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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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need to do a paternity test done just found out my ex-wife had an affair with my brother nine months before the birth of my first child.
Does anyone know what the rules are and what the cost is? happened ages ago during Christmas/new year 1999 for weeks and my daughter was born 5th of September 2000 |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Not getting involved in your family shenanigans but you can Google for prices. Just be aware that the cheaper the kit is, the less likely it is to be accurate. Oh, and make sure you tell your daughter your suspicions else she'll want to know why you're asking her to put a cotton bud in her mouth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"need to do a paternity test done just found out my ex-wife had an affair with my brother nine months before the birth of my first child.
Does anyone know what the rules are and what the cost is? happened ages ago during Christmas/new year 1999 for weeks and my daughter was born 5th of September 2000 "
I'm no expert on such matters, but I'm a little concerned at how accurate a paternity test would be in determining between you and your brother - since you will both have very similar DNA.
I think this might be something you should ask your local Paternity screening service about. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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if I'm not her father i think its best for her to know..
was thinking Jeremy kyle but maybe a bit too public especially for what me and my wife used to get up to with swinging and everything but always safe sex. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"if I'm not her father i think its best for her to know..
was thinking Jeremy kyle but maybe a bit too public especially for what me and my wife used to get up to with swinging and everything but always safe sex. "
Maybe a bit too public? What do you want exactly? Publicity? or to find out whether you are your daughters father?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd find out the prices, then ask your brother to foot the bill 
Seriously though, I'd seek legal advice/NHS understanding and clarify the best steps to take |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if I'm not her father i think its best for her to know..
"
But will you relationship change? if i was a 13/14yr old girl and i found out that my uncle was my dad id think thats pretty messed up
guess there never is a right time to find these things out however if you have always been her dad i hope it wont tarnish a pre existing bond, she wont want you to abandon her, she will need you more than ever. Being a teenager is a tough time for most |
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By *igSuki81Man
over a year ago
Retirement Village |
"Just leave it as been too long and not fair on your daughter "
I'm sort of inclined to agree with this statement to a certain extent.
OP your reasons for finding out are yours to know but i can only say be extremely careful as your daughter is going to be 14 now and is at an age where such news could be very difficult for her to take and very hard on her to deal with.
Whatever the outcome is she sees you as her dad and grown up that way so please be wary of that and sensitive on how and when you tell her if at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I take it you have treated the young girl as your own flesh and blood for the last 14 years and now you found out her Mother shagged someone else you feel that she needs to know that her uncle may be her Father.
Good luck with that Fella
Gimp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"need to do a paternity test done just found out my ex-wife had an affair with my brother nine months before the birth of my first child.
Does anyone know what the rules are and what the cost is? happened ages ago during Christmas/new year 1999 for weeks and my daughter was born 5th of September 2000 "
before you do this think about what you are doing, she's been your daughter for 14 years, if it turns out she is your brothers what then? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP, can understand your shock and hurt on finding out this news, do you have a father/ daughter relationship?
I kind of agree with others in that you have to put your daughters feelings 1st, if it turns out your brother is her dad, just imagine what this will do to her, especially at the age she is now.
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"if I'm not her father i think its best for her to know..
was thinking Jeremy kyle but maybe a bit too public especially for what me and my wife used to get up to with swinging and everything but always safe sex. "
I would think long and hard as to what effect it may have on her, you will open a can of worms and they will probably all blame you for exposing her to the trauma she will go through..
you could if you are right speak to your ex and your brother but keep her out of it till she is older..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if I'm not her father i think its best for her to know..
was thinking Jeremy kyle but maybe a bit too public especially for what me and my wife used to get up to with swinging and everything but always safe sex. "
the Jeremy Kyle was a joke right?
You was thinking of going on national television to expose this information to this young girl and the idea of people finding out your a swinger was what stopped you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So she's what 13 / 14 now? You changed her nappies, cleaned up puke. Cuddled her to sleep, have spent countless nights awake to make sure she is ok...
You have loved and cared for her and spent your every waking moment worrying that your not enough for her...
Mate. She's your daughter. By hook or by crook. Nobody stands to gain anything by knowing otherwise.
Love her no different and protect her with your life. That's what a dad is.
Just my humble opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I don't want publicity not in the slightest just want the truth. just for closure my ex was a very sexual woman that's why we did swinging never thought she would shag my brother. |
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"if I'm not her father i think its best for her to know..
was thinking Jeremy kyle but maybe a bit too public especially for what me and my wife used to get up to with swinging and everything but always safe sex.
the Jeremy Kyle was a joke right?
You was thinking of going on national television to expose this information to this young girl and the idea of people finding out your a swinger was what stopped you "
Glad someone else got there first! What where you thinking. So cruel to do that to your daughter
 |
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
"So she's what 13 / 14 now? You changed her nappies, cleaned up puke. Cuddled her to sleep, have spent countless nights awake to make sure she is ok...
You have loved and cared for her and spent your every waking moment worrying that your not enough for her...
Mate. She's your daughter. By hook or by crook. Nobody stands to gain anything by knowing otherwise.
Love her no different and protect her with your life. That's what a dad is.
Just my humble opinion. "
I'm not in your position OP, so I will never be able to understand what you are going through right now, however, if I found out there was a chance my child wasn't my biological child, the way I feel right now, I wouldn't want to know, I've brought her up she's mine whatever DNA says. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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this has split my family up for the last 14 years, he says one thing she says another.
one of them is not telling the truth, my mother and father believe my brother about an affair going on for weeks something I was never told, my wife told me he tried to rape her. which split my family in half the lesser of two evils me and my brother haven't spoke in over a decade.
recently I have separated from my wife after 15 years of marriage and since the brother thing my family has alienated me and my kids I just want to know the truth |
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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago
Lordswood |
from what you've written I can understand you wanting to know, but for your daughter and probably you too the bond is there and for her has been for her lifetime. Tread careful and sensitively, it'll be very difficult for both of you if this sort of news breaks into the open.
Not sure if your family rift would heal regardless of the result though...
good luck whichever way you decide to go (test or not that is) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"this has split my family up for the last 14 years, he says one thing she says another.
one of them is not telling the truth, my mother and father believe my brother about an affair going on for weeks something I was never told, my wife told me he tried to rape her. which split my family in half the lesser of two evils me and my brother haven't spoke in over a decade.
recently I have separated from my wife after 15 years of marriage and since the brother thing my family has alienated me and my kids I just want to know the truth "
So you haven't JUST found out then as stated in your OP
This is something that has been festering in you for years.
Whatever the outcome you are well rid of em both by the sounds of it.
It is, however, very unfortunate that you feel the need to drag your daughter into it merely to exorcise your own demons. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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a family member has told my daughter about it 12 months ago and since the split she hasn't talked to me and makes sure she is out when i visit or hides upstairs, i just found out my parents views they even think she is his.
this is something i have bottled up for almost 15 years when ever i used to mention it, my wife would pull a whole guilt trip about not trusting her. the guilt trip don't work now we are not together |
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By *avebi48Man
over a year ago
Lordswood |
"a family member has told my daughter about it 12 months ago and since the split she hasn't talked to me and makes sure she is out when i visit or hides upstairs, i just found out my parents views they even think she is his.
this is something i have bottled up for almost 15 years when ever i used to mention it, my wife would pull a whole guilt trip about not trusting her. the guilt trip don't work now we are not together"
that was pretty cruel of them and your daughter is probably feeling torn apart now 
Personally I'd more focus on her and helping her through this than be wanting to know myself. She may want to know in time, hopefully will still see you as her dad since it was you she grew up knowing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So you havnt just found out, You your parents your Brother your wife The Butcher Baker and Milkmans Horse have known for 14 years and now your Daughter knows as well. 
Keep taking the Tablets Fella
Cynical Gimp  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So you havnt just found out, You your parents your Brother your wife The Butcher Baker and Milkmans Horse have known for 14 years and now your Daughter knows as well.
Keep taking the Tablets Fella
Cynical Gimp "
i must admit have have spotted a few contradictions throughout his posts |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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its not an easy situation to explain but now i have split from the wife i see my mum and dad more and they want me to forgive my brother but i can't until i know the real truth. the whole situation made a rift in my family and no my wife is out of my life i can see the other side of the story and not blinded by love. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"need to do a paternity test done just found out my ex-wife had an affair with my brother nine months before the birth of my first child.
Does anyone know what the rules are and what the cost is? happened ages ago during Christmas/new year 1999 for weeks and my daughter was born 5th of September 2000 "
As its your brother i would assume your chromosomes will be similar so it would be better paying for a more expensive test. Saying that if you care for the child love the child does it really matter if she sees you as her father is the potential trauma she could experience worth it? Just a thought that's all. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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my wife made me feel guilty about not trusting her so always believed her version of what happened, she was a rape victim which is a how she made me hate my brother and in turn reject my family who sided with him.
Was she manipulating me I hope not but she spun some right stories after that which made me friendless and with no family either she was all I had left all I did was work and stay at home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"if I'm not her father i think its best for her to know..
was thinking Jeremy kyle but maybe a bit too public especially for what me and my wife used to get up to with swinging and everything but always safe sex. "
I've heard they pay you good money to go on the show. And the more of a 'show' you put on, the more £££ they give you... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"its not an easy situation to explain but now i have split from the wife i see my mum and dad more and they want me to forgive my brother but i can't until i know the real truth. the whole situation made a rift in my family and no my wife is out of my life i can see the other side of the story and not blinded by love. "
What you do need to do in this thread mate is to ignore the haters who care little about your distress and more about their own enjoyment poking you to see you in pain, they are just not worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So you havnt just found out, You your parents your Brother your wife The Butcher Baker and Milkmans Horse have known for 14 years and now your Daughter knows as well.
Keep taking the Tablets Fella
Cynical Gimp
i must admit have have spotted a few contradictions throughout his posts "
I'm not making this up I really wish I was its haunted me for 15 years I know I should put my daughter first but i have put them all first. now my marriage is over maybe its my time to be selfish my eldest doesn't speak to me she changed her surname on Facebook to my wife's maiden name maybe her knowing the truth can mend what we once had. |
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By *andWCouple
over a year ago
Pontypridd |
Honestly no 'hating' going on but please think about the child, she may have changed her name but she is still just a little girl, probably very confused needing reassurance, put her first x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't do it, if you are a close match to your brother they would have to test all 3 of you and still would be room for doubt.
The test won't change the past and you won't learn from it if your wife or brother are lying.
Take some time heal yourself and tell YOUR daughter you love her, and none of this mess is her fault. |
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Unless there is a medical condition that she may need help with, I'd just focus your attention on building and sustaining a good relationship with your daughter and parents. It's the relationships that count, not your brothers DNA. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless there is a medical condition that she may need help with, I'd just focus your attention on building and sustaining a good relationship with your daughter and parents. It's the relationships that count, not your brothers DNA."
Took the words out of my mouth, she's your daughter |
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