FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Self perceptions
Self perceptions
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If a guy messages me i always look thro the pics of the women who have verified them and if they have lots of younger slimmer women than me on i not meet them, not because i feel i have to be better than their other meets, far from it, because if they have numerous verification from women...say under 25 for example... i just think well he not like me whys he messaged me lol
Every time i meet someone and think hes not going to like me and if we do end up playing its cause hes here anyway now and just wants a shag lol
I am one of these people you just never going to win with lmao
My lack of confidance annoys my friends so much, i will never make the first move on a guy in a club, even if a guy touches me i never know if im supposed to touch them back, i feel that they are just having a fiddle while they are looking for something better, im crap at picking up signs if a guy talks to me i think hes just being friendly, and my mates will say, why didnt you go to a room with him he was flirting like mad and i'll say he was only talkiing to me lol | |||
"Im terrible, i am probably the most self conscious person you will never meet I have a terrible habbit of deciding for people if they will like me or not
If a guy messages me i always look thro the pics of the women who have verified them and if they have lots of younger slimmer women than me on i not meet them, not because i feel i have to be better than their other meets, far from it, because if they have numerous verification from women...say under 25 for example... i just think well he not like me whys he messaged me lol
Every time i meet someone and think hes not going to like me and if we do end up playing its cause hes here anyway now and just wants a shag lol
I am one of these people you just never going to win with lmao
My lack of confidance annoys my friends so much, i will never make the first move on a guy in a club, even if a guy touches me i never know if im supposed to touch them back, i feel that they are just having a fiddle while they are looking for something better, im crap at picking up signs if a guy talks to me i think hes just being friendly, and my mates will say, why didnt you go to a room with him he was flirting like mad and i'll say he was only talkiing to me lol "wow that could be me your talking about !! | |||
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"Im terrible, i am probably the most self conscious person you will never meet I have a terrible habbit of deciding for people if they will like me or not
If a guy messages me i always look thro the pics of the women who have verified them and if they have lots of younger slimmer women than me on i not meet them, not because i feel i have to be better than their other meets, far from it, because if they have numerous verification from women...say under 25 for example... i just think well he not like me whys he messaged me lol
Every time i meet someone and think hes not going to like me and if we do end up playing its cause hes here anyway now and just wants a shag lol
I am one of these people you just never going to win with lmao
My lack of confidance annoys my friends so much, i will never make the first move on a guy in a club, even if a guy touches me i never know if im supposed to touch them back, i feel that they are just having a fiddle while they are looking for something better, im crap at picking up signs if a guy talks to me i think hes just being friendly, and my mates will say, why didnt you go to a room with him he was flirting like mad and i'll say he was only talkiing to me lol
wow that could be me your talking about !! "and me, why can we not see what others do  | |||
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"JustDeb…. Very good line there… “My lack of confidence annoys my friends”" Sorry… Naughtynymphos… I quoted the wrong quote | |||
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"The popular view is that we are all self critical to some extent, but why is it that we tend to hang on the negative? If 10 people said we were gorgeous, and 1 said we're a minger, why would the majority of us "run and hide" ? "its because its the comments that back up how we feel about ourselves that hurt us If anyone pays me a compliment i just laugh it off, dont take it serious etc but if someone comments about things i dont like i take it very personal because to me they have just backed up what i knew people thought about me | |||
"The popular view is that we are all self critical to some extent, but why is it that we tend to hang on the negative? If 10 people said we were gorgeous, and 1 said we're a minger, why would the majority of us "run and hide" ?
its because its the comments that back up how we feel about ourselves that hurt us
If anyone pays me a compliment i just laugh it off, dont take it serious etc but if someone comments about things i dont like i take it very personal because to me they have just backed up what i knew people thought about me"WRONG! It backs up what YOU think. You are indulging in a luxury known as negative thinking. It can be changed fairly quickly it's a state of mind. What worries me is........ if someone thinks they have no value and no one fancies them ....... do they end up fucking anything instead of holding out for something they want? Get some vagina and focus on your better points. x | |||
"The popular view is that we are all self critical to some extent, but why is it that we tend to hang on the negative? If 10 people said we were gorgeous, and 1 said we're a minger, why would the majority of us "run and hide" ? "For me (Dave) personally it would stir up my childhood psychological scars and put me into self-evaluation mode. I don’t automatically switch in to denial as in ‘it can’t be anything to do with me’ I always assume 100% responsibility for myself and so if someone doesn’t like me I tend to assume its my fault. As a child it seemed EVERYTHING was my fault, if anything was broken, misplaced, whatever the first name to be shouted would be “David” and so I would assume I was in trouble. To this end I used to hate my name as well as everything else about myself. I was constantly put down, belittled and told I was useless and would never amount to anything… given enough of that one tends to believe it. Saw a slogan on a T-shirt that read… "Paranoid? Being a little bit paranoid is a healthy state of mind because if you think no one has it in for you, you must be bonkers” | |||
If I was an "outsider" looking into the swinging world, I would expect to find more extrovert personalities on sites such as this. | |||
"Most of the above comments are classic introvert qualities, which is very interesting given that we're on a swinging site. I know there have only been a few posters up to now, but I have been posting here for about a year now, and I think it would be a safe bet, to say that I would say that most members display more introvert qualities than extrovert ones. It's also interesting that on the "fun threads" we can appear to be the total opposite, and post what I would consider extrovertly
If I was an "outsider" looking into the swinging world, I would expect to find more extrovert personalities on sites such as this. "They want to but they are all out fucking | |||
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"if i was chocolate id eat myself "If you was chocolate you'd have been eaten ages ago | |||
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"if i was chocolate id eat myself "If I were chocolate, I'd be a fruit n nut! I think if you love yourself, then it dont matter what anyone else thinks of you...simples | |||
"if i was chocolate id eat myself
If you was chocolate you'd have been eaten ages ago "just keep your shoes on I won't mind mantle piece n fire pokin n all that x | |||
"if i was chocolate id eat myself
If I were chocolate, I'd be a fruit n nut!
I think if you love yourself, then it dont matter what anyone else thinks of you...simples "yes i would be fruit and nut too ,, lol my fav .. i am a choc lover ,, lol | |||
Am pretty critical of myself, I genuinely think I'm average looking I describe myself as Mr Marmite, you love or hate me lol.
However I try to accentuate the strong parts of my persona, my humour, personality and my brain has been known to work from time to time .
I do read a lot of profiles and some people do paint a rather a wonderful picture of themselves, bordering on the arrogant, and I tend to be more impressed by profiles which are well thought out and humble to be honest | |||
"Im terrible, i am probably the most self conscious person you will never meet I have a terrible habbit of deciding for people if they will like me or not
If a guy messages me i always look thro the pics of the women who have verified them and if they have lots of younger slimmer women than me on i not meet them, not because i feel i have to be better than their other meets, far from it, because if they have numerous verification from women...say under 25 for example... i just think well he not like me whys he messaged me lol
Every time i meet someone and think hes not going to like me and if we do end up playing its cause hes here anyway now and just wants a shag lol
I am one of these people you just never going to win with lmao
My lack of confidance annoys my friends so much, i will never make the first move on a guy in a club, even if a guy touches me i never know if im supposed to touch them back, i feel that they are just having a fiddle while they are looking for something better, im crap at picking up signs if a guy talks to me i think hes just being friendly, and my mates will say, why didnt you go to a room with him he was flirting like mad and i'll say he was only talkiing to me lol "After meeting you at the bbw bash i think your bloody gorgeous!!!!! I used to have serious body issues, and dont get me wrong i still have my days where i look in the mirror and i think OMG i look hideous, but when i have them days i get dressed put my slap on do my hair nice clothes and make myself look sexy...if ye look sexy then you will feel sexy, ill look in the mirror again and say Oooo ye i am gorgeous lol It works for me, and as i usually if other people dont like me or how i look, thats fine, look the other way. | |||
"Ooh my first post ever on the forums
Am pretty critical of myself, I genuinely think I'm average looking I describe myself as Mr Marmite, you love or hate me lol.
However I try to accentuate the strong parts of my persona, my humour, personality and my brain has been known to work from time to time.
I do read a lot of profiles and some people do paint a rather a wonderful picture of themselves, bordering on the arrogant, and I tend to be more impressed by profiles which are well thought out and humble to be honest"Ooh Hello I'm soooooooooo glad you have come into the forums. xx
Nice hands xx | |||
"if i was chocolate id eat myself
If you was chocolate you'd have been eaten ages ago "nice 1 jack lol xx | |||
"if i was chocolate id eat myself
If I were chocolate, I'd be a fruit n nut!
I think if you love yourself, then it dont matter what anyone else thinks of you...simples "mucky u should know me by now lol | |||
"Get some vagina and focus on your better points. x" that made me laugh...lol...first time I heard the female version of grow a pair...lol I am the first to admit that I need to lose weight and am working on it as we speak. I do struggle with my self confidence in certain places...I know for example that on Saturday going to the bbw bash at jct2(swingers junctiom) I will not feel as comfortable about myself as I will sunday at the beach party at chams as it has to do with the attutudes of the people I will be with.I know it shouldn't bug me but I have never been able to feel completely at ease there while at chams I feel as beautiful and desireable as the any other woman there. I think slso I am fine in how I see myself...until I see a picture of myself taken unawares...then I get into a funk about my looks...if any of that made sense...lol | |||
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"Its about self confidence. I think im pretty, not beautiful, but not taken a beating from an ugly stick. Im fat, but if that bothered me, I would go on a diet. For me its how you value your own self worth. Im a confident out going person, thats very happy in her own skin, so no I dont tend to be self critical. " i used to relate to the other ladies above, but now more relate to you. I've grown into myself and used to who i am and have no desire to change it. if others want to judge me, so be it becuase I know if i was angelina jolie there'd still be someone who would slag me off.....probably more folk actually. i am happy with the person i am more importantly. i get told i'm pretty/beautiful/attractive but it really doesn't make me who i am so i would more value being told i'm a good person | |||
"I don't understand why women tell women to grow balls?? It's beyond me. I didn't want to post on this thread but im very self indulgent and very ill disciplined. " oh I know...it doesn't make sense...but it was just the first time I have ever heard someone say it...lol | |||
" What worries me is........ if someone thinks they have no value and no one fancies them ....... do they end up fucking anything instead of holding out for something they want? " I cant speak for anyone else but never settle for anything below my personal standards Im probably harder to meet because of my insecurities to be honest, because i refuse to be used as a made do shag, because of this it can takes ages b4 i agree to meet someone | |||
" What worries me is........ if someone thinks they have no value and no one fancies them ....... do they end up fucking anything instead of holding out for something they want? I cant speak for anyone else but never settle for anything below my personal standards Im probably harder to meet because of my insecurities to be honest, because i refuse to be used as a made do shag, because of this it can takes ages b4 i agree to meet someone" I am the same...I may not always feel confident in myself but have had many weekends when I was looking for a meet that I just didn't meet anyone because I don't just meet ANYONE. | |||
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" I cant speak for anyone else but never settle for anything below my personal standards Im probably harder to meet because of my insecurities to be honest, because i refuse to be used as a made do shag, because of this it can takes ages b4 i agree to meet someone" Completely agree with this. I read some profiles on here and I just wonder if they'd be better off working in a meat factory, their standards seem so low. | |||
"Most of the above comments are classic introvert qualities, which is very interesting given that we're on a swinging site. I know there have only been a few posters up to now, but I have been posting here for about a year now, and I think it would be a safe bet, to say that I would say that most members display more introvert qualities than extrovert ones. It's also interesting that on the "fun threads" we can appear to be the total opposite, and post what I would consider extrovertly
If I was an "outsider" looking into the swinging world, I would expect to find more extrovert personalities on sites such as this. "I think that being introvert is an instinctive primeval thing seated at our core, it’s a natural survival thing common to all animals, one doesn’t, driven by instinct, want to be at the front, back or sides, much ‘safer’ to be nested in the group ‘just one of the crowd’. Being extrovert is a choice, something we choose to be. I’ve related this in a previous thread, can’t remember why but… from childhood I was terminally shy in every possible respect, personality, looks, dress, body you name it. But in my mid-twenties I got into singing and playing guitar and from that ended up being front-man, lead singer guitarist in a few pub rock bands. The excitement when we got a booking was great but as the date gets closer so the fear and trepidation expands until moments before the start of a gig its nothing other than totally terrifying! But then forcing myself through that, walk out on stage pick up the guitar and step up the mike and in a split second terror turns into the best high one can imagine! Not unlike the process we go through prior to a new swinger meeting LOL. Its taken me many many years from my childhood to win some self-worth and self-confidence and I tend to ‘seem’ to be out-going but that really is a cover, the extrovert hides the shy introvert. Consider this if you will… my boss will walk into my office and say “Can you make me…” or “Can you fix…” and I say without hesitation “YES” because I know I can. Now you might call that bigheaded, arrogant, over-confident BUT the fact is I’ve earned it! Having been in development engineering all my working life I’ve never failed to succeed with any task that has been put in front of me. So it’s really just a positive mindset and if you have the confidence to succeed then chances are you will. The swinging hobby should be a great confidence booster. If a person finds themselves having sex with me then it follows that I find you interesting, funny, reasonably intelligent and physically attractive, if you wasn’t all those things why would you be having sex with me? For those who I haven’t had sex with yet, you poor things, you are missing out… albeit that we haven’t met yet or because when we do you take an instant dislike to me, its still YOUR loss as far as I’m concerned. It doesn’t matter if ‘that particular person doesn’t want to associate with me’ I’m having a good life and I’ll continue do so if ‘that person’ likes me or not, I’ll just focus on the ones that do and not change myself to suit the one… most of the time this works for me and keeps me sane | |||
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"I love myself...i would kiss my own arse if i could reach "I can reach well just anyway xx  | |||
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But....will always hate me ass. lmao
and funnily enough...guys aint bovvered | |||
"I love myself...i would kiss my own arse if i could reach "Never mind you can kiss mine if you like! and I mean that in the "nicest" possible way | |||
JOKING!    | |||
"Im terrible, i am probably the most self conscious person you will never meet I have a terrible habbit of deciding for people if they will like me or not
If a guy messages me i always look thro the pics of the women who have verified them and if they have lots of younger slimmer women than me on i not meet them, not because i feel i have to be better than their other meets, far from it, because if they have numerous verification from women...say under 25 for example... i just think well he not like me whys he messaged me lol
Every time i meet someone and think hes not going to like me and if we do end up playing its cause hes here anyway now and just wants a shag lol
I am one of these people you just never going to win with lmao
My lack of confidance annoys my friends so much, i will never make the first move on a guy in a club, even if a guy touches me i never know if im supposed to touch them back, i feel that they are just having a fiddle while they are looking for something better, im crap at picking up signs if a guy talks to me i think hes just being friendly, and my mates will say, why didnt you go to a room with him he was flirting like mad and i'll say he was only talkiing to me lol "Hey sister, yer gorjus, trust yer Aunty Gok. | |||
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"When i look in the mirror i see me, and im happy with me "Awww thats really nice made me smile lol (im a soft sod lol) everyone should feel like that | |||
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"When i look in the mirror i see me, and im happy with me
Awww thats really nice
made me smile lol (im a soft sod lol)
everyone should feel like that "yerrr ali.....even you
cuz you are | |||
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" .... The proof is evident here in the forums. Most days some person or other will make a negative comment about themselves, but when you look at their profile, it's clear that are popular with the opposite sex .... " Yep ... some guys will fuck just about anything  | |||
"Do you look in the mirror and think, "oooo I'm gorgeous", or are you more critical of yourself ? It's pretty obvious that other people don't see us, as we see ourselves. The proof is evident here in the forums. Most days some person or other will make a negative comment about themselves, but when you look at their profile, it's clear that are popular with the opposite sex and this makes me ask the question.... Why are we so self critical about our looks.... we rarely question our other attributes such as our dress sense, and lets face it, more of us are lacking in sartorial elegance than good looks "I look in the mirror and smile I like my self, i don't worry if other people don't as i have made the best i can of my self. The British are far more critical of them self than other nations. | |||
"Do you look in the mirror and think, "oooo I'm gorgeous", or are you more critical of yourself ? It's pretty obvious that other people don't see us, as we see ourselves. The proof is evident here in the forums. Most days some person or other will make a negative comment about themselves, but when you look at their profile, it's clear that are popular with the opposite sex and this makes me ask the question.... Why are we so self critical about our looks.... we rarely question our other attributes such as our dress sense, and lets face it, more of us are lacking in sartorial elegance than good looks
I look in the mirror and smile I like my self, i don't worry if other people don't as i have made the best i can of my self. The British are far more critical of them self than other nations."Yep thats our stiff upper lip and not having the Yanks as our neighbors. Britain must have something going for it though if you have stopped | |||
"Do you look in the mirror and think, "oooo I'm gorgeous", or are you more critical of yourself ? It's pretty obvious that other people don't see us, as we see ourselves. The proof is evident here in the forums. Most days some person or other will make a negative comment about themselves, but when you look at their profile, it's clear that are popular with the opposite sex and this makes me ask the question.... Why are we so self critical about our looks.... we rarely question our other attributes such as our dress sense, and lets face it, more of us are lacking in sartorial elegance than good looks
I look in the mirror and smile I like my self, i don't worry if other people don't as i have made the best i can of my self. The British are far more critical of them self than other nations.
Yep thats our stiff upper lip and not having the Yanks as our neighbors. Britain must have something going for it though if you have stopped "It has! Sexy women, good beer and the people are friendly. I love it here. | |||
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"I am a sexy woman …. not everyone will see just how god damn sexy I am, but I don’t see how sexy a lot of other people are, so why should everyone be able to see how sexy I am. I have no aspiration to question why someone doesn’t find me sexy… nor do I feel the need to question the ones who can see how sexy I am. See you talk about a sexy woman and one comes along Yes there are things I would change …. but they can’t be that important to me otherwise they would already have been changed. Life is too short to let aesthetics hold you back (or rather - down) with thoughts of “if only I had bigger this and smaller that”… or one day you’ll find yourself saying “if only I had enjoyed myself”. " | |||
" .... The proof is evident here in the forums. Most days some person or other will make a negative comment about themselves, but when you look at their profile, it's clear that are popular with the opposite sex .... Yep ... some guys will fuck just about anything "And so will some women. | |||
" .... The proof is evident here in the forums. Most days some person or other will make a negative comment about themselves, but when you look at their profile, it's clear that are popular with the opposite sex .... Yep ... some guys will fuck just about anything
And so will some women."To a lesser degree... but true. | |||
" .... The proof is evident here in the forums. Most days some person or other will make a negative comment about themselves, but when you look at their profile, it's clear that are popular with the opposite sex .... Yep ... some guys will fuck just about anything
And so will some women."In general women are more selective than men though. Man in his nature is a seed spreader while a woman nurtures that seed so is programed by nature to be more selective. | |||
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"Oh please this is the modern world. Women are *every* bit as promiscuous as men." promiscuous and selective are very different things. | |||
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"Oh please this is the modern world. Women are *every* bit as promiscuous as men. promiscuous and selective are very different things." Indeed they are. | |||
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"Yes I often feel like you too. I think my weight has alot to do with it. Some guys it obvious that they like me a huge buzz but if it doesn't happen then I generally am left feeling down. Most guys seem it like me because of my boobs I feel." Sorry was response to naughty nympho | |||
"I am a sexy woman …. not everyone will see just how god damn sexy I am, but I don’t see how sexy a lot of other people are, so why should everyone be able to see how sexy I am. I have no aspiration to question why someone doesn’t find me sexy… nor do I feel the need to question the ones who can see how sexy I am. Yes there are things I would change …. but they can’t be that important to me otherwise they would already have been changed. Life is too short to let aesthetics hold you back (or rather - down) with thoughts of “if only I had bigger this and smaller that”… or one day you’ll find yourself saying “if only I had enjoyed myself”. " Wish I had your strength of character and conviction. I never let on how I feel when out with others and most people feel that I'm a confident person but inside I wish parts of me were very different. | |||
" .... The proof is evident here in the forums. Most days some person or other will make a negative comment about themselves, but when you look at their profile, it's clear that are popular with the opposite sex .... Yep ... some guys will fuck just about anything
And so will some women.
In general women are more selective than men though. Man in his nature is a seed spreader while a woman nurtures that seed so is programed by nature to be more selective."Disagree. Dated sociological argument placing quantative investments against qualiatative ones. Women are highly promiscuous. Being 'ladies' is a social construct. They are naturally 'selective' very frequently :P Men like this argument as it gives them an 'excuse' for infidelity. | |||
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"I am a sexy woman …. not everyone will see just how god damn sexy I am, but I don’t see how sexy a lot of other people are, so why should everyone be able to see how sexy I am. I have no aspiration to question why someone doesn’t find me sexy… nor do I feel the need to question the ones who can see how sexy I am. Yes there are things I would change …. but they can’t be that important to me otherwise they would already have been changed. Life is too short to let aesthetics hold you back (or rather - down) with thoughts of “if only I had bigger this and smaller that”… or one day you’ll find yourself saying “if only I had enjoyed myself”. " That last bit is soooooooo true polo... | |||
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"i was with a guy for 35 years who always wanted me to be taller and thinner ...when he left my self esteem was zero actually below zero ..i just thought if he didnt want me who the hell would..the first year i was single i decided i had to like myself before i could expect anyone else to ...i had counselling and also did the clours and image makeover days which showed me how to make the best of myself ..then i was ready to face the world..then i met a guy who told me i was "beautiful" and i beleived him ., he didnt stick around forever but i thank him every day for the way he made me see myself .. you have to learn to love the skin u are in and enjoy your life ...dont wish it away wanting to be something you are never going to be .....im a size 16/18 cuddly curvy lady ..i dont want to be anyone else ....." Great post imalady | |||
