 |
By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
"Build your perfect person...
"
This hasn't been thought through. Any enterprise involving builders is generally fraught by uncertainty.
Unless they are builders on fab, relatives of builders on fab or friends of builders on fab - these are all ok, it is the others we are about to defame, slander and generalise about.
For a start, you'll put in a day off at work, waiting for the builders to arrive with the bodyparts you have specified. You'll probably get up at 8am just in case. By 0930, you'll be on here, starting a thread wondering where they are (NB, if female, you'll get 14 offers to keep you company, if male, you'll be lucky to be blown a raspberry, if TG, you'll just start clothes shopping online). By midday, you'll have a phone call from Dr Frankenstein and Co, builders to the unhinged, returning your 7 missed calls and 2 voicemails, explaining that a friend has been burnt out by an angry mob and they've had to deal with that. However, they will be there tomorrow, on Dracula's unlife (admittedly, a long period of time).
Next day, you are up at 8, having argued the toss with your boss and are waiting for the builders to arrive. Come 11, just after they've spent the morning helping a mate move castle, been to the bookies and had a breakfast they arrive. They then wheel in a casket and open it with a loud, 'T-dah!!!' Inside is a Mummy, that you didn't order. They then phone their gaffer and it transpires that this is for a chap called ErectJim. It's now 2pm and so they'll not make a start as it's not worth it and will be back tomorrow.
On Wednesday, there is a no show, but on the facebook page of one of the builders, is a load of pics of them all in the Haunted House at Alton Towers. When challenged, they all swear on the Wolfman's life that you told them to make it next Wednesday, despite your clear memories, tape recording, filming and 96 eye witnesses to the contrary.
Thursday they turn up unannounced, as you are having a shower. Walk in, put the kettle on and are trying to find your bacon and eggs when you come downstairs in a towel. That day, they crack on, as they want an early finish for the weekend. However, once they have gotten 6% of the way through building your designer body, they realise they've not got enough materials to complete. They then agree it is too late to finish now, as it is nearly Thursday dinnertime and the weekend is looming. They put a tarpaulin over the body and agree to return with the materials to finish. However, you forget to tie them to a date in the euphoria of them having turned up and done something. They then leave and you spend the afternoon trying to unblock your toilet.
After 2 months, you get another firm of body builders in to complete the work. These then spend all of their time sucking air in through their teeth telling you that you've had cowboys in and that it will be difficult to work with what the original builders have done and they will have to tear it all apart and start again, at a cost. They will be in on Monday, on a Zombie's life they will....
 |
I need to find something my hotlist is missing boobs. 
