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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My little sister just got paid... She's now depressed because £260 of it has gone already. I feel sorry for her cos she works her arse off for £5.03 per hour. But at the same time I feel like saying welcome to the real world. We each pay 30% of our income to my mum for housekeeping (which she actually spends on booze - but that's a story for another time!) So that's around £150 for my sister and £300 for me!
Do any of you pay housekeeping, or charge your kids? If so, how much? And I'm not talking about those of you who pay your landlord or pay your mortgage, you're too grown up for me xD and I know its expensive being an adult, and I know I'm moaning about a small-ish amount of money!
I work more than my mum does, and I also earn more per hour than she does... But I'm still expected to do all the bloody housework on my 1 day off each week. Thoughts on this? Should I pay for a cleaner, or should my mum use some of the money I give her?
I'm actually tempted to rent a room in town for £400 a month. Yes I have to do my own washing, and pay a bit more... But I also save £70 a month on bus fare. And my sanity is safe from world war 3 that happens every day with my mum and sisters.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated! Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you should pay your way. But your circumstances seem a little skewiff.
I think 30% is a little high. "
Yeah I definitely agree with paying my way. What would you say is a good amount?x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Pull up your big Girls pants and get your own place, Your Mother/ Parents kept you in clothes food makeup etc while you were growing up and if you cannot appreciate that then its about time you went walkies...just my opinion of course.
Gimp |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So your sister pays less than £40 a week board? You pay £75 if you both feel so hard done to move out.
I'm sure when you both realise how much it costs you will appreciate how lucky you are
"
I know how much it costs lol I moved out, got married, paid rent for 2 years, and now living back at home and single again haha. I know its tough. But the fact that my mum doesn't actually need £450 a month to support my sister and me, and will just use it to buy booze, makes me feel as though its not worth it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I do, my son pays his way, as I have taught him, when you get out in the real world you have to pay.
If I did not take housekeeping, he would not learn nothing.
Her |
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"So your sister pays less than £40 a week board? You pay £75 if you both feel so hard done to move out.
I'm sure when you both realise how much it costs you will appreciate how lucky you are
I know how much it costs lol I moved out, got married, paid rent for 2 years, and now living back at home and single again haha. I know its tough. But the fact that my mum doesn't actually need £450 a month to support my sister and me, and will just use it to buy booze, makes me feel as though its not worth it!"
move out then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you should pay your way. But your circumstances seem a little skewiff.
I think 30% is a little high.
Yeah I definitely agree with paying my way. What would you say is a good amount?x"
It depends on the household expenditure. If mum is spending it on booze your giving her too much. Work our what the out goings are and negotiate. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Pull up your big Girls pants and get your own place, Your Mother/ Parents kept you in clothes food makeup etc while you were growing up and if you cannot appreciate that then its about time you went walkies...just my opinion of course.
Gimp"
I spent a year jobless caring for my husband. I then spent 3 months digging myself out of my depression after he kicked me out and I miscarried. I've nowbeen working for like 3 weeks so this is my first opportunity to actually move out. I'm just asking for opinions on the overall situation.
Also, my mother did fuck all for me xD she kicked me out when I was 12. And I never wore makeup and had to buy my own clothes haha |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you should pay your way. But your circumstances seem a little skewiff.
I think 30% is a little high.
Yeah I definitely agree with paying my way. What would you say is a good amount?x
It depends on the household expenditure. If mum is spending it on booze your giving her too much. Work our what the out goings are and negotiate. "
She's short on money each month cos she spends £12 a day on booze. If she didn't do that then she would have money spare each month. I think it would be best if I moved out, but its a tough call |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you should pay your way. But your circumstances seem a little skewiff.
I think 30% is a little high.
Yeah I definitely agree with paying my way. What would you say is a good amount?x
It depends on the household expenditure. If mum is spending it on booze your giving her too much. Work our what the out goings are and negotiate.
She's short on money each month cos she spends £12 a day on booze. If she didn't do that then she would have money spare each month. I think it would be best if I moved out, but its a tough call "
Maybe mum needs help. Will it be better if you're there for her ? Can you talk to her. Maybe take over the house finances , take control for a while. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Long gone are the days when i paid £10 a week lodge, i was 16 then. Then when i was 17 it went up to £15 and i moaned like hell. Then again at 18 it went up to £20. Looking nack now it was pitance really. As i had three meals a day. All my laundry done for me. Use of the land line phone. I treated the family home like a hotel. Now if i paid lodge i wiuld quite happily pay minimum £50+. My daughter lives in london and her rent alone is £400 per month thats before bills food etc. if your not happy paying what you are move out. Appreciate thT you have a roof over your head. There are a lot of homeless people out on the streets tonight who would be greatful of what you got |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think you should pay your way. But your circumstances seem a little skewiff.
I think 30% is a little high.
Yeah I definitely agree with paying my way. What would you say is a good amount?x
It depends on the household expenditure. If mum is spending it on booze your giving her too much. Work our what the out goings are and negotiate.
She's short on money each month cos she spends £12 a day on booze. If she didn't do that then she would have money spare each month. I think it would be best if I moved out, but its a tough call
Maybe mum needs help. Will it be better if you're there for her ? Can you talk to her. Maybe take over the house finances , take control for a while. "
I wish it were that easy. She knows she's an alcoholic but doesn't want to get help. She also knows she has addictive personality disorder. The financial situation is complicated at best. On my next day off I'll try again to sit down and work out how much everything costs but she's so uncooperative. I've already told her I don't want to pay her directly, but I'm not sure what I need to pay :/ its frustrating. If I move out, I'm only responsible for myself, but then my sister (who can't afford to move out) will be stuck with her shit alone.. again. I already feel bad for abandoning her when I was 12 (yeah she could have left with me, but she didn't want to leave herfriends) is it worth the guilt of abandoning her a second time? She's stronger than me, but she shouldn't have to be  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Long gone are the days when i paid £10 a week lodge, i was 16 then. Then when i was 17 it went up to £15 and i moaned like hell. Then again at 18 it went up to £20. Looking nack now it was pitance really. As i had three meals a day. All my laundry done for me. Use of the land line phone. I treated the family home like a hotel. Now if i paid lodge i wiuld quite happily pay minimum £50+. My daughter lives in london and her rent alone is £400 per month thats before bills food etc. if your not happy paying what you are move out. Appreciate thT you have a roof over your head. There are a lot of homeless people out on the streets tonight who would be greatful of what you got"
I don't get 3 meals a day... One if I'm lucky. I'm extremely grateful that she took me in, or else I would have been homeless. But my point is, now that I have the opportunity, do I stay or do I go? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We never paid house keeping,we was brought up to always share money/pay for things for each other if we needed it...its better to bring up your kids wanting to give you money,then for them to thing you are expecting it....I paid of my Mum and Dads mortgage,by working hard,but would I of still felt the need to if I was always told I had to pay house keeping 2 live in their house,instead of our house... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Long gone are the days when i paid £10 a week lodge, i was 16 then. Then when i was 17 it went up to £15 and i moaned like hell. Then again at 18 it went up to £20. Looking nack now it was pitance really. As i had three meals a day. All my laundry done for me. Use of the land line phone. I treated the family home like a hotel. Now if i paid lodge i wiuld quite happily pay minimum £50+. My daughter lives in london and her rent alone is £400 per month thats before bills food etc. if your not happy paying what you are move out. Appreciate thT you have a roof over your head. There are a lot of homeless people out on the streets tonight who would be greatful of what you got
I don't get 3 meals a day... One if I'm lucky. I'm extremely grateful that she took me in, or else I would have been homeless. But my point is, now that I have the opportunity, do I stay or do I go?"
Only you can make that decision. Are you ready to move out? Are you financialy stable to move out? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think you should pay your way. But your circumstances seem a little skewiff.
I think 30% is a little high.
Yeah I definitely agree with paying my way. What would you say is a good amount?x
It depends on the household expenditure. If mum is spending it on booze your giving her too much. Work our what the out goings are and negotiate.
She's short on money each month cos she spends £12 a day on booze. If she didn't do that then she would have money spare each month. I think it would be best if I moved out, but its a tough call
Maybe mum needs help. Will it be better if you're there for her ? Can you talk to her. Maybe take over the house finances , take control for a while.
I wish it were that easy. She knows she's an alcoholic but doesn't want to get help. She also knows she has addictive personality disorder. The financial situation is complicated at best. On my next day off I'll try again to sit down and work out how much everything costs but she's so uncooperative. I've already told her I don't want to pay her directly, but I'm not sure what I need to pay :/ its frustrating. If I move out, I'm only responsible for myself, but then my sister (who can't afford to move out) will be stuck with her shit alone.. again. I already feel bad for abandoning her when I was 12 (yeah she could have left with me, but she didn't want to leave herfriends) is it worth the guilt of abandoning her a second time? She's stronger than me, but she shouldn't have to be "
It's your life, don't feel guilty about leaving. But at the same time it's your family. She's your mum, she needs help. Is the help she needs better achieved by you being there or leaving ? Myself , I'd do anything for my mum but there comes a time when you have to put yourself first. You're still young. Be firm, give mum a chance but insist you have more control. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm a bit screwed up at the moment. I'm not yet financially stable. I'm working, but I'm still on my 13 week probation thing so I'm hoping that won't go tits up. But being with my mum stresses me out to the point that I get ill .. and I will lose my job if i get too ill. I earn enough to rent a room, or maybe a flat if I'm lucky, but I'm walking on egg shells with this job, I don't wanna fuck it up
I'm at a loss as to what to do, if I'm honest. I know I sound a bit pathetic but I can't exactly explain my entire life story to make this situation easier to understand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a bit screwed up at the moment. I'm not yet financially stable. I'm working, but I'm still on my 13 week probation thing so I'm hoping that won't go tits up. But being with my mum stresses me out to the point that I get ill .. and I will lose my job if i get too ill. I earn enough to rent a room, or maybe a flat if I'm lucky, but I'm walking on egg shells with this job, I don't wanna fuck it up
I'm at a loss as to what to do, if I'm honest. I know I sound a bit pathetic but I can't exactly explain my entire life story to make this situation easier to understand. "
Your not pathetic. You have a lot on your plate and maybe it's all coming on top a bit. Is there anyone you can talk to , family or friend ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a bit screwed up at the moment. I'm not yet financially stable. I'm working, but I'm still on my 13 week probation thing so I'm hoping that won't go tits up. But being with my mum stresses me out to the point that I get ill .. and I will lose my job if i get too ill. I earn enough to rent a room, or maybe a flat if I'm lucky, but I'm walking on egg shells with this job, I don't wanna fuck it up
I'm at a loss as to what to do, if I'm honest. I know I sound a bit pathetic but I can't exactly explain my entire life story to make this situation easier to understand.
Your not pathetic. You have a lot on your plate and maybe it's all coming on top a bit. Is there anyone you can talk to , family or friend ? "
Nope. Lost all but one of my friends when I got married - shit friends, and the one who stuck around can't help much. My dad is busy with his new wife and her kids - fair enough. I've not really got any other family. So I'm basically alone in all this. My sister bottles it up. My other sister is at boarding school and she is too young to really understand. Pretty much the reason I post on here so much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a bit screwed up at the moment. I'm not yet financially stable. I'm working, but I'm still on my 13 week probation thing so I'm hoping that won't go tits up. But being with my mum stresses me out to the point that I get ill .. and I will lose my job if i get too ill. I earn enough to rent a room, or maybe a flat if I'm lucky, but I'm walking on egg shells with this job, I don't wanna fuck it up
I'm at a loss as to what to do, if I'm honest. I know I sound a bit pathetic but I can't exactly explain my entire life story to make this situation easier to understand.
Your not pathetic. You have a lot on your plate and maybe it's all coming on top a bit. Is there anyone you can talk to , family or friend ?
Nope. Lost all but one of my friends when I got married - shit friends, and the one who stuck around can't help much. My dad is busy with his new wife and her kids - fair enough. I've not really got any other family. So I'm basically alone in all this. My sister bottles it up. My other sister is at boarding school and she is too young to really understand. Pretty much the reason I post on here so much. "
Post away, get it off your chest. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a bit screwed up at the moment. I'm not yet financially stable. I'm working, but I'm still on my 13 week probation thing so I'm hoping that won't go tits up. But being with my mum stresses me out to the point that I get ill .. and I will lose my job if i get too ill. I earn enough to rent a room, or maybe a flat if I'm lucky, but I'm walking on egg shells with this job, I don't wanna fuck it up
I'm at a loss as to what to do, if I'm honest. I know I sound a bit pathetic but I can't exactly explain my entire life story to make this situation easier to understand.
Your not pathetic. You have a lot on your plate and maybe it's all coming on top a bit. Is there anyone you can talk to , family or friend ?
Nope. Lost all but one of my friends when I got married - shit friends, and the one who stuck around can't help much. My dad is busy with his new wife and her kids - fair enough. I've not really got any other family. So I'm basically alone in all this. My sister bottles it up. My other sister is at boarding school and she is too young to really understand. Pretty much the reason I post on here so much.
Post away, get it off your chest. "
A lovely fabster has offered to be my advice line. People like you and her have restored my faith in humanity. Thank you x |
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By *xpresMan
over a year ago
Elland |
"So your sister pays less than £40 a week board? You pay £75 if you both feel so hard done to move out.
I'm sure when you both realise how much it costs you will appreciate how lucky you are
"
 |
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When I was on the dole and living at home, I had to pay her half of my money. When I got on a training scheme the manager used to give me a bit of cash in hand work normally £20 most, she found out and took half of that as well. |
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"I think you should pay your way. But your circumstances seem a little skewiff.
I think 30% is a little high.
Yeah I definitely agree with paying my way. What would you say is a good amount?x
It depends on the household expenditure. If mum is spending it on booze your giving her too much. Work our what the out goings are and negotiate.
She's short on money each month cos she spends £12 a day on booze. If she didn't do that then she would have money spare each month. I think it would be best if I moved out, but its a tough call
Maybe mum needs help. Will it be better if you're there for her ? Can you talk to her. Maybe take over the house finances , take control for a while.
I wish it were that easy. She knows she's an alcoholic but doesn't want to get help. She also knows she has addictive personality disorder. The financial situation is complicated at best. On my next day off I'll try again to sit down and work out how much everything costs but she's so uncooperative. I've already told her I don't want to pay her directly, but I'm not sure what I need to pay :/ its frustrating. If I move out, I'm only responsible for myself, but then my sister (who can't afford to move out) will be stuck with her shit alone.. again. I already feel bad for abandoning her when I was 12 (yeah she could have left with me, but she didn't want to leave herfriends) is it worth the guilt of abandoning her a second time? She's stronger than me, but she shouldn't have to be "
When you left home you were still a child, you didn't abandon your sister in fact you were abandoned - no child should have to fend for themselves at the age of 12.
As far as abandoning her now goes, you need to put your health and wellbeing first. You are more use to her if you are strong and healthy.
Consider your options. If you can find accommodation that is not too expensive consider her moving in as your lodger.
Your mother will always be your mother but she has already let you down in a variety of ways and it is time that you began to make choices for your own future. If she is not ready to move forward (addressing her alcohol issues and her relationship with her children) then it is probably time for you to take a step away and put yourself first. When you are stable, secure and grounded then consider offering a hand and support to her, until then you have to be your first priority.
Good luck. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish I was paying £300 per month...I've just got paid and already £800 has come out for bills, rent etc..  "
Ouch!! I pay just over that and theres only one financial contributor. |
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"I wish I was paying £300 per month...I've just got paid and already £800 has come out for bills, rent etc..
Ouch!! I pay just over that and theres only one financial contributor. "
What Rodger gives me is the monthly food shopping so it does help but I pay all the bills etc.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had to pay rent ever since i was 16 and started working. I had numerous jobs essentially the running of the house, paying bills,looking after my sisters on top of studying and working two jobs. And yes i resented it and bitched a lot but it had the benefit of teaching me how to be responsible and look after my own home now. So it was worthwhile lesson even if it didn't seem it at the time |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wish I was paying £300 per month...I've just got paid and already £800 has come out for bills, rent etc..
Ouch!! I pay just over that and theres only one financial contributor.
What Rodger gives me is the monthly food shopping so it does help but I pay all the bills etc...."
I hope he shops at marks n sparks then  |
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I have already told my soon to be 14 year old that when she gets a job she is to give me 50% of her income. I justify this high cost as in general most pay half their salary on rent and I want her to get used to it straight away. What I haven't told her though is that I won't actually use any of that money but put it all away. Then if she ever needs a helping hand it is there for her. Or if that never happens I shall give it to her for a house a car or a wedding |
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By *yrdwomanWoman
over a year ago
Putting the 'cum' in Eboracum |
Once my daughter left school and paid me rent and boy did she bitch about it. Apparently none of her friends had to pay rent, which I don't believe for a minute. It worked though - she left home, and now pays half the flat rent. Which is more than she ever paid me! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you considered you and your sister getting a place together, sharing the financial responsibility but giving your both the space and time to rebuild yourselves away from what is a stressful and sad situation?
It may also be a gateway to your mother getting the help she needs to overcome her addiction. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Could you and your sister not move together? Somewhere local so your mum can still have your support.
I'd hold off til probation period at work is over.
Or stick it out and work out what is reasonable to contribute. Or go out and do the food shop as your contribution.
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Is it laundry day already?
OP only you know the true ectent if your situation and only you know what the options are to you. Getting defensive and drip.feeding bits of story etc just makes people feel like you don't really want their opinions etc.
Perhaps you and your sister can look at living together so seating the cost etc. |
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"I wish I was paying £300 per month...I've just got paid and already £800 has come out for bills, rent etc..
Ouch!! I pay just over that and theres only one financial contributor.
What Rodger gives me is the monthly food shopping so it does help but I pay all the bills etc...."
He doesn't pay half the rent? |
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"I wish I was paying £300 per month...I've just got paid and already £800 has come out for bills, rent etc..
Ouch!! I pay just over that and theres only one financial contributor.
What Rodger gives me is the monthly food shopping so it does help but I pay all the bills etc....
He doesn't pay half the rent? "
No he pays for other things...it works out well and has done for years |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would be looking into getting a place for you and your sister to share. Not because of the money as what you pay is a hell of a lot less than you will pay to run a house. A trip to CAB may be able to help with both to see if you are entitled to any income based benefits, help with deposits etc.
Just out of interest who pays for the boarding fees of your youngest sister |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
That seems very high to me.. 
We did take some money from our kids just to get them used to managing money really.....we put it in savings and gave them it back when they moved out to help with their costs then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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chatty ive not read all the replies if you leave home and rent a room alone i reckon in 6 months you will be wishing you were paying £300
sorry to hear about your mums situation tho.
take care and enjoy your childhood(i know you may fell and old women at 20 but your still a baby to us old gits ) |
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