and sailing the seven seas.
I left my husband having lost 80% of my sight due to illness with a whopping interest only mortgage. There was no guarantee my sight would return and the recession saved me.
My ex has just bought a house for cash in Essex and all three kids drive brand new cars courtesy of dad: they are replaced every two years.
Would I have changed a thing? Would I fuck! You'll survive!"
Glad to hear you're so happy! I might be quite well sorted. At least we are mortgage free at the moment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am I the only one thinking that there might be a lot of one sided _iews that it's the just man who is out of order here? We have only heared one side of the story and of corse will never hear the other side so cannot really comment with any knowledge of the whole story. If you are wanting to leave then do it you are obviously not happy where you are, or are you wanting to come out of this with him being the one who has to leave so that you can both have you're cake and eat it? Sorry but has to be said that maybe he refuses to give up what he has maybe taken years to build up ie house and stuff. Why not just share the home arrange a compromise as to living arrangements and just share the house. If it not owned by any if you then just make a clean break nothing to lose. But maybe the OP is thinking that she has to come out of this with what she is owed? And before all the man haters start it would not be the first time the bloke has been taken to the cleaners by a calculating ex wife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question: Why do woman stay in a relationship that is apparently abusive, mentally or physically? "
Abuse goes both ways! And in different forms not always physical or mental. The problem is that some do genuinely like to be the victim. Strange but true, have seen it quite a few times |
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"Everyone missing the obvious here, he has grounds for divorce (her cheating), she doesn't.
I have grounds as the marriage has broken down irretrievably and his behaviour is unreasonable. No question."
im sorry its not what you want to hear but im playing devils advocate here and offering you some genuine advice from a professional standpoint, you only have grounds if he accepts them, if he can prove your cheating/adultery, which I suspect wont be to hard since your fairly open about it, then that is what will stand as the reason for divorce, giving him the upper hand and the better deal in the settlement, only if he accepts irretrievable breakdown of marriage, and doesnt pursue divorce on the grounds of adultery will it stand, you have kind of shot of yourself in the foot but on the other side its not the end of the world, happiness and the kids are more important. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wat do you expect she's a woman ... If he a man is on here cheatibg hes a prick if a woman iis here cheating she's married to a prick
"Am I the only one thinking that there might be a lot of one sided _iews that it's the just man who is out of order here? We have only heared one side of the story and of corse will never hear the other side so cannot really comment with any knowledge of the whole story. If you are wanting to leave then do it you are obviously not happy where you are, or are you wanting to come out of
with him being the one who has to leave so that you can both have you're cake and eat it? Sorry but has to be said that maybe he refuses to give up what he has maybe taken years to build up ie house and stuff. Why not just share the home arrange a compromise as to living arrangements and just share the house. If it not owned by any if you then just make a clean break nothing to lose. But maybe the OP is thinking that she has to come out of this with what she is owed? And before all the man haters start it would not be the first time the bloke has been taken to the cleaners by a calculating ex wife."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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after looking at your post we would say go for it whats the point in wasting your life there is so much more out there, we know that its hard after so many years but life is for living and being happy which you are not xxxxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He's just so unsupportive. Yesterday I took the dogs for a 2 hr walk without having had a drink or anything. I'm diabetic so I was knackered and hypoglycemic when he bowls through the door andgives me hell for not cleaning the fridge out. Like a blinking victorian. So I told him I'm having a hypo and need something to eat and a drink. He says he's fucking fed up of my diabetes and that he hasn't had breakfast either. Yes love, but that's a bit different. When I start crying he orders me to stop. He hasn't shown a thread of concern for 20 years."
That's not a life - no one deserves to be treated like that
Don't think he ll take well to a trial moving out think only way is telling him to move out and suggest going ur separate ways. Wouldn't bring divorce into it straight away though
X - certainly hitting home |
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I was with my ex husband from the age of 16 until I was 35. During the last 2 years we were bringing each other down. It got to the stage that I couldn't bear to sit ib the same room as him. Our daughter was 17 and doing her own thing. I decided to leave and it was the best thing I have ever done. He is now remarried and happy. If we have parties etc for our grandchildren, we can now say hello etc. As my sister said what's the point of flogging a dead horse. Good luck. X |
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By *londeCazWoman
over a year ago
Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria |
From a child's point of _iew, I knew my parents didn't get on from around 12 or 13...found out when I was 16 that my dad was in a long term affair but him being old fashioned he didn't leave mam til the youngest were finished school (when I was 23 and had already been left home for 5 years)...it was a difficult few years but half a century down the line my dad is happy with my Stepmum (he finally made an honest woman of her last year) and my mam is fine on her own. Good luck in whatever you decide, it will be difficult for you (I left my husband after 15 years together and even though it was totally my choice I hard a rough few months coming to terms with it) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you? "
Do it. Nothing to lose now, and he may be hoping for you to instigate it. That's what a lot of blokes do. He may even thank you in the end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Have you ever seen the Steptoe and Son episode where they divide the house into two and still share?
Might make watching TV interesting but you could maybe give it a go and live your own life within the existing home, as you appear to be doing.
I (fem) did this with my ex and lived 2 years of abusive hell. You know when a marriage is dead, my ex was mentally and verbally abusive. I do regret not leaving him ages before i did , i thought i was doing the right thing for my kids by staying but they were relieved when we split and even asked why i stayed for so long. I think you know what is right and like me are just scared to make that final move. I never regretted up splitting and now im happily married again to the most wonderful, caring ,man
Just let him have a once a month slot for the washing machine and he should be ok. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op I separate from my husband after 8 years together. .. it's was very difficult at first and I'm still suffering financially but I'm so much happier than I was. .
My kids are ok now.. he's moved on it only took him 2 in a half months. .. that was really difficult for me to deal with they moved in together in December. ..
But I got through it. .... I've spent two hours with him today...
My thoughts where ... omg what did I ever see in u...lol...
U will made the right decision for u
. I wish u luck and strength in what ever choices u make. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question: Why do woman stay in a relationship that is apparently abusive, mentally or physically?
Abuse goes both ways! And in different forms not always physical or mental. The problem is that some do genuinely like to be the victim. Strange but true, have seen it quite a few times"
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Divorce. I'm contemplating this after 24 years. Three grown up kids. Home owner.
Marriage irretrievable. No love any more. No emotional support. No physical relationship for 10 years+.
Ladies would you?
This ^^ good luck honey x
Yes, without a doubt.
You only get one life so you don't want to spend it being unhappy."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Question: Why do woman stay in a relationship that is apparently abusive, mentally or physically?
Abuse goes both ways! And in different forms not always physical or mental. The problem is that some do genuinely like to be the victim. Strange but true, have seen it quite a few times"
I have no words |
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"He's just so unsupportive. Yesterday I took the dogs for a 2 hr walk without having had a drink or anything. I'm diabetic so I was knackered and hypoglycemic when he bowls through the door andgives me hell for not cleaning the fridge out. Like a blinking victorian. So I told him I'm having a hypo and need something to eat and a drink. He says he's fucking fed up of my diabetes and that he hasn't had breakfast either. Yes love, but that's a bit different. When I start crying he orders me to stop. He hasn't shown a thread of concern for 20 years.
I'd have walked out on him there and then.
Split with my ex a few years ago, he didn't even treat me like shit, but it's been great having the freedom to have my own life.
Not sure if you're scared of anything but being single is a lot better than being in a miserable relationship. Your guy sounds abusive, honestly. Not sure you can fi abusive relationships, i've never tried to.
I'm scared of being broke if I'm honest!
If I'd still been married I'd be mortgage free, hundreds of thousands in the bank and sailing the seven seas.
I left my husband having lost 80% of my sight due to illness with a whopping interest only mortgage. There was no guarantee my sight would return and the recession saved me.
My ex has just bought a house for cash in Essex and all three kids drive brand new cars courtesy of dad: they are replaced every two years.
Would I have changed a thing? Would I fuck! You'll survive!
Glad to hear you're so happy! I might be quite well sorted. At least we are mortgage free at the moment. "
No I'm not! You missed my point. I now have a whopping mortgage, the low interest rate saved me but I'll have to sell eventually. Ny ex husband however is wealthy, but I'm happy and moved on whilst he's alone and miserable. |
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