FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Harassment of women

Harassment of women

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Interesting article on BBC Breakfast news this morning: woman walking down the street in America constantly bombarded with comments from men. Most are polite but it is relentless and unwanted. She is dressed conservatively so is trying to blend in and not draw attention to herself. Men's reactions tend to be that she should be grateful for the complements.

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Saw the video last night online. Some men are seriously out of order. The one that walked next to her for 5 minutes...!

Not sure about the ones just saying "hello" type things. Undecided where the line was between friendly and creepy. The fact that she'd already had umpteen men say the same made it creepy. If it was just one guy it would seem friendly... maybe.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

On the other had, since when as someone saying good morning been classed as harassment? Are we all not guilty of it. I smile and say good morning on my way to work lots

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's a fine line between banter and harassment. If someone feels uncomfortable with it then it's too much, but everyone's line is in a different place.

One person might find the attention good natured fun, another scary intimidation.

It would be a dull world if flirting didn't exist, but where it starts and ends before becoming sinister is difficult to define

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"On the other had, since when as someone saying good morning been classed as harassment? Are we all not guilty of it. I smile and say good morning on my way to work lots

So do I - fail to see it as harassment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"On the other had, since when as someone saying good morning been classed as harassment? Are we all not guilty of it. I smile and say good morning on my way to work lots

So do I and will chat to people on the street too

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By *arry247Couple over a year ago

Wakefield

We do not know how the film has been cut.

We also don't know whether similar comments are made to others walking by or whether the camera made a difference.

It is very easy to make any incident seem innocent or creepy depending on the way the film is edited.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

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By *imply_SensualMan over a year ago

warrington

There is a fine line between harassment and just being sociable but the key thing for me in the video is eye contact.

For those who have said they say 'hello' regularly, I do the same but only if I make eye contact with someone - in this video, the majority have not done so.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"On the other had, since when as someone saying good morning been classed as harassment? Are we all not guilty of it. I smile and say good morning on my way to work lots

So do I and will chat to people on the street too

And on the bus

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

Nobody talks to each other on the tube. Heads down and no eye contact

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

"item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

Nobody talks to each other on the tube. Heads down and no eye contact

It's often not verbal on the tube! When it's busy I've had men press or rub themselves against me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Interesting article on BBC Breakfast news this morning: woman walking down the street in America constantly bombarded with comments from men. Most are polite but it is relentless and unwanted. She is dressed conservatively so is trying to blend in and not draw attention to herself. Men's reactions tend to be that she should be grateful for the complements.

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?"

Don't they join here to hopefully get bombarded with compliments and messages??

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

"item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

Nobody talks to each other on the tube. Heads down and no eye contact

it is mainly like that yes, strange how some of 'us' change in different environments..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?

Don't they join here to hopefully get bombarded with compliments and messages??"

Nope......

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think she should feel flattered. She wasn't all that really, a bit wide on the hips for my liking.....

Runs away and hides

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 30/10/14 08:30:12]

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By *icefellatwoMan over a year ago

hastings

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?"

Some women adore it and some hate it

I have been out with a chap who shouts and calls out to ladies and I find it very embarrassing being with him

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What did this woman look like? Do all American women get this kind of attention? I've been smiled at walking along the street,I smile back. I've had the occasional good morning but only from the older gentlemen

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By *iverpool LoverMan over a year ago

liverpool

Just watched the video now and I feel 90% of what was on it was harrassment.

on a few instances the ones that just said "hello" or " good morning beautiful" followed that up with "hey I said good morning beautiful its impolite not to reply".

Or the guy that followed her for 5 mins.

or the guy that then said "whats wrong am I too ugly for you" etc.

If the guys just saying hello good morning really are just being friendly are they saying hello good morning to every guy or unattractive women too... probabily not.

So there fore there is agenda there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?

Don't they join here to hopefully get bombarded with compliments and messages??

Nope......"

To be ignored then??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?"

Bit a stretch to compare women on fab, who by definition are looking for contact, to a women walking down a street minding her own business.

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By *unky monkeyMan over a year ago

in the night garden

"What did this woman look like? Do all American women get this kind of attention? I've been smiled at walking along the street,I smile back. I've had the occasional good morning but only from the older gentlemen "

She was quite pretty, latin looking, junk in her trunk, nice rack. Asking for trouble really, girls should always wear paper bags when out.

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By *iverpool LoverMan over a year ago

liverpool

http://m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=b1XGPvbWn0A

heres the video

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"On the other had, since when as someone saying good morning been classed as harassment? Are we all not guilty of it. I smile and say good morning on my way to work lots

Most of the comments were not simply hello. TheThey were all targeted at her by men specifically because she was female. Men do not talk to other random men in the street like that. Women do not talk to random men in the street like that. It was most definitely harassment.

Look at the comments of women about this on Everyday Sexism. It is endemic. Anyone who thinks we have attained equality needs to read this. 21st century and we still have this shit to deal with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was wondering this too. I'm now left feeling inferior as I am able to Walk down the street/use the tube/get on a bus without anyone even looking at me let alone talk to me or harass me

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I was wondering this too. I'm now left feeling inferior as I am able to Walk down the street/use the tube/get on a bus without anyone even looking at me let alone talk to me or harass me

She was fairly average. Not dolled up. Wearing nondescript black pants and top with flat shoes.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?

Bit a stretch to compare women on fab, who by definition are looking for contact, to a women walking down a street minding her own business."

So just because a woman is on FAB you dont have to respect boundaries and preferences? Not a stretch of the imagination at all. It can all be classed as unwanted attention even if you are on FAB. At what point does the 'hello sexy' become harassment? The first few - yeh maybe flattering see them as playful banter.The next 20. The next 50 not so! Same with this woman on the article. It was uncomfortable after a while. Imagine that every day!!

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?

Bit a stretch to compare women on fab, who by definition are looking for contact, to a women walking down a street minding her own business.

I'll say it again - Google Everyday Sexism.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not so much now, because I'm a fugly now

When I was younger, and out and about I do remember, when walking along, heckling. Very unwelcomed attention, and made me feel quite uncomfortable. So much so, that if I spotted a group of guys whilst I was enroute, I would cross the road, or even go out of my way to go in another direction. If it was a group of workmen who where obviously, going to be working, there for a few days, I would make a conscious effort to plan a different route over the next few days, but then I used to be the shy retiring type.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was wondering this too. I'm now left feeling inferior as I am able to Walk down the street/use the tube/get on a bus without anyone even looking at me let alone talk to me or harass me

She was fairly average. Not dolled up. Wearing nondescript black pants and top with flat shoes. "

Is this indicative of the attention all average women get? Seems strange to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Not so much now, because I'm a fugly now

Incidentally I was a jeans n t/shirt kinda girl.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?

Don't they join here to hopefully get bombarded with compliments and messages??"

Of course,they would soon moan if they didn't get any attention at all

I need to watch the video before I comment on it

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By *icefellatwoMan over a year ago

hastings

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?"

Look we are talking about America where they go over the top with most things.

Did some of them know the camera was filming her.

And no she shouldn't have to put up with it

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

I was wondering this too. I'm now left feeling inferior as I am able to Walk down the street/use the tube/get on a bus without anyone even looking at me let alone talk to me or harass me

She was fairly average. Not dolled up. Wearing nondescript black pants and top with flat shoes.

Is this indicative of the attention all average women get? Seems strange to me "

Google Everyday Sexism. It's more common than anyone seems willing to accept.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But did she think it harassment from guy she fancied probably not, harassment is objective same as everything else also the camera probably made a difference.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This fab imitating life comparison doesn't wash with me at all

Its words in an inbox on a contact site,they can be filtered,they can be deleted,they can be blocked,to say its harassment is taking the piss out of people that have truly been harassed in real life

Any way,I need to watch this video

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

Nobody talks to each other on the tube. Heads down and no eye contact

I think you adapt for different environments. Say if you're on the way to work in Leeds you can chat to most around you, more so in Midesbrough where I grew up.

In the south and in London in particular journeys are made more drone like. Your path must be as direct and precise as possible, your expression neutral. Avoid eye contact and interacting wherever possible.

Even outside the south though there's protocol. Unless copious amounts of alcohol are involved then I wouldnt bother paying a woman an actual compliment unless I knew her, or had been chatting for some time first.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"But did she think it harassment from guy she fancied probably not, harassment is objective same as everything else also the camera probably made a difference."

No it really really is not objective. A woman trying to get from A to B minding her own business not dressed in any particularly special way constantly commented on and at = harassment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have worked in factorys with mainly women works most of my working life and have always enjoyed a bit of banter with most of them but only after getting to know them a little and see how the conversation goes never had a problem with anyone but I have seen it where the guy has probably said less than me and made a woman fell uncomfortable I think its all about how you say something and where your eyes are lol

By the way I normally say hello to most people make or female just think its nice to say hi but following or correcting someone for not saying hi back is totally wrong intimating and should be considered an offence

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?

Bit a stretch to compare women on fab, who by definition are looking for contact, to a women walking down a street minding her own business.

What utter nonsense. It has nothing to do with femine rights or harassment. If a person, male or female, creates a profile on fab saying they are looking for men, then they are going to get them. If they don't want them, they can block them.

By calling it sexual harassment you're undermining the genuine cases out there, such as the one featured in the video.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"On the other had, since when as someone saying good morning been classed as harassment? Are we all not guilty of it. I smile and say good morning on my way to work lots

So do I - fail to see it as harassment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did she have big boobs? My boobs get stared at by men and women quite often when I'm out and I don't wear revealing tops.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Im a bus driver. I better be carefull with the ladies who board my bus. No more saying good morning.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Im a bus driver. I better be carefull with the ladies who board my bus. No more saying good morning.

If you say good morning to everyone equally how is it an issue? This is not about general well mannered greetings. It is about the obvious harassment of a woman simply because she is a woman.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Did she have big boobs? My boobs get stared at by men and women quite often when I'm out and I don't wear revealing tops. "

She was average.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

Nobody talks to each other on the tube. Heads down and no eye contact

I think you adapt for different environments. Say if you're on the way to work in Leeds you can chat to most around you, more so in Midesbrough where I grew up.

*Middlesbrough

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

"On the other had, since when as someone saying good morning been classed as harassment? Are we all not guilty of it. I smile and say good morning on my way to work lots

So do I - fail to see it as harassment

When it's the opening salvo in a come on.

We are in a country which is getting to grips with the grooming of many young people for sex. Isn't it time we addressed the fact that many people think it acceptable to make sexually loaded comments in the workplace and the street? It is almost all directed at women, though the diet effect is a spin off which I find just as offensive.

Saying good morning to someone is a very pleasant thing to do, but like many women I am hesitant of making eye contact or acknowledging greetings from unknown people due to the men who then think that I have given them permission to make all kinds of offers.

Responding to a good morning comment can mean the next comment is an invite to have sex/give them a blow job/be a comment on my breasts or body/request to come meet his friends for a party.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Did she have big boobs? My boobs get stared at by men and women quite often when I'm out and I don't wear revealing tops.

She was average. "

I just watched it. I don't know about the rest of America but it seems to be a hobby for the men in Manhattan. Not something I imagine happening to that extent anywhere in the UK

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Im a bus driver. I better be carefull with the ladies who board my bus. No more saying good morning.

If you say good morning to everyone equally how is it an issue? This is not about general well mannered greetings. It is about the obvious harassment of a woman simply because she is a woman. "

Better watch it even more after 9.30am. Grannys these days will soon make a complaint. Randy bus driver said good morning my lovely. Then theres the bloke. Morning sir...dont mean i after hes bum at the back of the bus does it. Its called manners. But in the fab world manners are not to be accepted so it seems. Ie the its not rude to get a reply etc.

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By *B9 QueenWoman over a year ago

Over the rainbow, under the bridge

"Did she have big boobs? My boobs get stared at by men and women quite often when I'm out and I don't wear revealing tops.

She was average.

I just watched it. I don't know about the rest of America but it seems to be a hobby for the men in Manhattan. Not something I imagine happening to that extent anywhere in the UK "

It does happen here. Every day.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

From what I've seen of that video the comments of hi and how you doing is not something I consider harassment,its idiotic chancers trying to get the attention of a pretty lady

The 2 guys that didn't leave her alone clearly were harassing her and I hope they watch that video with shame,but somehow I doubt they will

Now anyone comparing what those 2 guys did to her to an inbox full of messages on here need to give themselves a good shake as its not comparable

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"On the other had, since when as someone saying good morning been classed as harassment? Are we all not guilty of it. I smile and say good morning on my way to work lots

Yes but you are the Queen of Tease

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

When I was in my teens I was slim with big boobs. I got a lot of unwanted attention and I hated it. It embarrassed me terribly.

It calmed down as I put on weight and I get very little attention now, save for a few insults and derogatory comments.

Being fat makes me invisible to an extent and it's one of the reasons I stay that way.

A few years ago I lost a lot of weight and got down to 4st lighter than I am now. The attention increased as I did so.

I don't like being fat for quite a few reasons but one of the benefits is I don't have to deal with much unwanted attention. I'm sure psychologically it contributes to the difficulty I have losing weight and how I sabotage my own efforts. I equate being slim with being equally uncomfortable as being fat due to unwanted attention.

I'm actually very shy and I can't cope with it.

It's easier to deal with on here because I can dismiss much of it as men just wanting to get laid, and I have to options of deleting, blocking and hiding my profile.

I'm sure some will say yeah, yeah, another excuse for not losing weight but I think it's difficult to understand unless you've been subject to too much attention that you can't cope with.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If its a simple Good morning I can't see any harm whatsoever, or aren't we supposed to interact at all ?

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?

Don't they join here to hopefully get bombarded with compliments and messages??

Nope......

To be ignored then??

You don't see any possibilities other than being bombarded with messages, many from people who don't even slightly fit what your profile says you are looking for, and being ignored?

Many people here are courting respectful attention from certain types of people.

Messaging someone whose preferences you don't fit because it's "worth a try" and "don't ask, don't get", is unwanted attention. Being on a contacts site doesn't change that and shouldn't be justification for a free-for-all.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"If its a simple Good morning I can't see any harm whatsoever, or aren't we supposed to interact at all ?"

It doesn't sound as if most of the comments were a simple good morning.

Also "good morning" and "good morning, beautiful" are entirely different.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Seems to be a awful lot of men haters on fab. Maybe its past relationships etc. And if you dont like the attention being on fab brings you. You could allways leave. That all just accept it like the males of fab have to accept were the lowest of the low....well thats what a lot of ppl seem to think

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Seems to be a awful lot of men haters on fab. Maybe its past relationships etc. And if you dont like the attention being on fab brings you. You could allways leave. That all just accept it like the males of fab have to accept were the lowest of the low....well thats what a lot of ppl seem to think

Stop posting on here and harassing people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It would appear that a minority of men use simple politeness to their advantage in opening up a dialogue in which they can unleash their inner Sid James. It isn't a reason for anyone to stop saying good morning, opening doors and giving up ones seat. Ladies, don't be afraid of telling the offenders to fuck right off if they are being laviscious. The majority of men will stand up for and with you. Don't let pervs dictate our laws or codes of conduct.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"But did she think it harassment from guy she fancied probably not, harassment is objective same as everything else also the camera probably made a difference.

No it really really is not objective. A woman trying to get from A to B minding her own business not dressed in any particularly special way constantly commented on and at = harassment. "

How does a guy know she already bwen commented on? I thought harassment is when one person says the same thing over and over again always on your back, not a one of comment on the street by a passing stranger of have they changed the definition of if?

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

"But did she think it harassment from guy she fancied probably not, harassment is objective same as everything else also the camera probably made a difference.

No it really really is not objective. A woman trying to get from A to B minding her own business not dressed in any particularly special way constantly commented on and at = harassment.

Its the difference between someone saying good morning just to be pleasant and someone else who says it to get a conversation started so they can hit on that person.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

It's not man hating not to want to be bombarded with messages.

Some men message every week or two, despite being declined, until they are blocked. Some message even though they aren't what is being sought.

As for if you don't like it, leave, that's bullshit. It's like saying if you don't want unwanted attention, never leave the house.

This is the point of the entire thread. Women should not have to put up with unwanted attention or be made to feel uncomfortable because men think they have some sort of right.

Being on a contact site is about looking for contact from particular people. No way should that be used as an excuse to bother people who've taken time to write a profile to say they aren't interested.

Some men have absolutely no self control at all. Some even seem to think that's ok because if women didn't want the attention they wouldn't be here.

Think about it for a second. Most women here get unwanted attention to some extent. It takes a pretty strong character to be a single woman here. If all the women who get unwanted attention left, where would the men be?

Doesn't it actually make sense for the men not to contact women whose preferences they don't fit and not to bother women so as to encourage them to stay? Bear in mind that the women you chat to and meet will probably be being bothered by some other men. Would you really like them to leave?

Men already complain there aren't enough women here and then go and shoot themselves in the foot and drive them away!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

They should have played massive attack "unfinished symphony" as she walked down the street. Would have been just like the music vid

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"But did she think it harassment from guy she fancied probably not, harassment is objective same as everything else also the camera probably made a difference.

No it really really is not objective. A woman trying to get from A to B minding her own business not dressed in any particularly special way constantly commented on and at = harassment.

Its the difference between someone saying good morning just to be pleasant and someone else who says it to get a conversation started so they can hit on that person."

^ this.

Or continuing to try and have a conversation after the other person has shown they aren't interested and would like to be left alone.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So how do you start a conversation if you wanted to flirt with someone? I understand the continued onslaught after someone has shown no interest yes thats harassment no question, but to say its harassment because a guy or girl said hi good morning to try and get a conversation going is ridiculous even if they did mean in a flirty way, if they keep on after the first no then it turn into harassment.

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By *teveeb46Man over a year ago

Blackpool

Reading all the comments on this thread im not at all surprised on the what everyone is saying. I know men can be a harassment on a site like these and there fore I feel women should be more protected than they are. The member ship form is easy to fill in and the only thing that gets verified is there email. Why don't we take another approach to this and ask for a credit card number and for that to be verified before membership is granted. I know it wont stop all the harassment but im sure it would cut down on a lot of fakers, underage e.t.c Just a idea. What do you think?

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"So how do you start a conversation if you wanted to flirt with someone? I understand the continued onslaught after someone has shown no interest yes thats harassment no question, but to say its harassment because a guy or girl said hi good morning to try and get a conversation going is ridiculous even if they did mean in a flirty way, if they keep on after the first no then it turn into harassment. "

Perhaps there are times and places to flirt? If someone is minding their own business, not dressed up and not making eye contact, maybe take it as a sign they don't want to be approached?

If I'm open to flirting I make eye contact and smile at people etc. My body language shows it.

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

First world problems- complaining at cat calling (even if it's a polite good morning) is the only arrow left that may actually have any value in the tumbler femenists quiver.

That's if they sent to busy yelling the oppressed battle cry of the species at any computer game they can find.

Outside of swinging I have given up even mentioning if a friend looks nice or that I like her hair, due to it apparently being harassment.. how dare anyone objectify or sexualize a woman. (The same ladies ofc are the ones posting highly sexualized pics of themselves, as they claim they are alternative models)

Ofc those same feminazis sorry I refuse to call them feminists as several varieties of feminism such as 3rd world feminists have a legitimate claim to being oppressed. Are constantly posting pics on Facebook of barely dressed men and writing crude comments, or letching at blokes in a pub, just ask most barstaff who iis worse a stag do, or a hen night, I know men terrified of hen nights, to quote a friend "they have no concept of the word no"

Ps it's also rude for me to walk up and stroke a ladies arse, but fondling my beard is apparently totally fine!

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Reading all the comments on this thread im not at all surprised on the what everyone is saying. I know men can be a harassment on a site like these and there fore I feel women should be more protected than they are. The member ship form is easy to fill in and the only thing that gets verified is there email. Why don't we take another approach to this and ask for a credit card number and for that to be verified before membership is granted. I know it wont stop all the harassment but im sure it would cut down on a lot of fakers, underage e.t.c Just a idea. What do you think?

Fakers, timewasters and those who won't take no for an answer have credit cards too.

A lot of people won't trust the site to have their credit card number, (sites are hacked for such details every day, after all), and simply won't join.

I wouldn't be here because I don't have a credit card.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don't have a credit card

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's not man hating not to want to be bombarded with messages.

Some men message every week or two, despite being declined, until they are blocked. Some message even though they aren't what is being sought.

As for if you don't like it, leave, that's bullshit. It's like saying if you don't want unwanted attention, never leave the house.

This is the point of the entire thread. Women should not have to put up with unwanted attention or be made to feel uncomfortable because men think they have some sort of right.

Some men have absolutely no self control at all. Some even seem to think that's ok because if women didn't want the attention they wouldn't be here.

Men already complain there aren't enough women here and then go and shoot themselves in the foot and drive them away!"

I get regular unwanted messages, so much so I had to block single men. But by allowing single men to contact you, it is always going to mean the chancers will message you. It might not be right,after you have honed a profile to attract specific men, but realistically its never going to stop them, and there is no way to. The way a lot of guys seem to operate is cut and paste a message and carpet bomb everyone on the site.The only thing you can do is block them and only contact the ones YOU want. Its taking charge of your sex life and not playing the age old dating games and rituals.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"First world problems- complaining at cat calling (even if it's a polite good morning) is the only arrow left that may actually have any value in the tumbler femenists quiver.

That's if they sent to busy yelling the oppressed battle cry of the species at any computer game they can find.

Ps it's also rude for me to walk up and stroke a ladies arse, but fondling my beard is apparently totally fine!"

Harassment of men is equally unacceptable but is much, much rarer.

That's not the issue here though.

"Bloody feminists" and "they should be grateful for the compliments" are just two of the exuses to justify the behaviour.

And seriously, although any unwanted touching is unacceptable, comparing your beard to a woman's arse? Really?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Getting messages on a contact site is not harassment

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

"First world problems- complaining at cat calling (even if it's a polite good morning) is the only arrow left that may actually have any value in the tumbler femenists quiver.

That's if they sent to busy yelling the oppressed battle cry of the species at any computer game they can find.

Ps it's also rude for me to walk up and stroke a ladies arse, but fondling my beard is apparently totally fine!

Harassment of men is equally unacceptable but is much, much rarer.

That's not the issue here though.

"Bloody feminists" and "they should be grateful for the compliments" are just two of the exuses to justify the behaviour.

And seriously, although any unwanted touching is unacceptable, comparing your beard to a woman's arse? Really?

Yes really, it is a part of me in my own personal space.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been approached at a train station twice by men. Both started a conversation and out of politeness I answered. Both men started asking questions about where I was going and questions about my family etc. All general chit chat that I answered vaguely. Both men got on the train and sat near me to carry on the conversation. One got off the train when I lied and said I couldn't go out to dinner with him because I had a boyfriend. The other got off the train with me and on the bus with me. Sat next to me and carried on chatting. It felt awkward but he wasn't being ill mannered,just not taking no thank you for an answer. I blanked him in the end and he gave up

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Perhaps there are times and places to flirt? If someone is minding their own business, not dressed up and not making eye contact, maybe take it as a sign they don't want to be approached?

If I'm open to flirting I make eye contact and smile at people etc. My body language shows it."

Your times and places, your not making eye contact, your dressed down, your body language....not all people are the same as you. All anyone cab do is try a small gesture and see if its reciprocated. We are going to end up having to wear badges that state if its ok to chat to someone next.

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By *exxifun5Couple over a year ago

NORWICH

I really dont understand all this harassment issue within Fab !!! if you feel you are being harrassed the hit the block button ... I know there are a minority of cases where woman have been stalked through the forums and new profile set up ..... but in the general how hard can it be to jist hit the block button no sweat no drama just BLOCK !!!

Tabitha xxx

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

It's not man hating not to want to be bombarded with messages.

Some men message every week or two, despite being declined, until they are blocked. Some message even though they aren't what is being sought.

As for if you don't like it, leave, that's bullshit. It's like saying if you don't want unwanted attention, never leave the house.

This is the point of the entire thread. Women should not have to put up with unwanted attention or be made to feel uncomfortable because men think they have some sort of right.

Some men have absolutely no self control at all. Some even seem to think that's ok because if women didn't want the attention they wouldn't be here.

Men already complain there aren't enough women here and then go and shoot themselves in the foot and drive them away!

That's the point here though. It's not right.

It needs to be recognised that it's wrong, which many men simply refuse to do.

Look above at the comments saying they're compliments, women would moan if they got no attention, bloody feminists, if they don't like it they should leave etc. They're all ways of justifying what is unacceptable behaviour.

These men are making women feel uncomfortable and rather than apologising, or simply stopping, they resort, sullenly, to bloody man haters, they should like it.

Of course, it's not all men, (and I'm not tarring anyone with the same brush. I refer only to the men who behave inappropriately), but as pointed out above, it's far more common than a lot would like to believe.

We'll never stop it, it's just how it is, is a cop out excuse for not addressing it and trying to educate people.

It's just how it is is a statement that could have been, and probably was, applied to many situations from the past that have been changed.

It _could_ be changed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Perhaps there are times and places to flirt? If someone is minding their own business, not dressed up and not making eye contact, maybe take it as a sign they don't want to be approached?

If I'm open to flirting I make eye contact and smile at people etc. My body language shows it.

As long as you can tell if someone is interested or not you should be ok to smile and say hello. Unfortunately no one can mind read so we can't tell what someone is intending or if your attentions are wanted. We should go back to the fan method

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

twaddle, its not being a 'man hater' for any woman to expect to not be treated like a lump of meat and only here for some bloke to dump a load in which is evident with some males on here..

as for leaving, is that how we address a problem for those who receive harassment..?

or do we try and educate the muppets who see it as acceptable once they are told 'no ty'..

as for the 'lowest of the low' don't use that as commonality for other guys eh..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And seriously, although any unwanted touching is unacceptable, comparing your beard to a woman's arse? Really?

Yes really, it is a part of me in my own personal space."

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I really dont understand all this harassment issue within Fab !!! if you feel you are being harrassed the hit the block button ... I know there are a minority of cases where woman have been stalked through the forums and new profile set up ..... but in the general how hard can it be to jist hit the block button no sweat no drama just BLOCK !!!

Tabitha xxx "

Having a means to deal with it doesn't make it ok though.

And in real life women don't have a block button.

Seeing it as acceptable here will often translate to considering it acceptable in every day life. Not always, of course, but often.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"From what I've seen of that video the comments of hi and how you doing is not something I consider harassment,its idiotic chancers trying to get the attention of a pretty lady

The 2 guys that didn't leave her alone clearly were harassing her and I hope they watch that video with shame,but somehow I doubt they will

I agree. Saying hello is hardly a crime.

It also said the film was over 10 hours and 100 people spoke to her...that is 10 people an hour.

Artistic editing.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Perhaps there are times and places to flirt? If someone is minding their own business, not dressed up and not making eye contact, maybe take it as a sign they don't want to be approached?

If I'm open to flirting I make eye contact and smile at people etc. My body language shows it.

No some people simply don't care about my body language or if they make me feel uncomfortable. I *should* like it so it's ok.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've never felt harassed on here. Overworked sometimes but never harassed. I expect to be approached by men wanting sex,it's why we're here

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"First world problems- complaining at cat calling (even if it's a polite good morning) is the only arrow left that may actually have any value in the tumbler femenists quiver.

That's if they sent to busy yelling the oppressed battle cry of the species at any computer game they can find.

Ps it's also rude for me to walk up and stroke a ladies arse, but fondling my beard is apparently totally fine!

Harassment of men is equally unacceptable but is much, much rarer.

That's not the issue here though.

"Bloody feminists" and "they should be grateful for the compliments" are just two of the exuses to justify the behaviour.

And seriously, although any unwanted touching is unacceptable, comparing your beard to a woman's arse? Really?

Yes really, it is a part of me in my own personal space."

As I said, any touching without permission is unacceptable but a beard is not comparable to an arse.

Maybe touching a woman's hair (still unacceptable) is a reasonable comparison but not her arse.

Plus are you suggesting because some people touch you without permission it's ok for you to do the same to others?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I agree ive had my beard touched beforediddidn't take it as harassment but could have if it way in a different mood, saying good morning and trying to catch some eye for the first time is not harassment, and people saying it is will make people second guess being polite and do I dare say it try thier luck

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"First world problems- complaining at cat calling (even if it's a polite good morning) is the only arrow left that may actually have any value in the tumbler femenists quiver.

That's if they sent to busy yelling the oppressed battle cry of the species at any computer game they can find.

Ps it's also rude for me to walk up and stroke a ladies arse, but fondling my beard is apparently totally fine!

Harassment of men is equally unacceptable but is much, much rarer.

That's not the issue here though.

"Bloody feminists" and "they should be grateful for the compliments" are just two of the exuses to justify the behaviour.

And seriously, although any unwanted touching is unacceptable, comparing your beard to a woman's arse? Really?

Yes really, it is a part of me in my own personal space.

As I said, any touching without permission is unacceptable but a beard is not comparable to an arse.

Maybe touching a woman's hair (still unacceptable) is a reasonable comparison but not her arse.

Plus are you suggesting because some people touch you without permission it's ok for you to do the same to others?"

Would you like a guy to stroke your face? Would you think that acceptable

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Hmmm how about the suggestion that if you don't want your beard touched, you shouldn't grow a beard.

I'm guessing that won't be seen as a reasonable suggestion by the men with beards.

It is akin to if you don't want to be harassed by men, you shouldn't be on here.

Both unacceptable.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Anyone had harassment on here from trols

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"First world problems- complaining at cat calling (even if it's a polite good morning) is the only arrow left that may actually have any value in the tumbler femenists quiver.

That's if they sent to busy yelling the oppressed battle cry of the species at any computer game they can find.

Ps it's also rude for me to walk up and stroke a ladies arse, but fondling my beard is apparently totally fine!

Harassment of men is equally unacceptable but is much, much rarer.

That's not the issue here though.

"Bloody feminists" and "they should be grateful for the compliments" are just two of the exuses to justify the behaviour.

And seriously, although any unwanted touching is unacceptable, comparing your beard to a woman's arse? Really?

Yes really, it is a part of me in my own personal space.

As I said, any touching without permission is unacceptable but a beard is not comparable to an arse.

Maybe touching a woman's hair (still unacceptable) is a reasonable comparison but not her arse.

Plus are you suggesting because some people touch you without permission it's ok for you to do the same to others?

Would you like a guy to stroke your face? Would you think that acceptable"

Have I not said in two separate posts now that no, ANY touching without permission is unacceptable?

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Me too, I always smile and say hi. I'm just being friendly... Or perhaps Im a secret perve!!

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

No I'm not suggesting anything, I'm quite blatantly saying, that if a woman or a man, walked up that I have never met and proceeds to grope my beard, because they find beards such a turn on or so damn sexy... This happens quite often when I'm out drinking. Then they had better be prepared to receive a similar reaction as I find a lot of women's arises quite desirable.

Difference is, I never just walk up and grab something, just because I like it!

I will also compare my beard to a ladies arse for a simple reason, I constantly get told (or cat called) that my beard is awesome. It is often sexually objectified and as stated much like a rear end is part of me.. Or is it my fault that my beard is out on show.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

A lot of the attitudes on here just highlight the problem.

They should enjoy the compliments.

But they harass us sometimes.

They shouldn't (whatever) if they don't like it.

Bloody man-hating feminists.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hmmm how about the suggestion that if you don't want your beard touched, you shouldn't grow a beard.

I'm guessing that won't be seen as a reasonable suggestion by the men with beards.

It is akin to if you don't want to be harassed by men, you shouldn't be on here.

Both unacceptable. "

Harassment of any kind is unacceptablebut people interpretation of harassment is wide and varied, like you said before you dress down dont make eye contact and you that means you dont want attention, but what about the women next you who does the exactsame thing but does it because she feels ugly, depressed hates her self, maybe a hi good morning, you look nice, could be the pick me up she after. Althosome might say that the guy Iis cashing in on her beind down.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"No I'm not suggesting anything, I'm quite blatantly saying, that if a woman or a man, walked up that I have never met and proceeds to grope my beard, because they find beards such a turn on or so damn sexy... This happens quite often when I'm out drinking. Then they had better be prepared to receive a similar reaction as I find a lot of women's arises quite desirable.

Difference is, I never just walk up and grab something, just because I like it!

If you honestly think touching a beard (which is still unacceptable before you start that again) is comparable to groping someone's arse then you have issues which a discussion on here won't be able to address.

Plus, if you've found having your beard touch invasive then you should understand how unwanted touching feels and shouldn't want to make anyone else feel that way.

Appropriate response to unwanted touching: "Please don't touch me"

Inappropriate response: get grabby in return.

As my nan said, two wrongs don't make a right.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up."

Both are invading your personal space..I would say they are the same

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Hmmm how about the suggestion that if you don't want your beard touched, you shouldn't grow a beard.

I'm guessing that won't be seen as a reasonable suggestion by the men with beards.

It is akin to if you don't want to be harassed by men, you shouldn't be on here.

Both unacceptable.

Another version of uninvited attention is ok because some people might like it.

The number of excuses to justify this is incredible.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would find someone touching my face far more unacceptable than a touch on the arse

Its an extremely intimate action to me so yes it can be comparable because its touching without asking

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By *iggles and BeardyCouple over a year ago

Bristol

I would like to add that on a lighter note, women walking up grabbing my beard and making a lude comment in the swing scene and clubs has indeed led to me fondling their arse... And some great times. So any who have done so and have read this please feel free to do so again, as I'm often quite shy and its a great ice breaker.

Basically there is a time and a place for such behaviour, regardless of which sex you are.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up.

Both are invading your personal space..I would say they are the same

So grabbing someone's breasts or their crotch is the same as touching their face or hair?

I don't think you'd get a court to accept that. One would be sexual assault, the other not.

I can see your point but there are scales of inappropriate.

All touching without permission is inappropriate but there are degrees of inappropriate.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up.

Both are invading your personal space..I would say they are the same

So grabbing someone's breasts or their crotch is the same as touching their face or hair?

I don't think you'd get a court to accept that. One would be sexual assault, the other not.

I can see your point but there are scales of inappropriate.

All touching without permission is inappropriate but there are degrees of inappropriate."

Did I say tits or crotch? No

Now yet again you and your exceedingly long winded pompous posts that intend to drown out everyones opinion have taken over a thread and ruined it so I'll let you get on with hating the world and all who disagree with you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To people saying it doesn't happen in this country are wrong.

I have 2 incidences I can think of, 1 last Sunday, wearing Hareem pants and a vest and cardi, hair thrown up (so not sexy dressed) I had to nip to perry barr one stop and had to go on a bus as our car had broken down, I missed the correct stop and had to walk about 5 mins in that time I had jeers from a group of lads and then had one guy saunter up to me and say hay sexy lady don't ignore me sexy lady. It did make me feel highly uncomfortable. Now if this had been a club situation I would of been gobby back etc but this wasn't I was just minding my own business

The other time was when I was around 16, in a bus station waiting for my then boyfriend. This man came and sat next to me flirting. I said I wasn't interested, had a bf, he wouldn't leave it, said well I will be better than your bf. I tried to move away and got called white racist trash as that was apparently the only reason I wouldn't be interested

So it really does happen I'm average looking and plus size, if I get hassle you can only imagine the hassle slimmer prettier girls get.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

Nobody talks to each other on the tube. Heads down and no eye contact

It's often not verbal on the tube! When it's busy I've had men press or rub themselves against me

According to a recent thread on here that behaviour is acceptable.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up.

Both are invading your personal space..I would say they are the same

So grabbing someone's breasts or their crotch is the same as touching their face or hair?

I don't think you'd get a court to accept that. One would be sexual assault, the other not.

I can see your point but there are scales of inappropriate.

All touching without permission is inappropriate but there are degrees of inappropriate.

Did I say tits or crotch? No

My reply to Rugger's post not yours. I even quoted it.

My opinion is as valid as yours, even if you don't like it and I don't agree with you.

I'm responding to posts made by others, as usually happens in a discussion.

A lot of my posts are so long because I'm quoting. I'm on my 'phone so I can't easily delete previously comments when I quote.

This is a subject I feel strongly about and I'm not going to apologise for that or for maintaining a _iew you don't agree with.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"To people saying it doesn't happen in this country are wrong.

So it really does happen I'm average looking and plus size, if I get hassle you can only imagine the hassle slimmer prettier girls get. "

You should have been flattered by the compliments and glad of the attention. Apparently.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up.

Both are invading your personal space..I would say they are the same

So grabbing someone's breasts or their crotch is the same as touching their face or hair?

I don't think you'd get a court to accept that. One would be sexual assault, the other not.

I can see your point but there are scales of inappropriate.

All touching without permission is inappropriate but there are degrees of inappropriate.

Did I say tits or crotch? No

PS it's you attacking someone who isn't agreeing with you, not me. Hypocrite much?

I'll let you get on with hating me and my _iews and not care a jot.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

Nobody talks to each other on the tube. Heads down and no eye contact

It's often not verbal on the tube! When it's busy I've had men press or rub themselves against me

According to a recent thread on here that behaviour is acceptable. "

That isn't true...no one said sexual harassment was acceptable on that thread.

The issue was who you deemed the sexual harassment was from and why people questioned you.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up.

Both are invading your personal space..I would say they are the same

So grabbing someone's breasts or their crotch is the same as touching their face or hair?

I don't think you'd get a court to accept that. One would be sexual assault, the other not.

I can see your point but there are scales of inappropriate.

All touching without permission is inappropriate but there are degrees of inappropriate."

All personal space should be just that and if someone touched my face or hair while out I would be saying fuck off as much as if they touched my arse.

Surely if one is unacceptable the other is too

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up.

Both are invading your personal space..I would say they are the same

So grabbing someone's breasts or their crotch is the same as touching their face or hair?

I don't think you'd get a court to accept that. One would be sexual assault, the other not.

I can see your point but there are scales of inappropriate.

All touching without permission is inappropriate but there are degrees of inappropriate.

All personal space should be just that and if someone touched my face or hair while out I would be saying fuck off as much as if they touched my arse.

Surely if one is unacceptable the other is too

Yes, both unacceptable. I've not said anything different.

To me though, although having my face or hair touched would make me uncomfortable, (it happened in B&Q recently - a male staff member stroked my hair), having my arse grabbed or, worse, my boobs or crotch, would bother me far more.

There's no question that any uninvited touching is unacceptable though. It's the same as no means no; a fundamental rule.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Surely if one is unacceptable the other is too

Yes, both unacceptable. I've not said anything different.

There's no question that any uninvited touching is unacceptable though. It's the same as no means no; a fundamental rule."

Just because it doesn't bother you as much doesn't mean it is less important to the people being touched.

But yes, agree totally with your last sentence, whatever is being touched

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Having my face stroked still isn't the same as having my arse felt up.

Both are invading your personal space..I would say they are the same

So grabbing someone's breasts or their crotch is the same as touching their face or hair?

I don't think you'd get a court to accept that. One would be sexual assault, the other not.

I can see your point but there are scales of inappropriate.

All touching without permission is inappropriate but there are degrees of inappropriate.

All personal space should be just that and if someone touched my face or hair while out I would be saying fuck off as much as if they touched my arse.

Surely if one is unacceptable the other is too

Yes, both unacceptable. I've not said anything different.

There's no question that any uninvited touching is unacceptable though. It's the same as no means no; a fundamental rule.

Just because it doesn't bother you as much means it is any less trivial to the people being touched.

But yes, agree totally with your last sentence, whatever is being touched.

I'm going to think more about this. TD has just made a good point to me too, which is making me reconsider.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"item on the London local news about amount of verbal and unwanted sexual harassment that women are having to deal with on the tube system, about a 1 in 5 ratio..

Nobody talks to each other on the tube. Heads down and no eye contact

It's often not verbal on the tube! When it's busy I've had men press or rub themselves against me

According to a recent thread on here that behaviour is acceptable.

That isn't true...no one said sexual harassment was acceptable on that thread.

The issue was who you deemed the sexual harassment was from and why people questioned you.

Maybe encouraged would have been a better word than acceptable.

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Who has actually said that it was acceptable and men think women should enjoy it? I think you have issues that wont be helped by discussing this on here and not the gent with the beared, it seems to me your the kind of person who wants attention when you want it and probably has a massive hissy fit when you dont get it and to say im making excuses for giving unwanted

Is ridiculous, I meet my now wife when she was shy, not making eye contact and not talking, I said hi to her and it made her smile and got chatting to her from there, all im going to say more is im sorry for the way you was treated when you was younger as you described in a earlier post but im thankful that not everyone women has your mind set , that if a guy say hi hes mentally undressing her and going to touch her

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I'm going to think more about this. TD has just made a good point to me too, which is making me reconsider.

Ok humour me, who is TD?

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

And bitchy.

Can you imagine women competing for attention in the way men have to now?

It's bad enough when there are cat fights over individual men.

Handbags and claws would be out.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

As if it isn't like that now !!

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I'm going to think more about this. TD has just made a good point to me too, which is making me reconsider.

Ok humour me, who is TD?"

Oh, sorry, Tempting Devil.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

As if it isn't like that now !!

I err never noticed..

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

I'm going to think more about this. TD has just made a good point to me too, which is making me reconsider.

Ok humour me, who is TD?

Oh, sorry, Tempting Devil."

Ah thanks, I did skip down the thread to see what names started with TD, I must need glasses

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

As if it isn't like that now !!

I err never noticed..

You men wouldn't have it any other way, only the other day the OH said after I had been away over night " please hurry up home, I think I have gone deaf "

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By *ouple in LancashireCouple over a year ago

in Lancashire

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

As if it isn't like that now !!

I err never noticed..

You men wouldn't have it any other way, only the other day the OH said after I had been away over night " please hurry up home, I think I have gone deaf "

that's male code for I need a cuppa..

oops..

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Who has actually said that it was acceptable and men think women should enjoy it?"

Er, have you actually read this thread? There are numerous references to it being a complement and that some women might like it. The OP recognises that the attitude of men, in general, seems to be that women should feel flattered.

"I think you have issues that wont be helped by discussing this on here "

Yes my issue is I don't like seeing people justifying harassing other people rather than admitting it's wrong and not doing it.

As for attention, it's fine when I'm indicating I want it as long as it's respectful and not from people I've already indicated I don't want attention from.

I don't have a hissy fit when I don't get it at all. In fact, as I mentioned earlier, I am quite shy and uncomfortable with attention.

Attacking people who point out that often attention is unwanted and is uncomfortable is just another form of justifying the behaviour.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

And bitchy.

Can you imagine women competing for attention in the way men have to now?

It's bad enough when there are cat fights over individual men.

Handbags and claws would be out. "

No,tits and lady bits would be out

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I'm going to think more about this. TD has just made a good point to me too, which is making me reconsider.

Ok humour me, who is TD?

Oh, sorry, Tempting Devil.

Ah thanks, I did skip down the thread to see what names started with TD, I must need glasses

There are rather a lot of regular posters to keep up with and it has been a busy thread. I don't think you need to apply for your blind or dotty card just yet

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

And bitchy.

Can you imagine women competing for attention in the way men have to now?

It's bad enough when there are cat fights over individual men.

Handbags and claws would be out.

No,tits and lady bits would be out

Yes, those too!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

I haven't read all the posts.

I haven't seen the clip but will do in a minute.

For me .....the litmus test could be,'do the blokes saying MORNING, HI , etc to this woman also greet all the men on the street ?

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

noisy..

As if it isn't like that now !!

I err never noticed..

You men wouldn't have it any other way, only the other day the OH said after I had been away over night " please hurry up home, I think I have gone deaf "

that's male code for I need a cuppa..

oops.."

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

Something to consider: I consider the idea that there are different types of rape, that not all rape is as bad to be abhorrent. Rape is rape whether you know the person, have invited the person in, have had alcohol possibly in that person's company or have previously had consensual sex with that person.

By the same standard any invasion of a person's body is offensive. To suggest that there are different degrees of wrongness is unacceptable. On this basis stroking someone's beard uninvited is wrong. Full stop. It would be creepy and unpleasant for someone to stroke my face so why the difference because it's a beard? And it is just as much an invasion of my body as grabbing a breast or a bum cheek.

About the only body parts which I consider it to be acceptable to lay hands on uninvited would be the forearm and the shoulder. Having said that I have had someone put a hand on my shoulder which has gradually dropped lower and begun stroking instead of just touching which has been unpleasant and I'm sure that many of us have had someone try to hold hands in a manner which is unsettling.

Having said all this I am a tactile person. Someone else got to the crux of it further up the thread when they said that it was about what is appropriate: time, place and relationship with the other person all need to be considered, even just for a comment that you hope might lead to flirtation.

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

"I haven't read all the posts.

I haven't seen the clip but will do in a minute.

For me .....the litmus test could be,'do the blokes saying MORNING, HI , etc to this woman also greet all the men on the street ? "

And all the uglies?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Who has actually said that it was acceptable and men think women should enjoy it?

I think you have issues that wont be helped by discussing this on here

Yes my issue is I don't like seeing people justifying harassing other people rather than admitting it's wrong and not doing it.

As for attention, it's fine when I'm indicating I want it as long as it's respectful and not from people I've already indicated I don't want attention from.

I don't have a hissy fit when I don't get it at all. In fact, as I mentioned earlier, I am quite shy and uncomfortable with attention.

Attacking people who point out that often attention is unwanted and is uncomfortable is just another form of justifying the behaviour."

Again its wrong because you dont like it, not everyone is like you and its going to be a sorry day when everyone is going to assume people dont like it and not do it.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 30/10/14 11:52:13]

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Who has actually said that it was acceptable and men think women should enjoy it?

I think you have issues that wont be helped by discussing this on here

Yes my issue is I don't like seeing people justifying harassing other people rather than admitting it's wrong and not doing it.

As for attention, it's fine when I'm indicating I want it as long as it's respectful and not from people I've already indicated I don't want attention from.

I don't have a hissy fit when I don't get it at all. In fact, as I mentioned earlier, I am quite shy and uncomfortable with attention.

Attacking people who point out that often attention is unwanted and is uncomfortable is just another form of justifying the behaviour.

Again its wrong because you dont like it, not everyone is like you and its going to be a sorry day when everyone is going to assume people dont like it and not do it. "

No, it's wrong when it's unwanted. If it's not invited it's wrong to assume they might like it anyway.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

No, it's wrong when it's unwanted. If it's not invited it's wrong to assume they might like it anyway."

So are you saying that men should never approach women unless the women say they can? ( or vice versa )

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

No, it's wrong when it's unwanted. If it's not invited it's wrong to assume they might like it anyway.

So are you saying that men should never approach women unless the women say they can? ( or vice versa )"

No but they should pay attention to body language. Sometimes it's clear people don't want attention.

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By *iewMan over a year ago
Forum Mod

Angus & Findhorn

In my swinging experience of clubs and socials, I have seen uncalled for and unacceptable harrassment.

The men should have complained.

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By *empting Devil.Woman over a year ago

Sheffield

No, it's wrong when it's unwanted. If it's not invited it's wrong to assume they might like it anyway.

So are you saying that men should never approach women unless the women say they can? ( or vice versa )"

There is a time and a place.

Approaching an unknown person who is just going about their daily business and who has made no eye contact or any other type of signal is not generally appropriate. Making eye contact and giving them a smile and seeing how they respond is the best form of approach if you really want to.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

No, it's wrong when it's unwanted. If it's not invited it's wrong to assume they might like it anyway.

So are you saying that men should never approach women unless the women say they can? ( or vice versa )

There is a time and a place.

^ this

I said there's a time and a place above but apparently that's wrong because I can't speak for all women and some might like it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response."

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?"

Meow!

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?"

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no......

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

Meow!

Oooooo was it a catty response ?

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By *inaTitzTV/TS over a year ago

Titz Towers, North Notts

I think a lot comes to down to what is said, how it is said and in what context.

Think of Joey's, 'How are YOU?' to a regular, 'how are you?'

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By *hetalkingstoveMan over a year ago

London

It's really not that hard to tell if you should approach a woman or not.

And the world is not going to end if you err on the side of caution.

It's better to maybe miss out on a date or a fuck then to risk making someone feel intimidated or even just annoyed, surely?

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I think a lot comes to down to what is said, how it is said and in what context.

Think of Joey's, 'How are YOU?' to a regular, 'how are you?'

I thought it was more how ARrrrrrE youuuuuuuuu

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no...... "

I mean if it was the other way round it wouldn't be the men asking so chances are you wouldn't get the chance to say no

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think a lot comes to down to what is said, how it is said and in what context.

Think of Joey's, 'How are YOU?' to a regular, 'how are you?'

I thought it was more how ARrrrrrE youuuuuuuuu "

It's " How you doin' ?" with a leery facial expression

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By *hetalkingstoveMan over a year ago

London

I said there's a time and a place above but apparently that's wrong because I can't speak for all women and some might like it

The 'some might like it' thing is so stupid. Some men might think its fun if you went up to them and started a boxing match, but you wouldn't go around thumping people on the off chance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But womem do look and give a smile back being friendly so men are screwed if they take it further then because they were just being friendly. You never know until you try

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no......

I mean if it was the other way round it wouldn't be the men asking so chances are you wouldn't get the chance to say no "

If there were suddenly more dogs than birds , the dogs do not begin to fly.

Men will still ask.

Women will still flaunt it to get the come on.

And I'll still get lots of messages.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I think a lot comes to down to what is said, how it is said and in what context.

Think of Joey's, 'How are YOU?' to a regular, 'how are you?'

I thought it was more how ARrrrrrE youuuuuuuuu

It's " How you doin' ?" with a leery facial expression "

Well here's a true injustice for you.

Ugly bloke says 'How you doin'.... it's sexual harrassment.

Joey says 'How you doin?' he's a lovely freindly bloke who can walk with you where ever you are off to.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Can anyone smell sardines following the trawler ?

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

Meow!

Oooooo was it a catty response ? "

I believe so.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no......

I mean if it was the other way round it wouldn't be the men asking so chances are you wouldn't get the chance to say no

If there were suddenly more dogs than birds , the dogs do not begin to fly.

Men will still ask.

Women will still flaunt it to get the come on.

And I'll still get lots of messages. "

Oh, so women flaunt it on here to get the come on? Isn't the 'come on' considered harrassment by some here?

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Can anyone smell sardines following the trawler ?"

Is there any tuna? I've nothing in for lunch.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

[Removed by poster at 30/10/14 12:25:30]

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Can anyone smell sardines following the trawler ?

Is there any tuna? I've nothing in for lunch."

Only tinned steaks in oil..... I don't do the brine stuff.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no......

I mean if it was the other way round it wouldn't be the men asking so chances are you wouldn't get the chance to say no

If there were suddenly more dogs than birds , the dogs do not begin to fly.

Men will still ask.

Women will still flaunt it to get the come on.

And I'll still get lots of messages.

Oh, so women flaunt it on here to get the come on? Isn't the 'come on' considered harrassment by some here?"

No.

Harrassment is pursuance.

Come on is trying to get pursuance.

I didn't say 'women on here' if you are going to quote, quote right.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Can anyone smell sardines following the trawler ?

Is there any tuna? I've nothing in for lunch.

Only tinned steaks in oil..... I don't do the brine stuff."

I only buy tinned tuna in spring water. I don't do the oil or the brine stuff.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no......

I mean if it was the other way round it wouldn't be the men asking so chances are you wouldn't get the chance to say no

If there were suddenly more dogs than birds , the dogs do not begin to fly.

Men will still ask.

Women will still flaunt it to get the come on.

And I'll still get lots of messages.

Oh, so women flaunt it on here to get the come on? Isn't the 'come on' considered harrassment by some here?

No.

Harrassment is pursuance.

Come on is trying to get pursuance.

I didn't say 'women on here' if you are going to quote, quote right."

But we were talking about 'on here' surely

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no......

I mean if it was the other way round it wouldn't be the men asking so chances are you wouldn't get the chance to say no

If there were suddenly more dogs than birds , the dogs do not begin to fly.

Men will still ask.

Women will still flaunt it to get the come on.

And I'll still get lots of messages.

Oh, so women flaunt it on here to get the come on? Isn't the 'come on' considered harrassment by some here?

No.

Harrassment is pursuance.

Come on is trying to get pursuance.

I didn't say 'women on here' if you are going to quote, quote right.

But we were talking about 'on here' surely"

Don't call me Shirley.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"Can anyone smell sardines following the trawler ?

Is there any tuna? I've nothing in for lunch.

Only tinned steaks in oil..... I don't do the brine stuff.

I only buy tinned tuna in spring water. I don't do the oil or the brine stuff."

You do know it's basic agua de la tap .. right ?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think a lot comes to down to what is said, how it is said and in what context.

Think of Joey's, 'How are YOU?' to a regular, 'how are you?'

I thought it was more how ARrrrrrE youuuuuuuuu

It's " How you doin' ?" with a leery facial expression

Well here's a true injustice for you.

Ugly bloke says 'How you doin'.... it's sexual harrassment.

Joey says 'How you doin?' he's a lovely freindly bloke who can walk with you where ever you are off to. "

Joey apparently has the ability to make women's bras pop undone. Personally,he does nothing for me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no......

I mean if it was the other way round it wouldn't be the men asking so chances are you wouldn't get the chance to say no

If there were suddenly more dogs than birds , the dogs do not begin to fly.

Men will still ask.

Women will still flaunt it to get the come on.

And I'll still get lots of messages.

Oh, so women flaunt it on here to get the come on? Isn't the 'come on' considered harrassment by some here?

No.

Harrassment is pursuance.

Come on is trying to get pursuance.

I didn't say 'women on here' if you are going to quote, quote right.

But we were talking about 'on here' surely"

And so if women are trying to get pursuance then from your definition they are trying to get harrassment

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Can anyone smell sardines following the trawler ?

Is there any tuna? I've nothing in for lunch.

Only tinned steaks in oil..... I don't do the brine stuff.

I only buy tinned tuna in spring water. I don't do the oil or the brine stuff.

You do know it's basic agua de la tap .. right ?"

I strain it off first so it doesn't matter to me. I prefer it in water rather than oil or brine, that's all.

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

"I wonder how things on here would be if women outnumbered the men by about 100-1?

No would still be the general response.

Why, you think you'd ever get a message?

I answered your question legitimately.

I don't get your response.

The general response from women to men here is no ..... if there were 99 women to every man the response would still be no......

I mean if it was the other way round it wouldn't be the men asking so chances are you wouldn't get the chance to say no

If there were suddenly more dogs than birds , the dogs do not begin to fly.

Men will still ask.

Women will still flaunt it to get the come on.

And I'll still get lots of messages.

Oh, so women flaunt it on here to get the come on? Isn't the 'come on' considered harrassment by some here?

No.

Harrassment is pursuance.

Come on is trying to get pursuance.

I didn't say 'women on here' if you are going to quote, quote right.

But we were talking about 'on here' surely

And so if women are trying to get pursuance then from your definition they are trying to get harrassment"

You are really quite sweet.

Read what I put and stop changing all the letters around before trying to say I said what you are saying.

I said ...... Come on is an attempt to get pursuance.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The video was out 2 days ago and I agree it wasn't nice of some of the men there, but mainly there was good comments

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By *ranny-CrumpetWoman over a year ago

The Town by The Cross

Shit I did say that.

Ignore what I said and pretend I said what I said I didn't say.

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"The video was out 2 days ago and I agree it wasn't nice of some of the men there, but mainly there was good comments

Are good comments still good if they are unwanted and make someone feel uncomfortable?

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By *ee VianteWoman over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

"Shit I did say that.

Ignore what I said and pretend I said what I said I didn't say."

You missed an "unwanted" but everyone knows what you mean.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So is this right - should she be grateful or is it harassment?

Reminds me of the behaviour of some of the men's attitude to new women on here. Should they be grateful to get bombarded with compliments and messages? Life immitating FAB?"
...Unwanted attention is not wanted attention

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Shit I did say that.

Ignore what I said and pretend I said what I said I didn't say."

Whatever you say Shirl

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Ok, so im at a club with the other half, I see an attractive lady and say "Hello, by the way you look great, what a stunning outfit"or something similar does this mean sexual harassment ? (Mr)

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