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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yorkshire man walking along the high street dressed as Santa ( that's the xmassy bit out of the way) and looks in a fancy Parisien cake shop.
He walks in and asks "How much is that Gattox you have in the window"
The lady behind the counter (add your own impression of a french accent)replies "It's not Gattox sir, it's Gateaux and it's £2 a slice"
"£2 a slice for fancy cake" says the Yorkshireman, " bolleaux to that".
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why do you never see Father Christmas in hospital?.............because he's got national elf service "
Christmas cracker 1988 .... Thankyou very much lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Yorkshire man walking along the high street dressed as Santa ( that's the xmassy bit out of the way) and looks in a fancy Parisien cake shop.
He walks in and asks "How much is that Gattox you have in the window"
The lady behind the counter (add your own impression of a french accent)replies "It's not Gattox sir, it's Gateaux and it's £2 a slice"
"£2 a slice for fancy cake" says the Yorkshireman, " bolleaux to that".
"
As im from lancashire I like jokes about Yorkshire people lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a bit daring...
When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.
Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is a bit daring...
When I was a child, I remember lying with my eyes closed waiting for Santa to come.
Then there was the awkward silence as he got dressed and left.
"
Oooooooooooooo .......... Defanatly daring |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not christmasy but its one me dad told me the other day -
2 people having sex one night, when they finished one gets up to wash their hands and the other said " you're a surgeon are you?" The other goes "yes how did you know?"
"well you scrubbed your hands before and after"
"well" they reply, "are you and anaesthetist?"
"how did you know?"
They reply "well I didn't feel a thing"
Me dad is crap at jokes but once in a while you get a good un lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Not christmasy but its one me dad told me the other day -
2 people having sex one night, when they finished one gets up to wash their hands and the other said " you're a surgeon are you?" The other goes "yes how did you know?"
"well you scrubbed your hands before and after"
"well" they reply, "are you and anaesthetist?"
"how did you know?"
They reply "well I didn't feel a thing"
Me dad is crap at jokes but once in a while you get a good un lol "
Lol xxxxxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I found a present under my tree today with no label or card attached so didnt know who it was from...so decided to open it....it was a bag of rice....must have been from my uncle ben "
Best one so far lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As the 3 wise men stepped into the Barn,one of them stood in a big pile of cow shit wrecking his golden slippers,,"Jesus Christ" he shouted,Mary looks at Joseph and says ,,now I like that name its much nicer than "Trevor"  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not christmasy but its one me dad told me the other day -
2 people having sex one night, when they finished one gets up to wash their hands and the other said " you're a surgeon are you?" The other goes "yes how did you know?"
"well you scrubbed your hands before and after"
"well" they reply, "are you and anaesthetist?"
"how did you know?"
They reply "well I didn't feel a thing"
Me dad is crap at jokes but once in a while you get a good un lol "
Me and my 13 siblings think that, most dads are crap but occasionally we get a good 'un. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Paddy's walking to the Christmas market with a bulging sack.
Murphy says "What you got in there Paddy"
Paddy says "Fresh turkeys fattened ready for Christmas. Tell you what Murphy, as your my mate, if you can guess how many i've got in here you can have both of 'em"
Murphy : "Three" |
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Christmas Turkey
It was Christmas Eve in at the meat counter and a woman was anxiously picking over the last few remaining turkeys in the hope of finding a large one.
In desperation she called over a shop assistant and said, 'Excuse me. Do these turkeys get any bigger?'
'No, madam, 'he replied, 'they're all dead.' |
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"On the Table"
He laid her on the table.
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast.
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide...he looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the turkey.
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