Been chatting to a guy on here for about a year. Let's call him 'A'. Never had the chance to meet him as neither of us drive and he works a lot. Then started chatting to another guy, let's call him 'B', on another site (not a swinging site), and met him for shenanigans.
Today I saw a picture of both of these guys together. I don't think either of them know about me with regard to who's slept with who etc.
I've been wanting to meet A for a while, purely for sex. But I kinda fancy B.
I genuinely don't know what to do! If I had known they were friends I would have made a point of talking to them both before sleeping with either of them. But now that I've slept with B, and i kinda like B, I don't want to fuck things up.
I know I could just ignore A, but I only realised today that they know each other. And when B decided not to spend the evening in a hotel with me I asked A.
I'm actually feeling a bit anxious and I dunno why. I've got no plans to meet A, but now that I know that he knows B I feel a bit weird about the whole thing! But I like B and don't want to stop seeing him!
Help! Please!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If they're on here, won't they potentially see this...?
He doesn't use the forum  and even if he did he wouldn't know this was about him "
I don't know about that, your recent verification references the cancellation you had so it's easy to figure out.
Just be honest, they can't blame you if you're not interested in them; but don't string anyone along. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
If you like B and don't want to mess things up with him then maybe you just need to knock things on the head with A and, if things work out with B, explain why. You can't know who knows whom before you've even met them.
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"You say you've got no plans to meet A but asked him to stay in a hotel with you?
"
I have no meets set in stone with him. I've always planned to meet him, but never had the chance. I had the hotel already and asked him to join me haha |
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"If they're on here, won't they potentially see this...?
He doesn't use the forum and even if he did he wouldn't know this was about him
I don't know about that, your recent verification references the cancellation you had so it's easy to figure out.
Just be honest, they can't blame you if you're not interested in them; but don't string anyone along. "
Different cancellation xD |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How close is B to A? If they see each other a lot they're probably gonna talk about you.
If B hasn't asked for any commitment from you then i don't see a problem with sleeping with A tbh. Unless you're looking ahead to awkwardness that might happen if either guy wants to get serious with you? Then i'd stay well clear of A and explain why. Might be getting ahead of yourself though, and if A is close to B he's gonna find out you slept with his mate anyway. And in all fairness A has taken his time meeting you so probably not that fussed about meeting, my ex worked 6 days a week and still managed to take time out to travel over to me for a couple of days every fortnight (he has no car either and it took hours on the train to come over).
Dunno what i'd do, probably have sex with both of them but nothing serious or long term with either of them. |
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"If you like B and don't want to mess things up with him then maybe you just need to knock things on the head with A and, if things work out with B, explain why. You can't know who knows whom before you've even met them.
"
Good point. I suppose it's not really my fault that I didn't know they know each other |
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
"
so he wants an exclusive fb, think he wants to have his cake and eat it
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
so he wants an exclusive fb, think he wants to have his cake and eat it
"
Pretty much, but it doesn't bother me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
"
It makes sense alright. Sex on tap when he wants it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
"
So B wants his cake and eat it! Sounds very controlling to me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
So B wants his cake and eat it! Sounds very controlling to me! "
It doesn't sound controlling to me, it just sounds like someone who prefers monogamy. |
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
So B wants his cake and eat it! Sounds very controlling to me!
It doesn't sound controlling to me, it just sounds like someone who prefers monogamy. "
I understand him tbh. He doesn't want the commitment of a relationship but he just wants one person at a time. He's not a swinger so I suppose its kinda normal to want monogamy. Which is why I don't mind the whole exclusive thing. I've done it in the past so there's no reason why I can't do it again. I think the thing that's bothering me is that I went to A as back up! This thread is more a reflection on me than it is either of them. I suppose I'm just a bit confused by the whole thing and I feel kinda bad about crossing that line of sleeping with someone's friend. I know I wasn't expected to know that they knew each other but Im still feeling a bit strange about it! Guess I just needed some advice, that's all x |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
B declined you in a hotel, so you asked A....
and you have no inetention of sleeping with A
seems bizarre but hey, they are mates and they both have/have not shagged you on a swingers site.
what does it really matter if they know each other.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
So B wants his cake and eat it! Sounds very controlling to me!
It doesn't sound controlling to me, it just sounds like someone who prefers monogamy.
I understand him tbh. He doesn't want the commitment of a relationship but he just wants one person at a time. He's not a swinger so I suppose its kinda normal to want monogamy. Which is why I don't mind the whole exclusive thing. I've done it in the past so there's no reason why I can't do it again. I think the thing that's bothering me is that I went to A as back up! This thread is more a reflection on me than it is either of them. I suppose I'm just a bit confused by the whole thing and I feel kinda bad about crossing that line of sleeping with someone's friend. I know I wasn't expected to know that they knew each other but Im still feeling a bit strange about it! Guess I just needed some advice, that's all x "
If doing something makes you feel bad, stop doing it. Exclusivity isn't a bad thing at all, but if it's not what you want then you can't mislead him.
On another note, I've had sex with people who were friends and it isn't always an issue if it's casual. It's more so when emotions are involved. Plus you didn't know, so it can hardly be your fault. If it were me, I'd mention knowing them so they're aware out of respect. |
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"B declined you in a hotel, so you asked A....
and you have no inetention of sleeping with A
seems bizarre but hey, they are mates and they both have/have not shagged you on a swingers site.
what does it really matter if they know each other.
"
B was busy so I asked A, who was also busy.
I always intended on sleeping with A at some point.
I think I'm just bothered by it because I wouldn't want to sleep with someone that my friend wants to sleep with. And like I said, I don't think either of them knows that the other knows me but I wouldnt like to be on the receiving end of it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It happened to me on here with cousins. Didn't know until I met one and he mentioned his flat mate was away doing exactly what the other said he was doing. Similar age,same location. Second one came back and I asked him if he had a friend on here and mentioned his address. Turned out it was his cousin and he was 2 years younger than he had told me. It wasn't dating so I met him too |
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
So B wants his cake and eat it! Sounds very controlling to me!
It doesn't sound controlling to me, it just sounds like someone who prefers monogamy.
I understand him tbh. He doesn't want the commitment of a relationship but he just wants one person at a time. He's not a swinger so I suppose its kinda normal to want monogamy. Which is why I don't mind the whole exclusive thing. I've done it in the past so there's no reason why I can't do it again. I think the thing that's bothering me is that I went to A as back up! This thread is more a reflection on me than it is either of them. I suppose I'm just a bit confused by the whole thing and I feel kinda bad about crossing that line of sleeping with someone's friend. I know I wasn't expected to know that they knew each other but Im still feeling a bit strange about it! Guess I just needed some advice, that's all x
If doing something makes you feel bad, stop doing it. Exclusivity isn't a bad thing at all, but if it's not what you want then you can't mislead him.
On another note, I've had sex with people who were friends and it isn't always an issue if it's casual. It's more so when emotions are involved. Plus you didn't know, so it can hardly be your fault. If it were me, I'd mention knowing them so they're aware out of respect. "
I've mentioned to B about A, but he hasn't seen my message yet. I'd happily be exclusive with B, but not until I know that A is ok with it in terms of them being friends. My brain hurts. Why do I always over think things?! Haha |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"B declined you in a hotel, so you asked A....
and you have no inetention of sleeping with A
seems bizarre but hey, they are mates and they both have/have not shagged you on a swingers site.
what does it really matter if they know each other.
B was busy so I asked A, who was also busy.
I always intended on sleeping with A at some point.
I think I'm just bothered by it because I wouldn't want to sleep with someone that my friend wants to sleep with. And like I said, I don't think either of them knows that the other knows me but I wouldnt like to be on the receiving end of it "
You can't unknow something.
It's up to you to decide what you want to do.
You have slept with B and now you know he is friends with A.
The only question is whether you still intend to sleep with A as that was your intention before knowing B.
If you do sleep with A and you feel uncomfortable about it that's just a bit daft.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"No commitment to either, but B likes exclusivity. I've not agreed to it yet, but I know it's what he wants but he also doesn't want a relationship (yes I know that doesn't make sense).
So B wants his cake and eat it! Sounds very controlling to me!
maybe they've set you up.
It doesn't sound controlling to me, it just sounds like someone who prefers monogamy.
I understand him tbh. He doesn't want the commitment of a relationship but he just wants one person at a time. He's not a swinger so I suppose its kinda normal to want monogamy. Which is why I don't mind the whole exclusive thing. I've done it in the past so there's no reason why I can't do it again. I think the thing that's bothering me is that I went to A as back up! This thread is more a reflection on me than it is either of them. I suppose I'm just a bit confused by the whole thing and I feel kinda bad about crossing that line of sleeping with someone's friend. I know I wasn't expected to know that they knew each other but Im still feeling a bit strange about it! Guess I just needed some advice, that's all x
If doing something makes you feel bad, stop doing it. Exclusivity isn't a bad thing at all, but if it's not what you want then you can't mislead him.
On another note, I've had sex with people who were friends and it isn't always an issue if it's casual. It's more so when emotions are involved. Plus you didn't know, so it can hardly be your fault. If it were me, I'd mention knowing them so they're aware out of respect.
I've mentioned to B about A, but he hasn't seen my message yet. I'd happily be exclusive with B, but not until I know that A is ok with it in terms of them being friends. My brain hurts. Why do I always over think things?! Haha "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've mentioned to B about A, but he hasn't seen my message yet. I'd happily be exclusive with B, but not until I know that A is ok with it in terms of them being friends. My brain hurts. Why do I always over think things?! Haha "
Hopefully it'll work out in your favour then.  |
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this seems like a massive amount of unneccessary drama ...why not just tell them both about the situation ...decide if you want to proceed with nsa sex or not and let them both in on what you have decided ...problem resolved !  |
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