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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
My profile says I can't accommodate. That's more I won't accommodate because I am concerned about my safety and I value my privacy.
However, for people I know, some people I trust or some that have met people I know and have been 'vouched' for, I would be willing to accommodate.
But, how to get this across?
It's well known many don't read profiles fully, or at all, so if I say I can accommodate but explain in my profile that I'll only do so for certain people it's unlikely to work.
But people I may be willing to accommodate may not read my profile or consider messaging me because I say I can't accommodate. This is particularly relevant with people who may be willing to travel if I would accommodate.
Ok, so those very interested would hopefully read my entire profile or be willing to try to work something else out. I can see it could put of some with whom there would be mutual interest.
So, how do I best address this? How do the rest of you who might accommodate deal with it? |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
We have ours listed as 'can accommodate'.
In the whole time we've had the profile one person (a friend) has stayed over once when we went to a club one night.
We put more detail in the text but if people don't read that it's their problem, not ours.
We'd gladly accommodate friends - assuming we had a child free house. But that's as rare as a total eclipse so not something that happens regularly.
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To be honest I don't think people pay that much attention to it. It's when it translates to a different message (i.e. married) that it might put people off.
A short line at the top of your profile to explain your accom status would probably suffice.
Hotel usage is common on the swinging scene so people are used to making alternative arrangements. |
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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I will accommodate for the right person, in the right circumstances and I won't justify when I don't. End of."
But how do you indicate this to others? There's no option for might accommodate, only can or can't. I've found setting my profile to can accommodate means others automatically assume it means will accommodate.
The subsequent clarification is a pain and usually results in the other person saying if I can't accommodate and won't do outdoor meets, they aren't interested. No loss to me but a waste of tine to have to keep doing. |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I've always thought you very accommodating 
As View says, I think he's hit the nail on the head. Any stranger who says, 'But I'm worth it.' would be classed as deselecting themselves. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just say can accommodate at my discretion only.
Don't have to go into the ins and outs of what instances you would accommodate cos like you say hardly anyone really reads profiles. |
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I would put it as not accommodate with a note in your profile to say you will on rare occasions with trusted friends. If they can't read your profile properly they probably don't deserve to be accomadated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't really see the problem, can is not the same as will, and it gives another filtering technique to those early messages.
After all you can suck the cock of any man who asks, doesn't mean you will though   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People, it's not about explaining why I won't. I don't feel any need to do that.
It's about how best to communicate I might but won't necessarily."
I know exactly where you're coming from VV. I've had the same dilemma a few times. I have that I can accommodate but I explain to the few men that I meet that I'll only do that when I'm comfortable and if it's convenient. I live in a very small village where its easier to have visitors in the dark evenings of winter than it is in the light nights of summer |
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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"If someone really wanted to travel to meet you, would it make a difference if you could accommodate or not, surely you could just go to a hotel? "
That depends on whether I can afford to offer to pay half. I'd never expect anyone to travel and pay for the hotel. Great if they offer, but I wouldn't expect it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I will accommodate for the right person, in the right circumstances and I won't justify when I don't. End of.
But how do you indicate this to others? There's no option for might accommodate, only can or can't. I've found setting my profile to can accommodate means others automatically assume it means will accommodate.
The subsequent clarification is a pain and usually results in the other person saying if I can't accommodate and won't do outdoor meets, they aren't interested. No loss to me but a waste of tine to have to keep doing."
But if they are arsey about it would you want to meet them? It's a great filter. If they are disrespectful about something so simple, what else will they do.
I'd put 'can accom' and just say you can't to those you won't want to have at your place. |
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By *ee Viante OP Woman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"I will accommodate for the right person, in the right circumstances and I won't justify when I don't. End of.
But how do you indicate this to others? There's no option for might accommodate, only can or can't. I've found setting my profile to can accommodate means others automatically assume it means will accommodate.
The subsequent clarification is a pain and usually results in the other person saying if I can't accommodate and won't do outdoor meets, they aren't interested. No loss to me but a waste of tine to have to keep doing.
But if they are arsey about it would you want to meet them? It's a great filter. If they are disrespectful about something so simple, what else will they do.
I'd put 'can accom' and just say you can't to those you won't want to have at your place. "
I wouldn't want to but it's an exchange I have too often. They're not necessarily arsey, they just assume can means will.
I'm wondering if there's a better way of getting this message across upfront to save people counting on me accommodating from messaging. |
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By *bi HaiveMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
"I rarely accommodate unless it's the 7 strays that stopped on Saturday or friends etc. I have a housemate who I have to take into consideration "
We're not stray!! 
We're microchipped!!  
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