FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > need a hug devastated :(
need a hug devastated :(
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Got home from a lovely few days away with the small one. To find court papers from himself, appyling for full residency"
Oh dear not nice, nothing is final yet. Get a good family law solicitor and fight the case. The court has to take the child's welfare as priority. Can you both ( ex and yourself) not come to some arrangement? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't panic just yet. Take a deep breath and plan. Speak to a solicitor (if you are working), if not, speak to someone in CAB they allocate you 30 mins with a solicitor for free re issues like this. There are lots of factors to be taken int account. How long has he resided solely in your care? That's where he's most settled - they would have to have a good reason to remove him from your home. They look at the best interests of the child not either of the parents. They will choose the option that doesn't disrupt his routine too much. Hope this helps. Stay strong x |
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"I wouldnt worry it has to be EXCEPTIONAL circumstances for the dad to get that. He might get increased access but that will be it. "
What I don't get is why should it be exceptional circumstances that dad's should get full residency...I tell you dads get a raw deal... |
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"Don't panic just yet. Take a deep breath and plan. Speak to a solicitor (if you are working), if not, speak to someone in CAB they allocate you 30 mins with a solicitor for free re issues like this. There are lots of factors to be taken int account. How long has he resided solely in your care? That's where he's most settled - they would have to have a good reason to remove him from your home. They look at the best interests of the child not either of the parents. They will choose the option that doesn't disrupt his routine too much. Hope this helps. Stay strong x"
Spot on reply  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you tried mediation before ? Most solicitors / judges will suggest this first to see if you can agree residency between you. Otherwise , what often happens is a long court battle costing both parents loads . The child feels torn both ways and there are no winners, just lots of hurt and anger.
I hope you can sort it with the best outcome possible for all of you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How horrid, a big hug duly sent.
how do you know it is horrid without knowing the circumstances ?"
I'm glad someone else has said that. It doesn't sit comfortable with me that people are leaping to one parents defefence while dismissing the other and on the face of it being aware of non of the facts. And while I'm sure it's unconnected I personally would have thought that the obvious place to get the support currently needed by the OP would be friends and family rather than strangers on a swinging site. 
As others have said I hope the courts do what is best for the child |
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By *inaTitzTV/TS
over a year ago
Titz Towers, North Notts |
I don't know any of the facts, so can't comment on the merits of the situation. I hope it is all resolved quickly, amicably, without undue expense and in the best interests of your child.  |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"I wouldnt worry it has to be EXCEPTIONAL circumstances for the dad to get that. He might get increased access but that will be it.
What I don't get is why should it be exceptional circumstances that dad's should get full residency...I tell you dads get a raw deal..."
I agree cheeky....Dad's often get a very raw deal.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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He left
we agreed he could see child most days
he got a new partner and started "forgetting" when it was "his" day
I did and do lists each month stating when he can see small
oct for instance he can see small on 24 days out of the month but chose 11
July police became involved due to harassment by the pair of them and I changed my number on advice
last week I received a text saying he regretted it but he was not going to be seeing small (I have a payg sim thats in a phone on days he should be seeing small)
then he blocked my number
ive never been approached by either his solicitor or a mediation firm to go see them
he has a page 19 saying I refused
hes honestly not acting in child's best interest by picking and choosing then saying he'll not see small at all when hes feeling challenged by me
I have months worth of lists of when he could and did see small. Never does the could and did match
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt worry it has to be EXCEPTIONAL circumstances for the dad to get that. He might get increased access but that will be it.
What I don't get is why should it be exceptional circumstances that dad's should get full residency...I tell you dads get a raw deal..."
I know this is Stu. I posted that out of experience of fighting for access to my daughters and seeing Emilys ex try and fail to take her children. Even when the dad is seen as the better parent unless the kids are at risk with the mother she still retains main custody nearly everytime. It does suck for dads your quite right. But thats how the law works. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's a sad process that nobody wins really, and only impacts upon the child.
If the child has a strong attachment and routine with you, and you have a positive history and relationship with your child, you won't get refused access. The child will have a say.
I'd consult with a legal advisor, and keep recording what you can - although it may not all be useful evidence.
And try to work things out with the dad where you can, especially if your child wants to see him.
Good luck, for the child's best interests. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt worry it has to be EXCEPTIONAL circumstances for the dad to get that. He might get increased access but that will be it.
no it doesnt "
Not in an ideal world it doesnt but this isnt an ideal world why do you think fathers for justice and other similar groups have been formed. |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
"How horrid, a big hug duly sent.
how do you know it is horrid without knowing the circumstances ?"
I am guessing no one need know any circumstances to know that for the OP it must be a horrid time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How horrid, a big hug duly sent.
how do you know it is horrid without knowing the circumstances ?
I am guessing no one need know any circumstances to know that for the OP it must be a horrid time "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt worry it has to be EXCEPTIONAL circumstances for the dad to get that. He might get increased access but that will be it.
What I don't get is why should it be exceptional circumstances that dad's should get full residency...I tell you dads get a raw deal...
I know this is Stu. I posted that out of experience of fighting for access to my daughters and seeing Emilys ex try and fail to take her children. Even when the dad is seen as the better parent unless the kids are at risk with the mother she still retains main custody nearly everytime. It does suck for dads your quite right. But thats how the law works."
It's not actually. The court takes the recommendation of the court welfare officer very much into account. They tend to recommend the kids go with mum because very often they have been the primary carer and they like to maintain the status quo.
If dad has been primary carer it'll be him who gets them.
I got my daughters even though I'd been away with the navy. The circumstances were pretty exceptional in our case.
Hope it all works out for all of you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How horrid, a big hug duly sent.
how do you know it is horrid without knowing the circumstances ?
I am guessing no one need know any circumstances to know that for the OP it must be a horrid time
"
What a ridiculous question, what is it with some people in these forums?
The definition of horrid is something that is unpleasant, disagreeable or terrible, so go figure!
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By *emmefataleWoman
over a year ago
dirtybigbadsgirlville |
"How horrid, a big hug duly sent.
how do you know it is horrid without knowing the circumstances ?
I am guessing no one need know any circumstances to know that for the OP it must be a horrid time
What a ridiculous question, what is it with some people in these forums?
The definition of horrid is something that is unpleasant, disagreeable or terrible, so go figure!
"
Well actually one persons horrid, is anothers oh fiddlesticks, so what you said isn't strictly true! Go figure!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How horrid, a big hug duly sent.
how do you know it is horrid without knowing the circumstances ?
I am guessing no one need know any circumstances to know that for the OP it must be a horrid time
What a ridiculous question, what is it with some people in these forums?
The definition of horrid is something that is unpleasant, disagreeable or terrible, so go figure!
Well actually one persons horrid, is anothers oh fiddlesticks, so what you said isn't strictly true! Go figure! "
Before this thread descends into a discussion on the semantics of the degree of unpleasantness implied by the word horrid, can we return it to its original direction that of support and advice for the OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with cheeky that fathers do get a raw deal when it comes to access ect with their children, I know someone that had spent 4 years and god knows how much money fighting to just spend a whole day with his young daughter!
Dads have just as much rights as mothers.
OP it's probably a huge shock to you recieveing the court papers, but with help and advice from a family solicitor sure the final outcome will be in the child's best interest |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with cheeky that fathers do get a raw deal when it comes to access ect with their children, I know someone that had spent 4 years and god knows how much money fighting to just spend a whole day with his young daughter!
Dads have just as much rights as mothers.
OP it's probably a huge shock to you recieveing the court papers, but with help and advice from a family solicitor sure the final outcome will be in the child's best interest "
I loathe mothers who use their children as a pawn. I also loathe fathers who deny that their children exist and just walk away |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldnt worry it has to be EXCEPTIONAL circumstances for the dad to get that. He might get increased access but that will be it.
What I don't get is why should it be exceptional circumstances that dad's should get full residency...I tell you dads get a raw deal..."
I (john) have full residency. .. people who use kids to get back at an ex are lowest of the low. The most important thing is what is the best thing for the child. Joint would always be best.. but for him to even apply for it must mean his solicitor has a good case. As in law it is never 50-50... It is 51% to the mother and 49% to the father. No man would stand a chance if the mother is a good mother or perceived as a good mother in the eyes of the law |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If your a needle drug user or a prostitute you can lose custody otherwise you have no worries
What a fucking load of bollocks "
Why is it? I worked in family law/care cases and lots of mothers lost their children due to their drug/alcohol abuse and other lifestyle choices. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree with cheeky that fathers do get a raw deal when it comes to access ect with their children, I know someone that had spent 4 years and god knows how much money fighting to just spend a whole day with his young daughter!
Dads have just as much rights as mothers.
OP it's probably a huge shock to you recieveing the court papers, but with help and advice from a family solicitor sure the final outcome will be in the child's best interest "
So do I and he saw his little girl alternate weekends until she got herself a new boyfriend and pregnant and all contact stopped, he went back to court but she used as usual lies not to attend so hasn't seen his little girl for 6 months as he has no more money to pay the court fees and solicitors letters  |
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