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Crying children on the bus
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes kids cry for attention and that's when they should be ignored.
Other times it's because they need help or love and that's when they should get attention.
Mums normally know what cry is what |
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Sometimes they're crying for deeply unfathomable reasons. It's not easy trying to shush your child whilst feeling stressed because you know everyone else is judging and fed up of the noise. As if we (who hear it far more often!) aren't also fed up of it.
Being a parent is hard enough without the tutting and snide comments of some of the nastier members of the public. Kids don't come with a mute button unfortunately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes they're crying for deeply unfathomable reasons. It's not easy trying to shush your child whilst feeling stressed because you know everyone else is judging and fed up of the noise. As if we (who hear it far more often!) aren't also fed up of it.
Being a parent is hard enough without the tutting and snide comments of some of the nastier members of the public. Kids don't come with a mute button unfortunately."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes they're crying for deeply unfathomable reasons. It's not easy trying to shush your child whilst feeling stressed because you know everyone else is judging and fed up of the noise. As if we (who hear it far more often!) aren't also fed up of it.
Being a parent is hard enough without the tutting and snide comments of some of the nastier members of the public. Kids don't come with a mute button unfortunately."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes they're crying for deeply unfathomable reasons. It's not easy trying to shush your child whilst feeling stressed because you know everyone else is judging and fed up of the noise. As if we (who hear it far more often!) aren't also fed up of it.
Being a parent is hard enough without the tutting and snide comments of some of the nastier members of the public. Kids don't come with a mute button unfortunately."
I agree ^^
with my second child I'd devolved a think skin when it came to the 'tutters'.
when asked why I couldn't keep her quiet at 18 months by a couple across the aisle on an airplane ~ I smiled and said calmly 'if you think you can do a better job then get your arses over here' ~ funnily enough they didn't take me up on the offer! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mmmmm.
What's with all the talk about "mum's"...
Personally I've never been anywhere with my kids where I couldn't manage to keep them entertained, it's hard and usually means you personally missing out on most of the stuff you actually went there for in the first place lol.
I've found most of the crying kids have the least interested parents?. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mmmmm.
What's with all the talk about "mum's"...
Personally I've never been anywhere with my kids where I couldn't manage to keep them entertained, it's hard and usually means you personally missing out on most of the stuff you actually went there for in the first place lol.
I've found most of the crying kids have the least interested parents?."
Sorry but this is bollocks. I work with very small kids and if you've ever told a small kid "no" you will know that this very often will lead to a complete meltdown which is much more quickly dealt with by letting them get it out of their system rather than trying to talk sense to them. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in the child. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mmmmm.
What's with all the talk about "mum's"...
Personally I've never been anywhere with my kids where I couldn't manage to keep them entertained, it's hard and usually means you personally missing out on most of the stuff you actually went there for in the first place lol.
I've found most of the crying kids have the least interested parents?."
I can assure not in my case it isn't!!
sometimes a child is beyond comfort and has to simply cry it out.
Being over tired plays a huge factor in a child's behaviour and the more you try to hush them the more they over react.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank god people have explained why kids sometimes cry.
Wondered what the little shits were making that noise for."
I really hate it when people refer to children as little shits |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some children are just openly emotional. I was lucky that my children never cried or screamed on buses. When other children do I can ignore or I look at them and give them a little smile. That sometimes throws them for a minute or two and they forget to cry |
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"Thank god people have explained why kids sometimes cry.
Wondered what the little shits were making that noise for.
I really hate it when people refer to children as little shits"
Dosent bother me. I have one who 99% of the time isnt a little shit, but when she is, she gets told. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've seen plenty unhappy crying children where whoever is pushing them around or in charge of them for the day clearly has no parenting skills or interest in the child at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank god people have explained why kids sometimes cry.
Wondered what the little shits were making that noise for.
I really hate it when people refer to children as little shits
Dosent bother me. I have one who 99% of the time isnt a little shit, but when she is, she gets told."
You tell her she's a little shit? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have found in an environment where there are rugrats crying and screaming. Best thing is to tut very loudly, look at the accompanying adult in a judgmental fashion and shake my head. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mmmmm.
What's with all the talk about "mum's"...
Personally I've never been anywhere with my kids where I couldn't manage to keep them entertained, it's hard and usually means you personally missing out on most of the stuff you actually went there for in the first place lol.
I've found most of the crying kids have the least interested parents?.
Sorry but this is bollocks. I work with very small kids and if you've ever told a small kid "no" you will know that this very often will lead to a complete meltdown which is much more quickly dealt with by letting them get it out of their system rather than trying to talk sense to them. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in the child. "
.
Just my own personal experience.
I didn't say every episode of kids crying I said most of the time.
And yes having three children myself and from a family of five, believe it or not I've had to say no to young children  .
There's a huge difference between having a child want something in tesco which you may have a short moment of Tantrum's that the parent will have to work through, (my mother taught me the art of imagination and diversion for those difficult moments), and the parents who just wander round with a child screaming locked in a pram for 30 minutes waiting for them to get exhausted from it!. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank god people have explained why kids sometimes cry.
Wondered what the little shits were making that noise for."
It's a mine of information. Next up, why does my baby wet its nappy. |
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"Thank god people have explained why kids sometimes cry.
Wondered what the little shits were making that noise for.
I really hate it when people refer to children as little shits
Dosent bother me. I have one who 99% of the time isnt a little shit, but when she is, she gets told.
You tell her she's a little shit?"
No she's almost 14. Ive brought her up since she was about 4.
Just about everyone I know will tell me Im the best Dad they know. I was born to do this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank god people have explained why kids sometimes cry.
Wondered what the little shits were making that noise for.
It's a mine of information. Next up, why does my baby wet its nappy.
What is?"
This thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found in an environment where there are rugrats crying and screaming. Best thing is to tut very loudly, look at the accompanying adult in a judgmental fashion and shake my head. "
Sorry can't hear you above the screaming ~ tut louder!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found in an environment where there are rugrats crying and screaming. Best thing is to tut very loudly, look at the accompanying adult in a judgmental fashion and shake my head.
Sorry can't hear you above the screaming ~ tut louder! "
I am now also rolling my eyes as well as tutting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Maybe busses should have overhead compartments like plane's. Sound proof but with breathing holes.
Then all parents can store said chilblains in the compartments. Giving themselves and other people on the bus a quiet and stress free journey. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mine have some incredible meltdowns in public. Most memorable was when one was 4 and he was actually attacking the self service checkout at Tesco. Screaming and hitting and kicking it as hard as he could. He was big for a 4 year old too.
It was lovely that no one offered to help me try and simultaneously contain him and also finish the scanning of my shopping and pay for it. He also kept running off to go for another unused till.
Finally as we went to leave he clung onto one of the railings around the self service area and refused to leave the shop. Amazingly a Tesco lady did acknowledge me as I asked for help.
The meltdown was over him wanting to scan a box of Cheerios in by himself but I'd already scanned it before he said anything. She let him scan it on another till, bless her and then cancelled it.
When in public and mine lose it (it's especially fun when you have twins!) I get down to their level try and help them if I can.
The best thing I've found is naming their emotions calmly and fairly loudly. This shows everyone around that you are handling it but also announces why the kid is upset. And simultaneously validates the kids feelings and takes some of the heat out of their anger.
So I do a lot of "Yes, I know, you wanted the toy tractor. It must be really frustrating to see something so cool and not be allowed to have it."
Makes me feel more confident in those situations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When my kids played up in public i just took them home, I'm not a very patient person and there were many a times I took my kids out and just turned round and went home, even mid meal while eating out or on day trips, I told them once, if they need telling again I just up sticks and went home regardless of what we was doing, I didn't take them long to learn to behave in public because they knew if i said do it again and we are going home I ment it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mine have some incredible meltdowns in public. Most memorable was when one was 4 and he was actually attacking the self service checkout at Tesco. Screaming and hitting and kicking it as hard as he could. He was big for a 4 year old too.
It was lovely that no one offered to help me try and simultaneously contain him and also finish the scanning of my shopping and pay for it. He also kept running off to go for another unused till.
Finally as we went to leave he clung onto one of the railings around the self service area and refused to leave the shop. Amazingly a Tesco lady did acknowledge me as I asked for help.
The meltdown was over him wanting to scan a box of Cheerios in by himself but I'd already scanned it before he said anything. She let him scan it on another till, bless her and then cancelled it.
When in public and mine lose it (it's especially fun when you have twins!) I get down to their level try and help them if I can.
The best thing I've found is naming their emotions calmly and fairly loudly. This shows everyone around that you are handling it but also announces why the kid is upset. And simultaneously validates the kids feelings and takes some of the heat out of their anger.
So I do a lot of "Yes, I know, you wanted the toy tractor. It must be really frustrating to see something so cool and not be allowed to have it."
Makes me feel more confident in those situations."
You have much more patience than I ever did fair play! That self service checkout probably looked like a big toy cash till that you were allowed to play on while he couldn't. Understandable but oh so difficult to be calm neutral and understanding in those kind of situations
S x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When my kids played up in public i just took them home, I'm not a very patient person and there were many a times I took my kids out and just turned round and went home, even mid meal while eating out or on day trips, I told them once, if they need telling again I just up sticks and went home regardless of what we was doing, I didn't take them long to learn to behave in public because they knew if i said do it again and we are going home I ment it"
Yes that's what I used to do, depending on where we were
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think as well, it's just overwhelming for some kids, going round shops and restaurants, etc. it's noisy, unpredictable, lots of different bright lights. I find supermarkets set my teeth on edge, never mind my kids! So going home probably is the best thing.
I've found if I need to take them anywhere now (Tesco is always a tough one) I give them their leappads with headphones on and it cuts out a lot of the background noise and keeps them calmer. It means I have to steer them around the shop as they tend to just stand still but it's better than when they leg it and have meltdowns. 
Also when they were you get I'd time anything boring like shopping with snack time, so they'd eat in the trolley while I grabbed some bits.
I think you learn what your kids can and can't tolerate and sort of plan accordingly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe busses should have overhead compartments like plane's. Sound proof but with breathing holes.
Then all parents can store said chilblains in the compartments. Giving themselves and other people on the bus a quiet and stress free journey. "
Put them on the roof rack - plenty of fresh air, it'll be good for the little darlings |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank god people have explained why kids sometimes cry.
Wondered what the little shits were making that noise for.
I really hate it when people refer to children as little shits"
It's a term of affection up north amongst 'common' families (like my own), usually said while laughing and trying not to crack under the pressure of having to deal with said kids, we got called a lot worse as kids and were pretty neglected due to poverty, it's our way of dealing with that too without a better example to work from. Just this paragraph is my reply to that comment, rest is just about this whole topic.
Some things that will stick in my mind are that people are pretty intolerant of kids anyway (if they don't have any themselves to deal with), and that up here if your kid is being a little shit most people will just ignore it (stare but not say anything), but you have to grow a thick skin to deal with your kids really coz some people will say something humiliating rather than help you out. Is lovely when people offer to help you out though and that has happened plenty of times when mine were little and acted up.
I ended up staying out shopping longer than i expected to once and my son got hungry and started crying, and one woman (who had no kids with her) said something about her kid never cried like that, and i just thought 'really, you're kid never cried when they got hungry?' was useless of her to say that coz she was talking out of her arse and didn't help em and neither did it spur me to walk any faster to greggs for a sausage roll. Some people are just dicks, they don't understand a situation and like to comment on it (we've all done it).
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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there was a little girl going ompletely nuts in sainsburys yesterday..her mum was sensibly ignoring her,when an elderly lady just marched up to the child, put her finger to her lips and said sternly 'thats quite enough now thank you!'. and walked off....the mum was really trying not to laugh as the kid's face was a picture...utterly stunned into silence!
good ploy but i think only elderly ladies can get away with it unfortunately! i certainly wouldnt try it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"there was a little girl going ompletely nuts in sainsburys yesterday..her mum was sensibly ignoring her,when an elderly lady just marched up to the child, put her finger to her lips and said sternly 'thats quite enough now thank you!'. and walked off....the mum was really trying not to laugh as the kid's face was a picture...utterly stunned into silence!
good ploy but i think only elderly ladies can get away with it unfortunately! i certainly wouldnt try it!"
You know that sounds like something my mum would have done lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kids are little copycats I've found most of the crying stomping shouting attention seeking tantrum ones have very similar patents by coincidence obviously  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think people are very wary of telling off other peoples kids..when i was little neighbours etc had no qualms about telling me off..worked very well, as the threat of them 'telling on you' to your parents was really scary.
i live in the epicenter of middle class nappy valley and apparently anything that wipes the smile of your childs face is a complete no no....worst behaved kids i've ever seen around here.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found in an environment where there are rugrats crying and screaming. Best thing is to tut very loudly, look at the accompanying adult in a judgmental fashion and shake my head. "
Being a parent of young children who are having a public meltdown is hard enough work without having to put up with sanctimonious people tutting as they think they could do a better job. And i know what i am talking about as i used to be a sanctimonious tutter.. Being a parent of 2 young children, i now try and give an encouraging smile and say not to worry they are still young, rather than tut and criticise...It is embarrasing enough when your kida play up in public without havi g the tutters and sighers to worry about as well
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i was lucky - both mine were really well behaved and daughter only had the one temper tantrum - we left her on the floor til she fell to sleep still sobbing hard - i have been a child minder and some kids the total opposite - mostly attention but you get to know if its that and ignore - would never tut more empathise with a parent with an upset child - ive chatted to a kid in the supermarket queue that was crying - a simple 'are you that fed up of shopping' comment often gets their attention - |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Kids are little copycats I've found most of the crying stomping shouting attention seeking tantrum ones have very similar patents by coincidence obviously "
I think it's genetic. My kids are VERY sensitive. And quite extreme. When they are happy they are incredibly happy. One of mine laughs so loudly and heartily, when he was aged 2-3 in the park people would always stare and then smile. His humour is ridiculously infectious.
And he has the most amazingly explosive meltdowns. He's done it since a very tiny baby. It's just who he is. (And he's a red head too!)
I'm a very up and down person too. (No red hair though.)
I don't think he copies it from me. I think everyone's brains and neurological makeup are slightly different. Some of us feel more intensely and/or find it harder to control our responses. And there are physical reasons for that. But I do think he inherited it from me.
Just like some people are tall and some aren't. And we have different eye colours.
It's the wonder of the human race. It'd be boring if we were all the same.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Child free zones on planes please, let the parents suffer what they have created."
I agree with that as do a lot of other people who have to put up with the awful noise and bad behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found in an environment where there are rugrats crying and screaming. Best thing is to tut very loudly, look at the accompanying adult in a judgmental fashion and shake my head. Being a parent of young children who are having a public meltdown is hard enough work without having to put up with sanctimonious people tutting as they think they could do a better job. And i know what i am talking about as i used to be a sanctimonious tutter.. Being a parent of 2 young children, i now try and give an encouraging smile and say not to worry they are still young, rather than tut and criticise...It is embarrasing enough when your kida play up in public without havi g the tutters and sighers to worry about as well"
.
Nobody minds a trier even if it's failing, what I disagree with is this bollocks of doing nothing and everybody in the world having to put up with a parents shitly behaved child because they can't be arsed trying or more common would prefer to carry on their shopping trip like they don't have have kids...
I'm not sure maybe it's my old ways but I was brought up by mum to love, play with, nurture, discipline and most importantly put some effort into your kids.
When my kids were four and five and they were playing out, i was the only parent on a road full of kids who actually stood watching them.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Child free zones on planes please, let the parents suffer what they have created.
I agree with that as do a lot of other people who have to put up with the awful noise and bad behaviour."
ive heard and put up with worse behaviour from adults than from the occasional bored child on a plane |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found in an environment where there are rugrats crying and screaming. Best thing is to tut very loudly, look at the accompanying adult in a judgmental fashion and shake my head. Being a parent of young children who are having a public meltdown is hard enough work without having to put up with sanctimonious people tutting as they think they could do a better job. And i know what i am talking about as i used to be a sanctimonious tutter.. Being a parent of 2 young children, i now try and give an encouraging smile and say not to worry they are still young, rather than tut and criticise...It is embarrasing enough when your kida play up in public without havi g the tutters and sighers to worry about as well.
Nobody minds a trier even if it's failing, what I disagree with is this bollocks of doing nothing and everybody in the world having to put up with a parents shitly behaved child because they can't be arsed trying or more common would prefer to carry on their shopping trip like they don't have have kids...
I'm not sure maybe it's my old ways but I was brought up by mum to love, play with, nurture, discipline and most importantly put some effort into your kids.
When my kids were four and five and they were playing out, i was the only parent on a road full of kids who actually stood watching them.
"
If only more parents were like you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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They are just being honest, most of the adults on a bus would cry too if they hadn't devised a logic system that falsely justified taking a bus rather than a Bentley |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When my kids played up in public i just took them home, I'm not a very patient person and there were many a times I took my kids out and just turned round and went home, even mid meal while eating out or on day trips, I told them once, if they need telling again I just up sticks and went home regardless of what we was doing, I didn't take them long to learn to behave in public because they knew if i said do it again and we are going home I ment it"
You sound like a good parent. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Should we not be asking why do people in this country find public transport such a stressful experience ?
Have we become so comfortable in our own little cocoon that anyone or anything that impinges on it is automatically singled out for ridicule and over examination ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Should we not be asking why do people in this country find public transport such a stressful experience ?
Have we become so comfortable in our own little cocoon that anyone or anything that impinges on it is automatically singled out for ridicule and over examination ?
Stressful for who? some people know the difference between acceptable behaviour and good manners, its the way they have been brought up.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Should we not be asking why do people in this country find public transport such a stressful experience ?
Have we become so comfortable in our own little cocoon that anyone or anything that impinges on it is automatically singled out for ridicule and over examination ?
Stressful for who? some people know the difference between acceptable behaviour and good manners, its the way they have been brought up.
"
If only life were that simple that we could put it in a box and only bring it out when no one else was looking |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Should we not be asking why do people in this country find public transport such a stressful experience ?
Have we become so comfortable in our own little cocoon that anyone or anything that impinges on it is automatically singled out for ridicule and over examination ?
Stressful for who? some people know the difference between acceptable behaviour and good manners, its the way they have been brought up.
If only life were that simple that we could put it in a box and only bring it out when no one else was looking "
Yeah, that makes a lot of sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Mmmmm.
What's with all the talk about "mum's"...
Personally I've never been anywhere with my kids where I couldn't manage to keep them entertained, it's hard and usually means you personally missing out on most of the stuff you actually went there for in the first place lol.
I've found most of the crying kids have the least interested parents?."
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as a single parent myself i didnt have the temper tantrums whilst out and going out for a meal was heaven as i had 2 well behaved children that sat down and ate there food
dont get me wrong they did play up often and had there tantrums to boot but with me they did as they was told
there was times when the crying came with a good reason to it but on others you could tell as a parent which cry is for what i can even tell now with other kids and i do have the comment will you do something about the screaming kid
some of this thread has made me wonder if the ones moaning have looked after theres 24/7 when you cant have the break or hand the kids back to the mum after us men have teased and wound up the kids first as you soon learn to keep it in moderation
oh and to add finally ive had many a couple sat at other tables come over to my table and others that haved looked after them saying best well behaved children at the table and they have been given a treat in money in there hands
the one temper tantrum im aware of is someone fully undressing in a pram all because they wanted out of the pram on a warm sunny day as its been a laughable subject ever since |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found in an environment where there are rugrats crying and screaming. Best thing is to tut very loudly, look at the accompanying adult in a judgmental fashion and shake my head. Being a parent of young children who are having a public meltdown is hard enough work without having to put up with sanctimonious people tutting as they think they could do a better job. And i know what i am talking about as i used to be a sanctimonious tutter.. Being a parent of 2 young children, i now try and give an encouraging smile and say not to worry they are still young, rather than tut and criticise...It is embarrasing enough when your kida play up in public without havi g the tutters and sighers to worry about as well.
Nobody minds a trier even if it's failing, what I disagree with is this bollocks of doing nothing and everybody in the world having to put up with a parents shitly behaved child because they can't be arsed trying or more common would prefer to carry on their shopping trip like they don't have have kids...
I'm not sure maybe it's my old ways but I was brought up by mum to love, play with, nurture, discipline and most importantly put some effort into your kids.
When my kids were four and five and they were playing out, i was the only parent on a road full of kids who actually stood watching them.
If only more parents were like you. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"as a single parent myself i didnt have the temper tantrums whilst out and going out for a meal was heaven as i had 2 well behaved children that sat down and ate there food
dont get me wrong they did play up often and had there tantrums to boot but with me they did as they was told
there was times when the crying came with a good reason to it but on others you could tell as a parent which cry is for what i can even tell now with other kids and i do have the comment will you do something about the screaming kid
some of this thread has made me wonder if the ones moaning have looked after theres 24/7 when you cant have the break or hand the kids back to the mum after us men have teased and wound up the kids first as you soon learn to keep it in moderation
oh and to add finally ive had many a couple sat at other tables come over to my table and others that haved looked after them saying best well behaved children at the table and they have been given a treat in money in there hands
the one temper tantrum im aware of is someone fully undressing in a pram all because they wanted out of the pram on a warm sunny day as its been a laughable subject ever since"
I was a single parent for a few years, and am again. It's nice when people point out when your kids are behaving, can give you a boost when you feel like no-one else gives a shit. Never got money though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Least we forget that we were once kids too and may have cried once or twice during that time!"
Yes of course but my parents or older brothers would soon shut me up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I had my first child I was terrified that people would stare at me, tut, shake their head or judge me if the wee one started crying. I was so scared of her crying in public I wouldn't leave the house on my own with her for the first couple of months. It took a lot of courage for me to face that fear and go out on my own and deal with the looks and tuts when she cried.
No matter what the age of the mum it's all new and can be a bit scary being responsible for such a tiny helpless little thing
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"Sometimes they're crying for deeply unfathomable reasons. It's not easy trying to shush your child whilst feeling stressed because you know everyone else is judging and fed up of the noise. As if we (who hear it far more often!) aren't also fed up of it.
Being a parent is hard enough without the tutting and snide comments of some of the nastier members of the public. Kids don't come with a mute button unfortunately."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"as a single parent myself i didnt have the temper tantrums whilst out and going out for a meal was heaven as i had 2 well behaved children that sat down and ate there food
dont get me wrong they did play up often and had there tantrums to boot but with me they did as they was told
there was times when the crying came with a good reason to it but on others you could tell as a parent which cry is for what i can even tell now with other kids and i do have the comment will you do something about the screaming kid
some of this thread has made me wonder if the ones moaning have looked after theres 24/7 when you cant have the break or hand the kids back to the mum after us men have teased and wound up the kids first as you soon learn to keep it in moderation
oh and to add finally ive had many a couple sat at other tables come over to my table and others that haved looked after them saying best well behaved children at the table and they have been given a treat in money in there hands
the one temper tantrum im aware of is someone fully undressing in a pram all because they wanted out of the pram on a warm sunny day as its been a laughable subject ever since"
Comments like this always make me feel like a crap parent. And I know I'm not. I probably spend more time working my arse off on my parenting skills than most. I spend more time liasing with school. I go on parenting courses and seminars. I read parenting books and websites.
Some kids just ARE emotionally more mature than others. Some kids just ARE easier.
Everyone has to work hard at it.
But I do get sick of the judgement of other parents when they see my kids act out or be rude.
Top tip: If you see a kid do something shocking or act like a particularly spoilt brat, please don't assume they have rubbish parents.
I spent a horrific time in a soft play last weekend. My kids were bouncing off the walls and need regular exercise or they struggle to stay calm.
Unfortunately they didn't want to go anywhere else and I can't make them.
So I took then to soft play. They were fine for a bit. Then one threw a baby toy. About six kids crowded round him and had a go at him. (It didn't hit anyone.) He got very anxious and stressed. I had to try and calm him down in this small space. The kids not only didn't leave (despite me asking them to) but they got their parents to come watch.
My son was very agitated by this point. I picked him up.
He swung his feet around in frustration. A boy the same age decided it would be a good idea to walk closer (????) and then complained at me that my son kicked him?
I really had to bite my tongue.
I had to get him out of there. There were several kids and an adult with a baby crowded round the door. I asked them to move as I couldn't guarantee he wouldn't kick them.
They ignored me so I thought sod it and walked straight through. Luckily he didn't do any damage to anyone.
I got him nice and calm and he went and sat on a ride on toy with his brother. Two other kids climbed up dangerously on the front and he asked them abruptly to get off.
They didn't and their mum told him not to say that.
Again I had to try and go in and diffuse the situation, keep my son calm and get him out of there.
That's what it's like when you go out with a child with Asperger syndrome.
They look like normal kids. Just rude, out of control ones with parents who bend to their whims.
So I get stares. Judgement. And in reality I am working my bloody arse off.
No one comes over and compliments my kids and gives them money.
(But they are very impressed when he was 4, pointing out that the solar system toy in a shop didn't have Pluto on as it wasn't a planet any more (for a while anyway). Very clever, very caring kid in the right circumstances.)
And sorry for always ranting about autism.
But I would love it if more people realised it doesn't always look like they expect it to look. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"as a single parent myself i didnt have the temper tantrums whilst out and going out for a meal was heaven as i had 2 well behaved children that sat down and ate there food
dont get me wrong they did play up often and had there tantrums to boot but with me they did as they was told
there was times when the crying came with a good reason to it but on others you could tell as a parent which cry is for what i can even tell now with other kids and i do have the comment will you do something about the screaming kid
some of this thread has made me wonder if the ones moaning have looked after theres 24/7 when you cant have the break or hand the kids back to the mum after us men have teased and wound up the kids first as you soon learn to keep it in moderation
oh and to add finally ive had many a couple sat at other tables come over to my table and others that haved looked after them saying best well behaved children at the table and they have been given a treat in money in there hands
the one temper tantrum im aware of is someone fully undressing in a pram all because they wanted out of the pram on a warm sunny day as its been a laughable subject ever since
Comments like this always make me feel like a crap parent. And I know I'm not. I probably spend more time working my arse off on my parenting skills than most. I spend more time liasing with school. I go on parenting courses and seminars. I read parenting books and websites.
Some kids just ARE emotionally more mature than others. Some kids just ARE easier.
Everyone has to work hard at it.
But I do get sick of the judgement of other parents when they see my kids act out or be rude.
Top tip: If you see a kid do something shocking or act like a particularly spoilt brat, please don't assume they have rubbish parents.
I spent a horrific time in a soft play last weekend. My kids were bouncing off the walls and need regular exercise or they struggle to stay calm.
Unfortunately they didn't want to go anywhere else and I can't make them.
So I took then to soft play. They were fine for a bit. Then one threw a baby toy. About six kids crowded round him and had a go at him. (It didn't hit anyone.) He got very anxious and stressed. I had to try and calm him down in this small space. The kids not only didn't leave (despite me asking them to) but they got their parents to come watch.
My son was very agitated by this point. I picked him up.
He swung his feet around in frustration. A boy the same age decided it would be a good idea to walk closer (????) and then complained at me that my son kicked him?
I really had to bite my tongue.
I had to get him out of there. There were several kids and an adult with a baby crowded round the door. I asked them to move as I couldn't guarantee he wouldn't kick them.
They ignored me so I thought sod it and walked straight through. Luckily he didn't do any damage to anyone.
I got him nice and calm and he went and sat on a ride on toy with his brother. Two other kids climbed up dangerously on the front and he asked them abruptly to get off.
They didn't and their mum told him not to say that.
Again I had to try and go in and diffuse the situation, keep my son calm and get him out of there.
That's what it's like when you go out with a child with Asperger syndrome.
They look like normal kids. Just rude, out of control ones with parents who bend to their whims.
So I get stares. Judgement. And in reality I am working my bloody arse off.
No one comes over and compliments my kids and gives them money.
(But they are very impressed when he was 4, pointing out that the solar system toy in a shop didn't have Pluto on as it wasn't a planet any more (for a while anyway). Very clever, very caring kid in the right circumstances.)
And sorry for always ranting about autism.
But I would love it if more people realised it doesn't always look like they expect it to look."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found in an environment where there are rugrats crying and screaming. Best thing is to tut very loudly, look at the accompanying adult in a judgmental fashion and shake my head. Being a parent of young children who are having a public meltdown is hard enough work without having to put up with sanctimonious people tutting as they think they could do a better job. And i know what i am talking about as i used to be a sanctimonious tutter.. Being a parent of 2 young children, i now try and give an encouraging smile and say not to worry they are still young, rather than tut and criticise...It is embarrasing enough when your kida play up in public without havi g the tutters and sighers to worry about as well"
Both myself and jools have done our time with kid's and you could say we are still serving hard time.
Two kids one grown up and left home with two brats. Whoops grandkids (I jest they are awesome) and we have a teenager still at home.
We have been there read the book and worn the t shirt.
But ye with young kids throwing tantrums in shops and on buses.
Please this is a piece of piss by comparison of the hell that is to come called.
THE TEENAGER!
You will be brought to your knees and wishing they were still toddlers throwing wobblys on the bus
Our grandkids are hard bloody work but we love them to bit's.
But both of them combined x e does not = teenage daughter.
She is far far worse.
So patronising parents who get all sanctimonious and preaching about u don't understand what it's like to have small children.
My comeback is.
You don't know what it's like to have teenagers.
Enjoy
Xxx |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
We all bump along on our own little moods and with our own tolerance levels. Some days we can cope with the noise of the outside world and some days we can't. Why should it be any different for children?
By definition a child is immature and still learning. Some will learn that the tutters want them to stop and others won't. They are learning where the boundaries are and how far they can push them. They are discovering their independence.
Why would they learn what we might describe as normal and acceptable behaviour when we tell them that they shouldn't swear and yet they see adults out on the street (and the bus etc.) swearing away?
There are times when you see the adults with the child ignoring what is going on but that might be a tactic that works with their child. Seeing the snapshot moment doesn't provide the whole picture.
Even the ones I love will annoy sometimes but it's not useful or true to mark them down as annoying all the time because of one moment.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"as a single parent myself i didnt have the temper tantrums whilst out and going out for a meal was heaven as i had 2 well behaved children that sat down and ate there food
dont get me wrong they did play up often and had there tantrums to boot but with me they did as they was told
there was times when the crying came with a good reason to it but on others you could tell as a parent which cry is for what i can even tell now with other kids and i do have the comment will you do something about the screaming kid
some of this thread has made me wonder if the ones moaning have looked after theres 24/7 when you cant have the break or hand the kids back to the mum after us men have teased and wound up the kids first as you soon learn to keep it in moderation
oh and to add finally ive had many a couple sat at other tables come over to my table and others that haved looked after them saying best well behaved children at the table and they have been given a treat in money in there hands
the one temper tantrum im aware of is someone fully undressing in a pram all because they wanted out of the pram on a warm sunny day as its been a laughable subject ever since
Comments like this always make me feel like a crap parent. And I know I'm not. I probably spend more time working my arse off on my parenting skills than most. I spend more time liasing with school. I go on parenting courses and seminars. I read parenting books and websites.
Some kids just ARE emotionally more mature than others. Some kids just ARE easier.
Everyone has to work hard at it.
But I do get sick of the judgement of other parents when they see my kids act out or be rude.
Top tip: If you see a kid do something shocking or act like a particularly spoilt brat, please don't assume they have rubbish parents.
I spent a horrific time in a soft play last weekend. My kids were bouncing off the walls and need regular exercise or they struggle to stay calm.
Unfortunately they didn't want to go anywhere else and I can't make them.
So I took then to soft play. They were fine for a bit. Then one threw a baby toy. About six kids crowded round him and had a go at him. (It didn't hit anyone.) He got very anxious and stressed. I had to try and calm him down in this small space. The kids not only didn't leave (despite me asking them to) but they got their parents to come watch.
My son was very agitated by this point. I picked him up.
He swung his feet around in frustration. A boy the same age decided it would be a good idea to walk closer (????) and then complained at me that my son kicked him?
I really had to bite my tongue.
I had to get him out of there. There were several kids and an adult with a baby crowded round the door. I asked them to move as I couldn't guarantee he wouldn't kick them.
They ignored me so I thought sod it and walked straight through. Luckily he didn't do any damage to anyone.
I got him nice and calm and he went and sat on a ride on toy with his brother. Two other kids climbed up dangerously on the front and he asked them abruptly to get off.
They didn't and their mum told him not to say that.
Again I had to try and go in and diffuse the situation, keep my son calm and get him out of there.
That's what it's like when you go out with a child with Asperger syndrome.
They look like normal kids. Just rude, out of control ones with parents who bend to their whims.
So I get stares. Judgement. And in reality I am working my bloody arse off.
No one comes over and compliments my kids and gives them money.
(But they are very impressed when he was 4, pointing out that the solar system toy in a shop didn't have Pluto on as it wasn't a planet any more (for a while anyway). Very clever, very caring kid in the right circumstances.)
And sorry for always ranting about autism.
But I would love it if more people realised it doesn't always look like they expect it to look."
I was going to ask earlier about autism but thought that would be rude, sorry. I realised from what you said in your posts. Can't remember you mentioning it before now.
You sound like a great Mum. I was on a train once and a girl screeched for 2 hours. Her parents were great with her. That situation didn't annoy me at all. Autism is entirely different to kids being brats and parents being useless.
My posts on this thread are about shit parents. In your example, it's the other parents and kids that are shit. Not you and yours. x |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"
And sorry for always ranting about autism.
But I would love it if more people realised it doesn't always look like they expect it to look.
I was going to ask earlier about autism but thought that would be rude, sorry. I realised from what you said in your posts. Can't remember you mentioning it before now.
You sound like a great Mum. I was on a train once and a girl screeched for 2 hours. Her parents were great with her. That situation didn't annoy me at all. Autism is entirely different to kids being brats and parents being useless.
My posts on this thread are about shit parents. In your example, it's the other parents and kids that are shit. Not you and yours. x"
But it's not always possible to discern autism spectrum when you see a child screeching.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
And sorry for always ranting about autism.
But I would love it if more people realised it doesn't always look like they expect it to look.
I was going to ask earlier about autism but thought that would be rude, sorry. I realised from what you said in your posts. Can't remember you mentioning it before now.
You sound like a great Mum. I was on a train once and a girl screeched for 2 hours. Her parents were great with her. That situation didn't annoy me at all. Autism is entirely different to kids being brats and parents being useless.
My posts on this thread are about shit parents. In your example, it's the other parents and kids that are shit. Not you and yours. x
But it's not always possible to discern autism spectrum when you see a child screeching.
"
In that situation I would be the shit person frowning and tutting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
But it's not always possible to discern autism spectrum when you see a child screeching.
"
Exactly. Completely and utterly EXACTLY.
I had one incident where my son was throwing soft blocks over a wall. He didn't think to check if there was someone behind the wall.
A lady came and shouted at him because her one year old granddaughter was being hit on the head.
Now one thing you don't do is shout at my son at the age he was. He thought her reaction was hilarious (he couldn't read emotions at that point) so he laughed. And carried on.
Husband was dealing with his brother so didn't see to initially intervene. He did explain to the woman but she seemed to think it was no excuse?
Yeah, the problem is my kids are both very bright for their age and have vocabularies beyond their years. My son pointed out at Christmas dinner that our food went down our oesophagus. He was 3 at the time. Later the same year his dad said there was an underwater volcano on telly. "No daddy, it's a hydrothermic vent" came the reply. At THREE. (He'd heard the word on the Octonauts cartoon and it stuck in his head!) It is not obvious they have emotional/social interaction problems.
I do worry about undiagnosed kids - where the parents just think the kid is being rude and shout louder at them. 
And there's enough undiagnosed kiddos out there.
If their own parents can't spot it half the time until they are much older, you have little hope of spotting it as a bystander.
I tend to see it a mile off. And don't forget all the ADHD kids either, and kids with similar problems.
(On that note, also don't judge the older kids in wheelchairs who can obviously walk. I know a lot of parents of autistic children who use wheelchairs because the kids are runners and would leg it at every opportunity even at a fairly old age. Just don't judge until you've lived their life.)
Right, that's my public announcement over.
Best thing to say to any parent who looks like they are struggling with a tantrum kid is to offer help. Offer to carry shopping to their car or something? To be fair I'd probably burst into tears if anyone did this to be because it's never happened. But who knows.
And don't forget the ASD adults out there. Kids don't grow out of this. They have it for life. We just hope to teach coping skills.
(See? I can rant for hours on this lol) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you think that's bad try nursing a 8 year old through leukaemia for five years in and out of hospitals through countless pain and operations till they die in your arms.
There isn't a day passes where I wouldn't love a tantrum to deal with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you think that's bad try nursing a 8 year old through leukaemia for five years in and out of hospitals through countless pain and operations till they die in your arms.
There isn't a day passes where I wouldn't love a tantrum to deal with."
That's awful for you. I can't imagine what you've gone through.
But I don't think it's a competition. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you think that's bad try nursing a 8 year old through leukaemia for five years in and out of hospitals through countless pain and operations till they die in your arms.
There isn't a day passes where I wouldn't love a tantrum to deal with.
That's awful for you. I can't imagine what you've gone through.
But I don't think it's a competition."
nor do I, I don't see why you would compairing a ill child to a little bugger throwing a paddy, very odd  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you think that's bad try nursing a 8 year old through leukaemia for five years in and out of hospitals through countless pain and operations till they die in your arms.
There isn't a day passes where I wouldn't love a tantrum to deal with.
That's awful for you. I can't imagine what you've gone through.
But I don't think it's a competition.
nor do I, I don't see why you would compairing a ill child to a little bugger throwing a paddy, very odd "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Unfortunately, autism is a 'hidden' disability and yes, I've had the stares and tuts fron the public. I just ignore them and carry on what I'm doing.. Now that he's 14 and when he has a meltdown at home, I start acting stupidly, which stops him in his tracks and he laughs. When out with minor events, I say I'm going to act like that and he says, 'please don't!' Some may dispprove, but it works for us. Unfortunately during major events, I can't control his shouting, his ticks and self harming in public, because someone has just sneezed, coughed or a baby cried. However, I find the public quite understanding and they tend to ignore it.
Having a chilld with this type of special needs certainly makes one more tolerant of other people's children. It's the adults that shout at me at work which gets on my tits! |
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