FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Getting the wrong idea
Getting the wrong idea
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....? |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
I hadn't considered it before. Maybe.
I don't like and won't write or show graphic veris. What happened between me and others is our business.
I see veris as a means of showing you met and they were who they claim to be, not a re_iew system.
As if anyone would honestly show a bad veri anyway.
I think a lot of newbies already have the wrong idea of this site when they join. They don't need veris for that, although they might compound the incorrect beliefs. |
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You could be right.
A phrase often repeated is "this isn't instashag" but I frequently read how x turned up and "we couldn't keep our hands off each other so got right.down to it in the hallway" and words to that effect.
Also people write on their profile that they want to play first meet as their timeis limited.
Mixed messages if you ask me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If we got one " sucks like a Dyson,or licks for hours" it wouldnt go up, it is corny 
Most of ours are socials, or the laughs, generally how people have taken us face to face.
Her |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If we got one " sucks like a Dyson,or licks for hours" it wouldnt go up, it is corny
Most of ours are socials, or the laughs, generally how people have taken us face to face.
Her"
How dare you say my veri's are corny. 
I had a moronic comment about one - they thought it was a real veri. 
But it made me wonder. Hence the OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?"
I'm not sure what you mean by getting the wrong idea about the site? Some people do use the site like a sex menu. Is that wrong? Or just different to how you use it? We are constantly being told on the forums that we all use the site for different purposes so what makes one way of using it right and the other wrong? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we got one " sucks like a Dyson,or licks for hours" it wouldnt go up, it is corny
Most of ours are socials, or the laughs, generally how people have taken us face to face.
Her
How dare you say my veri's are corny.
I had a moronic comment about one - they thought it was a real veri.
But it made me wonder. Hence the OP."
Take no notice, i dont
Her |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
I'm not sure what you mean by getting the wrong idea about the site? Some people do use the site like a sex menu. Is that wrong? Or just different to how you use it? We are constantly being told on the forums that we all use the site for different purposes so what makes one way of using it right and the other wrong?"
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"aren't swingers sexual athletes and the non swingers vanilla......"
That makes me neither a swinger nor a non-swinger which is impossible. I've just disappeared through some kind of quantum effect as a result.
Someone please send Funky or 'vic to rescue me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not all noobs are that naive. It's down to the individual I think. I knew when I was new that one person's experience is unlikely to be the same as mine |
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
I'm not sure what you mean by getting the wrong idea about the site? Some people do use the site like a sex menu. Is that wrong? Or just different to how you use it? We are constantly being told on the forums that we all use the site for different purposes so what makes one way of using it right and the other wrong?"
People, well single men who ask why they can't get a meet are told not to expect instant sex, that women won't just dish it out.....but lo! here are verifications saying they do! I think that's the implication in the op. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Veris are important it's how a choose who to meet, it's when they are lies it bothers me, I had a veri, and he described this whole thing that never happened, in short, he wasn't the 8" he had promised and got nervous and couldn't perform, when he asked why I hadn't put it up, I explained it's because it never happened, and left his veri simply to say he will turn up if he says he will and is a nice guy |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
I'm not sure what you mean by getting the wrong idea about the site? Some people do use the site like a sex menu. Is that wrong? Or just different to how you use it? We are constantly being told on the forums that we all use the site for different purposes so what makes one way of using it right and the other wrong?
People, well single men who ask why they can't get a meet are told not to expect instant sex, that women won't just dish it out.....but lo! here are verifications saying they do! I think that's the implication in the op."
Technically that's true though, in part. Nobody should expect instant sex. That's not to say some aren't willing to do it and that some won't get it. It shouldn't be expected though.
To me that seems like common sense but then perhaps that's because I'm seeing it from a female point of _iew.
I can see how graphic veris could be misleading though. Still, even so, should that not incline men to expect instant sex from women with such veris rather than from every woman here? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
I'm not sure what you mean by getting the wrong idea about the site? Some people do use the site like a sex menu. Is that wrong? Or just different to how you use it? We are constantly being told on the forums that we all use the site for different purposes so what makes one way of using it right and the other wrong?
People, well single men who ask why they can't get a meet are told not to expect instant sex, that women won't just dish it out.....but lo! here are verifications saying they do! I think that's the implication in the op."
Maybe that is because some do? |
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I've removed a lot of my veris and just kept a few recent ones. I think the main thing a newbie is thinking when they read other peoples profiles and veris is 'how do I get a meet and a veri?' rather than glooming about the content. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"You could be right.
A phrase often repeated is "this isn't instashag" but I frequently read how x turned up and "we couldn't keep our hands off each other so got right.down to it in the hallway" and words to that effect.
Also people write on their profile that they want to play first meet as their timeis limited.
Mixed messages if you ask me."
Playing on the first meet doesn't always mean it is an instashag , as in they asked for a shag and you said yes come on over.
It might mean that they have done all the talking they need and if they meet and get on in real life then the play happens |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?"
But isn't that what people are here for? picking someone they would like to have sex with and seeing if you both get on? |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
People, well single men who ask why they can't get a meet are told not to expect instant sex, that women won't just dish it out.....but lo! here are verifications saying they do! I think that's the implication in the op."
That just means that the advice given by the forum is not gospel.
I think people who use the forum should realise that not everyone uses the site the same way as them |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Doesn't swinging involve a degree of objectification anyway? "
No, I don't think it needs to.
I don't consider any of the men I chat to or meet as objects to fill a need. They're individual people I am attracted to with whom I hope to spend some mutually enjoyable time. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"
People, well single men who ask why they can't get a meet are told not to expect instant sex, that women won't just dish it out.....but lo! here are verifications saying they do! I think that's the implication in the op.
That just means that the advice given by the forum is not gospel.
I think people who use the forum should realise that not everyone uses the site the same way as them "
I think advising anyone not to expect instant sex is perfectly valid. They may get it but nobody should expect it.
Expectations, be that sex or replies to messages or anything else, leads to disappointment on here and is an underlying issue in a lot of the moans and complaints. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
But isn't that what people are here for? picking someone they would like to have sex with and seeing if you both get on?"
Sarah x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
But isn't that what people are here for? picking someone they would like to have sex with and seeing if you both get on?"
Yes. But I was thinking of a specific type of disrespectful people in my OP. It was only a question. People can use the site however they wish. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Doesn't swinging involve a degree of objectification anyway?
No, I don't think it needs to.
I don't consider any of the men I chat to or meet as objects to fill a need. They're individual people I am attracted to with whom I hope to spend some mutually enjoyable time."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
I'm not sure what you mean by getting the wrong idea about the site? Some people do use the site like a sex menu. Is that wrong? Or just different to how you use it? We are constantly being told on the forums that we all use the site for different purposes so what makes one way of using it right and the other wrong?"
|
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?"
I think veris are frequently used to give people the wrong idea about all sorts of things - either to 'big up' the writer, to enter into a pissing contest with other veris, or to court favour with the recipient, sometimes by 'selling' them like some cheap advertising pitch. Nauseating.
I was naive enough to be taken in a couple of times when I came here, especially with veris by someone I 'knew', because I am so straight in my own approach, I tend to take things at face value.
And yes, some veris do read like a sex experience shopping list, I am sure the people who display dozens of graphic veris will be objectified in that way - others in other ways too I would guess.
Nsa sex is prone to being de-personalised of it's nature. Objectification is treating someone 'without regard to their dignity' according to wiki, good phrase. I reckon that happens a lot on here, bottom we are all here to meet our own needs/wants, and that is not an altruistic starting point.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
I think veris are frequently used to give people the wrong idea about all sorts of things - either to 'big up' the writer, to enter into a pissing contest with other veris, or to court favour with the recipient, sometimes by 'selling' them like some cheap advertising pitch. Nauseating.
I was naive enough to be taken in a couple of times when I came here, especially with veris by someone I 'knew', because I am so straight in my own approach, I tend to take things at face value.
And yes, some veris do read like a sex experience shopping list, I am sure the people who display dozens of graphic veris will be objectified in that way - others in other ways too I would guess.
Nsa sex is prone to being de-personalised of it's nature. Objectification is treating someone 'without regard to their dignity' according to wiki, good phrase. I reckon that happens a lot on here, bottom we are all here to meet our own needs/wants, and that is not an altruistic starting point.
"
You're definitely right on the pissing contest part. A lot are ultimately a way of the leaver of the veri using it as a boast about themselves - look how amazing and hot and what incredible sexual prowess this person has, so imagine how wonderful I must be to have pulled them.
All have to be taken with a very large pinch of salt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If we got one " sucks like a Dyson,or licks for hours" it wouldnt go up, it is corny
Most of ours are socials, or the laughs, generally how people have taken us face to face.
Her"
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
People, well single men who ask why they can't get a meet are told not to expect instant sex, that women won't just dish it out.....but lo! here are verifications saying they do! I think that's the implication in the op.
That just means that the advice given by the forum is not gospel.
I think people who use the forum should realise that not everyone uses the site the same way as them
I think advising anyone not to expect instant sex is perfectly valid. They may get it but nobody should expect it.
."
To you yes...to others who use the site differently might have different advice.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
But isn't that what people are here for? picking someone they would like to have sex with and seeing if you both get on?
Yes. But I was thinking of a specific type of disrespectful people in my OP. It was only a question. People can use the site however they wish. "
Why are people disrespectful if they want something different than you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My personal dislike when reading veri's is the phrase "Treat them/her well"
Cause obviously until I read this, I considered treating them/her appallingly............
"Don't pass him by ladies" is another I'm not keen on. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"
People, well single men who ask why they can't get a meet are told not to expect instant sex, that women won't just dish it out.....but lo! here are verifications saying they do! I think that's the implication in the op.
That just means that the advice given by the forum is not gospel.
I think people who use the forum should realise that not everyone uses the site the same way as them
I think advising anyone not to expect instant sex is perfectly valid. They may get it but nobody should expect it.
.
To you yes...to others who use the site differently might have different advice.
"
Really? You think anyone on here would advise that it's realistic to expect anything on here?
Desire? Yes. Hope for? Yes. Ask for? Yes. Expect? Recipe for disappointment.
I struggle to believe anyone would advise that anyone can expect replies/meets/sex.
Maybe it's possible but I'm having great difficulty believing it.
The best way to enjoy this place is take it as it comes, be patient and expect nothing. Most seem to either realise this or moan about their expectations not being met. |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
But isn't that what people are here for? picking someone they would like to have sex with and seeing if you both get on?
Yes. But I was thinking of a specific type of disrespectful people in my OP. It was only a question. People can use the site however they wish.
Why are people disrespectful if they want something different than you?"
Sometimes people are disrespectful even when they want the same thing I do!  |
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"My personal dislike when reading veri's is the phrase "Treat them/her well"
........."
But sometimes it's genuine - I was telling one of my regular meets how someone had been really messing with my head and he wrote something similar in a veri - but out of real concern I feel.
If I feel a veri is too cliched I won't display. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
But isn't that what people are here for? picking someone they would like to have sex with and seeing if you both get on?
Yes. But I was thinking of a specific type of disrespectful people in my OP. It was only a question. People can use the site however they wish.
Why are people disrespectful if they want something different than you?"
That's not what I said at all. I respect other people's wishes whether they are same or different to me.
I was referring to people that are disrespectful in how they treat people. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
But isn't that what people are here for? picking someone they would like to have sex with and seeing if you both get on?
Yes. But I was thinking of a specific type of disrespectful people in my OP. It was only a question. People can use the site however they wish.
Why are people disrespectful if they want something different than you?
That's not what I said at all. I respect other people's wishes whether they are same or different to me.
I was referring to people that are disrespectful in how they treat people. "
Then I am very confused now as I was going by your first post.
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
People, well single men who ask why they can't get a meet are told not to expect instant sex, that women won't just dish it out.....but lo! here are verifications saying they do! I think that's the implication in the op.
That just means that the advice given by the forum is not gospel.
I think people who use the forum should realise that not everyone uses the site the same way as them
I think advising anyone not to expect instant sex is perfectly valid. They may get it but nobody should expect it.
.
To you yes...to others who use the site differently might have different advice.
Really? You think anyone on here would advise that it's realistic to expect anything on here?
."
No, and not what I said at all.
What I did say was....some people DO meet straight away with people, people ARE different from each other and use the site a different way so may advise something other than you.
What you and others advise people to do wont suit everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had someone once who wanted to write his own verification and when I said I'm perfectly capable of writing one he went on to list things he wanted me to say and it read exactly the same as the verification from the last woman he met and not entirely accurate for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes and have you noticed how every swinger is awesome in bed and gave me the best oral ever and lasted for hours and made me cum buckets in all veris most have lol..
you will never see anyone type something like what a disappointment lol.
For me the woman don't need to have veris and as well I am not bothered by them.. I meet straight away, short notice.
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?"
As newbies both to swinging, and this site, we would say no.
We love both the veries, and peoples profiles, since they indicate who prefer to start slow, who likes what, and how far people go either on a first, or subsequent meet.
It helps us find people who we are likely to click with, and who may be happy with us.
If anything they demonstrate the wide variety of people in this lifestyle, which in turn makes us feel more comfortable dipping our toes in (or occasionally jumping in with both feet!)
It is also fun, once you spot a fake profile, chasing down the threads of verifications to flag up other suspect profiles (like the one who had a meet with someone who, at the same time, was verifying four other people on cam - talk about multi-tasking!)
But yes, we would never display an explicit veri, but that's just our personal preference. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had someone once who wanted to write his own verification and when I said I'm perfectly capable of writing one he went on to list things he wanted me to say and it read exactly the same as the verification from the last woman he met and not entirely accurate for me "
lol that's awesome |
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"I had someone once who wanted to write his own verification and when I said I'm perfectly capable of writing one he went on to list things he wanted me to say and it read exactly the same as the verification from the last woman he met and not entirely accurate for me lol that's awesome "
Though obviously not this one, the one above it!
I can see the speed of this site getting me into all sorts of scrapes
 
Mr ddc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?"
It can be good and bad. It's good for recommendation purpose. But then again youll get those who think those people will fuck everyone and I'm sure they get bombarded with messages.
Personally I'll say tell those you meet or fuck, to tone down the details in their comments. A simple " met so so and so today and she was easy to talk and funny and whatever and I'd love to meet her again" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Do you think verifications give newbies the wrong idea about swinging/ this site?
All the 'I highly recommend this person', 'best ever cock sucker', type phrases. And graphic minute by minute descriptions of what happened during the meet.
Does it reduce people to objects and make it seem like some sort of sex menu? Pick the one you want....?
But isn't that what people are here for? picking someone they would like to have sex with and seeing if you both get on?
Yes. But I was thinking of a specific type of disrespectful people in my OP. It was only a question. People can use the site however they wish.
Why are people disrespectful if they want something different than you?
That's not what I said at all. I respect other people's wishes whether they are same or different to me.
I was referring to people that are disrespectful in how they treat people.
Then I am very confused now as I was going by your first post.
"
Apologies. I'm confused now.
I was referring to newbies that mail 'fancy a fuck' type messages. The types that assume we are all free prostitutes. That they are doing us a favour because we are all so desperate for sex we will meet straight away for a fuck.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with people that do meet after just one mail or use the site as a sexual fantasy menu.
I mean there's a difference between people that do it respectfully and those that are disrespectful.
My OP was a question. I'm certainly not saying people shouldn't have explicit veri's. I was just asking if people thought it gave the wrong impression of the site as a whole. |
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Have to say I'm one that doesn't go by veri's at all. I'd like to think from conversation via messages I can work out whether we click or not and that the other person isn't a complete fruit loop (I know this is however quite tricky when simply looking through a monitor). A simple cam to cam will verify I am who I say I am and they are who they say they are, job done. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"
Apologies. I'm confused now.
I was referring to newbies that mail 'fancy a fuck' type messages. The types that assume we are all free prostitutes. That they are doing us a favour because we are all so desperate for sex we will meet straight away for a fuck.
I'm not saying there's anything wrong with people that do meet after just one mail or use the site as a sexual fantasy menu.
I mean there's a difference between people that do it respectfully and those that are disrespectful.
My OP was a question. I'm certainly not saying people shouldn't have explicit veri's. I was just asking if people thought it gave the wrong impression of the site as a whole. "
I did think you meant contact made by others to you but didn't want to read into your OP.
I am not really getting how people having explicit veri's is connected to mails asking for a fuck though so as I don't see how anyone else can be blamed for people getting unwanted mails.... then I don't think people having explicit veri's give the "wrong" impression.
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