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Christmas Jokes

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By *ait OP   Man  over a year ago

Plymouth

Post on FS on Christmas day

A Christmas Story for people having a bad day:

When four of Santa's elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones, and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.

Then Mrs Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.

When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.

Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.

Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drank all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.

Just then the doorbell rang, and irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood a little fairy with a great big Christmas tree.

The fairy said very cheerfully, 'Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to put it?'

And so began the tradition of the little fairy on top of the Christmas tree.

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By *appyguy17Man  over a year ago

walthamstow

Why doesn't Santa have any kids ???

Because he only cums once a year and it's down the chimney...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

What do you call two robbers......a pair of knickers. Boom boom

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

What's yellow and dangerous? Shark infested custard!!! Awesome cracker joke lol x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

On Christmas morning Mrs Claus opens the curtains ( not a euphemism ) and says to Santa " looks like rain dear. "

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