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Flirty girl at work
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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just a wonder on what other peoples take on a situation i've got going on at my work.
girl (24) joins our company in april, and even before we speak there is some eye contact, this leads to some general chit chat over the course of a few months with it now quite clear from her eye contact that there might be something in the air.
jump forward to early sept and we go on a work night out and i decide to chat to her and we spend 3 hrs chatting non stop - this then leads to three weeks of non-stop flirting at work.
she then goes on her depts work night out and invites me along and gets my number which then sparks off texting over the weekend, i decide to ask her out and at this point she reveals that she has a boyfriend but would like something to happen if she didn't.
i then suggest meeting after work on the monday and i then say i don't want to encorouge any cheating on her partner but i am happy to get to know each other and become friends which we both agree on.
we go for a couple of walks after work one week, and then earlier this month we went for a night out with her dept again, and as more drinks go down she kept leaving her leg lent against mine and other usual sort of flirty behaviour - (hugging me as we went out of one pub to go to another was one and a long hug as we parted for the night)
inbetween all this there is a serious amount of texting going on, some just day to day mundane stuff, but lots of other stuff about her boyfriend, their relationship, her feelings towards me etc. she said if she didn't have her current fella she would be with me no question but won't be leaving him all the same.
she also decides to tell her boyfriend that she fancies someone at work and even goes as far as naming me. apprently he doesn't feel too good that there's someone at her work she would want to be with but trusts her all the same.
at this point i decide enough is enough. i feel like we are building up to getting together but all the while there is the 'oh but i have a boyfriend' thing.
i finally say can we draw some clear lines on whats going on here as im feeling very confused. she admits that she has been flirty with me but says she can't help it as it feels natural to be like that around me, but she still wants to be friends and get to know each other.
Since that weekend (three weeks ago), she's gone from texting me constantly to not at all, hardly says much to me in the office (although is still pleasent when she does) and this week i've been off sick and only when i text her today about something else she replied 'oh have you been off ill?'
Is she now deliberatly backing away from me for good?
Was I just being used as a bit of fun for her until I called it out? Did she genuinly want to be friends at all?
She seems nice and genuine, but its annoying me as to why im now being virtually ignored...I did at one point say 'are we cool about what we spoke about last weekend' after about a week of this and she said yes, but I'm now wondering whether to say a little more or whether to just accept it and back off and move on?!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure what there is to back off from, there was nothing ever there in the first place really.
Forget and move on!"
Well she was saying she had feelings for me so that was what I was holding onto I think. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Move on she's playing you mate 
And winning. "
I don't exactly get what she's gained out of this?
A bit of attention from me?
She's told her fella about the situation so that's not helped things I don't think.
Or am I missing something here?!
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Just be careful about how you back off - you don't want a sexual harassment accusation against you at work if she doesn't take it lightly. A woman scorned and all that….. and a boyfriend who could influence her…...
I am not saying that will happen, but getting 'over friendly' with someone at work can backfire with serious consequences. |
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Ego boost. The feeling of 'Yeah I've still got it'. Maybe they are going through a rough patch and she just wanted to prove she could get something elsewhere if needed to him. Could be anything.
Lose your feelings and any emotions (maybe easier said than done), you've been played. Just ignore her at work and move on otherwise she'll keep dangling the carrot whenever she feels like it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She's using you to fix her relationship and to stroke her ego.
If she had ANY feelings for you she would have ended her relationship.
She didn't..
Harsh as it sounds you need to realise this woman isn't particularly nice.
Personally I wouldn't want to know anyone who thought flirting, teasing and leading another person on is perfectly fine behaviour.  |
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"Move on she's playing you mate
And winning.
I don't exactly get what she's gained out of this?
A bit of attention from me?
She's told her fella about the situation so that's not helped things I don't think.
Or am I missing something here?!
"
you're missing the fact that she's played a not very nice game with you and now you've sussed her it holds no further interest for her.
Your next move is to stop all contact except for friendly conversation at work and direct your energies towards someone who is genuine.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So you said that enough was enough and wanted to drawer some clear lines, she does that and you aren't happy  "
Well i meant still be friends but she's now gone one giant step further and hardly says anything to me! |
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"So you said that enough was enough and wanted to drawer some clear lines, she does that and you aren't happy
Well i meant still be friends but she's now gone one giant step further and hardly says anything to me!"
then you should listen to what she is by her silence saying to you, you start pressing the issue than she could make a complaint..
as others have said redirect your energy to someone less 'complicated'..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ego boost. The feeling of 'Yeah I've still got it'. Maybe they are going through a rough patch and she just wanted to prove she could get something elsewhere if needed to him. Could be anything.
Lose your feelings and any emotions (maybe easier said than done), you've been played. Just ignore her at work and move on otherwise she'll keep dangling the carrot whenever she feels like it."
Not sure if they are going through a rough patch, but they did have a bust up a few weeks ago and weren't talking.
I think you're right, just annoying how someone so nice can be so devious!
Won't be saying much to her at work on Monday I don't think! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So you said that enough was enough and wanted to drawer some clear lines, she does that and you aren't happy
Well i meant still be friends but she's now gone one giant step further and hardly says anything to me!
then you should listen to what she is by her silence saying to you, you start pressing the issue than she could make a complaint..
as others have said redirect your energy to someone less 'complicated'..
"
Fair enough. Point taken on board! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She's using you to fix her relationship and to stroke her ego.
If she had ANY feelings for you she would have ended her relationship.
She didn't..
Harsh as it sounds you need to realise this woman isn't particularly nice.
Personally I wouldn't want to know anyone who thought flirting, teasing and leading another person on is perfectly fine behaviour. "
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"Ego boost. The feeling of 'Yeah I've still got it'. Maybe they are going through a rough patch and she just wanted to prove she could get something elsewhere if needed to him. Could be anything.
Lose your feelings and any emotions (maybe easier said than done), you've been played. Just ignore her at work and move on otherwise she'll keep dangling the carrot whenever she feels like it.
Not sure if they are going through a rough patch, but they did have a bust up a few weeks ago and weren't talking.
I think you're right, just annoying how someone so nice can be so devious!
Won't be saying much to her at work on Monday I don't think!"
I sort of know what you mean but if she was that nice you wouldn't now be describing her as devious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ego boost. The feeling of 'Yeah I've still got it'. Maybe they are going through a rough patch and she just wanted to prove she could get something elsewhere if needed to him. Could be anything.
Lose your feelings and any emotions (maybe easier said than done), you've been played. Just ignore her at work and move on otherwise she'll keep dangling the carrot whenever she feels like it.
Not sure if they are going through a rough patch, but they did have a bust up a few weeks ago and weren't talking.
I think you're right, just annoying how someone so nice can be so devious!
Won't be saying much to her at work on Monday I don't think!
I sort of know what you mean but if she was that nice you wouldn't now be describing her as devious."
Very true |
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Put yourself in her shoes. If she is trying not to split up with a boyfriend it makes sense to steer clear of potential distractions.
Tell her you are around if she needs you but you will leave her alone |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Put yourself in her shoes. If she is trying not to split up with a boyfriend it makes sense to steer clear of potential distractions.
Tell her you are around if she needs you but you will leave her alone"
The annoying thing is I'm quite happy to be just friends but it seems from the last few weeks that she might not be that bothered now.
Time will tell I guess, like you say she may be distancing her from me either because I've called her out on her game or she genuinly thinks she might play away from home if she's around me too much, or the boyfriend has had words... |
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By *amesGBMan
over a year ago
Cyprus |
Sounds like she was genuine to a certain point as well as it being an ego boost for her to see if she still had 'it'.
Be civil and friendly but keep your distance - you do have to work together after all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry to say but I think she was using you. The flirting boosted her ego, she told her boyfriend in the hope that he would get very jealous and this would cause trouble for you.
If she's backed away completely, you need to do the same. Show her that you've got over it and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"She sounds like she was genuinely interested but after your chat she seems to have decided to back off as it's not going to happen whilst she is with her boyfriend. Good decision I'd say.
Find someone single if it's a relationship you're after, causes too much trouble.
Good luck. X"
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"Decide today never to repeat such a course of action. Ever.
And keep your contact solely with this woman related to work.
"
And that includes in about a week's time, when she gets bored with your lack of attention, and starts flirting again. Or even tries to make you jealous by flirting with others in front of you.
Telling her bf about you is the clincher for me.
Good luck and stay strong
Mr ddc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would have doubts that the boyfriend knows about this/you ?
Its very rare that anybody would be telling their partner 'I fancy somebody at work' and then start socialising with them.
I wouldn't take anything on face value with her now. Some people simply get off on drama, and she may have drawn you into her game.
Being equally critical of you.
You are 33 she is 24, you knew about her relationship, continued texting, meeting for dept events, going for walks, all under the 'I want to be friends' banner.
Did you ask (looking for clues) about the office, has she kids, is she married, does she have a relationship ? Isn't that what we all do when we 'like somebody' ? I know I and others do.
People don't normally keep their relationships a secret in the workplace for 5 or 6 months especially female to female, if she has then I would keep well away.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Steer clear......sounds as though she has a lot more skeletons in her closet than you think.
And I hope you don't have a bunny and a big pot she may take a liking to!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Did she genuinly want to be friends at all? "
The question is did YOU genuinely want to be friends? It seams to me that this girl has played it straight with you from the start, she enjoyed your company obviously fancies you a bit, but told you she was in a relationship.
That was your cue to move on, or accept a genuine platonic friendship which was on offer.
Despite this you continued to see if you could break up the relationship she is in and become her new bf.
You then expressed that you were confused about her behaviour and she did the right thing in cooling it off, and now you want it back?
There is no relationship, there never was any relationship, so there is nothing to move on from.
You asked her to back off and she has done that, think the real problem was you were not asking that at all but asking her to turn her life upside down to suit your fantasy relationship.
You are on the border between friend and creepy stalker here, get on with your life before you mess up and do something you will regret. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So you said that enough was enough and wanted to drawer some clear lines, she does that and you aren't happy
Well i meant still be friends but she's now gone one giant step further and hardly says anything to me!"
So when you said you needed to drawer a line it was supposed to one that you were happy with?
Reading between the lines I can;t help but suspect that you wanted your ultimatum to lead to her relationship failing and in to your arms.
She has a b/f, she's backed off. Move on, it really is that simple
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can't be as naive as this thread suggests. Leave her alone. If she's backed off then you're one step away from harassment or being a stalker.
Cruel to be kind. |
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"Ego boost. The feeling of 'Yeah I've still got it'. Maybe they are going through a rough patch and she just wanted to prove she could get something elsewhere if needed to him. Could be anything.
Lose your feelings and any emotions (maybe easier said than done), you've been played. Just ignore her at work and move on otherwise she'll keep dangling the carrot whenever she feels like it."
My Friend _coastfun here is right in every way.
I think many woman esp vanilla Ones Who are perhaps rather insecure like to feel wanted to the point they will toy with people's Emotions.
Wave good bye and move On. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"just a wonder on what other peoples take on a situation i've got going on at my work.
girl (24) joins our company in april, and even before we speak there is some eye contact, this leads to some general chit chat over the course of a few months with it now quite clear from her eye contact that there might be something in the air.
jump forward to early sept and we go on a work night out and i decide to chat to her and we spend 3 hrs chatting non stop - this then leads to three weeks of non-stop flirting at work.
she then goes on her depts work night out and invites me along and gets my number which then sparks off texting over the weekend, i decide to ask her out and at this point she reveals that she has a boyfriend but would like something to happen if she didn't.
i then suggest meeting after work on the monday and i then say i don't want to encorouge any cheating on her partner but i am happy to get to know each other and become friends which we both agree on.
we go for a couple of walks after work one week, and then earlier this month we went for a night out with her dept again, and as more drinks go down she kept leaving her leg lent against mine and other usual sort of flirty behaviour - (hugging me as we went out of one pub to go to another was one and a long hug as we parted for the night)
inbetween all this there is a serious amount of texting going on, some just day to day mundane stuff, but lots of other stuff about her boyfriend, their relationship, her feelings towards me etc. she said if she didn't have her current fella she would be with me no question but won't be leaving him all the same.
she also decides to tell her boyfriend that she fancies someone at work and even goes as far as naming me. apprently he doesn't feel too good that there's someone at her work she would want to be with but trusts her all the same.
at this point i decide enough is enough. i feel like we are building up to getting together but all the while there is the 'oh but i have a boyfriend' thing.
i finally say can we draw some clear lines on whats going on here as im feeling very confused. she admits that she has been flirty with me but says she can't help it as it feels natural to be like that around me, but she still wants to be friends and get to know each other.
Since that weekend (three weeks ago), she's gone from texting me constantly to not at all, hardly says much to me in the office (although is still pleasent when she does) and this week i've been off sick and only when i text her today about something else she replied 'oh have you been off ill?'
Is she now deliberatly backing away from me for good?
Was I just being used as a bit of fun for her until I called it out? Did she genuinly want to be friends at all?
She seems nice and genuine, but its annoying me as to why im now being virtually ignored...I did at one point say 'are we cool about what we spoke about last weekend' after about a week of this and she said yes, but I'm now wondering whether to say a little more or whether to just accept it and back off and move on?!
"
She's taking the piss |
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