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Bad Times

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By *inkxRabbit OP   Woman  over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

My husband tonight told me to leave and take my animals with me. No reason given.

I know I've got to stand my ground: we jointly own the house, have three children and I've got as many dogs. He hates them btw.

My question is this: how can I persuade him that it really is better that we try separation, that he move out for a while just to see how we get on?

I want to have another miserable Xmas!

This is the man who hasn't touched me for 12 years, he's the reason I'm on here.

Life. I hate it at the moment. Reasons to go on?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Is he aware you are on here?

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By *inkxRabbit OP   Woman  over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

I don't think so.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

If your three children aren't reason enough, then maybe you'd be better leaving him the house and care of the children?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Same reason I am on here. I got locked out and left everything behind. So stay in the house and leave when you are ready to leave.xx

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think so. "

He may have found out I would think if he has found out it wouldn't be an unreasonable request for him to make.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Reasons to go on?

3 kids??? X

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I would put money on if it was a guy starting this thread he would get torn to bits.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I would put money on if it was a guy starting this thread he would get torn to bits. "

Make it a shag and i'll go start a new thread.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

If it gets unhealthy you have to make a decision. Kids pick up on bad vibes

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Why should he move out??

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By *inkxRabbit OP   Woman  over a year ago

Mostly in GU24

Because it would be easier for him as a single man to find accommodation. His mother needs a carer anyway. He could temp move over there. It's only a mile away.

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By *emmefataleWoman  over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Because it would be easier for him as a single man to find accommodation. His mother needs a carer anyway. He could temp move over there. It's only a mile away. "
You are shitting me, is this a wind up.

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By *anchestercubMan  over a year ago

manchester & NI

Neither of you should leave if you can't afford somewhere new to live.

The law recognises that you both have a right to live in the home that you both co-own.

Other than that I'm reluctant to say anything else because it sounds like a messy situation but if I were in your shoes I'd be trying to get into marriage counselling or mediation ASAP.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

You are the adulteress,from what you have said,other than not touching you for years n hating your dog's,he has done nothing wrong,so why should he move out

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Because it would be easier for him as a single man to find accommodation. His mother needs a carer anyway. He could temp move over there. It's only a mile away. "

Easier that's incredibly selfish of you don't you think? Is he a good parent, does he work, who supports the kids? Long gone are the days a woman his the claim on the house.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Because it would be easier for him as a single man to find accommodation. His mother needs a carer anyway. He could temp move over there. It's only a mile away. "

Grow up and take some responsibility.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Because it would be easier for him as a single man to find accommodation. His mother needs a carer anyway. He could temp move over there. It's only a mile away. "

No way would it be easier for him.

Besides, there must be thousands of hotel rooms in the Guilford/Woking areas, you just need to plan a little better.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Get legal advice.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.

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By *emmefataleWoman  over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police."

Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?"

Yes.

Exactly the same advice.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?"

Would it fuck be the same advice 1000% not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Some uncalled for comments on here. None of us know the facts. In situations like this you either need to site down and discuss and agree or get legal help. Noone on here should be judging tnis lady.x

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By *emmefataleWoman  over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Yes.

Exactly the same advice."

Bloody hell you are squiffy. So you wouldn't say anything at all about the "C " word?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Some uncalled for comments on here. None of us know the facts. In situations like this you either need to site down and discuss and agree or get legal help. Noone on here should be judging tnis lady.x"

Apart from he has just reasons we just don't know if he knows the facts or not.

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By *emmefataleWoman  over a year ago

dirtybigbadsgirlville


"Some uncalled for comments on here. None of us know the facts. In situations like this you either need to site down and discuss and agree or get legal help. Noone on here should be judging tnis lady.x"
Who is judging?

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Would it fuck be the same advice 1000% not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

It would be exactly the same advice.

Leaving joint property at this stage, or taking action to prevent access of one of the owners to the property, can have implications later.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Yes.

Exactly the same advice.Bloody hell you are squiffy. So you wouldn't say anything at all about the "C " word?"

I'd say they need to be civil for the sake of the C word but neither should leave.

They both need legal advice.

Nobody here can advise. We know nothing about either of them.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Would it fuck be the same advice 1000% not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be exactly the same advice.

Leaving joint property at this stage, or taking action to prevent access of one of the owners to the property, can have implications later."

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

stay where you are...i would assume you are the main carer for the children..especially if he can stay locally at his mothers..get legal advice..you can get a certain amount free....horrible..i feel for you...but yes, legal advice..and friends..talk to a good friend who's near..i really feel for you..had a similar situation, but without kids,so a lot simpler..good luck...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Some uncalled for comments on here. None of us know the facts. In situations like this you either need to site down and discuss and agree or get legal help. Noone on here should be judging tnis lady.x"

OK, maybe i'm amiss, maybe i should have messaged the Coventry lady in private.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Would it fuck be the same advice 1000% not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be exactly the same advice.

Leaving joint property at this stage, or taking action to prevent access of one of the owners to the property, can have implications later.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yes I would. The implications could apply to either of them.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

"Because it would be easier for him as a single man to find accommodation."

What the.....??? What era are we in now? The fifties? No Blacks, No Irish, No dogs and, apparently, no women?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Some uncalled for comments on here. None of us know the facts. In situations like this you either need to site down and discuss and agree or get legal help. Noone on here should be judging tnis lady.x

OK, maybe i'm amiss, maybe i should have messaged the Coventry lady in private. "

You put a thread up you have to expect comments. It would have been totally different if it was a guy though I am giggling at some of the biased comments though. Maybe I have based my view on reading some of the many cheating threads up up by guys in the past.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk

I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Would it fuck be the same advice 1000% not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be exactly the same advice.

Leaving joint property at this stage, or taking action to prevent access of one of the owners to the property, can have implications later.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I would. The implications could apply to either of them."

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Would it fuck be the same advice 1000% not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be exactly the same advice.

Leaving joint property at this stage, or taking action to prevent access of one of the owners to the property, can have implications later.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I would. The implications could apply to either of them.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

*sigh*

I repeat. I would tell the guy not to leave the home too and to call the police if locked out.

They both need legal advice.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


""Because it would be easier for him as a single man to find accommodation."

What the.....??? What era are we in now? The fifties? No Blacks, No Irish, No dogs and, apparently, no women?"

Who is to say who would get custody of the children it might be him and the kids may want to be with him if they could make a honest decision based on facts.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Would it fuck be the same advice 1000% not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be exactly the same advice.

Leaving joint property at this stage, or taking action to prevent access of one of the owners to the property, can have implications later.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I would. The implications could apply to either of them.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh*

I repeat. I would tell the guy not to leave the home too and to call the police if locked out.

They both need legal advice."

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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By *inkxRabbit OP   Woman  over a year ago

Mostly in GU24


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here."

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice. "

So he pays the mortgage?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice. "

Ah, i see now, your husband isn't their natural father. Otherwise he'd have joint responsibility for them too.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"Don't move out and don't change the locks to keep him out before getting legal advice.

If he tries to force you out call the police.Would you give the same advice if the OP was a man?

Would it fuck be the same advice 1000% not!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It would be exactly the same advice.

Leaving joint property at this stage, or taking action to prevent access of one of the owners to the property, can have implications later.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes I would. The implications could apply to either of them.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sigh*

I repeat. I would tell the guy not to leave the home too and to call the police if locked out.

They both need legal advice.

Like I said 1000% you would not give the same advice if it was a guy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

You're wrong but since it isn't the bloke who has asked, you can't know either way. So, stop fucking stirring up shit, as usual.

I don't happen to think that a woman automatically has more right to the house or custody of the kids than a man. Nobody here is in a position to determine that.

That's why they both need to do nothing to potentially harm their situation and they both need to get qualified advice.

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By *inkxRabbit OP   Woman  over a year ago

Mostly in GU24


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice.

So he pays the mortgage?"

He did. It's finished. But I've not been in a position to pay it, having worked part time for many years whist caring for the children. Our youngest child has special needs and needs a stable home life. Autism.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice.

So he pays the mortgage?

He did. It's finished. But I've not been in a position to pay it, having worked part time for many years whist caring for the children. Our youngest child has special needs and needs a stable home life. Autism. "

Then maybe it would have been a better idea not to cheat on your husband to help maintain a stable life for your child.

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By *ee VianteWoman  over a year ago

Somewhere in North Norfolk


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice.

Ah, i see now, your husband isn't their natural father. Otherwise he'd have joint responsibility for them too.

"

This is why they need to stay put and be civil until they can get legal advice. There are too many variables.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Is he the father of the children? If he is he is quite likely to want custody.

From the info you gave it sounds like he wants you and the animals out while he stays at the house with the kids. I can't really see why this should come as a suprise to you. I would want the same. Women USED to have the default of they got the house and the custody of kids almost without question. We have moved on from those attitudes. Perhaps your expectations are no longer realistic.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice.

So he pays the mortgage?

He did. It's finished. But I've not been in a position to pay it, having worked part time for many years whist caring for the children. Our youngest child has special needs and needs a stable home life. Autism.

Then maybe it would have been a better idea not to cheat on your husband to help maintain a stable life for your child."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I know a guy who's wife cheated and she had 3 cats and 2 dogs and the first thing he did was have them put down. I thought initially WOW That's drastic but then thought maybe it was the sensible thing to do.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

This threads taken a funny turn all within 45 minutes.

From "I hate life, Reasons to go on" to

"Reasons why i should dump the husband, keep the kids and therefore the money."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I know a guy who's wife cheated and she had 3 cats and 2 dogs and the first thing he did was have them put down. I thought initially WOW That's drastic but then thought maybe it was the sensible thing to do. "

thats horrific! do vets put healthy animals down?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

This threads taken a funny turn all within 45 minutes.

From "I hate life, Reasons to go on" to

"Reasons why i should dump the husband, keep the kids and therefore the money." "

I can't help think there is more concern over a comfortable dwelling kids and income at times along with extra marital cock.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

This threads taken a funny turn all within 45 minutes.

From "I hate life, Reasons to go on" to

"Reasons why i should dump the husband, keep the kids and therefore the money." "

Has it?

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

This threads taken a funny turn all within 45 minutes.

From "I hate life, Reasons to go on" to

"Reasons why i should dump the husband, keep the kids and therefore the money."

I can't help think there is more concern over a comfortable dwelling kids and income at times along with extra marital cock. "

yeah, soz, i missed the extra cock.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I know a guy who's wife cheated and she had 3 cats and 2 dogs and the first thing he did was have them put down. I thought initially WOW That's drastic but then thought maybe it was the sensible thing to do. "

Why do you think that was a sensible thing to do (even tho it is a rather far fetched tale) .

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

OP the only advice I can give you is to not take drastic action and move out because of uncomfortable home situation and stay put. Of course he is likely to do the same.

Both of you get independent legal advice.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"You are the adulteress,from what you have said,other than not touching you for years n hating your dog's,he has done nothing wrong,so why should he move out"

well said I myself dislike that fact of being with someone and being cheated on whether be just texting or full blown sexual encounters.. I have no doubt that he has found out about your adultery and well to be honest I would not stay in an unloving relationship for my son... if I was him id be dragging your ass through the courts...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

3 dogs a FB and a number of NSA meets that I presume your husband has not been consulted on... 12 years of war in a marriage, think it's time you spoke to your husband preferably with a marriage guidance type referee and figure out if you can't make it work how are you both going to look after the children. This is not the place for right guidence especially one sided.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Sorry but the old saying "you made your bed etc " springs to mind.

A lot of answers would have been different had this been a guy.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I was in a similar position myself....

...to your husband that is, so you'll get little sympathy from me.

Maybe if you'd taken more interest in your relationship rather than your animals and this place things would have been different.

Maybe consider rehoming your pets, leave this site and get some guidance.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I wish I hadn't read some of the comments on this thread. It's nice to know people apparently deserve everything they get. By this logic I should probably be hung, drawn and quartered, or perhaps stoned to death.

OP, I'd suggest getting some legal advice quickly. It does rather sound like it's got beyond mediation or counselling. I hope you work something out that keeps things as stable as possible for your kids.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice.

So he pays the mortgage?

He did. It's finished. But I've not been in a position to pay it, having worked part time for many years whist caring for the children. Our youngest child has special needs and needs a stable home life. Autism.

Then maybe it would have been a better idea not to cheat on your husband to help maintain a stable life for your child."

This!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Because it would be easier for him as a single man to find accommodation. His mother needs a carer anyway. He could temp move over there. It's only a mile away. "

Wow! How self centred can one person be?

I suspect what you really mean is that it would be less inconvenient to you if he moved out

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Sorry but the old saying "you made your bed etc " springs to mind.

A lot of answers would have been different had this been a guy. "

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By *ancs MinxWoman  over a year ago

Burnley


"I don't think so.

He may have found out I would think if he has found out it wouldn't be an unreasonable request for him to make. "

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By *uke olovingmanMan  over a year ago

Gravesend

i think you should go .. go to a friends place or back to your parents ... call the bastards bluff . sort out your family with mediation and be happy with the fabbers you have met .. dont be a rachel . move on with your head held high .. youll be happier in the long run

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

OP you started a thread a few days back about falling out with your FB, perhaps your husband has found out?

If you want advice perhaps you should see a solicitor

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I'd always advise anyone, regardless of their sex, not to leave a shared home without legal advice.

The only time that wouldn't apply would be when the physical safety of one of them was at risk. That doesn't seem to be the case here.

It isn't. Is jointly owned. I have responsibly fire the children and the animals. If we were moving somewhere it would be a lot more expensive than if he were to. Do the maths!

I'm not going anywhere except for legal advice.

So he pays the mortgage?

He did. It's finished. But I've not been in a position to pay it, having worked part time for many years whist caring for the children. Our youngest child has special needs and needs a stable home life. Autism. "

Would you moving out and his father having custody not provide stability?

Maybe think about what's best for your kids and not you?

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By *rsIdiotWoman  over a year ago

Bedworth

Wow

For a site where we are all allegedly open minded individuals there are a lot of judgmental attitudes here.

Yes many of us don't agree with cheats but the vitriol shown in this thread is really quite shocking. We are not privy to the OP's situation, we do not know the household and family dynamics here. As such, who are we to comment on what is the right thing to do when there are children involved in the breakdown of the marriage?

OP, I really do think that you should do nothing until you have got legal advice and then you can figure out what it best for you and your children.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Wow

For a site where we are all allegedly open minded individuals there are a lot of judgmental attitudes here.

Yes many of us don't agree with cheats but the vitriol shown in this thread is really quite shocking. We are not privy to the OP's situation, we do not know the household and family dynamics here. As such, who are we to comment on what is the right thing to do when there are children involved in the breakdown of the marriage?

OP, I really do think that you should do nothing until you have got legal advice and then you can figure out what it best for you and your children. "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Wow

For a site where we are all allegedly open minded individuals there are a lot of judgmental attitudes here.

Yes many of us don't agree with cheats but the vitriol shown in this thread is really quite shocking. We are not privy to the OP's situation, we do not know the household and family dynamics here. As such, who are we to comment on what is the right thing to do when there are children involved in the breakdown of the marriage?

OP, I really do think that you should do nothing until you have got legal advice and then you can figure out what it best for you and your children. "

I don't have an issue with people playing behind their partners backs (shock horror), they have their reasons. What I do object to is those people looking for sympathy when things go tits up.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Difficult to comment objectively, as none of us knows the whole story. I am assuming your three children are still at home - if that's the situation then you and your husband need to do whatever is best for them. None of us is living your life either to know why it's got to where it is now. Mediation is often used now to try to find an amicable solution that is best for all of you, but especially the children.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

I don't have an issue with people playing behind their partners backs (shock horror), they have their reasons. What I do object to is those people looking for sympathy when things go tits up."

It's the automatic assumption that infidelity is the reason for what appears to be her partner's unreasonable behaviour (appreciate we only have one side of the story etc.) That happens on pretty much all threads about anything if someone reveals themselves to be cheating. It's always 'well are you surprised, you're cheating'.

Reminds me of an article I read yesterday about how infidelity is still being used as a consideration by judges in murder trials because it's considered the ultimate provocation.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"My husband tonight told me to leave and take my animals with me. No reason given.

I know I've got to stand my ground: we jointly own the house, have three children and I've got as many dogs. He hates them btw.

My question is this: how can I persuade him that it really is better that we try separation, that he move out for a while just to see how we get on?

I want to have another miserable Xmas!

This is the man who hasn't touched me for 12 years, he's the reason I'm on here.

Life. I hate it at the moment. Reasons to go on?

"

From my perspective,your children are your only priority here.

No-one else matters.

Do what you can to protect them from unnecessary hurt.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"

I don't have an issue with people playing behind their partners backs (shock horror), they have their reasons. What I do object to is those people looking for sympathy when things go tits up.

It's the automatic assumption that infidelity is the reason for what appears to be her partner's unreasonable behaviour (appreciate we only have one side of the story etc.) That happens on pretty much all threads about anything if someone reveals themselves to be cheating. It's always 'well are you surprised, you're cheating'.

Reminds me of an article I read yesterday about how infidelity is still being used as a consideration by judges in murder trials because it's considered the ultimate provocation. "

I didn't say anything about her infidelity being the reason her partner has asked her to leave, I never assumed that...but.

She's obviously unhappy with the situation and home and wanted an escape, but when it's not on her terms seeks sympathy.

It's a crap situation to be in, granted, but I just can't feel sympathetic towards the OP.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I don't think so.

He may have found out I would think if he has found out it wouldn't be an unreasonable request for him to make. "

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Wow

For a site where we are all allegedly open minded individuals there are a lot of judgmental attitudes here.

Yes many of us don't agree with cheats but the vitriol shown in this thread is really quite shocking. We are not privy to the OP's situation, we do not know the household and family dynamics here. As such, who are we to comment on what is the right thing to do when there are children involved in the breakdown of the marriage?

OP, I really do think that you should do nothing until you have got legal advice and then you can figure out what it best for you and your children. "

We mostly are very open minded but "honest" with it. We are judging on one side, that's true. But that points to she did wrong .

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I would put money on if it was a guy starting this thread he would get torn to bits. "

agreed folk give sympathy to women fact is o p cheating on hubby highly likely he found out and to be totally blunt i would not be airing my personal stuff on a public forim.

Feel sorry for hubby but more for innocent kids no sympathy for the o p.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Bloody hell what's all this crap about if the OP was male the responses would be different. The OP HAS been lambasted!

OP seek legal advice AND look into mediation. This is best for you, your children and your husband (and finances since I believe legal aid has been dropped for divorces).

No time for sympathy, just time for action for all your sakes.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"i think you should go .. go to a friends place or back to your parents ... call the bastards bluff . sort out your family with mediation and be happy with the fabbers you have met .. dont be a rachel . move on with your head held high .. youll be happier in the long run "

Call the bastards bluff? We don't know his side of the story. Quite an assumption you've made there...

Anyway OP I hope it all works out well for you all - not nice for any of you right now I'm sure. All the best

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