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Who says men cannot multi-task
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It would appear that a Mr James Burden,55, of Falkirk can.
Apparently, on the morning of 25 March 2010 at the god early time of 5 am he was managing to have a jolly good bounce on the trampoline in his rear garden (*) whilst simultaneoulsy smoking a cigarette with one hand and having a good wank wth the other hand.
Unbelievably, a neighbour not only saw him at 5am but reported him to the Police.
In court, he admitted that his "elaborate masturbatory manoeuvre" was nothing to do with safety but was "for the thrill of it".
He pleaded guilty to a single charge of publicly exposing his person in a shameless and indecent manner, and approaching his neighbour's house and placing the occupant in a state of fear and alarm.
He received three years' probation, was placed on the sex offenders register, together with a rather sinister assurance from Sheriff William Gallacher that non-compliance may result in his being "removed from the community".
(*) Apparently it was a block of flats with a communal garden.
So, if any of you lovely ladies up there can lend me a trampoline and a cigarette i propose to beat that by simultaneously bouncing on a trampoline, smoking a cigarette with one hand, drinking ( sipping at ) a bottle of your finest Whisky with the other hand whilst also shagging a bike.
ps ladies, i'm open to offers on the matter of a "bike". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"there are some things in life you never need to see and that has got to be one of them!! x  #
Really? I would have loved to have seen it  "
i worry about you sometimes!!!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Extra bit :
I should have said he was naked throughout ( the trampoline bit not court ) but i guess you all gathered that much."
Yes, you should have said. I had visions of blue and white striped PJ bottoms with his winky poking out the fly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"there are some things in life you never need to see and that has got to be one of them!! x #
Really? I would have loved to have seen it
i worry about you sometimes!!! "
One wrong bounce and he could have fell off and impaled himself on the grass  |
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"there are some things in life you never need to see and that has got to be one of them!! x #
Really? I would have loved to have seen it
i worry about you sometimes!!!
One wrong bounce and he could have fell off and impaled himself on the grass "
you wanna try practising, i'm all black and blue and saddle sore  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"there are some things in life you never need to see and that has got to be one of them!! x
this would have been worth seeing,for the skill factor alone.you cant deny,he was a talented guy.  "
ok own up was it you??? x |
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"there are some things in life you never need to see and that has got to be one of them!! x
this would have been worth seeing,for the skill factor alone.you cant deny,he was a talented guy. "
i would also like to see the look on Amanda Holden's face if he were to repeat his act on Britain's Got Talent. Or is it the X Factor?
Mind you, i wouldn't say no to just seeing the look on AH's face.  |
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"
Extra bit :
I should have said he was naked throughout ( the trampoline bit not court ) but i guess you all gathered that much.
Yes, you should have said. I had visions of blue and white striped PJ bottoms with his winky poking out the fly."
Don't flatter yourself ma'am, it was hanging out. |
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"there are some things in life you never need to see and that has got to be one of them!! x
this would have been worth seeing,for the skill factor alone.you cant deny,he was a talented guy.
ok own up was it you??? x
ffs i new i was bouncing high,but i didnt think you could see me from ayrshire. "
it wasn't the view that gave it away, you heard of the Richter scale?
emergency services were out in force here |
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By *aucy3Couple
over a year ago
glasgow |
"there are some things in life you never need to see and that has got to be one of them!! x
this would have been worth seeing,for the skill factor alone.you cant deny,he was a talented guy.
ok own up was it you??? x
ffs i new i was bouncing high,but i didnt think you could see me from ayrshire.
it wasn't the view that gave it away, you heard of the Richter scale?
emergency services were out in force here "
all that fuss,over such a small thing. |
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By *mcaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
" It would appear that a Mr James Burden,55, of Falkirk can.
Apparently, on the morning of 25 March 2010 at the god early time of 5 am he was managing to have a jolly good bounce on the trampoline in his rear garden (*) whilst simultaneoulsy smoking a cigarette with one hand and having a good wank wth the other hand.
Unbelievably, a neighbour not only saw him at 5am but reported him to the Police.
In court, he admitted that his "elaborate masturbatory manoeuvre" was nothing to do with safety but was "for the thrill of it".
He pleaded guilty to a single charge of publicly exposing his person in a shameless and indecent manner, and approaching his neighbour's house and placing the occupant in a state of fear and alarm.
He received three years' probation, was placed on the sex offenders register, together with a rather sinister assurance from Sheriff William Gallacher that non-compliance may result in his being "removed from the community".
(*) Apparently it was a block of flats with a communal garden.
So, if any of you lovely ladies up there can lend me a trampoline and a cigarette i propose to beat that by simultaneously bouncing on a trampoline, smoking a cigarette with one hand, drinking ( sipping at ) a bottle of your finest Whisky with the other hand whilst also shagging a bike.
ps ladies, i'm open to offers on the matter of a "bike"."
placing the occupant in a state of fear and alarm. this part made me giggle whats he got a bazooka down there |
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"Well what did he expect, prosecution for causing fear and alarm is perfectly justified in this case. He was SMOKING A CIGARETTE!!!!"
the bleedin anti-smoking lobby AGAIN ffs ... lol
but the real question here has to be ...
did the guy do a full Health & Safety assessment before he attempted his stunt?
|
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"
It does beg the question: Did he time his strokes to go up the shaft on the up-jump and down the shaft on the down-jump, or a rapid succession of hand shuffles whilst in the air? (I can picture him wanking furiously in mid-air whith a face like a chinaman hehehe)"
glad i didnt have any tea in my mouth when i read that, else the screen & keyboard would be covered with it lol |
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very unlikley as there was only one viewer, had she not got anything better to do than complain?
did she not have a sense of humour or fun?
and given that it was 5am on a Mrch morning in Scotland does youtube do infra red videos? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
very unlikley as there was only one viewer, had she not got anything better to do than complain?
did she not have a sense of humour or fun?
and given that it was 5am on a Mrch morning in Scotland does youtube do infra red videos?"
I'd have asked him if he needed a hand.
I could have held his cigarette for him at least. |
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What a strange world we do live in.
One viewer sees it , makes a fuss, the guy is dragged through the court and public expense, signs the sex register etc
Had it been on youtube a million viewers may have seen it and had a jolly good laugh.
At worst the woman should have videowed and sent it to that Funny Video's program where you get £250 a video. |
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