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Make Sex Awkward In Just 5 Words

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I still prefer your mum!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can you taste my gf ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you been eating fish?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Can you taste my gf ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is it in yet dear?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can my dog watch us?

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By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BSE

I thought I washed it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your mum likes anal.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The rash will soon clear...

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By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BSE

What is safe sex then ?

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By *urreyfun2008Man over a year ago

East Grinstead

I'm a politician

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it in yet dear?"

Man's reply:- I dont know, can't tell

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Is it in yet dear?

Man's reply:- I dont know, can't tell"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is that fart smell you?

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By *igeiaWoman over a year ago

Bristol

So how does this work?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"For fuck's sake, stop moaning!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This does not normally happen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Aren't we supposed to move ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

got told this after sex "you're too old for me"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've only had five pints

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My screen results are due

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Fuck, that wasn't a fart!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Haha haha

Hahaha

Haha

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Shh, don't wake the kids

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

doctor said I'm clear now

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"got told this after sex "you're too old for me"

Wow, just WOW!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

WHEN will you be sixteen?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

I'm ovulating

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your dads is bigger

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"got told this after sex "you're too old for me"

After ...so it didn't put him off ...I should take that as a complement

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By *rightonsteveMan over a year ago

Brighton - even Hove!

Wow! That was really quick!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Chlamydia is the most common

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By *o new WinksMan over a year ago

BSE

These sheets smell of Grandma ?

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By *igeiaWoman over a year ago

Bristol

Crowbar, gaffer tape, clingfilm. Check.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"thought you were someone else"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That was never offside ref

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Shit mine wasn't 5 words...

I'm ovulating so no condom

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Don't wipe on my curtains.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You look a bit "downs"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Has the mattress dried yet?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your coat's on the doorknob

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Have you put it in?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Can I pee in you?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

(I'm going to hell after this, I just know it)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ooooo let me pop that spot

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry mum, thought twas sis.

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Can I shit on you

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By *hil911Man over a year ago

Solihull

My std results came back.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"got told this after sex "you're too old for me"

Wow, just WOW!

its true, the next day he messaged me, after I gave him a good veri too.

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By *traight forwardMan over a year ago

doncaster

Your mam swallowed the lot

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Dont worry about the smell."

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By *ech2Couple over a year ago

taunton

the wifes in the wardrobe

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"got told this after sex "you're too old for me"

Wow, just WOW!

its true, the next day he messaged me, after I gave him a good veri too. "

Don't worry, chances are he will live long enough to experience the ageing process himself and remembering this will just make it ever the more depressing for him. Especially when he's told that before he even gets laid.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your sister sucks far better

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"got told this after sex "you're too old for me"

After ...so it didn't put him off ...I should take that as a complement "

after he got a veri from me too. never spoke to me again. I could have said nasty things about him but I didnt. the taxi driver was bloody rude about him though and I stuck up for him to the cabbie.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"got told this after sex "you're too old for me"

After ...so it didn't put him off ...I should take that as a complement

after he got a veri from me too. never spoke to me again. I could have said nasty things about him but I didnt. the taxi driver was bloody rude about him though and I stuck up for him to the cabbie. "
no compliment in my opinion, he was just after a veri to get further meets

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think I've shit myself

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Shit mine wasn't 5 words...

I'm ovulating so no condom "

After the event

"I have had a vasectomy"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

you put lube in beforehand

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It is just a heat rash...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Can you just catch aids?

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By *igeiaWoman over a year ago

Bristol

Not that hole, you numpty!

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By *uttyjonnMan over a year ago

SEA

can I check you pulse

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So... do you like kids?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"we have the same father"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your brother's cock is bigger

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By *isexmistressWoman over a year ago

Prestwich

Have you any attractive friends?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pass the sick bucket please.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So, you ever been asphyxiated?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I really fancy your wife

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By *risky_MareWoman over a year ago

...Up on the Downs

I think I'm gonna puke!

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

You are cuming green pus

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Are them your grandma's knickers

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You are cuming green pus "

Ffs chops!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You are cuming green pus "

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By *onbons_xxMan over a year ago

Bolton

So, you've not washed today!?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

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By *andd2Couple over a year ago

The Dungeon

Are those crabs moving again?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Fucking hell that is massive

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Are them your grandma's knickers

Yes you can borrow them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"You are cuming green pus "

lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Are them your grandma's knickers

Yes you can borrow them

"
did i give you them back?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

When's the herpes take effect?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your sister does that too!

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By *p4hornyfunCouple over a year ago

bristol

Just lick round the pus

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Are them your grandma's knickers

Yes you can borrow them

did i give you them back?

Your not lending them anymore

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Just lick round the pus"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Just lick round the pus"

Dirty fockers

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

Oh a cheesy flavoured cock

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By *igeiaWoman over a year ago

Bristol

Fancy going dredging? I'll drive...

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By *hrisnlynnCouple over a year ago

tettenhall

I don't like cheese

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Your grandparents want to watch

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My haemorrhoid has just burst.

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By *p4hornyfunCouple over a year ago

bristol

Those scabs look very tasty

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By *uttyjonnMan over a year ago

SEA

its only my hemorrhoid cream

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My haemorrhoid has just burst."

Oh I'll rim it better

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By *onbons_xxMan over a year ago

Bolton

Double digit seconds this time.

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By *emon tart Double creamCouple over a year ago

Leeds

When are we getting married??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It really doesn't suck itself

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By *p4hornyfunCouple over a year ago

bristol

My colostomy bag just burst

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nothing serious. Just blue waffle

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By *odareyouMan over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Put this paper bag on...

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By *p4hornyfunCouple over a year ago

bristol

Hi my names katie hopkins

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fucking hell that is massive "

Id like to find out

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've just found Katie's hamster

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fucking hell that is massive

Id like to find out

"
I would like you to find out xx

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By *p4hornyfunCouple over a year ago

bristol

I saw you on crimewatch

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By *onbons_xxMan over a year ago

Bolton

Coffee please, kettle's just boiled.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

the dogs licking me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is your dad joining us?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

speaking of pigs in blankets

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your turn to do breakfast

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fucking hell that is massive

Id like to find out

I would like you to find out xx

Maybe some day then

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder what necrophilia's like"

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By *carineMan over a year ago

Armthorpe, Doncaster

Which amateur painted the ceiling?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cant catch it twice dear

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can you scratch my itch please

Her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What the fuck is that ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""I wonder what necrophilia's like""

I hear it's dead boring

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By *ig1gaz1Man over a year ago

bradford

being called by another name

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By *ust RachelTV/TS over a year ago

Horsham

My nans got those curtains.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sex change op went well

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By *rladytoyMan over a year ago

bournemouth

Oh...you didn't douche??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Lets finish my jigsaw first

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'll just ring the wife....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Oh...you didn't douche??"

What's wrong with some sweetcorn?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

lol,call that a cock

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By *onbons_xxMan over a year ago

Bolton

Shall we just chat instead

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You taste like my mum

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you like cat food?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Your cock throbbing my g-spot

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By *ophieslutTV/TS over a year ago

Central

Open wide, piss is sterile.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My therapist told me to

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By *onnyeasygoingMan over a year ago

Somewhere on the M62 between 24 and 14

Satan, I offer you........HER!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to wee wee

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By *tew1985Man over a year ago

Near You

Your profile says otherwise babe.

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By *onnyeasygoingMan over a year ago

Somewhere on the M62 between 24 and 14

The dog always joins in...

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By *arkwolf66Woman over a year ago

Horsham,

These things happen! It's fine!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Fancy going dredging? I'll drive..."

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By *L RogueMan over a year ago

London

I think the condom split.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Forgot to put Bins out!!!

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By *onnyeasygoingMan over a year ago

Somewhere on the M62 between 24 and 14

So, about this mortgage application.....

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By *L RogueMan over a year ago

London

Did you cum? Me neither.

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By *gent005Man over a year ago

Button F'ing Moon

this is the last text...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Blimey, your photos are old!....

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By *inkxRabbitWoman over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

Don't panic it's only blood

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's the wrong bloody hole!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In! Out! In! In! Urghhhhhhahhhhh

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This was Dad's fav position"!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think I love you"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"SHIT....thats the wife home"!!

"have you shit yourself again??"

"I'be only had herpes once"

"You'll need some crab lotion now"

"Shit, the condom has snapped"

"The Pullout method is reliable"

"can i keep my socks on?"

"Wow - you look fatter naked"

"Wow your cock is tiny"

"Is it a micro penis?"

"I'm gonna need a viagra"

hahaha Jay and I could keep going all night long!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

hahaha Jay and I could keep going all night long!

"that's what they all say!"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No its my watch

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

now place bag on head

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I want to skin you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That'll do pig, that'll do

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sackcloth suits you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's that hissing noise?

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By *hell and jWoman over a year ago

Worksop

Is that all you got

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ribbed condom? No it's warts.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This may sting a little.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

""I still prefer your mum!"

"
suck my septic snot stick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Now then, now then ahahaha

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Cock snot up your fart pipe

Damn. That was six.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah.... From a cat!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Smell this rohypnol for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Luke, I am your father

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Now then, now then ahahaha "

rough! Lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Does this smell of chloroform?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can my mum join us?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I left the money there

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pass the sick bag, quickly.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Her : "Jonny jonny"

Him : "My names Steve"......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It rubs the lotion on it's skin.

Sorry 7

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By *odareyouMan over a year ago

not far from iceland,,,,,, tescos is nearer though :-) (near leeds)

Its smaller than you said

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Why so serious?

I'm batman.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've booked you a taxi

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