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As smooth as a gravy sandwich...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Never heard it before, but its now my favourite saying!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Slicker than snot is one of mine....

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By *inky BunnyMan over a year ago

Cardiff

Useful as tits on a fish

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As cool as pingu's cock.

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By *dsindyTV/TS over a year ago

East Lancashire

"Like shit off a shovel" is one of my favourites. Also, "Don't give a flying fuck".

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Christ on a bendy bus makes me chuckle

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By *MP3Man over a year ago

Between Scylla and Charybdis

As dry as a witch's tit is one of mine

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By *mm_n_ZedCouple over a year ago

Fareham

As horny as a Viking hat shop

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Me: its not fair!!!..my mom: well neither is a black mans bum!!... (apologies is this offends anyone but it still makes me laugh) xx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As much use as a chocolate teapot

Or fireguard

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sweating like a nun at a penguin shoot.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Me: its not fair!!!..my mom: well neither is a black mans bum!!... (apologies is this offends anyone but it still makes me laugh) xx"

My nan always used to say that.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Sweating like a nun at a penguin shoot....."

Sweating like a lesbian in a fish shop.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As rough as a badgers arse is one of my favs.....no idea who rough a badgers arse is though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Smooth as a bucket of poo

Which is one of my favourites, but i can never figure out where it came from. Its not like its usually smooth........

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"As much use as a chocolate teapot

Or fireguard

...as an ashtray on a motorbike

...as a 1 legged man in an arse kicking contest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As tight as a nuns c**t lol

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As tight as a nuns c**t lol"

Or as dry as....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As rare as rocking horse shit

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Flat as a witch's tit

Deeper than a wizards sleeve

As sweaty as ghandi's flip flop

Dryer than mother Teresa's gusset

To name a few

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"Flat as a witch's tit

Deeper than a wizards sleeve

As sweaty as ghandi's flip flop

Dryer than mother Teresa's gusset

To name a few

Aint Ghandis flip flop 'as dry as'?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Useful as tits on a fish"

I came up with that!!!

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

"As rare as rocking horse shit

or hen's teeth

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By *he Master JMan over a year ago

Southall

Like nuns trying to run a brothel

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Flat as a witch's tit

Deeper than a wizards sleeve

As sweaty as ghandi's flip flop

Dryer than mother Teresa's gusset

To name a few

Aint Ghandis flip flop 'as dry as'?"

I always say dryer than an aborigines flip flop.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My nan used to say 'they were so scared, they were shitting fairylights'

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

as much use as a trapdoor in a canoe..

as much use as tits on a fish..

more mouth that a cows got cunt..

more patter than a centipede wearing flip flops..

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

'She bangs like a privvy door in a storm'

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He's had more pricks than a second hand dart board.

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By *inky BunnyMan over a year ago

Cardiff

"Useful as tits on a fish

I came up with that!!!"

It's fourteenth century, mate. Chaucer. Nice try

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

He smells like a Frenchman.

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By *izzy RascallMan over a year ago

Cardiff

Sticks like shit to a blanket

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Couldnt organise a piss up in a brewery

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By *essiCouple over a year ago

suffolk

About as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

As much use as tits on a bull

If granny had balls she'd be grandad

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm so unlucky I could fall into a bucket of tits and come out sucking my thumb

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Useful as tits on a fish

I came up with that!!!

It's fourteenth century, mate. Chaucer. Nice try

Worth a try

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Flat as a witch's tit

Deeper than a wizards sleeve

As sweaty as ghandi's flip flop

Dryer than mother Teresa's gusset

To name a few

Aint Ghandis flip flop 'as dry as'?"

Nah... He has sweaty feet in that Indian heat.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

She's like a doorknob everyone's had a turn

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

had more cocks than John Waynes gun

Panting like a fat lass in a cake shop

One me like a tramp on chips

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Like a spare prick at a lesbians wedding

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

More life in a tramps vest

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

bacteria, the only culture some people have.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"As rough as a badgers arse is one of my favs.....no idea who rough a badgers arse is though

I say this about 3 times a week. Despite never having felt up a badger.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Boils my piss.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

About as excited as a fat kid on a see-saw

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By *iz78Woman over a year ago

wirral

Wetter than a otters pocket

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My sphincter was twitching like a rabbits nose

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"My sphincter was twitching like a rabbits nose"

Half a crown , thruppeny bit.

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By *iz78Woman over a year ago

wirral

Tighter than a ducks arse

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

A girlfriend once described an ex like this.

"He was in and out quicker than a burglar. "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Nipples like fighter pilots thumbs!! When it's cold of course

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Her nipples were so hard you could hang a wet duffle coat off them.

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By *hortieWoman over a year ago

Northampton

Couldn't organise a fuck up in a brothel.

©shortie-1999

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

got an arse that moves faster than a fiddlers elbow

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Me: its not fair!!!..my mom: well neither is a black mans bum!!... (apologies is this offends anyone but it still makes me laugh) xx"

That made me laugh, i am going to use that on my kids

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