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Where have I been?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I decided to up sticks and travel the world for a while. On my travels I ended up trekking to many different communes, bunny ranches and militia HQs.

I decided it was time to come home after my stay on an infamous sex kibbutz overlooking the Red Sea started to take a turn for the worse. At 5pm every evening They had and automatic wanking/milking machine collecting semen for kosher energy drinks and sperm donations. I got found out when I lost concentration and fell asleep. When I came round the teat thing had fallen off of my willy and someone saw my foreskin.

I had aroused suspicion forgetting where I was one morning and asking for the full English breakfast instead of fruit.

The sunburn is subsiding now that I do have to be naked in the morning sunshine.

But that is just one of my experiences

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

That sounds like an exciting time and I bet it wasn't what you were expecting when you sent off the cheque to Cottages4U

Welcome back xx

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Working on the bunny ranch was tougher than I thought too.

Angoras need a lot of grooming

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Now I did tell you not to eat cheese before bed time...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hmmmm. Should this be in the fantasies section?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Lived out a lot of fantasies along the way. None more so than at enlightened beings and enchanted temptress of the magic poppy commune just off the hippy trail. Bound in silk and chrysanthemums as part of the initiation ceremony caused cramp in my toes

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hmmmm. Should this be in the fantasies section?

xx"

I was wondering what the hell was in my porridge this morning??

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Reminds me of the space porridge at the defenders of the astral projection militia compound in Montana

Too large a bowl and I saw more than stars

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Reminds me of the space porridge at the defenders of the astral projection militia compound in Montana

Too large a bowl and I saw more than stars"

I just put blueberries in mine

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I thought I was eating blueberries on the inca trail (I got lost) turns out to be digested coffee beans from a civets digestive system

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Expensive mistake.....I blame the shrooms

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Huge caffeine Rush

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By *opsy RogersWoman over a year ago

London

See? Nobody really noticed you'd buggered off.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Where is the love!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Check down the side of the sofa

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Check down the side of the sofa "

Might find the Sky remote while you looking

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Where the fuck have you been!!? Wad going to start up a thread about whether has seen you around.

What you been upto?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Would make a change

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Welcome back , it was getting quiet without your ramblings.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It was my rambling that took me away. That reminds me of the time....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cut the bullshit, was Her Majesty pleased?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ecstatic!

Claimed she had never seen one that size. Or that colour (she could be lying)

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

Where the hell have you been

your diners in the dog and don't leave that suitcase in the doorway someone might trip over it

Welcome home darling

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ahh the one true fandabydozylicious love of my life greets me.....

With my dinner in the dog

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By *andybeachWoman over a year ago

In the middle

"Ahh the one true fandabydozylicious love of my life greets me.....

With my dinner in the dog"

The dog missed you too, he hates my cooking

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

There's nothing like a glorious welcome home

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And that was nothing...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Now come on Man up..The Mrs had you decorating the House

Gimp

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think he's had a bunion done..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If you want to come around and paper the living room Gimp you are more than welcome.

I picked up some beautiful Japanese hand painted wallpaper presented to me a geisha that befriended in Okinawa

You need to be careful with it, it's very delicate

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