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Derogatory comments
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By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago
harrow |
Last night night after work a few of the team went for a drink. We started getting on the topic of gay, and lesbians and then I was shocked for someone that said if I saw to guys kissing I would feel dirty and walk up the train to get away from them, also they said all lesbian must be butch.
There were quotes that was like 20 years out of date, like all gay men are promiscuous, and they just want to fuck on the first night. I sat there not knowing what to say, then someone said would you watch 2 guys have sex or 2 women have sex, and how do gays have sex....
I am a heterosexual guy but being in the scene I have lots of gay, bi, lesbian, and transgender friends I was livid. I could not believe what people were saying. Maybe it was a cultural thing,but I am still pissed of today and embarrassed  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
You can't educate people by staying schtum. However there is a time and a place and a d*unken night out probably isn't the time or place.
People are threatened by what they don't know. I am not saying that people should all be one heap of gays shagging everyone, but someone with an extreme reaction to people of different sexuality definitely has a problem. Also peer pressure has a lot to answer for (which is probably why you didn't pipe up at the time).
Just see what you can do about the more reasonable among your friends, and start moving away from the more homophobic. You can choose your friends so why choose people who upset you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I come across it as well. It always astounds me and I find it very difficult not to say anything. But I usually do say something unless I'm at work. I suppose it's the way they were raised. At school very young children are doing it and they could have only got that from their parents. One of my children is bi and there was no big coming out or anything. It was just dropped into conversation like it was an everyday thing (which it is). Which is how it should be. My children were raised to be accepting of everyone. Others should do the same. Then we wouldn't have this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Last night night after work a few of the team went for a drink. We started getting on the topic of gay, and lesbians and then I was shocked for someone that said if I saw to guys kissing I would feel dirty and walk up the train to get away from them, also they said all lesbian must be butch.
There were quotes that was like 20 years out of date, like all gay men are promiscuous, and they just want to fuck on the first night. I sat there not knowing what to say, then someone said would you watch 2 guys have sex or 2 women have sex, and how do gays have sex....
I am a heterosexual guy but being in the scene I have lots of gay, bi, lesbian, and transgender friends I was livid. I could not believe what people were saying. Maybe it was a cultural thing,but I am still pissed of today and embarrassed "
Bloke's banter??
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's ingrained in us from childhood. My grandchildren say things they have obviously heard from other children. We try to talk it over with them without going into too much detail |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I noticed some peoples attitudes towards gay men changed when everyone first heard about HIV in the 80s.
not everyone has to like them though."
Really? So before HIV there was no homophobia? |
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By *ikeC81 OP Man
over a year ago
harrow |
"Last night night after work a few of the team went for a drink. We started getting on the topic of gay, and lesbians and then I was shocked for someone that said if I saw to guys kissing I would feel dirty and walk up the train to get away from them, also they said all lesbian must be butch.
There were quotes that was like 20 years out of date, like all gay men are promiscuous, and they just want to fuck on the first night. I sat there not knowing what to say, then someone said would you watch 2 guys have sex or 2 women have sex, and how do gays have sex....
I am a heterosexual guy but being in the scene I have lots of gay, bi, lesbian, and transgender friends I was livid. I could not believe what people were saying. Maybe it was a cultural thing,but I am still pissed of today and embarrassed
Bloke's banter??
"
A woman was there as well |
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I'm often surprised by attitudes to lots of aspects of sexuality even on here. Society and religion has made such a good job of making us believe that any sexual pleasure derived from anything but straight sex between a man and woman who are married to each other is wrong that I doubt we'll ever shake it off. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"It was a work enviroment and I was shocked at how living in the past some of the coments were Christ knows if I admited I was a swinger and what would be said......
"
There's a lot of hypocrisy, even in the swinging world. A bi woman is fantasy material and greatly desired, whereas a bi bloke is only after the blokes arse and is to be shunned by most. Just hang around the forums for a while.
Don't despair too much - some of it was probably hyperbole to make them look good in the eyes of their workmates. For all you know they try on their wives' underwear at home.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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sometimes I think people are too over sensitive though, my sister and law made a remark about a man because he had long hair and wasn't interested in girls and I assumed she was homophobic until I found out after that she had a gay friend. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I noticed some peoples attitudes towards gay men changed when everyone first heard about HIV in the 80s.
not everyone has to like them though.
Really? So before HIV there was no homophobia?"
Obviously there was, im just commenting on what I noticed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I was you don't get angry, but go down the educational route. Build an argument that'd counter these individual _iews and try and give them a different perspective.
I have to do it with work and down my local rugby club. Blokes being blokes you'd think it'd be hard to change _iews. You'll never change personal opinions set in stone but you can change the way people look at certain things.
I don't know mate, I don't have the answers. Just be constructive when combating this. |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"It was a work enviroment and I was shocked at how living in the past some of the coments were Christ knows if I admited I was a swinger and what would be said......
"
You'd probably be asked if you've had two women at once and then you'd be king of the hill and the subject of all things naughty.
Homophobia is alive and well and increasing when you consider that calling someone gay is used as an insult.
Are you angry that you didn't realise this about your work mates or that you didn't say anything? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"sometimes I think people are too over sensitive though, my sister and law made a remark about a man because he had long hair and wasn't interested in girls and I assumed she was homophobic until I found out after that she had a gay friend."
Knowing one gay person doesn't make someone less homophobic. In fact, it's become a cliché: 'I can't be homophobic, I have gay friends'. 'I can't be racist - I know black people'. Unfortunately, yes they can. They just hide it when they have to.*
* Not saying that's the case with your sister btw, but its not a 'get out' these days. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"It was a work enviroment and I was shocked at how living in the past some of the coments were Christ knows if I admited I was a swinger and what would be said......
There's a lot of hypocrisy, even in the swinging world. A bi woman is fantasy material and greatly desired, whereas a bi bloke is only after the blokes arse and is to be shunned by most. Just hang around the forums for a while.
)"
To be fair it is normally the bi people on the defensive who "assume" all straight people are scared of bi men incase they jump their men rather than the straight people saying it.  |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"It was a work enviroment and I was shocked at how living in the past some of the coments were Christ knows if I admited I was a swinger and what would be said......
There's a lot of hypocrisy, even in the swinging world. A bi woman is fantasy material and greatly desired, whereas a bi bloke is only after the blokes arse and is to be shunned by most. Just hang around the forums for a while.
)
To be fair it is normally the bi people on the defensive who "assume" all straight people are scared of bi men incase they jump their men rather than the straight people saying it. "
True, but I've seen some posts about bi men being more sexually dangerous posted by straight people. There's one running on the forums currently. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"sometimes I think people are too over sensitive though, my sister and law made a remark about a man because he had long hair and wasn't interested in girls and I assumed she was homophobic until I found out after that she had a gay friend.
Knowing one gay person doesn't make someone less homophobic. In fact, it's become a cliché: 'I can't be homophobic, I have gay friends'. 'I can't be racist - I know black people'. Unfortunately, yes they can. They just hide it when they have to.*
* Not saying that's the case with your sister btw, but its not a 'get out' these days."
well she showed me a letter he had sent to her which she had kept for years.
why would she keep it if she wasn't fond of him? |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"sometimes I think people are too over sensitive though, my sister and law made a remark about a man because he had long hair and wasn't interested in girls and I assumed she was homophobic until I found out after that she had a gay friend.
Knowing one gay person doesn't make someone less homophobic. In fact, it's become a cliché: 'I can't be homophobic, I have gay friends'. 'I can't be racist - I know black people'. Unfortunately, yes they can. They just hide it when they have to.*
* Not saying that's the case with your sister btw, but its not a 'get out' these days.
well she showed me a letter he had sent to her which she had kept for years.
why would she keep it if she wasn't fond of him?"
Being fond of one gay person doesn't mean that someone is fond of all of them. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"It was a work enviroment and I was shocked at how living in the past some of the coments were Christ knows if I admited I was a swinger and what would be said......
There's a lot of hypocrisy, even in the swinging world. A bi woman is fantasy material and greatly desired, whereas a bi bloke is only after the blokes arse and is to be shunned by most. Just hang around the forums for a while.
)
To be fair it is normally the bi people on the defensive who "assume" all straight people are scared of bi men incase they jump their men rather than the straight people saying it.
True, but I've seen some posts about bi men being more sexually dangerous posted by straight people. There's one running on the forums currently."
I am not sure how they are linked unless of course more assuming is going on. |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"sometimes I think people are too over sensitive though, my sister and law made a remark about a man because he had long hair and wasn't interested in girls and I assumed she was homophobic until I found out after that she had a gay friend.
Knowing one gay person doesn't make someone less homophobic. In fact, it's become a cliché: 'I can't be homophobic, I have gay friends'. 'I can't be racist - I know black people'. Unfortunately, yes they can. They just hide it when they have to.*
* Not saying that's the case with your sister btw, but its not a 'get out' these days."
A very good point and one which people have sometimes used to hide their true feelings. Just as not knowing any gay or black person doesn't make one homophobic or racist either
When people are derogatory against other people based on some characteristic, then depending on the circumstances, if one does not stand up and be counted, one way or the other, then one is being a coward. Now that, in my book, is worse than being homophobic or racist |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Last night night after work a few of the team went for a drink. We started getting on the topic of gay, and lesbians and then I was shocked for someone that said if I saw to guys kissing I would feel dirty and walk up the train to get away from them, also they said all lesbian must be butch.
There were quotes that was like 20 years out of date, like all gay men are promiscuous, and they just want to fuck on the first night. I sat there not knowing what to say, then someone said would you watch 2 guys have sex or 2 women have sex, and how do gays have sex....
I am a heterosexual guy but being in the scene I have lots of gay, bi, lesbian, and transgender friends I was livid. I could not believe what people were saying. Maybe it was a cultural thing,but I am still pissed of today and embarrassed "
I am sure there would be a lot of men who would not like to be sat next to 2 guys snogging . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So a question...if I s,id two women or two men having sex together does nothing for me that would be homophobic?"
The sight of 2 blokes kissing. and I've seen plenty of it, makes me feel a bit sick. Does that make me homophobic? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So a question...if I s,id two women or two men having sex together does nothing for me that would be homophobic?
The sight of 2 blokes kissing. and I've seen plenty of it, makes me feel a bit sick. Does that make me homophobic?"
Depends on how it makes you feel about homosexuals or how it makes you react. If you hold contempt for them kissing because they're homosexual and you disagree with that, yes. If you just don't want to see it but are happy to live and let live, no. For example, I don't like seeing any type of couple kiss in the street but I wouldn't refuse them the right. |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
"So a question...if I s,id two women or two men having sex together does nothing for me that would be homophobic?
The sight of 2 blokes kissing. and I've seen plenty of it, makes me feel a bit sick. Does that make me homophobic?"
Dunno, do you want to set them on fire? As said above, any PDA makes me uncomfortable. However two blokes kissing, with me in the middle, in a club would be awesome! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So a question...if I s,id two women or two men having sex together does nothing for me that would be homophobic?
The sight of 2 blokes kissing. and I've seen plenty of it, makes me feel a bit sick. Does that make me homophobic?"
In my _iew. No. I can't stand the thought of anal, makes me feel ill, but I'm perfectly fine with other people doing it. Just not with me, thank you.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The great Morgan Freeman said 'homophobia isn't a thing, you're not afraid you're just a dick!'
In order for attitudes to endure then they simply have to go unchallenged. However in a work environment with colleagues rather than friends its easier said than done. If I hear things like that being said in my environment I swiftly distance myself from the comment and the person and make sure I'm not around for another one if they chose to continue |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So a question...if I s,id two women or two men having sex together does nothing for me that would be homophobic?
The sight of 2 blokes kissing. and I've seen plenty of it, makes me feel a bit sick. Does that make me homophobic?"
no not wanting to be part of gay sex, even _iewing does not make you homophobic, so long as you quietly walk away, if you shout derogatory comments and/of punch one then yes you are |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So a question...if I s,id two women or two men having sex together does nothing for me that would be homophobic?
The sight of 2 blokes kissing. and I've seen plenty of it, makes me feel a bit sick. Does that make me homophobic?
Depends on how it makes you feel about homosexuals or how it makes you react. If you hold contempt for them kissing because they're homosexual and you disagree with that, yes. If you just don't want to see it but are happy to live and let live, no. For example, I don't like seeing any type of couple kiss in the street but I wouldn't refuse them the right. "
So are you homophobic, heterophobic or just kissophobic?
I don't feel anything towards them either way and dont mind what they do, I have many gay friends having lived abroad in a 'gay village' for a few years and a loved member of my family is gay. I'm just saying how the sight of 2 blokes kissing makes me feel. I don't know why |
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"Last night night after work a few of the team went for a drink. We started getting on the topic of gay, and lesbians and then I was shocked for someone that said if I saw to guys kissing I would feel dirty and walk up the train to get away from them, also they said all lesbian must be butch.
There were quotes that was like 20 years out of date, like all gay men are promiscuous, and they just want to fuck on the first night. I sat there not knowing what to say, then someone said would you watch 2 guys have sex or 2 women have sex, and how do gays have sex....
I am a heterosexual guy but being in the scene I have lots of gay, bi, lesbian, and transgender friends I was livid. I could not believe what people were saying. Maybe it was a cultural thing,but I am still pissed of today and embarrassed "
a bit of a strange conversation if that's how it took place, sounds like questions from a few decades ago not now in this porn drenched easily accessible world we live in..
have they all lived sheltered lives..? |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"
I don't feel anything towards them either way and dont mind what they do, I have many gay friends having lived abroad in a 'gay village' for a few years and a loved member of my family is gay. I'm just saying how the sight of 2 blokes kissing makes me feel. I don't know why"
Close your eyes; but don't keeping walking at the same otherwise you might fall into a manhole 
But in all seriousness, just as a previous poster, I do not like watching any combination of people kissing in the street. So I just don't watch |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So a question...if I s,id two women or two men having sex together does nothing for me that would be homophobic?
The sight of 2 blokes kissing. and I've seen plenty of it, makes me feel a bit sick. Does that make me homophobic?
Depends on how it makes you feel about homosexuals or how it makes you react. If you hold contempt for them kissing because they're homosexual and you disagree with that, yes. If you just don't want to see it but are happy to live and let live, no. For example, I don't like seeing any type of couple kiss in the street but I wouldn't refuse them the right.
So are you homophobic, heterophobic or just kissophobic?
I don't feel anything towards them either way and dont mind what they do, I have many gay friends having lived abroad in a 'gay village' for a few years and a loved member of my family is gay. I'm just saying how the sight of 2 blokes kissing makes me feel. I don't know why"
I just really don't like signs of affection in public. I think I'm possibly just jealous.
It's okay to find things a turn off, as long as you don't try and restrict someone's freedom as a result. I'd never tell someone to stop just cos I don't want to see it, I also don't think it's wrong or have feelings of antipathy towards them as a result. There's the difference. |
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By *exine xCouple
over a year ago
Leicester |
Unfortunately there will always be prejudice. That's why the world is in the mess that it is.
I do honestly think that gay lesbian and bisexual people do receive more acceptance from society, however, there will always be those who are what we call narrow minded.
It even happens on this site.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like to think I'm a very liberal minded guy, and genuinely believe that, whatever gets people through their lives, provided everyone is happy with the situation, is cool. But, I still get uncomfortable when two men, or women for that matter, are kissing in public.
And yet, if you ask me if I want to make it with 2 women, and be party to them kissing, licking and fucking each other, it's a big emphatic YES. How fucked up is that.
As my profile states, haven't dismissed homosexuality out of hand, but I'm still uncomfortable when confronted with it in public. I do think it's a cultural thing and I do think it's good that younger people have not grown up surrounded by the ignorance and prejudice that some of us older guys did.
Eventually, most if not all prejudice will be bred out of society, and that can only be a good thing. In the meantime, let's cut each other some slack, I'm most definitely not homophobic, but I grew up feeling like I should be for a long time, and that sometimes creates internal conflict.
Sorry all, needed to say that out loud I think ! |
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By *osieWoman
over a year ago
Wembley |
"... But, I still get uncomfortable when two men, or women for that matter, are kissing in public.
And yet, if you ask me if I want to make it with 2 women, and be party to them kissing, licking and fucking each other, it's a big emphatic YES. How fucked up is that."
Very
But very wide-spread too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have to respect both _iews.
You have to respect people not going to accept gay relationship as its not logical.
You have to respect people can't help who they fall in love with and the emotions they have towards their own gender.
We are all human being and we are not perfect |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not everyone has to be accepting of gays, lesbians etc.
If you have a straight guy who isn't understanding of gays then of course with a group of like minded people they will be derogatory towards it.
I personally don't like too see two men or two women kissing in public, I'm bisexual but would never show In public.
Right or wrong as I'm sure plenty will tell me I'm wrong and homophobic, it's just one them things in life - some do some don't! |
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"sometimes I think people are too over sensitive though, my sister and law made a remark about a man because he had long hair and wasn't interested in girls and I assumed she was homophobic until I found out after that she had a gay friend.
Knowing one gay person doesn't make someone less homophobic. In fact, it's become a cliché: 'I can't be homophobic, I have gay friends'. 'I can't be racist - I know black people'. Unfortunately, yes they can. They just hide it when they have to.*
* Not saying that's the case with your sister btw, but its not a 'get out' these days.
A very good point and one which people have sometimes used to hide their true feelings. Just as not knowing any gay or black person doesn't make one homophobic or racist either
When people are derogatory against other people based on some characteristic, then depending on the circumstances, if one does not stand up and be counted, one way or the other, then one is being a coward. Now that, in my book, is worse than being homophobic or racist"
on the flip of the coin... If you stand up , have an opinion and do say something... You are then classed as a pc do gooder! Thankfully I personally don't give a shit .. And will continue to stand up n be counted... With a passion! ( mrs) |
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"Last night night after work a few of the team went for a drink. We started getting on the topic of gay, and lesbians and then I was shocked for someone that said if I saw to guys kissing I would feel dirty and walk up the train to get away from them, also they said all lesbian must be butch.
There were quotes that was like 20 years out of date, like all gay men are promiscuous, and they just want to fuck on the first night. I sat there not knowing what to say, then someone said would you watch 2 guys have sex or 2 women have sex, and how do gays have sex....
I am a heterosexual guy but being in the scene I have lots of gay, bi, lesbian, and transgender friends I was livid. I could not believe what people were saying. Maybe it was a cultural thing,but I am still pissed of today and embarrassed "
Think some if it is handed down from generation to generation possibly? Some still sprouting the same stuff that was being said by Great Aunt Mavis or Grandad Bert. I find those kinda people boring! Without a mind or voice of their own to re evaluate just how things have infact changed since days gone by! We can all look back and say times have changed... But realize also, change is for the good too!
Also when people are in a crowd, and such things are said, some jump on the bandwagon... Again cos they want to 'fit in' and are happy to be sheep!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You have to respect both _iews.
You have to respect people not going to accept gay relationship as its not logical.
You have to respect people can't help who they fall in love with and the emotions they have towards their own gender.
We are all human being and we are not perfect "
Well said. |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"You have to respect both _iews.
You have to respect people not going to accept gay relationship as its not logical.
You have to respect people can't help who they fall in love with and the emotions they have towards their own gender.
We are all human being and we are not perfect "
I agree |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"So a question...if I s,id two women or two men having sex together does nothing for me that would be homophobic?
The sight of 2 blokes kissing. and I've seen plenty of it, makes me feel a bit sick. Does that make me homophobic?"
Two men together or two women together doesn't make me feel sick , it just doesn't turn me on....so I suppose it depends on how you _iew the people when it makes you feel sick so only you can answer that question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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OP were you really that shocked and offended..... When a group of people get together then sometimes discussion does take on a group mentality thing, sometimes comments are exaggerated in an effort to keep in with the crowd, individually those _iews may not be held.
I hear derogatory comments made every day, I've made a few myself, all of us have if we're really honest. To use the example of what took place in the OPs situation, I would simply have said something along the lines of gay people and gay sexual practice doesnt offend me but I wouldn't like anyone kissing on a train as there's a time and place for everything. I wouldn't be offended by other comments though, I may even laugh at some, it is just banter.
However if I was in a situation whereby discrimination was evident or comments were aimed at people to intentionally hurt or offend, then I'd challenge it. One example was a diversity training environment whereby the guest speaker was a gay man. The exercise was to come up with slang words used to describe gay men. The usual poof, poofter, shirt lifter words were offered. Things took a nasty turn when two male officers began voicing more offensive words which were used to deliberately cause offence to the guest speaker. Their tone and body language was aggressive and it was clearly obvious they held homophobic _iews. I then publicly challenged this. They were in fact later disciplined after the guest speaker made a complaint.
There is a very marked difference to how _iews are expressed. I would say discussions on what goes on between gay men, lesbians, bdsm practice, etc, is commonplace. If we all felt offended by everything we heard that didn't match our own _iews, then we'd spend all our time arguing.
OP I would say that if you really were offended to the point where you are upset for days over it then challenge it the next time it happens, in an assertive but not confrontational way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP were you really that shocked and offended..... When a group of people get together then sometimes discussion does take on a group mentality thing, sometimes comments are exaggerated in an effort to keep in with the crowd, individually those _iews may not be held.
I hear derogatory comments made every day, I've made a few myself, all of us have if we're really honest. To use the example of what took place in the OPs situation, I would simply have said something along the lines of gay people and gay sexual practice doesnt offend me but I wouldn't like anyone kissing on a train as there's a time and place for everything. I wouldn't be offended by other comments though, I may even laugh at some, it is just banter.
However if I was in a situation whereby discrimination was evident or comments were aimed at people to intentionally hurt or offend, then I'd challenge it. One example was a diversity training environment whereby the guest speaker was a gay man. The exercise was to come up with slang words used to describe gay men. The usual poof, poofter, shirt lifter words were offered. Things took a nasty turn when two male officers began voicing more offensive words which were used to deliberately cause offence to the guest speaker. Their tone and body language was aggressive and it was clearly obvious they held homophobic _iews. I then publicly challenged this. They were in fact later disciplined after the guest speaker made a complaint.
There is a very marked difference to how _iews are expressed. I would say discussions on what goes on between gay men, lesbians, bdsm practice, etc, is commonplace. If we all felt offended by everything we heard that didn't match our own _iews, then we'd spend all our time arguing.
OP I would say that if you really were offended to the point where you are upset for days over it then challenge it the next time it happens, in an assertive but not confrontational way "
Great post. |
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I think the best way of tackling this sort of thing is always to turn the tables.
How would you feel if someone said to you that seeing a man and woman kiss made them feel sick?
How would you feel if you couldn't get married because other people want to deny you that right?
How would you feel if you got beat up for being straight?
How would you feel about people not wanting heterosexuality pushed in their faces?
How would you feel if you couldn't hold the hand of the person you loved without being abused on the street?
The list continues.... the UK is not as liberal a country as a lot of people seem to think. |
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