FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > You find yourself single?
You find yourself single?
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I'm fast approaching the '30 years single' mark. Now, I have a perfect life and don't have a deep urge to be part of a couple but I suppose it would be nice. I've never avoided it, so as I get older I ponder why it has simply never happened (apart from a failed marriage that lasted four years) and I'm asking those of you in the same position; do you think it's us, or them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Probably both.
You sound like you have it pretty good, why potentially throw a spanner in the works?
That said the right person can make that perfect life even better...
The trick is... Knowing who that right person is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been single over 4 years now and although I'm usually very happy on my own I do have moments where I wish it were different.... I miss intimacy (not as available as sex!)
I've had my eyes opened a lot the last 4 years though and don't think I'd ever fall deeply in love again.... so I guess for me the answer is, it's us, but consciously  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not been single for as long as you, ive been single since I split with my ex husband 7 years ago now, no way would I ever go through what I went through with him again, it took me years to get out of that marriage and i actively avoid relationship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Probably both.
You sound like you have it pretty good, why potentially throw a spanner in the works?
That said the right person can make that perfect life even better...
The trick is... Knowing who that right person is. "
That's true, people keep telling me not all men are like my ex and there are loads of good guys out there, the thing is I do know that but we don't usually find out we have a bad one till it to late, they are all lovely when we first meet |
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"Have you stopped looking Topsy?
It's us and it's them. When we and they are in the right place/time/mood it will work out.
"
Interesting view. I don't think I've stopped looking, I think I've stopped receiving. I do hold the opinion that when it comes to the closeness that is called love, it can't be avoided but it can be ignored.
Then, of course, I have to decide if I want to receive again! Decisions decisions...
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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago
Lordswood |
have to agree with what's already been said, wrong time and place sometimes or just plainly wrong match. Life is a constant change and sometimes two people just don't go in the same direction. Some are able to make that work and others not, me included there lol
I'd like to think one day I might meet someone who I fit with rather than is perfect, time will tell if that ever happens  |
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Mmm in my case I would have to say it's me, I have met women over the years who wanted to have a serious relationship with me, but I have always walked away from them, maybe I am just to stuck in my ways, and the thought of making big changes in my life, like giving up my home to move in with someone, then it might not work out, I think I just take the safe option and stay single.
But at times you do think to your self, Mmm I am going to end up old and alone in the future, which is not I nice thought, I my heart I do feel like I am destined to be single! |
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"Not been single for as long as you, ive been single since I split with my ex husband 7 years ago now, no way would I ever go through what I went through with him again, it took me years to get out of that marriage and i actively avoid relationship "
By saying you are avoiding relationships says to me that the opportunity for one has arisen but you've chosen not to act upon it. Is that right?
I've never been in that situation, I've never been in the position of considering a relationship because it's never presented itself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been single 8 years now and love it... sometimes I miss the dating side of things and having a wee cosy night in but then i think of the freedom I have and how much I love doing my own thing when and how I want.. recently started to chatting to my ex again and we did try the kissing and touching thing but it never worked out so we are just friends now lol  |
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"Mmm in my case I would have to say it's me, I have met women over the years who wanted to have a serious relationship with me, but I have always walked away from them, maybe I am just to stuck in my ways, and the thought of making big changes in my life, like giving up my home to move in with someone, then it might not work out, I think I just take the safe option and stay single.
But at times you do think to your self, Mmm I am going to end up old and alone in the future, which is not I nice thought, I my heart I do feel like I am destined to be single!"
So what is it that's not happening to me that's happening to others? Some of you here have said you've met people and chosen not to have a relationship. I've never met anyone where this concerned. Am I missing something? |
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"Hmmm beginning to lose all confidence in men lol. Been single a while and lost count of the amount of liars and cheats that are about  "
See, that means you are actually meeting, dating and conversing with men and other than my lovelies here, this doesn't happen to me. |
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Really interesting thread!
I'm actually newly single after nearly thirty years of marriage. We still love each other as people but really been little more than best friends for last ten years.. sleeping in separate rooms etc. . But we are amicably moving on... Don't think I would even know how to start dating again tbh  and don't know I really want to . I kinda like the no strings dating as someone put it in a forum recently that I find here. .. But who knows in the future .. For now Im happy with having my life and having a little fun as and when suits  |
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You may have much higher standards now, so would be selecting from a smaller number of people. You know yourself better, you've got relationship experience, which could exclude some people you could have settled for before. some different types of people may also now be suitable but is get the impression that it's a smaller volume.
If your life was not as happy as it is then your motivation levels for settling down could be higher. So your left with limited motivation for a change as well as potentially fewer guys to choose from. It's not a perfect storm to drive through change into your life.
Pf course the right circumstances may conspire to bring you and a well matched person together. If you reach a point where you realise you do want a partner, it may support you seeing the possible matches around you.
I'djist carry on as you are untiland if that happens.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not been single for as long as you, ive been single since I split with my ex husband 7 years ago now, no way would I ever go through what I went through with him again, it took me years to get out of that marriage and i actively avoid relationship
By saying you are avoiding relationships says to me that the opportunity for one has arisen but you've chosen not to act upon it. Is that right?
I've never been in that situation, I've never been in the position of considering a relationship because it's never presented itself. "
in the seven years since I split with the ex I've had one guy out right ask me if I wanted to make a go of things I said no basically because I didn't, there was also a guy who I started getting feelings for but I didn't tell him or act on them because as much as I was growing close to him I knew how I felt was wrong so I just stopped seeing him |
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"Mmm in my case I would have to say it's me, I have met women over the years who wanted to have a serious relationship with me, but I have always walked away from them, maybe I am just to stuck in my ways, and the thought of making big changes in my life, like giving up my home to move in with someone, then it might not work out, I think I just take the safe option and stay single.
But at times you do think to your self, Mmm I am going to end up old and alone in the future, which is not I nice thought, I my heart I do feel like I am destined to be single!
So what is it that's not happening to me that's happening to others? Some of you here have said you've met people and chosen not to have a relationship. I've never met anyone where this concerned. Am I missing something?"
I think it's serendipity to be honest, pure chance, but the older you get, the smaller to 'pool' becomes, so the odds get longer!! I've had a 20 year marriage that ended in divorce, my brother, two years older, has only recently found a life partner finally. You just don't know how the dice will fall.
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"You may have much higher standards now, so would be selecting from a smaller number of people. You know yourself better, you've got relationship experience, which could exclude some people you could have settled for before. some different types of people may also now be suitable but is get the impression that it's a smaller volume.
If your life was not as happy as it is then your motivation levels for settling down could be higher. So your left with limited motivation for a change as well as potentially fewer guys to choose from. It's not a perfect storm to drive through change into your life.
Pf course the right circumstances may conspire to bring you and a well matched person together. If you reach a point where you realise you do want a partner, it may support you seeing the possible matches around you.
I'djist carry on as you are untiland if that happens.."
good answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you not find it funny how some people have the need to be with someone while others do not
i know many people who jump from one relationship to another, soon as one ends they are actively looking, some just have that need to be with someone and find it hard to grasp others don't, I get asked almost on a weekly basis if i have found someone and some seem quite shocked that after all this time I am still single but some of us are quite happy alone |
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"Do you not find it funny how some people have the need to be with someone while others do not
i know many people who jump from one relationship to another, soon as one ends they are actively looking, some just have that need to be with someone and find it hard to grasp others don't, I get asked almost on a weekly basis if i have found someone and some seem quite shocked that after all this time I am still single but some of us are quite happy alone "
Absolutely! There is frequently an invite posted at work for someone's hen do, about ten minutes after the divorce party. |
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"You may have much higher standards now, so would be selecting from a smaller number of people. You know yourself better, you've got relationship experience, which could exclude some people you could have settled for before. some different types of people may also now be suitable but is get the impression that it's a smaller volume.
If your life was not as happy as it is then your motivation levels for settling down could be higher. So your left with limited motivation for a change as well as potentially fewer guys to choose from. It's not a perfect storm to drive through change into your life.
Pf course the right circumstances may conspire to bring you and a well matched person together. If you reach a point where you realise you do want a partner, it may support you seeing the possible matches around you.
I'djist carry on as you are untiland if that happens.."
Beautiful insight, thank you, it's given me loads of points to ponder. I think that my desire to be a couple is far, far less than the contentment I feel with my life so therefore, no motivation. |
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Well mid topsy I think the ball is well and truly in your court. Just read your profile and I think it really gives a sense if your character and I've often seen you post and you seem like a lovely person. I think it's maybe just down to meeting the right person at the right time and if you are looking to! .. so good luck and I hope it all works or for you. . Whatever is for you won't pass you and you sound pretty happy either way so just continue to be you  |
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been single for 12 years now after the bad split and violence from her and her partners thereafter
i put my life on hold as something comes first before anything else as i had the kids with me and gave them all i could give
i was happy within myself most of the time yet had the moments often where something was missing the company, the intimacy of each others
after all said and done i wouldnt change it for the world its been the best years of my life |
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I believe that if you don't want a relationship you don't send the signals out and can sometimes become oblivious to others hints of advances to you.
I go through phases where I think I want a relationship so actively look. I always then go on a date and realise that I really don't.
I miss some of the coupley stuff at times but have no desire to be in a relationship again. I'm perfectly happy to choose being single until both my girls have finished their education and moved out
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"Probably both.
You sound like you have it pretty good, why potentially throw a spanner in the works?
That said the right person can make that perfect life even better...
The trick is... Knowing who that right person is. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've only been single a year and a half although it feels longer. I was in a marriage with a guy who couldn't care less about me and i told him we were just 2 people living in the same house. I'm open to the idea of a relationship but not prepared to settle for just anyone |
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I fell out of love after 12 yrs and have subsequently lost faith in its place in my life. I broke 2 people's hearts when we split and I dont ever want to go through that again.
But in the vanilla world, ladies are usually looking for their next relationship and it gets very personal, very quickly...no matter how many times you tell them you don't want to travel down that road.
So, I chose to come here and just enjoy company and fun. I give as much of myself as I want and that is reciprocated. I am 100% with someone on a meet, then I am back to being just me. I have no one to answer to and no need for support.
Do I get lonely ? Very very rarely.
Will I be like this forever ? Who knows...but it is not unappealling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I fell out of love after 12 yrs and have subsequently lost faith in its place in my life. I broke 2 people's hearts when we split and I dont ever want to go through that again.
But in the vanilla world, ladies are usually looking for their next relationship and it gets very personal, very quickly...no matter how many times you tell them you don't want to travel down that road.
So, I chose to come here and just enjoy company and fun. I give as much of myself as I want and that is reciprocated. I am 100% with someone on a meet, then I am back to being just me. I have no one to answer to and no need for support.
Do I get lonely ? Very very rarely.
Will I be like this forever ? Who knows...but it is not unappealling."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I believe that if you don't want a relationship you don't send the signals out and can sometimes become oblivious to others hints of advances to you.
I go through phases where I think I want a relationship so actively look. I always then go on a date and realise that I really don't.
"
I think this is it Topsy. I've been single ten years following a longish marriage that ended badly for everyone. In that time I've had one opportunity that could have become something more. With the benefit of hindsight I'm glad it didn't. We are still good friends though.
Like others have said, some of us are happy with our own company. We don't need someone else to complete us I guess or maybe I'm just damned selfish. I certainly don't want to go through what I did before, so I've avoided it! I've enjoyed finding myself again though.
I think timing is key, right place, right time, right person. Also, being open to the opportunity if it presents itself. I am a firm believer in Kharma and it will happen when it is supposed to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmmm beginning to lose all confidence in men lol. Been single a while and lost count of the amount of liars and cheats that are about "
I feel the same about the women I've dated over the past 12 months! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Im single several months after a relationship that shouldn't have even started. Fell in love with a guy i ended up having an affair with after that split (there were genuine reasons for it starting on my behalf at least) and was left devastated by him after it ended for.multiple reasons. I have no.interest in making myself vulnerable to another person anymore so have no interest in being in a relationship again. I do miss the intimacy but id sacrifice that to avoid the inevitable heartbreak and pain that comes. |
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"Im single several months after a relationship that shouldn't have even started. Fell in love with a guy i ended up having an affair with after that split (there were genuine reasons for it starting on my behalf at least) and was left devastated by him after it ended for.multiple reasons. I have no.interest in making myself vulnerable to another person anymore so have no interest in being in a relationship again. I do miss the intimacy but id sacrifice that to avoid the inevitable heartbreak and pain that comes."
I totally agree with your last sentence.
I sacrificed everything and completely lost who I was when I was with my childrens father. Apart from 2 beautiful children I gained nothing from that relationship. I thought it worth the sacrifices but in the end it really wasn't and will never sacrifice like that again.
As for the soul mate thing someone mentioned.
I met mine and lost mine and now he is my greatest and dearest friend. Your soul mate isn't necessarily the person you are meant to be with and you fall in a different kind of love. The kind that no matter what happens you are always drawn to each other but can't stay that close for too long. It never ends and there is no danger of falling out of love because no matter what your lives will always intertwine in some way or another.
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
In my case it's me.
I've been in two long term relationships, of 8 years and 7 years. They were both great to begin with but I stayed in both much too long, simply because they were what I was used to and it was easier than making such a big change.
It would take an unusual relationship to suit me. I don't think I could live with someone again. I enjoy my own space too much.
I'd like companionship sometimes but not enough to accept the other things it usually comes with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fast approaching 5 years single, I don't know how people find relationships these days, I've tried the whole online dating thing but it's never worked for me. I do have my eye on someone but I don't think my feelings are reciprocated, I'll see when the guy gets back in January. My problem is that I've got so much love in me just waiting to come out which is overwhelming for people. I need to play it cool and keep my feelings in check! |
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I don't mind taking the gamble. If a relationship lasts ten minutes or ten years, that's fine by me, but I can't seem to get there in the first place!
After reading and cogitating, it's probably me. My receptors are switched off and for some reason, I'm not switching them on which is ok because my life is good and has been for a long, long time.
Scary! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been single three and a half years , single parent .
I doubt anyone would want to date someone who is tied to having children and no baby sitters . I don't have time to date as I can't get out due to the kids but I have so much spare time sitting about the house so it's frustrating . But hey that's the wayy life has turned out for me . Maybe in ten years hey |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Iv been single four and a half years now. Although at first i loved single life i now dont like it. I miss the intimacy. I feel very lonely now. More so because its winter and the ling dark nights. I have so much live to give to the right man but at present i cannot commit to anyone. All my time and attention is focused on caring for my disabled mum. It will take a good man to put up with me and my circumstances |
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I can see a few of us in a swingers care home type community in a few years time. Those of us who appreciate our own company, but could have a lot of laughs about it all. We could spy on each other's shags coming and going. Group sessions instead of sedation and bingo. Love honey toy parties etc well into our retirement years.
Get your name on the list early, as it'll soon be waiting list only.
And cakes and biscuits will be aplrnty. Social meets will be possible first in the coffee shop on site, though watch Tina's service, as she may 'spill' something on the fit fellas' laps and promptly wipe up and leave you waiting for the next punter to arrive.
I could easily see me single for a long time. Will ShagTonight be a resident? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can see a few of us in a swingers care home type community in a few years time. Those of us who appreciate our own company, but could have a lot of laughs about it all. We could spy on each other's shags coming and going. Group sessions instead of sedation and bingo. Love honey toy parties etc well into our retirement years.
Get your name on the list early, as it'll soon be waiting list only.
And cakes and biscuits will be aplrnty. Social meets will be possible first in the coffee shop on site, though watch Tina's service, as she may 'spill' something on the fit fellas' laps and promptly wipe up and leave you waiting for the next punter to arrive.
I could easily see me single for a long time. Will ShagTonight be a resident? "
Can i have a luxury room please |
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"I can see a few of us in a swingers care home type community in a few years time. Those of us who appreciate our own company, but could have a lot of laughs about it all. We could spy on each other's shags coming and going. Group sessions instead of sedation and bingo. Love honey toy parties etc well into our retirement years.
Get your name on the list early, as it'll soon be waiting list only.
And cakes and biscuits will be aplrnty. Social meets will be possible first in the coffee shop on site, though watch Tina's service, as she may 'spill' something on the fit fellas' laps and promptly wipe up and leave you waiting for the next punter to arrive.
I could easily see me single for a long time. Will ShagTonight be a resident? "
I'm in! Will there be a dungeon? Can all the care staff be gorgeous and horny?
We can have naked Tuesday's and once a week, hire a coach for an 'outing'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can see a few of us in a swingers care home type community in a few years time. Those of us who appreciate our own company, but could have a lot of laughs about it all. We could spy on each other's shags coming and going. Group sessions instead of sedation and bingo. Love honey toy parties etc well into our retirement years.
Get your name on the list early, as it'll soon be waiting list only.
And cakes and biscuits will be aplrnty. Social meets will be possible first in the coffee shop on site, though watch Tina's service, as she may 'spill' something on the fit fellas' laps and promptly wipe up and leave you waiting for the next punter to arrive.
I could easily see me single for a long time. Will ShagTonight be a resident?
I'm in! Will there be a dungeon? Can all the care staff be gorgeous and horny?
We can have naked Tuesday's and once a week, hire a coach for an 'outing'."
And can we have sexy male carers bed bath us twice a day please |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've stopped waiting for someone, I live in hope that one day my life improve. I'm trying to get everything in order and a partner to is on the list but not at the top! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i have been single now over a year and i dont hate it and i dont love it
im happy being alone as it would take someone very special for me to commit and live with them again
but sometimes i miss the cuddling on the sofa the night romantic nights in bed and nice things that makes me soppy
but i wouldnt settle for 2nd best just for the sake of getting the cuddles |
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I think you need to become yourself after being coupled, as your identity gets transformed in a relationship - it may sound odd, but I think I've seen it a lot.
I miss the cuddles and some romance but meets can give you very positive feelings too. |
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"I'm not single. I sometimes think what it would be like. I think these thoughts are probably not a good sign. There again I sometimes think what I'd be like driving a Ferrari. "
Ferraris are ok Steve but the staring gets a bit tedious. Doing my weekly shop at Morrisons is a nightmare. |
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"I think you need to become yourself after being coupled, as your identity gets transformed in a relationship - it may sound odd, but I think I've seen it a lot.
I miss the cuddles and some romance but meets can give you very positive feelings too."
Very true. I have some truly wonderful friends and when we are together, we're together. It's a shame that life gets in the way sometimes and it has to be less than spontaneous.
Now, regarding the spare playthings in the dungeon, will there be strict criteria? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been single now for 5 years, since my wife passed away, I'm not saying ill never have a relationship, some people are lucky enough to find real live twice in a lifetime, but I'm not going hunting for someone to replace her, no one could, I'm ok as I am, but I think now if I did find someone who I could be friends with first and foremost and it developed into a relationship then I wouldn't resist it. |
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"I think you need to become yourself after being coupled, as your identity gets transformed in a relationship - it may sound odd, but I think I've seen it a lot.
I miss the cuddles and some romance but meets can give you very positive feelings too.
Very true. I have some truly wonderful friends and when we are together, we're together. It's a shame that life gets in the way sometimes and it has to be less than spontaneous.
Now, regarding the spare playthings in the dungeon, will there be strict criteria? "
No, residents' needs are paramount, so we'll ensure we get the dungeon playthings to suit our service needs. |
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