FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Child Maintenance Scheme

Child Maintenance Scheme

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

It cost me £20 to put a claim in. My ex recently has stopped paying me for months , despite being a good earner / earning three times my income. I asked him directly if he could pay a little more as I was struggling to buy everything we needed. School uniform , shoes, trips , music lessons and the every day things. He was paying me £150 a month at that time - £75 per child. But I'd had very sporadic payments for two years. I buy everything they need, from school shoes, lunches , trips etc.

He is self employed and must have stripped his declared income to the bone. I'm going to get £11.52 a week total for 2 children. £59.58 a month. Plus they've changed the date so now got to wait until the 23rd of this month for him to pay that. He texted me last night and he is reducing what he already paid to what they assessed. He seems to be relishing it. I don't understand the mentality of not wanting to provide for your children . It's not for me - it's for our children. I don't not spend it on them , I always do. I even suggested he just pay directly for things for them if he prefers and has an issue paying me , but he won't entertain that either.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

I can't Scarlet , they love their Dad and I hide what he does, as I don't think it's fair to draw them into it all. If I stopped them seeing him, I would look the bad guy. I think I just have to rise above it and accept that I'm not going to get help financially from him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's disgusting! Im still on the old scheme but getting the bare minimum from a selfish irresponsible man just like your husband...my saving grace is that my kids aren't stupid and gradually they see him for what he is...he will lose out in the end, and I (and you) can hold my head up high and be proud that ive raised and provided for two beautiful well adjusted kids all by myself xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My wife had a affair and I had to leave my home. But I still gave her £100 a week for my 2 children. I found out I only had to pay £25 a child but carried on paying £100 I wanted my kids to know that I was there for them. Besides the £100 a week I also paid for other things like maths tutors and sports I am still paying for my lad now till he reaches 18 in April xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My ex does the same thing. Last months she paid £48 for our 3 children.

I don't know how she does it or why but it makes me sick. Not just because she pays so little but because she considers our children a low priority.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

punish the kids why dont you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My wife had a affair and I had to leave my home. But I still gave her £100 a week for my 2 children. I found out I only had to pay £25 a child but carried on paying £100 I wanted my kids to know that I was there for them. Besides the £100 a week I also paid for other things like maths tutors and sports I am still paying for my lad now till he reaches 18 in April xx"

See Toshn, you played more than fair. You made sure your children were ok. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

How old are they?

Don't give up. I don't know how the new system works but appeal. Or wait a while till he seems friendly and ask him to help out more.

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By *ratty_DamselWoman over a year ago

London.

What an utterly selfish bastard he is to deprive his children merely to get back at you.

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By *rsIdiotWoman over a year ago

Bedworth

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children. "

Maybe suggest to him that as the levels have dropped so much, you can no longer financially afford to have custody of the children. Offer to reverse roles with him so that he can shoulder the financial burden and that you can pay a tiny weekly amount to him and have the same access rights that he currently has. I bet he'd change his mind pretty damn quick

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

least you lot get extra. we survive ok on my wages and child tax credits

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ? "

He is going through women like hot dinners at the moment, but he lives alone. His second wife left him 18 months ago. He is angry with the female race because of that.

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By *oole2010Couple over a year ago

southampto

another case of the father not providing, why dont you go at it another way? If hes self employed find out what jobs hes doing and report him to the hmrc for not declaring full income ?

they will investigate and prove his earnings for you plus he will have to pay any back tax, he wont be so smug then.

and it wont involve the kids either,drastic i know, but he should help pay towards the kids

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By *rsIdiotWoman over a year ago

Bedworth

"Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ?

He is going through women like hot dinners at the moment, but he lives alone. His second wife left him 18 months ago. He is angry with the female race because of that. "

So the selfish b*%§#@!d takes it out on his kids

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"another case of the father not providing, why dont you go at it another way? If hes self employed find out what jobs hes doing and report him to the hmrc for not declaring full income ?

they will investigate and prove his earnings for you plus he will have to pay any back tax, he wont be so smug then.

and it wont involve the kids either,drastic i know, but he should help pay towards the kids"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

Well said. If there were more around with your attitude, there would be less grief in childrens' lives.

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

Not a great situation. However, in the absence of practical advice I shall go back to pondering the likelihood of being able to buy leopard print wallpaper for the loo of Titz Towers.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ?

He is going through women like hot dinners at the moment, but he lives alone. His second wife left him 18 months ago. He is angry with the female race because of that. "

Sounds like a right charmer

Is his business a sole trader set up or is he a limited company ?

In other words, can you find out what he earns / goes through the business annually ?

It won't help you initially, but it may going forward

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By *rishman75Man over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hate to see children being used as weapons it's a damn shame when that happens, but an absent parent should take financial responsibility for their children even if you don't want to fund an ex partners lifestyle there are ways to make sure you provide directly for the kids, pay for school uniform, trips, and other activities

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

So the children also suffer? Thats makes sense

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ?

He is going through women like hot dinners at the moment, but he lives alone. His second wife left him 18 months ago. He is angry with the female race because of that.

Sounds like a right charmer

Is his business a sole trader set up or is he a limited company ?

In other words, can you find out what he earns / goes through the business annually ?

It won't help you initially, but it may going forward

Limited company, he works as a contractor for large companies. I know who he worked for 9 months ago but can't remember who his contract is with now.

I just realised you are onto something there , I can look at Companies House at what has gone through his limited companies books!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

At least you are getting something. Me ex has used every dodge in the book and CSA cant be bothered to do anything

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By *rsIdiotWoman over a year ago

Bedworth

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !"

Not a mug. A responsible, caring dad who's making sure his children are financially secure

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !"

you sound so negative.. what value would you put your children at then just out of interest??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

So the children also suffer? Thats makes sense

The ex is the one making them suffer.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We're only hearing one side of it. These things are often much more complicated than they sound or are presented to other people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

Lol. Anyone else imagining Jeremy Kyle's reaction to a short sighted knee jerk statement like this?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !"

No you're a good dad ! I don't expect anything like that amount . I just want fairness .

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !"

Or you are a proud man who provides for his children regardless of whether it affects what he can and can't have in life ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

So the children also suffer? Thats makes sense

The ex is the one making them suffer.

Why amplify the suffering though? This should be sorted out between the parents ..in fact, the children should have absolutely no knowledge of it. They must be protected from the idiocy of adults.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

What a spiteful attidtude

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By *rishman75Man over a year ago

Chessington/epsom

I dont mind paying £600 because the ex and I still get on and I get to see them when ever I want too . I take them on holidays and days out and they love it . Im sorry about your ex but some of us men still care about the kids x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !"

Nope, just a good dad

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

So the children also suffer? Thats makes sense

The ex is the one making them suffer.

Why amplify the suffering though? This should be sorted out between the parents ..in fact, the children should have absolutely no knowledge of it. They must be protected from the idiocy of adults. "

I am raising my 3 on my own and they see plenty of their father. Any issues we have stay between us as they have been through enough without having to worry about anything else. Anyone who uses their kids as a weapon should be ashamed !!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We're only hearing one side of it. These things are often much more complicated than they sound or are presented to other people.

True but quite naive. Sadly this is not an isolated case and the system is not in the parent with care's favour

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By *dventuroususCouple over a year ago

sunderland

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

So the children also suffer? Thats makes sense

The ex is the one making them suffer.

you cant possibly no that without all the details, these situations are never nice, but the kids should never used as a weapon, there welfare and up bringing should always be the main priority.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

So the children also suffer? Thats makes sense

The ex is the one making them suffer.

Why amplify the suffering though? This should be sorted out between the parents ..in fact, the children should have absolutely no knowledge of it. They must be protected from the idiocy of adults. "

I never use the children as weapons. I've never ever stopped them seeing their Dad whatever he does. I agree that they should be protected. Difficult as that can be sometimes.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So sad reminds me of my similar situation, my daughter was taken by her mother at the age of 9, I haven't seen her since, she is now 21. The price I paid for finding happiness and marrying a younger woman. I paid every penny through the CSA as I was responsible for bringing my daughter into this world.

People fail to realise the children are the innocent victims. Try to come up with an amicable agreement any decent guy would want to support his kids.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We're only hearing one side of it. These things are often much more complicated than they sound or are presented to other people.

I agree, believe me though he is paying us a month less than he earns in half a day !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

WOW what a ridiculous thing to say!

No matter how much of a idiot that man may be the children have got every right to see their father, even if he doesn't deserve to see them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Which ever way you try to get maintenance for your child/children. Some parents and I say SOME. Will have no conscience what so ever. It's taken me years to get maintenance from my ex. He thinks holidays abroad are more important. Then contributing towards the up keep of his child. It's heart breaking that they appear to think so little of them. It shouldn't be a constant battle, but it's certainly made to feel like it is. My daughter doesn't come with an off switch. I love her to pieces and wouldn't be without her. You'd think he'd feel the same, and do right by her. We all try to provide for our kids. Just because the relationship/marriage failed. Doesn't mean the relationship with your child should either.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hope the new system is better than the old one and hopefully the staff can understand that it's not always men they are chasing for money.

When I tried and failed to seek help from the csa, I ended up getting upset by rude staff who didn't read their own computer screens. I even had one lady have a go at me telling me if I loved my children I would make an effort and support them!

I dutifully filled in my forms and still got sent an assessment telling me how much I would have to pay! They were going to take it direct from source so I had a mad panic worrying they might actually do that and give one of my two ex's money!!

I never recieved a penny in maintenance from either of my ex's. The csa said they rarely get money from females.

My daughters are now 22 and 19.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Selfish bastard, bet he has money to run down the pub though.

Her

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By *riggsyMan over a year ago

rugby

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

Not a mug. A responsible, caring dad who's making sure his children are financially secure "
i agree with you mrs idiot. I pay £480 a month, plus give her £40 towards the mortgage arrears to help and pay for swimming lessons, tae kwon do, half the cost of the school uniforms and trips as well as for the school photos. Could i pay less, hell yes but it's for my kids so i don't put a price on it x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Selfish bastard, bet he has money to run down the pub though.

Her"

He's just been to Dubai for a week.

I've just decided that I'm assuming I'm bringing them up on my own with no financial help from him. They are fantastic kids that I'm very proud of. We will make do and mend plus get listing on EBay!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I "Chris" don't understand the mentality of any man who don't want to provide for there children. I personally pay 100pw voluntary and one of the kids I pay for is 18 but has a low paid job x

Tell the kids the truth about what is happening and let them make up there own mind on what kind of father he is. X

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

Not a mug. A responsible, caring dad who's making sure his children are financially secure i agree with you mrs idiot. I pay £480 a month, plus give her £40 towards the mortgage arrears to help and pay for swimming lessons, tae kwon do, half the cost of the school uniforms and trips as well as for the school photos. Could i pay less, hell yes but it's for my kids so i don't put a price on it x

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By *riggsyMan over a year ago

rugby

"We're only hearing one side of it. These things are often much more complicated than they sound or are presented to other people.

True but quite naive. Sadly this is not an isolated case and the system is not in the parent with care's favour"
i must point out there that is not just always against the parent with care. I know some friends who pay lots but they don't get to see the kids no matter what they do. Let's be honest here and say "some" women use the kids as weapons, and "some" dad's don't give a shit about paying what is needed, but hopefully the majority of us do the right thing by our kids no matter the cost.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We're only hearing one side of it. These things are often much more complicated than they sound or are presented to other people.

True but quite naive. Sadly this is not an isolated case and the system is not in the parent with care's favour"
are you sure?

My brother was paying his ex £50 a week for his daughter, that was a quarter of his weekly wage at the time, he did that for 8 years without fail, then he and his ex had a row and she got the csa involved, because he couldn't prove he had paid her every week they set an amount and stopped all but £125 of his wage, he had to move in with me, sell his car, and his beloved bike, just to survive, worst thing was they set his payment at £22 a week, and his ex only got £10 of that, so the only "winner" was the csa in the end, so think before you act, it might not be in the best interest of the kids as it spears to be

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Selfish bastard, bet he has money to run down the pub though.

Her

He's just been to Dubai for a week.

I've just decided that I'm assuming I'm bringing them up on my own with no financial help from him. They are fantastic kids that I'm very proud of. We will make do and mend plus get listing on EBay! "

And it's this kind of thing that makes me spit! A holiday, now how good would that be....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hope things work out for you It's him who has to live with himself and obviously feels no guilt. I use to skin myself some weeks to make sure she got her £100 but I know my kids know that now and respect and love me for it. Xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I hope things work out for you It's him who has to live with himself and obviously feels no guilt. I use to skin myself some weeks to make sure she got her £100 but I know my kids know that now and respect and love me for it. Xx"

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By *rsIdiotWoman over a year ago

Bedworth

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

And when your kids are grown up they will understand how much you love them and provided for their welfare and will respect you all the more for doing it. As for those who choose to shirk their responsibilities, eventually the children will learn what sort of a man their father is.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There you go, me myself and I and all take x

Her

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

it's nice that this thread is showing that there are responsible caring fathers out there.

My ex pays £200 a month for my lad, pays his phone bill, puts half towards all the xbox paraphernalia and trips and uniform.

All quite unnecessary as he is his step dad and has no responsibility for him financially or otherwise.

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By *riggsyMan over a year ago

rugby

My ex went to the csa to complain when i offered her £500 a month as she thought it wasn't enough. The csa told her she would get £450 and i would pay £520 !! Luckily we talk to each other (occasionally lol) and i offered her £480 to cut out the csa robbing both of us. I have my kids every Friday night until Saturday 8pm now as well as one night for tea. Under csa rules i could lower what i pay but never have. Having them half of every weekend means i won't find any woman to become a regular gf as they don't like the fact that half my weekend is taken up by my kids but that's there loss. My kids come first both financially and my time with them and that's what's important

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"We're only hearing one side of it. These things are often much more complicated than they sound or are presented to other people.

True but quite naive. Sadly this is not an isolated case and the system is not in the parent with care's favourare you sure?

That sounds very hard for your brother and I don't agree with taking everything the other parent has. As I said it's what's fair and reasonable .

I've tried to talk to my ex directly , I had to call the police as he kicked off and the police were concerned about domestic violence escalating.

I suggested mediation - he won't ever entertain the idea.

I'd run out of options !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

Iona, so glad you responded, to what I suspect was a knee jerk reaction, in a positive way. Access for both parents will be always be healthier for children if all parties are loving, regardless of the financial side.

Really hope you get more support, disappointed that some are 'father hating' as there's plenty of bad examples of motherhood and financial misuse on all parties. Often three sides to a story, and I can only advise getting rational advice - maybe from a solicitor, citizens advice, or calling the CSA or whoever distributes payments (I have no children so I'm clueless sorry

And I hope the father understands how he isn't helping you, and may things change some day.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children.

What an idiot he's being. I like the above suggestion! x

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By *teveanddebsCouple over a year ago

Norwich

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

Lol. Anyone else imagining Jeremy Kyle's reaction to a short sighted knee jerk statement like this?

Isn't it the sort of reaction that you'd see on the JK show?

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By *riggsyMan over a year ago

rugby

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

Lol. Anyone else imagining Jeremy Kyle's reaction to a short sighted knee jerk statement like this?

Isn't it the sort of reaction that you'd see on the JK show?"
i try not to watch Jeremy Kyle as it shows that certain people shouldn't be allowed to breed lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

Lol. Anyone else imagining Jeremy Kyle's reaction to a short sighted knee jerk statement like this?

Isn't it the sort of reaction that you'd see on the JK show?"

Yes,,,, and then Jeremy kicks off. Crazy daft show but rather funny just for Jeremy's reactions to stuff like this

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

Good for you, you sound like a good mum and decent person. Children should NEVER be used as pawns, shame on those that do and suggest it.

Hope it works out for you.

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

My ex-husband never stopped! ...they're 32, 27 and 23!

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

So the children also suffer? Thats makes sense

The ex is the one making them suffer.

Why amplify the suffering though? This should be sorted out between the parents ..in fact, the children should have absolutely no knowledge of it. They must be protected from the idiocy of adults. "

If more parents took this approach there'd be less fucked up kids!

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

"I "Chris" don't understand the mentality of any man who don't want to provide for there children. I personally pay 100pw voluntary and one of the kids I pay for is 18 but has a low paid job x

Tell the kids the truth about what is happening and let them make up there own mind on what kind of father he is. X"

Children should be protected: not drawn into conflict by their parents. As they get older they'll form their own opinion, but for crying out loud protect the kids!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Mrs N's X was an absolute twat and played mind fuck games with her and her kids for years. Their youngest son has turned into a nasty drug addicted moron who has so many mental health issues that it's just too hard to try and sort out. I'm not saying that is the only reason for him being a nasty piece of work as nature has it's role too but if your X is playing mind fuck games too then he may reap the whirlwind that he is creating so if he wants some advice on how not to behave with his precious children then ask him to get in touch with me and I will put him right.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

its people like you that made a need for the CSA

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By *wistedtongue0220Man over a year ago

Swansea

I'm divorced with 2 kids and thankfully didn't need csa to sort maintenance. Despite this there are still many differences with my ex, but I've never allowed my kids to become part of the problem. I've made many decisions over the last few years that have hurt me financially and emotionally to ensure the wellbeing of my kids. At the fairly young age they are this has to take priority surely?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

Children aren't weapons or tools!

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By *ornymummaWoman over a year ago

Borders

My other half "has" a kid by his ex who he hasnt seen in years. Not mentioned on birth certificate and son is a dead ringer for his bestmate but we have to lose 1/4 of his wages paying for something we cnt afford! Cant even afford the dna test ffs to prove son isnt his. Roll on next May when kiddo turns 16 and isnt in school any longer

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My ex-husband never stopped! ...they're 32, 27 and 23!

"
well I won't but will be giving the money to my kids not my ex

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My other half "has" a kid by his ex who he hasnt seen in years. Not mentioned on birth certificate and son is a dead ringer for his bestmate but we have to lose 1/4 of his wages paying for something we cnt afford! Cant even afford the dna test ffs to prove son isnt his. Roll on next May when kiddo turns 16 and isnt in school any longer

Erm that'll be 18 now they have to stay in education til theyre 18

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Erm that'll be 18 now they have to stay in education til theyre 18 "
True. 18 is when you stop paying maintenance

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/01/15 11:00:29]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Erm that'll be 18 now they have to stay in education til theyre 18

Hate to tell you this but under the new child laws, you pay until the child is 20 if they are in further education "
yeah true but mine was 18 or till they left further education which ever came first. But I know it's changed now xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My ex went to the csa to complain when i offered her £500 a month as she thought it wasn't enough. The csa told her she would get £450 and i would pay £520 !! Luckily we talk to each other (occasionally lol) and i offered her £480 to cut out the csa robbing both of us. I have my kids every Friday night until Saturday 8pm now as well as one night for tea. Under csa rules i could lower what i pay but never have. Having them half of every weekend means i won't find any woman to become a regular gf as they don't like the fact that half my weekend is taken up by my kids but that's there loss. My kids come first both financially and my time with them and that's what's important"

you have them for a night and u wont get a girlfriend? ... Hmmmm... dont talk shite

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Anyone know if you can get a refund from the csa if it turns out the child you've supported isn't yours?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe wait until you can have a discussion with the father of your children, tell him how much things cost, uniforms ect, the new child maintenance scheme offers mediation to help both parents come to an agreement.

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By *imon_hydeMan over a year ago

Stockport

The CSA works for me, I get £280 a month for my son. I don't have to have any contact with my ex and I can feed and clothe him

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

That will only hurt the children

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

The amount of women who use their children to get to their Ex is unbelievable, I am glad you are thinking of your children first, no matter what he is doing

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"Maybe wait until you can have a discussion with the father of your children, tell him how much things cost, uniforms ect, the new child maintenance scheme offers mediation to help both parents come to an agreement. "

About bloody time they offered mediation. I'm not a mother myself so can not truely understand the impact this has but I see it all the time in my job women and men using their kids as a pawn. Not allowing access the man or woman goes to the home and wants to see their kids and then police are called and they state that they are harassing them when it boils down to child access. While I know this isn't about child access and the OP clearly wants her children to have a relationship with their father. It saddens me that a person would not take responsibility in a life that they had a part in making.

The trouble is that people become spiteful and ive known cases where the person has given up a well paid job just so they don't have to pay. I really hope OP there is some form of resolution to this.

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By *riggsyMan over a year ago

rugby

you have them for a night and u wont get a girlfriend? ... Hmmmm... dont talk shite"
i don't say won't get a girlfriend as i have dated a few but they all ended up splitting up as i put seeing my kids before _omantic breaks etc. Believe it or not a lot of women don't like you putting your children first

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By *opping_candyWoman over a year ago

West Yorkshire

[Removed by poster at 03/01/15 11:16:12]

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

you have them for a night and u wont get a girlfriend? ... Hmmmm... dont talk shite i don't say won't get a girlfriend as i have dated a few but they all ended up splitting up as i put seeing my kids before _omantic breaks etc. Believe it or not a lot of women don't like you putting your children first"

To be fair there are women that would. I did it for many years but it devastated me when the relationship ended and so did my relationship with his children. However it shows you to be a decent and good dad providing for your kids and one day you will find someone who will be able to share the priorities of being a parent.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"At least you are getting something. Me ex has used every dodge in the book and CSA cant be bothered to do anything "

Ditto. Didn't get a penny from when she was 12. She hasn't had so much as a birthday card since she was 13. Nothing from him or his family.

Some people need to use the children as punishment. That's what my ex did. We were in absolute poverty and he loved it. He even said that it served me right for leaving him.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

its people like you that made a need for the CSA"

Aww thank you. No need for the CSA. None of my 6 kids will see any of their dads till they pay me a shitload of money!

P.S. Do you believe everything you read on the internet?

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By *riggsyMan over a year ago

rugby

He sounds thoroughly despicable

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

That will only hurt the children"

I know. I was just messing about. The only way is attempting amicable negotiations when he's chilled out a bit. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

This plan doesn't always work I assure you. Your Ex may just be a complete twat and consumed with indignity and rage. So no matter what approach you take your kids will be damaged anyway. Think about it, it's why you left him. Think about this. The old saying Blood is thicker than water is so true in these situations.

Your Ex is not blood. You were able to seperate yourself from him because you did not have the blood tie.

You are tied to your children by bloodline and the knot is much harder to break. Your husband has the same blood link as your children and hence genetic so whether you or he like it or not are trapped in a vicious cycle which your kids may or may not be deeply affected by. It depends who has the stronger genetics in my opinion.

In our case there were 5 children involved. I think I paid a fairly sensible amount and I paid it even when they went to university so have that to my credit. They have turned out OK. They like all kids have their troubles etc but seem to be quite nice kids who care a bit about other people.

Mrs N's kids suffered all the problems you allude to with constant wrangling and mind games. 2 of her kids survived (girls incidently) and the third is a bit of a train wreck. He has so many of her husbands traits. In the end we had to throw him out as drink and drug addiction made him a seriously dangerous so and so that finally attacked me.He lives with his dad in abject misery at times because they fight so much and his descent into the gutter.

I don't think there was anything else I could have done to help Mrs N cope accept provide lots of emotional and financial help and hope you can/have found someone that you can rely on.

Good luck in whatever course it takes. Your Ex doesn't sound like a very nice man.

xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Throughout difficulties with my ex, some but not all financial, I came to the realisation that I could not make him have the relationship with our son that I believed our beautiful boy deserved. Sounds simple but I found it hard to grasp that he couldn't/wouldn't want to be as involved as much as was possible with our child.

The same applies to the financial side of things - if the person doesn't 'feel' their responsibility then going through the 'system' isn't going to change that

I have, over the years, 'contented' myself with knowing that I have done all I can/should for our boy and I support their relationship regardless

However I would say that as our son is now a young adult and is aware of the difficulties with his Dad and we manage the whole situation as best we can

I hope you get help and support where you can

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By *r69xMan over a year ago

St Helens

I pay just over £600 a month (on the old CSA) and she won't let me see my 2 kids) Says I've got to go to court to get visiting Rights! CSA say that's not their problem!

And I can't do anything about the payments because they are taken out of my wages.

So it's not just the mothers that are hard done by

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By *litterbabeWoman over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Do the CSA take a handling fee? How can it be fair?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Do the CSA take a handling fee? How can it be fair?"

CSA don't, but the new CMA do, it's to encourage parents to act like adults and try and reach an agreement between them.

£20 to take the case on, paying parent is charged 20% of what they are paying and I think the receiving parent is charged 6%, and I'm guessing that extra money goes to the government

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

My ex-husband never stopped! ...they're 32, 27 and 23!

well I won't but will be giving the money to my kids not my ex "

That's what he does: gives it to them. He has two families: always ensured his sons never felt left out. The "kids" have recently left my house en route to go to church as their dad invited them.

Apart from the youngest none of them are religious but they're off to Chelmsford. A mark of the man that his kids 23, 27, 32, 37 and 39 with partners give up their Saturday to make his day.

We made sure the kids were raised with love: five well adjusted, secure happy people, truly don't understand those that use their kids as weapons.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My ex-husband never stopped! ...they're 32, 27 and 23!

well I won't but will be giving the money to my kids not my ex

That's what he does: gives it to them. He has two families: always ensured his sons never felt left out. The "kids" have recently left my house en route to go to church as their dad invited them.

Apart from the youngest none of them are religious but they're off to Chelmsford. A mark of the man that his kids 23, 27, 32, 37 and 39 with partners give up their Saturday to make his day.

We made sure the kids were raised with love: five well adjusted, secure happy people, truly don't understand those that use their kids as weapons."

This is spot on.

My father died when I was 13, my mum remarried when I was 15. My step father took my sister and I on and he was all that is great in a father, the same as my real father.

I wonder if some of my ex's issues are because he came from a broken home and has had no relationship with his own father since he was 16. Because of that though I always assumed he'd want the best for his own children.

I will let the dust settle and see whether we can come to some kind of solution that is best for all of us, but predominantly what's best for our children.

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By *dventuroususCouple over a year ago

sunderland

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

That will only hurt the children

I know. I was just messing about. The only way is attempting amicable negotiations when he's chilled out a bit. x"

nice backtrack lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

That will only hurt the children

I know. I was just messing about. The only way is attempting amicable negotiations when he's chilled out a bit. x

nice backtrack lol

Took three hours to come up with it. Very convincing

It was just a knee jerk reaction. So many people do that without actually stepping back and thinking what effect it has on the children involved.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You put 'wont'

And i had a child before i met my sons dad unfortunately he passed away this year he took her as part of the package. I had her 7 days a week didnt put him off.

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By *riggsyMan over a year ago

rugby

That shows there are decent women. I meant don't not won't sorry as i do try and date but they don't like the fact i have my kids every weekend for half of it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"That shows there are decent women. I meant don't not won't sorry as i do try and date but they don't like the fact i have my kids every weekend for half of it"

dont date those women lol

but plenty of us arent arsed lol

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By *effrey45Man over a year ago

Lytham

CSa are a shocking institution if you are a father. My son has lived with me since age 3, I send him to private school and buy him everything, uniform trips, swimming lessons etc. That still didn't stop my ex wife telling the CSa I was an absentee father and them trying to get £600 or so a month from me. I could happily name the investigator who told lies to me. Unfortunately for her I wrote transcripts of our conversations with other documented evidence. This was very handy when the local mp got involved. Once he had looked at my evidence the CSa investigator was 'moved' to a different department, I got a letter of apology and I enjoyed a splendid day in court when my ex wife was given an anti-molestation order. She picks him up from school for 2 nights a week and the boy is a fantastic little man.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

That will only hurt the children

I know. I was just messing about. The only way is attempting amicable negotiations when he's chilled out a bit. x

nice backtrack lol

Took three hours to come up with it. Very convincing

It was just a knee jerk reaction. So many people do that without actually stepping back and thinking what effect it has on the children involved. "

I really don't care what people think. It wasn't a knee jerk reaction.. It amuses me. Didn't realise there was a time limit on bullshit.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For everyone that has to deal with the CSA, PLEASE remember this- the people that answer the phones etc don't make the shitty rules. They are just doing their job. They have to deal with some horrendous cases and it can be soul destroying. Often people scream at them down the phone.

They are just people. Please don't abuse them. Some people do and it's really not fair.

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By *ancs MinxWoman over a year ago

Burnley

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

punish the kids why dont you

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"For everyone that has to deal with the CSA, PLEASE remember this- the people that answer the phones etc don't make the shitty rules. They are just doing their job. They have to deal with some horrendous cases and it can be soul destroying. Often people scream at them down the phone.

They are just people. Please don't abuse them. Some people do and it's really not fair. "

But like every call centre you get the mr/s job worth who gloat in the glory of other people's misery

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By *effrey45Man over a year ago

Lytham

They are just people. Please don't abuse them. Some people do and it's really not fair. "

Yep eventually the guy I dealt with was very fair- this was after his colleague had been proven to have lied and fed my ex wife different information and gave her advice

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In 6 years I've had about £500 in total for 2 kids. I've even paid him money for food and petrol when he has them for the weekend. Csa are useless, they've taken him to court but he just changes jobs, goes unemployed, moves house....

I work full time and feel guilty most of the time because I feel I don't spend enough quality time with them because I'm at work, cleaning the house, or just too tired.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They are just people. Please don't abuse them. Some people do and it's really not fair.

But like every call centre you get the mr/s job worth who gloat in the glory of other people's misery "

And I'm sure I'm not the only dad who they continually harassed for money even though I was the one with the kids.

I lost count of the number of idiots I spoke to who just assumed I was the absent one.

When I eventually got them to realise their mistake they weren't interested in helping me as I had a full te job and my ex's were part time! Not worth it, apparently. They thought it would be a waste of time.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They are just people. Please don't abuse them. Some people do and it's really not fair. "

These people are mostly un-employable any where else and recruited by CSA on almost minimum wage, given a 8 week training course then thrown in at the deep end, any difficult cases that end up on some desks are often shredded, gone, end of story

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How often does he have them at his place? Could you drop them off at his more often? Tell him you can't afford to feed them as much now and heat the house fully. Maybe they'd enjoy seeing their Dad every single weekend?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

who long were you married before deciding to bring kids into the world

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"who long were you married before deciding to bring kids into the world"

What the fuck has that got to with anything?

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By *isscheekychopsWoman over a year ago

The land of grey peas and bacon

"who long were you married before deciding to bring kids into the world

What the fuck has that got to with anything?"

I wondered the same thing

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"who long were you married before deciding to bring kids into the world

What the fuck has that got to with anything?

I wondered the same thing

Me too

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By *nnyMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"who long were you married before deciding to bring kids into the world

What the fuck has that got to with anything?

I wondered the same thing

Perhaps there's a different success rate for marriages where the bride is/ isn't pregnant ( ? ).

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah, been there. However, in the end, the children must come first. I pay over the odds but I am happy that every penny goes towards their happiness. My social life takes a hit because I have my two every weekend and more on holidays and that time cannot be won back so enjoy every minute of it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We're only hearing one side of it. These things are often much more complicated than they sound or are presented to other people.

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By *entgalWoman over a year ago

Romney Marsh

hi, I use the old and new scheme. the new scheme is 12% for 1 child, and 19% for 3 children. assuming it's about 15% for 2 children, he is saying that his annual income is approx. £3,800? the new child maintenance options look at the before tax, but with some deductions, of the salary. they also look at the previous years annual salary, unless there is a dramatic change in circumstance, ie no longer working, etc. if you ring and speak to them, they should be able to explain how they came to that figure. but it does seem strangely low amount, especially, as if he wasn't working, he would only need pay £5 a week. good luck

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"who long were you married before deciding to bring kids into the world"

If that question is aimed at me , which I guess it is . Our children are both IVF because he cannot have children any other way . So I think he was on board with having them . And it was 5 years after our marriage that the 1st arrived .

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !"

Why does that make you a mug? They are your children!

Just because others get away with not paying for their children doesn't make the parents who do support their children mugs. It makes you responsible and doing what's right.

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By *effrey45Man over a year ago

Lytham

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

Why does that make you a mug? They are your children!

Just because others get away with not paying for their children doesn't make the parents who do support their children mugs. It makes you responsible and doing what's right.

Yep you are a mug

It doesn't take that much to look after your own kids, mine doesn't cost that much and they go to private school, quite simply if your ex has a decent job and is getting £600 she is laughing all the way to the bank but on the way she is laughing at you

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

That's exactly the reason you will find a woman to become a regular gf.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

Why does that make you a mug? They are your children!

Just because others get away with not paying for their children doesn't make the parents who do support their children mugs. It makes you responsible and doing what's right.

Yep you are a mug

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

Why does that make you a mug? They are your children!

Just because others get away with not paying for their children doesn't make the parents who do support their children mugs. It makes you responsible and doing what's right.

Yep you are a mug

A man wanting to provide for his children does not make him a mug, regardless of what he pays and regardless of what his ex earns.

I think it comes down to more than money for some people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

THE worst advice ever! Children are not pawns to be used for financial reasons!!!!

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By *effrey45Man over a year ago

Lytham

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

Why does that make you a mug? They are your children!

Just because others get away with not paying for their children doesn't make the parents who do support their children mugs. It makes you responsible and doing what's right.

I agree with you, but then how often does this dad see their kids??, don't forget some mothers, not all mind you, realise that CSa payments are judged on how many nights in a month/week the children spend with parents. Therefore it's in their financial interest to have their children as many times as possible

This is how the calculations are done by the CSa - 1 or 2 more nights a week makes a vast difference

Then are you paying for the child to have a good home and food and activities etc or are you paying to maintain someone's lifestyle ?

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By *icketysplitsWoman over a year ago

Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound

"I must be a fecking mug im paying £600 a month for my two girls aged 8&10 !

Why does that make you a mug? They are your children!

Just because others get away with not paying for their children doesn't make the parents who do support their children mugs. It makes you responsible and doing what's right.

This is how the calculations are done by the CSa - 1 or 2 more nights a week makes a vast difference

Then are you paying for the child to have a good home and food and activities etc or are you paying to maintain someone's lifestyle ?

I would hope that any parent would be paying to maintain their child's lifestyle. I would hope that seeing them more often is about wanting to be with the child and not about wiggling out of paying for the child's needs. I would hope that the parents could be adults.

Sadly, I have seen enough cases where the parents are incapable of being adults and have a tit for tat relationship that centres on the child maintenance payments because they no longer have the bickering of their marriage.

Of course it's not easy to split a household and find the money to make the payments for some. Having children is a huge privilege but it is absolutely a responsibility. Once they are here they cost and you can't send them back.

The Child Maintenance Service isn't actually making a calculation on what each child *needs* but on a terrible basis of affordability. If it was based on set criteria of need then everyone would be paying the same amount. That's not how it works and so some children benefit from £12.50 a week and some from £100+ a week.

The fact that we need the CMS because parents can't be adults annoys me. The fact that people even have conversations about it being in their financial interest to spend time with their children annoys me.

Spend time with your children, enjoy it and help them to become responsible adults.

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By *effrey45Man over a year ago

Lytham

From my experience of over a dozen team members, friends and colleagues I'm afraid the father is driven to see his kids, and the mother, often egged on by bitter friends, is driven by screwing the dad. This is especially the case if he has moved on and appears happy. This is backed up by the general support of the courts and the CSa . Not empirical evidence granted but it's my experience of the past 20 years and I stand by it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"From my experience of over a dozen team members, friends and colleagues I'm afraid the father is driven to see his kids, and the mother, often egged on by bitter friends, is driven by screwing the dad. This is especially the case if he has moved on and appears happy. This is backed up by the general support of the courts and the CSa . Not empirical evidence granted but it's my experience of the past 20 years and I stand by it"

You sound almost bitter

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What a cunt!!!!! I pay 340 per month to my ex partner for my son.....and I buy stuff for him on top of that plus I buy the things I need for when I have him....some men don't deserve to have children!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What a cunt!!!!! I pay 340 per month to my ex partner for my son.....and I buy stuff for him on top of that plus I buy the things I need for when I have him....some men don't deserve to have children!!!"
and I wasn't complaining about this.....infact if I could I'd pay more....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children. "

I got offered by csa. .. £6.75...For 2 children per week

Ex owns his own business ..has a convertible car...transporter car...3 motor bikes ...and a motor cross. ..wtf is going on x

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By *yrdwomanWoman over a year ago

Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum

You sound almost bitter "

Almost?

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By *effrey45Man over a year ago

Lytham

You sound almost bitter "

Not bitter at all

Perhaps read the full thread before offering comment

I have custody of my son- I always looked after him but the magic piece of paper from the family judge means an awful lot to me and my family

I don't claim CSa from his mum

He sees her just about every weekend

We both have a fabulous life together

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children. "

i know from my job that if mum is hnot working or onw very low income made up by government. there are grants you can get for uniforms and other such things try and see if they can help

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/01/15 20:16:02]

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By *litterbabeWoman over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

My friend has his son 2 nights a week, his mum has him 2 nights and the parental grandparents 3 nights a week. My friend works nights so he can do all school runs. He pays voluntary support and for most of the boys and pieces, and all his xmas gifts, clothes, uniform etc.

Hus mum is still in the eyes if the CSA the main carer and the fact he spends 3 nights at his paternal grandparents is counted as the mom having them.

If she wants money for anything ( for herself) she threatens CSA.

Of course I have only one side if the story but how the CSA calculate sounds like it could be unfair.

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By *litterbabeWoman over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

Should say Paternal grandparents

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's a ridiculous system.

My ex won't let me see my son as much as I want to simply because the payments would reduce as it's based on how much you see your child as well as income.

She earns a lot more money than me & lived for 10 years without paying a bill (I'm a mug). But I have to pay for her to have the privilege of having my son when I would love to have him 50:50.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You sound almost bitter

Not bitter at all

Perhaps read the full thread before offering comment

I have custody of my son- I always looked after him but the magic piece of paper from the family judge means an awful lot to me and my family

I don't claim CSa from his mum

He sees her just about every weekend

We both have a fabulous life together"

It wasn't your situation I was commenting on.

It was the statement made and the way you put that statement across that sounded bitter.

A statement which by admission was based on your 'experience in the last 20 years'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ?

He is going through women like hot dinners at the moment, but he lives alone. His second wife left him 18 months ago. He is angry with the female race because of that.

Sounds like a right charmer

Is his business a sole trader set up or is he a limited company ?

In other words, can you find out what he earns / goes through the business annually ?

It won't help you initially, but it may going forward

Limited company, he works as a contractor for large companies. I know who he worked for 9 months ago but can't remember who his contract is with now.

I just realised you are onto something there , I can look at Companies House at what has gone through his limited companies books! "

Being a director of the Ltd company he takes out the minimum salary and can take out as much or as little as the companies profits allows him to in dividend. The company could be making a healthy profit but you are none the wiser.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If he doesnt want to contribute a decent amount to his kids then struggle ur kids as they grow will see it and understand wots going on karma is a great thing just let him dig his own hole and when his own kids see it they will choose . You dont need to bad mouth him you, just have to let him show his true colours himself. Kids need to know the value of money and what things cost and who is paying for it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ?

He is going through women like hot dinners at the moment, but he lives alone. His second wife left him 18 months ago. He is angry with the female race because of that.

Sounds like a right charmer

Is his business a sole trader set up or is he a limited company ?

In other words, can you find out what he earns / goes through the business annually ?

It won't help you initially, but it may going forward

Limited company, he works as a contractor for large companies. I know who he worked for 9 months ago but can't remember who his contract is with now.

I just realised you are onto something there , I can look at Companies House at what has gone through his limited companies books!

This is what, I suspect, he is doing. Taking national minimum wage and pocketing the rest as Directors dividend.

Are companies not obliged to show in their books what is paid out as dividend ?

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By *effrey45Man over a year ago

Lytham

You sound almost bitter

Not bitter at all

Perhaps read the full thread before offering comment

I have custody of my son- I always looked after him but the magic piece of paper from the family judge means an awful lot to me and my family

I don't claim CSa from his mum

He sees her just about every weekend

We both have a fabulous life together

It wasn't your situation I was commenting on.

It was the statement made and the way you put that statement across that sounded bitter.

A statement which by admission was based on your 'experience in the last 20 years'

Fair play to you for your comment

But yes it is based on my 20 years experience

A guy on my rugby team was a senior director when the CSa was formed- he soon resigned as he had found a job that deals with people fairly

He disliked feckless fathers who don't pay a bean but he felt for the honest ones who were quite frankly skinned alive

Fortunately there is a change in the family courts who may not automatically realise the mother is the best person to be the primary carer

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By *parkyukMan over a year ago

Camberley

I got offered by csa. .. £6.75...For 2 children per week

Ex owns his own business ..has a convertible car...transporter car...3 motor bikes ...and a motor cross. ..wtf is going on x"

My ex is the same - has brand new Audi, expensive holidays, etc but is self employed working for her partner who on paper only pays her min wage...just to avoid paying more in CSA payments (£10 a week for three kids....) - csa have said they will reassess but risk of it being reduced more....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It takes two to make a baby so it should be both of you paying for that child and not just the dads because they got a good job or they are happy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"It takes two to make a baby so it should be both of you paying for that child and not just the dads because they got a good job or they are happy. "

Exactly , it should be both parents. I work , I always have.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ?

He is going through women like hot dinners at the moment, but he lives alone. His second wife left him 18 months ago. He is angry with the female race because of that.

Sounds like a right charmer

Is his business a sole trader set up or is he a limited company ?

In other words, can you find out what he earns / goes through the business annually ?

It won't help you initially, but it may going forward

Limited company, he works as a contractor for large companies. I know who he worked for 9 months ago but can't remember who his contract is with now.

I just realised you are onto something there , I can look at Companies House at what has gone through his limited companies books!

This is what, I suspect, he is doing. Taking national minimum wage and pocketing the rest as Directors dividend.

Are companies not obliged to show in their books what is paid out as dividend ?"

I have spoken to two friends that are accountants and I don't think they are obliged to show dividends . Yet another massive loophole in our taxation system.

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By *erald1231Man over a year ago

Newcastle

you are not what you say your mate you are keeping your daughters well. Their well being is important.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children. "

I told them to stuff it as an insult to my children. The amount they awarded...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I got offered by csa. .. £6.75...For 2 children per week

Ex owns his own business ..has a convertible car...transporter car...3 motor bikes ...and a motor cross. ..wtf is going on x

£3.75 a week 2 children!!! Self employed plumber who.on paper earns £59.00 week!!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

punish the kids why dont you

i must admit I agree with this to stop kids seeing their dad as a way to get back at him is wrong, kids should not be used as pawns and on the long run they would suffer the most

I've never had a penny from my ex since we split nearly seven years ago, shit happens you just do your best and get on with things, I work two jobs to make ends meets but it's just how things are

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

punish the kids why dont you

i must admit I agree with this to stop kids seeing their dad as a way to get back at him is wrong, kids should not be used as pawns and on the long run they would suffer the most

I've never had a penny from my ex since we split nearly seven years ago, shit happens you just do your best and get on with things, I work two jobs to make ends meets but it's just how things are"

Shit happens, I admire your attitude.

thing is some men can turn nasty, women too you hear terible things like men murdering their own kids, its just not worth arguing with some people.

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By *R and BlondieCouple over a year ago

Bebington, wirral

They are just people. Please don't abuse them. Some people do and it's really not fair.

would love to know where you get your facts about the staff from "mostly unemployable"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Self employment is a common tool used to manipulate earnings in CSA cases

Does your ex have another person / family in his life right now ?

He is going through women like hot dinners at the moment, but he lives alone. His second wife left him 18 months ago. He is angry with the female race because of that.

Sounds like a right charmer

Is his business a sole trader set up or is he a limited company ?

In other words, can you find out what he earns / goes through the business annually ?

It won't help you initially, but it may going forward

Limited company, he works as a contractor for large companies. I know who he worked for 9 months ago but can't remember who his contract is with now.

I just realised you are onto something there , I can look at Companies House at what has gone through his limited companies books!

This is what, I suspect, he is doing. Taking national minimum wage and pocketing the rest as Directors dividend.

Are companies not obliged to show in their books what is paid out as dividend ?

I have spoken to two friends that are accountants and I don't think they are obliged to show dividends . Yet another massive loophole in our taxation system. "

Dividends would have already have been taxed as the companies profits! It's the company directors choice how much they then draw out through dividend. I am self employed and gone Ltd as I was being constantly threatened by ex with CSA even though I pay £90 a week for 2 children plus shoes, clothes, trips which I'm more than happy to do. The only way to shut her up was to go Ltd and tell her to carry on with CSA. I could get away with paying peanuts but I choose to pay for them.

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By *horltzMan over a year ago

heysham

I have never received a bean in four years , I'm lucky enough to afford everything he needs , which is a good job as his mother hasnever offered a penny , far too often it seems that pparents use maintenance to one up each other and continue petty squabbles , the only losers are the kids , winds me up no end

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By *omaMan over a year ago

Glasgow

The CSA based their figures on Net Income. . . He paid tax and N.I. . That was all they took into consideration. What was left was deemed as his net income. For two children its 20% of that.

So if he only paid £150 per month then he wasn't on a good wage.

I earn just above minimum wage, I pay for one child (15% of my net income) and that comes to £160 per month.

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By *ove bi guysWoman over a year ago

Birmingham

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children. "

You can ask the CSA/CMS for a variation.... This can be done where you feel the maintenance calc is not consistent with the nrp/paying parents lifestyle. It is worth asking for. Plus if s/employed I would maybe speak to HMRC re advise querying tax evasion.... Obviously doing this with a calm smile when u see ex .... Its a tough one as CMS are bound by what ex declares to HMRC as is self employed. Wishing you all the best x

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"The CSA based their figures on Net Income. . . He paid tax and N.I. . That was all they took into consideration. What was left was deemed as his net income. For two children its 20% of that.

So if he only paid £150 per month then he wasn't on a good wage.

I earn just above minimum wage, I pay for one child (15% of my net income) and that comes to £160 per month. "

I know exactly what he earns and it's over 50k a year ! I have blocked his number since yesterday as his texts were getting more and more vile. All of this is total unnecessary , I offered mediation , I've offered 50% custody - basically I've bent over flaming backwards ! He didn't pay for months and I let it go as I was trying to be kind. Unfortunately it is never enough . He likes to be in control! I have told him he can only contact me by email now , he will still see the children as arranged but I'm not playing his games any more .

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By *lshere77Man over a year ago

Wigan

Works both ways tho, my ex was caught shaggin my ex best mate, who is loaded and who she now lives with. They stung me for the house and contents, 590 a month to the CSA then moved away. ..I can't afford to see my kids and don't see any fairness from the CSA at all. All they are bothered about is getting the money into their system for their bonus.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children.

He is no longer self employed! He is a director of his own company. What he has done is all perfectly legal it's his conscious that he needs to look at not his accounts. Kids need 2 parents that take responsibility for their upbringing.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Works both ways tho, my ex was caught shaggin my ex best mate, who is loaded and who she now lives with. They stung me for the house and contents, 590 a month to the CSA then moved away. ..I can't afford to see my kids and don't see any fairness from the CSA at all. All they are bothered about is getting the money into their system for their bonus."

I know it doesn't always seem fair and I'm sorry you don't get to see your children. I hope that situation changes for you soon. We are not all like that, despite my ex being a complete arse to me both personally and financially - he is a good dad and I said we would never move far so he will always see the children growing up. My issue as I've said all along is being fair ! I've never approached the CSA in ten years and now wish I hadn't bothered !

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children. "

How do you know his work has not dried up as being self employed it can happen.

Am not defending him as only getting one side. Not just men that dont do what they should.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

I sympathise with you hun i really do and well done for not using your children as a revenge scheme or weapons xx

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By *lshere77Man over a year ago

Wigan

From experience and others experience I think its best to stay clear of the CSA if at all possible, they really don't care

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I just wondered of anyone else has used this new scheme yet that took over from the CSA, to be honest I wish I had not bothered.

So I for one, wish I hadn't bothered now. I've just lost out all ways as have the children.

How do you know his work has not dried up as being self employed it can happen.

Am not defending him as only getting one side. Not just men that dont do what they should."

Because I know the company that he has a 12 month contract with ! Plus he tells his children and we have mutual friends . He is earning well. I know you only have my side but believe me I'm no gold digger ! I've always played fair.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x"

And that's the problem right there, good job you aint a judge

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Stop him from seeing them. Dickhead. x

And that's the problem right there, good job you aint a judge

The OP knows what I really think.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"From experience and others experience I think its best to stay clear of the CSA if at all possible, they really don't care"

ive never used them, though I have never had a penny from my ex I have never asked for anything, I see it like this if he loved them he would willingly contribute towards their upbringing, he has a good job and could easily afford to give something if he wanted to the fact he chooses not to speaks louder than any words, I've managed seven years with no help i don't need it, yes the offer would be nice but not needed, my kids are older now and know he had never paid towards them so in the long run he looses out by knowing his kids known he didn't think enough of them to give them anything

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By *horltzMan over a year ago

heysham

"From experience and others experience I think its best to stay clear of the CSA if at all possible, they really don't care

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This really makes me sad! I'm recently seperated. I've two beautiful kids. Why would I deprive them over me? I simply sat down with my ex used the calculator on line and pay what it says! Involve no one. Although I'm leaving myself open!

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