FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Am I being silly ?
Am I being silly ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just after people's thoughts cos I don't know if I am being silly or over reacting! Iv been friends with a guy in here for about 6 month now we chat most days and have met a few times, the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't do anything that makes you feel inadequate.
Tell him.
If it goes tits up, so be it.
Stay with him. Say nothing you feel crap.
Tell him n he bins you off. You feel crap but at least you move on. |
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"Don't do anything that makes you feel inadequate.
Tell him.
If it goes tits up, so be it.
Stay with him. Say nothing you feel crap.
Tell him n he bins you off. You feel crap but at least you move on."
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't do anything that makes you feel inadequate.
Tell him.
If it goes tits up, so be it.
Stay with him. Say nothing you feel crap.
Tell him n he bins you off. You feel crap but at least you move on."
Iv told him he says I'm being daft it's a sex site |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pretty much what's just been said, but you need to be realistic about the conversations you've both had, and the type of friendship that's been hinted at. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It hurts. It has happened to me and I must admit I used to hide from fab for a few days afterwards.
I then decided the ladies in question can do as they please. One of them did rub my face in it by ringing me last minute but I suspected I was first reserve. I politely declined and slowly broke contact.
I'm sure the ladies had a good reason, perhaps the guy was closer, better looking, whatever. Their choice but best not to worry about what other people are up to xx chin up, guaranteed you will have lots of offers  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't do anything that makes you feel inadequate.
Tell him.
If it goes tits up, so be it.
Stay with him. Say nothing you feel crap.
Tell him n he bins you off. You feel crap but at least you move on."
This. You need to tell him how you feel. It's not nice feeling you are a second option. |
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"Don't do anything that makes you feel inadequate.
Tell him.
If it goes tits up, so be it.
Stay with him. Say nothing you feel crap.
Tell him n he bins you off. You feel crap but at least you move on.
Iv told him he says I'm being daft it's a sex site "
Did he promise you anything and does he know you have feelings for him? |
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"Don't do anything that makes you feel inadequate.
Tell him.
If it goes tits up, so be it.
Stay with him. Say nothing you feel crap.
Tell him n he bins you off. You feel crap but at least you move on.
Iv told him he says I'm being daft it's a sex site "
This implies to me that he's just a swinger and nothing more,and maybe your a regular fb |
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By *utumnWoman
over a year ago
leeds |
"Just after people's thoughts cos I don't know if I am being silly or over reacting! Iv been friends with a guy in here for about 6 month now we chat most days and have met a few times, the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts "
It shouldn't make you feel inadequate but it should make you have a think about why, if it's because he's seeing someone other than you then it's time to call it quits, on him, on the site or both, have a break, this lifestyle is only good if NOBODY gets hurt or upset and that includes YOU xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Just after people's thoughts cos I don't know if I am being silly or over reacting! Iv been friends with a guy in here for about 6 month now we chat most days and have met a few times, the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts
It shouldn't make you feel inadequate but it should make you have a think about why, if it's because he's seeing someone other than you then it's time to call it quits, on him, on the site or both, have a break, this lifestyle is only good if NOBODY gets hurt or upset and that includes YOU xx"
It's because I feel I'm being led on why say he might then meet someone else it's like I'm being kept on back burner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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he says he may be able to - well if he had nothing else planned he might do - but other things obviously happened to prevent that - depends if youre seeing each other more than just for sex etc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you only exclusively meet with this one guy or do you meet others in between. I suppose it depends on what kind or arrangement you have with each other. You sound like a decent girl who is looking for something a bit more substantial or long term, maybe a swingers site isn't really the place to look x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's probably not on saying he is going to meet, but probably just waffling in the spur of the moment.
But unfortunately it's the nature of the beast, lots of sweets in the sweet jar.
Talk to him, your obviously friends now.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course you're not being silly - it's how you feel but this is Fab and not POF so I'd be surprised if either one of you weren't meeting other people.
I think the point is that he says he'll meet you then meets with someone else, so yes, that would niggle most people. As this is a swingers/sex site then you both should be free to meet other but must agree that if you arrange to meet then (unless it's unavoidable) you don't cancel, especially not to meet someone else. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"he says he may be able to - well if he had nothing else planned he might do - but other things obviously happened to prevent that - depends if youre seeing each other more than just for sex etc "
Yes another meet happened lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you only exclusively meet with this one guy or do you meet others in between. I suppose it depends on what kind or arrangement you have with each other. You sound like a decent girl who is looking for something a bit more substantial or long term, maybe a swingers site isn't really the place to look x "
Oh no we do meet others I'm not bothered about that it's the saying he myt meet me then off he pops if he gets another offer lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Dont let anyone make you feel second best....you are amazing. Enjoy yourself. Give him a taste of his own medicine"
Oh I am lol it just boils my urine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I met a bloke a few times too and then when I was on holiday he messaged me to say he was meeting another woman...it bloody upset me..I was so pissed off...but came to my senses... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Dont let anyone make you feel second best....you are amazing. Enjoy yourself. Give him a taste of his own medicine
Oh I am lol it just boils my urine "
Stop seeing him. He's obviously a player, and he's using the site for exactly what it was designed for, NSA sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP he has been honest with you, he's told you its a sex site which means he's having fun finding others to play with. He likes variety, good on him for getting what he wants from this site, its what's swingings about.
You however are letting him leave you hanging last minute. If you like a meet planned with definite notice then search and find another guy who suits. There is no shortage. You are in charge of your meets.
You are letting him dictate and keep you waiting around, if you dont like it say no to him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you only exclusively meet with this one guy or do you meet others in between. I suppose it depends on what kind or arrangement you have with each other. You sound like a decent girl who is looking for something a bit more substantial or long term, maybe a swingers site isn't really the place to look x
Oh no we do meet others I'm not bothered about that it's the saying he myt meet me then off he pops if he gets another offer lol "
Sounds like he's keeping you as back up. Fuck that! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't do anything that makes you feel inadequate.
Tell him.
If it goes tits up, so be it.
Stay with him. Say nothing you feel crap.
Tell him n he bins you off. You feel crap but at least you move on.
Iv told him he says I'm being daft it's a sex site "
i hate to say this but it sounds to me like he's keeping you on stand by, saying he may be able to meet then meeting someone else sounds to me like what he's really saying is I'll meet you so long as no one else turns up
he's right it is a sex site but that's no excuse of the lack of respect, personally I'd say to him if you can't give me a definite yes for the next meet don't bother I'm not hanging about as your fall back plan |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hate it when people use the "its a sex site " for an excuse to have lack of respect or consideration for others..
If you are feeling bad I'd make it clear your not doing it anymore... if he wants to meet you he sets a meet with you... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No your not being silly really, yes it s asex site but as you said he mentioned he should be free for a meet then when the time comes he has arranged else where. I would feel slightly annoyed if that was me as being friends at least they should have a little consideration if they had made soft plans to meet you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just after people's thoughts cos I don't know if I am being silly or over reacting! Iv been friends with a guy in here for about 6 month now we chat most days and have met a few times, the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts "
He's messing you about. get rid of him |
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"OP he has been honest with you, he's told you its a sex site which means he's having fun finding others to play with. He likes variety, good on him for getting what he wants from this site, its what's swingings about.
You however are letting him leave you hanging last minute. If you like a meet planned with definite notice then search and find another guy who suits. There is no shortage. You are in charge of your meets.
You are letting him dictate and keep you waiting around, if you dont like it say no to him. "
Simply: this! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why is the guy the bad one in all of this?
When the OP asks to meet he replies that he may be able to. That response is not a definite arranged meet. At this point, if she wants a definite meet then chat to the many other single guys available. He obviously wants to meet others, what is wrong with that? He hasn't arranged a date with the OP. Its not his fault that she is hanging around waiting for him is it?
I don't mean to be harsh OP but the guy is just swinging, you should do the same  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts "
You're second best. You're his back up plan if his first choice fails.
Fuck him off.
Unless you're happy with second best. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts
You're second best. You're his back up plan if his first choice fails.
Fuck him off.
Unless you're happy with second best. "
I agree, sex site or not if you make plans then you'd expect to see them through. If I arrange to see someone then I'd expect to see them. However if I'd arranged and there was no further contact then I'd be dubious and question their motives |
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You do so he may be able to meet so he didn't set anything. Would be different if set a time and place then he cancelled to meet someone else. I which case I wouldn't bother with him again and then move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just after people's thoughts cos I don't know if I am being silly or over reacting! Iv been friends with a guy in here for about 6 month now we chat most days and have met a few times, the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts "
Play him at his own game or just tell him how you feel..you've nothing to lose xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts
You're second best. You're his back up plan if his first choice fails.
Fuck him off.
Unless you're happy with second best. "
the problem with regular meets is after a while the excitement goes, it sounds to me like he's looking else where for that spark and excitement you get from someone new and as stated a few times on this thread keeping you as a back up
the thing is you could work well for each other, when he says he maybe free next week say ok let me know and I'll see if I am too, if neither of you find someone else you can be each others back up plan |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I hate it when people use the "its a sex site " for an excuse to have lack of respect or consideration for others..
If you are feeling bad I'd make it clear your not doing it anymore... if he wants to meet you he sets a meet with you... "
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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago
Retirement Village |
"Don't do anything that makes you feel inadequate.
Tell him.
If it goes tits up, so be it.
Stay with him. Say nothing you feel crap.
Tell him n he bins you off. You feel crap but at least you move on.
This. You need to tell him how you feel. It's not nice feeling you are a second option. "
This |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Happened to me recently too got hurt by a guy who said we were fwb etc spent time together etch it included in my life, I was happy he went a club but he didn't mention he left and went back with someone then he didn't like it when I got cross. Seems like the guy I was seeing yours too only wanted his cake and eat it and took u for granted. Get rid Hun will only lead to more hurt and bad feelings down the line xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting position this.
I have a very close (lady) friend on here...we met here and played a few times (she had a regularish FB at the time...also now a friend of mine).
She came off the site...but we still saw each other of n on...gradually more n more....not always (or even often) to play. We went for meals, to gigs etc....we are now truly best mates. We have keys to each other's gaffs.
She is now back on the site. We swing separately...often comparing notes on meets. We also spend most weekends together in her caravan....we still play .... But not as a couple with others.
It works fine for us....if she is ever let down by a meet or left feeling horny...I get the call. All is good as far as we are concerned. Don't sweat it but do clarify your relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a regular fb on here an were good friends been meeting now for over 18 months but we have always been honest with eachother that we do tell eachother if we meet anyone else but no way would I or him ever do that its what you call respect wether its a sex site or not  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a regular fb on here an were good friends been meeting now for over 18 months but we have always been honest with eachother that we do tell eachother if we meet anyone else but no way would I or him ever do that its what you call respect wether its a sex site or not "
It's obvious now I'm just an easy lay time to cut him loose |
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Ultimately its a sex site but I do wish they would man up and say "catch up with you sometime"or "fun but not into repeats" instead of the standard response of messaging once or twice and then not hearing anything, its just a bit rude IMHO. |
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If I'd arranged a meet with someone and they decided to meet someone else instead, I'd be quite offended as I think that's rather rude, really.
If they did it to me twice, I'd be bloody livid and while I may maintain a friendly dialogue, I wouldn't be meeting them again
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If I'd arranged a meet with someone and they decided to meet someone else instead, I'd be quite offended as I think that's rather rude, really.
If they did it to me twice, I'd be bloody livid and while I may maintain a friendly dialogue, I wouldn't be meeting them again
"
You're clearly very nice, and that's commedable, but maintaining a friendly dialogue is going too far! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just after people's thoughts cos I don't know if I am being silly or over reacting! Iv been friends with a guy in here for about 6 month now we chat most days and have met a few times, the thing is on 2 occasions he has said he may be able to meet the following week and then when that week arrives I discover he's arranged a meet with someone else! Makes me feel inadequate ...thoughts "
Get rid of that idiot |
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