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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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At wits end ....trying to get help for daughter whos self harming ....contacted school ...doctor waiting for referral to camhs ....just wondering if anyone has any practical advice |
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
don't ask her why, don't try pushing for a reason.
Tell her you don't understand but are there to listen if she wants to talk.
I've self harmed in the past, and it was a reaction to stress, and it did pass. |
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"At wits end ....trying to get help for daughter whos self harming ....contacted school ...doctor waiting for referral to camhs ....just wondering if anyone has any practical advice "
. Have some experience of assisting a mentally ill friend . What type of self harming?. Is to able to develop some hobbies and interests to put her energy into. How old is she ?. Does she work and what has she to look forward to?. Resolving mental health issues is not an easy task.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Does her school have pastoral care ? They are usually good to talk to. Is there anyone else at doctors like a gateway nurse she can talk to whilst awaiting a referral ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"don't ask her why, don't try pushing for a reason.
Tell her you don't understand but are there to listen if she wants to talk.
I've self harmed in the past, and it was a reaction to stress, and it did pass."
This is excellent advice  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Does her school have pastoral care ? They are usually good to talk to. Is there anyone else at doctors like a gateway nurse she can talk to whilst awaiting a referral ? "
she has pastoral care and seeing a worker through school. Doctors dont want to do anything until referral to camhs is done |
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my heart goes out to you ..i would try doing things together ..maybe a walk in the park ...filling her time and cooking together when you both get home so she is distracted from whatever is upsetting her ..dont be afraid to make an appointment at the doctor for yourself to discuss the best way to deal with this without your daughter being present ....wish you both a positive outcome |
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"She 13 ....been doing it for last 6 months . Enjoys school. Its heartbreaking seeing her arms and legs where she cut . "
. Does she mix well at school. ? How are her exams going ?. Does she exercise and get fresh air every day?. What advice have the school given?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
What's her fathers take on this? "
Her dads reaction was to shout at her down the phone then to tell me i need to sort it . If i hid all sharp implements she wouldnt be able to do it. He dont have an idea how she feels . Treats her as if she still a young child |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
They may not be ready to talk to you or anyone else face to face. Just give them the details of this web-site. It was launched last year to provide on-line help to young people.
It's www dot mindfull dot org. It's for 11-17 year olds, fully moderated and offers counselling and peer support. Young people can talk to each other online and they can also be directed to local help.
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"my heart goes out to you ..i would try doing things together ..maybe a walk in the park ...filling her time and cooking together when you both get home so she is distracted from whatever is upsetting her ..dont be afraid to make an appointment at the doctor for yourself to discuss the best way to deal with this without your daughter being present ....wish you both a positive outcome "
. Good advise . I have never found some of the NHS advisers to be particularly confident inspiring . I would try and do as many things together as possible .
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"
What's her fathers take on this?
Her dads reaction was to shout at her down the phone then to tell me i need to sort it . If i hid all sharp implements she wouldnt be able to do it. He dont have an idea how she feels . Treats her as if she still a young child"
Is her father still in the house or does he live elsewhere ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My 15yr old has gone through, and is going through, some troubled times lately including some cutting. She described it as inflicting physical pain to overcome emotional pain. I agree with the advice from others saying not to push the issue too much and I wish I could give you more advice. My daughter is being treated, very well, by the US military since her stepdad is in the airforce and has been seeing both a psychiatrist and psychologist since about July and is doing much better. So maybe some counselling will help. Also possibly a short term on some medication. We haven't got to the bottom of my daughters issues but since she's improving I think maybe we don't need to. Xxx |
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"Be there for her. It's a coping mechanism that no-one understands exept the person who is doing it
Good luck and my thoughts are with you xx"
Exactly this. My daughter did this and her arms and tops of her thighs are badly scarred. She hasn't done it for years, but occasionally still feels the urge. All you can do is be there if they need you, but not draw attention to it, hard as it will seem. |
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"
What's her fathers take on this?
Her dads reaction was to shout at her down the phone then to tell me i need to sort it . If i hid all sharp implements she wouldnt be able to do it. He dont have an idea how she feels . Treats her as if she still a young child"
I got "if anything happens to her I will fucking kill you"
Not beard from him since.....majorly concerned |
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"
What's her fathers take on this?
Her dads reaction was to shout at her down the phone then to tell me i need to sort it . If i hid all sharp implements she wouldnt be able to do it. He dont have an idea how she feels . Treats her as if she still a young child
I got "if anything happens to her I will fucking kill you"
Not beard from him since.....majorly concerned"
*heard |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
What's her fathers take on this?
Her dads reaction was to shout at her down the phone then to tell me i need to sort it . If i hid all sharp implements she wouldnt be able to do it. He dont have an idea how she feels . Treats her as if she still a young child"
Not a good reaction for him to have. One of the worst things you can do is try to stop self harmers from 'harming'. It will be her way of dealing with deeper issues. Stop the outlet and she will get worse. It will be her coping mechanism. You have to make things safe for her: give her some elastic bands so she can snap herself (better than cutting but still painful), red dry board marker pen if she feels like drawing blood, cushions to punch, if she must cut then make sure the wounds are clean. Its v hard and goes against maternal instinct but the harming will be a symptom of a deeper problem. Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
What's her fathers take on this?
Her dads reaction was to shout at her down the phone then to tell me i need to sort it . If i hid all sharp implements she wouldnt be able to do it. He dont have an idea how she feels . Treats her as if she still a young child
Not a good reaction for him to have. One of the worst things you can do is try to stop self harmers from 'harming'. It will be her way of dealing with deeper issues. Stop the outlet and she will get worse. It will be her coping mechanism. You have to make things safe for her: give her some elastic bands so she can snap herself (better than cutting but still painful), red dry board marker pen if she feels like drawing blood, cushions to punch, if she must cut then make sure the wounds are clean. Its v hard and goes against maternal instinct but the harming will be a symptom of a deeper problem. Good luck"
Very sound advice.
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By *uby0000Woman
over a year ago
hertfordshire |
my daughter self harmed the mental health teams advice? wear an elastic band on her wrist and ping it when the urge comes shes now sectioned gp was too keen to put her on meds
she had issues more when she hit puberty
shes now 27
good luck with her let her know you are there for her or ask her to write down how she feels |
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srry to say referals take what seem like forever
if she has a care worker she may suggest holding icecube as an alternative to self harm
my step daughter self harmed from age or 6 to 21 and had done a couple of times since
all you can realy do is tell her you love her and want to support her always
eventually i got to tell my step daughter she was responsible for her own actions and blaming people or situations would not help
i got a lot of flak from her mum when i bought her some sharp knives for her first flat but my step daughter only ever self harmed by breaking things in anger and frustration then using that to cut herself (things like cups and glasses and she also broke up blades from razors to swallow to get more attention
i do understand this is a difficult time but it will pass im sure
just stick by her as im sure you will |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Felt like the last 6 months ive been walking on eggshells with her . Not wanting to upset her so have gone very soft on her . Have realised though i needed to put the boundaries back in place. |
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By *at27Man
over a year ago
Belfast / Brighton |
Get her to squeeze ice cubes when she needs to self harm, it's painful but not as damaging and is a good stand in until the bigger problems can be fixed, I used to work in ane and that what we advised |
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I used to bite the inside of my mouth until it bled- sometimes really badly so I couldnt even speak as a teenager.
It was in the days before self harm was even recognised and eventually I stopped by myself, I think it was the combination of being stressed out by emotional abuse from my mother (and I am in no way suggesting that this is the case for you)
Seeing the blood was part of it and I think the red marker pen/elastic band combination is an excellent idea for your daughter
Recently, following the death of my husband, I cut on my hand because I wanted to "feel" something, I only did it twice though
One thing I have found in later life is that I liked getting piercings and a tattoo (and injections) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A friends daughter did this and they used an elastic band on wrist and every time the age came she twang the elastic band on to her skin and she says it help |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My 12 year old did the same last year was a combination of hormones and stress. luckily seems to have stopped for now. elastic band on wrist helped when the urge was there. otherwise lots of love (keeping with boundaries) and antiseptic cream |
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