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totally confused what to do.
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I dont know if this is the place to do this so I apologise in advance.
My ex contacted me today she wants me to see her tonight the vibe I have got is she wants to get together. We split because of circumstance and no other reason. To be specific my circumstances as I am serparated with kids and have a very ill father. Her issue was that I put my kids and father before her. I only get to see my kids in the holidays.
My circumstances have not changed.
If she says get back together havent a clue what to do  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
If she left you because of circumstances and your circumstances haven't changed then she's likely to leave you again.
Although you may be being a bit presumptuous. She might just want a shag. |
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"I dont know if this is the place to do this so I apologise in advance.
My ex contacted me today she wants me to see her tonight the vibe I have got is she wants to get together. We split because of circumstance and no other reason. To be specific my circumstances as I am serparated with kids and have a very ill father. Her issue was that I put my kids and father before her. I only get to see my kids in the holidays.
My circumstances have not changed.
If she says get back together havent a clue what to do "
If nothing has changed at your end you know the answer, but up to you to go there if you wish to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You know the answer to this one.
No partner should ever ask for preference over your family.
They should support you. Be there for you when you need them most. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you love her give her a chance, but be clear that you won't be messed about. Maybe the time apart has made her realise that you were right to prioritise your kids and sick dad. No harm in going to see her and talk things over, if she does want to get back with make sure you tell her that nothing has changed and your kids will always come first and ask what has made her change her mind. Maybe she just wants her cd's back  |
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By *nigmatic1Woman
over a year ago
A seaside town near you! |
Always a difficult one but unless she accepts that your dad and child will always be a big part of your life then it's a no go. It sounds like she needs to change the way she is with you and what her expectations are? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you love her give her a chance, but be clear that you won't be messed about. Maybe the time apart has made her realise that you were right to prioritise your kids and sick dad. No harm in going to see her and talk things over, if she does want to get back with make sure you tell her that nothing has changed and your kids will always come first and ask what has made her change her mind. Maybe she just wants her cd's back "
Have the conversation else you'll always wonder 'what if' but if you're going to try again you need to know she will support you |
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Personal rule for me is that I never go back. An ex is an ex for a reason, and if I did go back, within months or a few years we'd be in exactly to same position, with neither party appreciating what they bring to the relationship. Always look forward whilst acknowledging the past has shaped me as the person I am today. |
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"If you love her give her a chance, but be clear that you won't be messed about. Maybe the time apart has made her realise that you were right to prioritise your kids and sick dad. No harm in going to see her and talk things over, if she does want to get back with make sure you tell her that nothing has changed and your kids will always come first and ask what has made her change her mind. Maybe she just wants her cd's back
Have the conversation else you'll always wonder 'what if' but if you're going to try again you need to know she will support you"
Yes totally support should be a two way thing in a relation ship |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personal rule for me is that I never go back. An ex is an ex for a reason, and if I did go back, within months or a few years we'd be in exactly to same position, with neither party appreciating what they bring to the relationship. Always look forward whilst acknowledging the past has shaped me as the person I am today."
People make mistakes tho, everybody deserves at least one chance. People can learn from their mistakes and change if they want to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont know if this is the place to do this so I apologise in advance.
My ex contacted me today she wants me to see her tonight the vibe I have got is she wants to get together. We split because of circumstance and no other reason. To be specific my circumstances as I am serparated with kids and have a very ill father. Her issue was that I put my kids and father before her. I only get to see my kids in the holidays.
My circumstances have not changed.
If she says get back together havent a clue what to do "
Wouldn't even consider answering your ex, she had issues because you put your father and children first, you've said your circumstances haven't changed, and I expect neither has her issues |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sometimes people need to lose what they love in order to decide what compromises they are willing to make for that love. only you can assess if this is the case with your ex. |
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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago
Lordswood |
"Personal rule for me is that I never go back. An ex is an ex for a reason, and if I did go back, within months or a few years we'd be in exactly to same position, with neither party appreciating what they bring to the relationship. Always look forward whilst acknowledging the past has shaped me as the person I am today."
She may just want to talk, may have changed her outlook or have some other news. I'm guessing your kids aren't her's also? It's never easy to give advice to strangers on this but sometimes nice to be able to talk to someone not directly involved, just helps to get things clear in your own mind.
Thing is, would you feel you want to be back in a relationship with someone who's got issues with your situation, will they become an issue again etc. perhaps not right away but could fester and cause friction later.
good luck whichever way you go |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"sometimes people need to lose what they love in order to decide what compromises they are willing to make for that love. only you can assess if this is the case with your ex."
This exactly, you may not have changed but she may have. Just see. |
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"Personal rule for me is that I never go back. An ex is an ex for a reason, and if I did go back, within months or a few years we'd be in exactly to same position, with neither party appreciating what they bring to the relationship. Always look forward whilst acknowledging the past has shaped me as the person I am today.
She may just want to talk, may have changed her outlook or have some other news. I'm guessing your kids aren't her's also? It's never easy to give advice to strangers on this but sometimes nice to be able to talk to someone not directly involved, just helps to get things clear in your own mind.
Thing is, would you feel you want to be back in a relationship with someone who's got issues with your situation, will they become an issue again etc. perhaps not right away but could fester and cause friction later.
good luck whichever way you go "
Thankyou no they are not her kids aswell |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"sometimes people need to lose what they love in order to decide what compromises they are willing to make for that love. only you can assess if this is the case with your ex.
This exactly, you may not have changed but she may have. Just see. "
Yes I agree, well said, give her a chance mate, at least hear her out, you'd be better informed then before making your decision. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You know the answer to this one.
No partner should ever ask for preference over your family.
They should support you. Be there for you when you need them most. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I dont know if this is the place to do this so I apologise in advance.
My ex contacted me today she wants me to see her tonight the vibe I have got is she wants to get together. We split because of circumstance and no other reason. To be specific my circumstances as I am serparated with kids and have a very ill father. Her issue was that I put my kids and father before her. I only get to see my kids in the holidays.
My circumstances have not changed.
If she says get back together havent a clue what to do "
Hear her out. If she wants to get back with you and you love her, explain there is room in your heart for her, your children, your sick father and A.N.Other. However circumstances dictate how your time is spent and this she must respect. Suggest with her help you two can spend quality time together, so as a couple you neglect neither her nor yourself, whilst you attend to dad and children.
It's not about putting others first, it's about making sure no-one is neglected.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Only you can decide what to do, doesn't hurt to hear her out though. I know two couples that divorced and were apart for years, then remarried. She may even just want a chat, just remember the reasons for splitting haven't changed. |
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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago
Lordswood |
"Personal rule for me is that I never go back. An ex is an ex for a reason, and if I did go back, within months or a few years we'd be in exactly to same position, with neither party appreciating what they bring to the relationship. Always look forward whilst acknowledging the past has shaped me as the person I am today.
She may just want to talk, may have changed her outlook or have some other news. I'm guessing your kids aren't her's also? It's never easy to give advice to strangers on this but sometimes nice to be able to talk to someone not directly involved, just helps to get things clear in your own mind.
Thing is, would you feel you want to be back in a relationship with someone who's got issues with your situation, will they become an issue again etc. perhaps not right away but could fester and cause friction later.
good luck whichever way you go
Thankyou no they are not her kids aswell "
been there, never easy to handle for the new lady in your life, for some they can't and things just go south |
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No one should ever expect to be put before someones children. I for one have ended things with someone for expecing me to put them before my children. I have littof any respect for anyone who does not put children first or expect to be above others children |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personal rule for me is that I never go back. An ex is an ex for a reason, and if I did go back, within months or a few years we'd be in exactly to same position, with neither party appreciating what they bring to the relationship. Always look forward whilst acknowledging the past has shaped me as the person I am today."
I totally agree with you. I got back with an ex a few times, it didn't work out, and it ended worse that when we split the first time.
I always use the saying and ex is an ex for a reason!
Good luck with whatever you decide though OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Op if she couldn't except the first time you had a family & ill dad what's going to make it different this time?
Sorry but I would not go there at the end of the day it's happened once who's to say it won't again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP you sound like an honourable chap . Don't forget. . There will be other women out there who won't make it so difficult for you in terms of kids and father . No one is justified in expecting a man to set aside his family for them. No matter how gorgeous or filthy they are ! Stay strong my good man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you would it be right for me to say how it is then its up to her "
Also decide what you want as well and don't just leave it up to her, and don't rush into anything if you're not sure. You might need to talk a lot, over day, weeks or even months for you both to understand what you want, so keep communicating with her and keep thinking about what it is you want from a relationship and if she is that.
Hope the meet with her went (or goes) well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For better or worst I have decided to try again been given reassurances lets so what happens.
So for now just here for the forums "
Glad to hear it, at least if it doesn't work out this time you won't spend the rest of your life saying "what if". All the best |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thankyou fall all of the advice I really appreciate it. I followed my heart, we discussed that communication and understanding is the key for this to work on both sides "
Good luck. x |
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I know someone that went back to her hubby when his father was ill.. was for love of money and what she could get not for love of the man.
Get a proper will sorted out and hopefully your father too.
some people are very mercenary  |
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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago
Lordswood |
"I know someone that went back to her hubby when his father was ill.. was for love of money and what she could get not for love of the man.
Get a proper will sorted out and hopefully your father too.
some people are very mercenary "
good point, in past relationships the view was always that my prev kids would get at least equal shares with my partner and any we had together. Grandparents can always elect to will to the grandchildren rather than the parents. Doesn't stop anyone contesting but I doubt many would unless they really are only in it for the money. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thankyou fall all of the advice I really appreciate it. I followed my heart, we discussed that communication and understanding is the key for this to work on both sides "
My husband and I spent over a year apart after the birth of our eldest. It can work the second time around x |
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