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Child maintenance
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(So far I have paid for every thing myself ) | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . " Would the correct figure not be half each ? So technically that would mean you spend double what you receive I could not determin if you meant you were spending even more than that ? | |||
"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . " child ben, child tax credit and working tax credit, housing ben, possible council tax help are all paid to parents (if they qualify) to help with the costs of children. of course the absent parent should contribute but it sickens me when i see some mothers living the high life for themselves when the father is made to pay over the top | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . Would the correct figure not be half each ? So technically that would mean you spend double what you receive I could not determin if you meant you were spending even more than that ?" Yes more than double almost all my money is on them . Roof water food elec etc | |||
"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . " It sounds like you want your ex to pay for everything - you both have to pay out for the children you had when you were together, not just 1 of you! | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . It sounds like you want your ex to pay for everything - you both have to pay out for the children you had when you were together, not just 1 of you! " What lol ? | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . It sounds like you want your ex to pay for everything - you both have to pay out for the children you had when you were together, not just 1 of you! " I didn't read what she said in the same light as you. I didn't see it as her expecting her ex to pay for everything. She said she pays out 'way more' and also said she pays 'lots more'. Personally I see no harm in asking your ex if he would be willing to contribute towards specific things. He may enjoy taking them to buy shoes or giving them the money for a school trip. It might make him feel more included in their lives. If, however, it becomes a potential argument if you ask then perhaps it's not worth it. The kids will be happier if you can get along without arguing over money. | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . It sounds like you want your ex to pay for everything - you both have to pay out for the children you had when you were together, not just 1 of you! I didn't read what she said in the same light as you. I didn't see it as her expecting her ex to pay for everything. She said she pays out 'way more' and also said she pays 'lots more'. Personally I see no harm in asking your ex if he would be willing to contribute towards specific things. He may enjoy taking them to buy shoes or giving them the money for a school trip. It might make him feel more included in their lives. If, however, it becomes a potential argument if you ask then perhaps it's not worth it. The kids will be happier if you can get along without arguing over money. " Thanks I meant it how you read it . Yes I haven't asked for anything else I have asked for it to be recalculated due to inflation and pay rise etc so after looking on csa website I couldn't see much about what it's for Hence asking Didn't know if asking for money towards uniform is ok I have just spent a fortune on new uniform as new school Was curious that's all xx | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . It sounds like you want your ex to pay for everything - you both have to pay out for the children you had when you were together, not just 1 of you! I didn't read what she said in the same light as you. I didn't see it as her expecting her ex to pay for everything. She said she pays out 'way more' and also said she pays 'lots more'. Personally I see no harm in asking your ex if he would be willing to contribute towards specific things. He may enjoy taking them to buy shoes or giving them the money for a school trip. It might make him feel more included in their lives. If, however, it becomes a potential argument if you ask then perhaps it's not worth it. The kids will be happier if you can get along without arguing over money. " Just shows everyone can read things differently  | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . It sounds like you want your ex to pay for everything - you both have to pay out for the children you had when you were together, not just 1 of you! " think you misread / misunderstood her completely here | |||
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"I don't believe in weekly child maintenance personally. If hubby and I broke up and I had the kids I would expect him to intermittently buy them clothes, and pay for their upkeep on the days he has them. Maybe give them a little pocket money. I would never expect him to pay me a huge % of his wages and if he did so, I would never then ask him to buy extras too. We get more than enough child tax credits to cover these things anyway... and pretty much everyone with children receive those..." hope that you never split up then - the financial reality of it isnt easy | |||
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"I don't believe in weekly child maintenance personally. If hubby and I broke up and I had the kids I would expect him to intermittently buy them clothes, and pay for their upkeep on the days he has them. Maybe give them a little pocket money. I would never expect him to pay me a huge % of his wages and if he did so, I would never then ask him to buy extras too. We get more than enough child tax credits to cover these things anyway... and pretty much everyone with children receive those... hope that you never split up then - the financial reality of it isnt easy " My partners work is seasonal, for over half of the year we live on my wages alone anyway.... we manage just fine with money to spend on days out and hobbies. As I said, child tax credits are a massive help and nearly everyone is entitled to those... except for people already earning a good wage... | |||
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"I don't believe in weekly child maintenance personally. If hubby and I broke up and I had the kids I would expect him to intermittently buy them clothes, and pay for their upkeep on the days he has them. Maybe give them a little pocket money. I would never expect him to pay me a huge % of his wages and if he did so, I would never then ask him to buy extras too. We get more than enough child tax credits to cover these things anyway... and pretty much everyone with children receive those..." That actually sounds very sensible but most couples can't sort anything out regarding finances when they split up | |||
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"I split with my ex nearly 7 years ago and he has never given me a penny, brought a pair of shoes, coat or so much as a tie towards uniform, he thinks because he don't live with them anymore its not his job to provide for them, he feels its now his job to provide for his new partners kids, so his own kids go without, he does not even buy them birthday presents he says i should put from mum and dad on what i buy
"That's a shame. But your children will come to realise what's going on. They will then make their own minds up about him later. I do hope you eventually change your mind about saying the presents are from both of you. Clearly they are not. Let him look after himself. | |||
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"My ex gave me £500 a month until our youngest turned 18 then he paid for her clothes, travel to college, holidays etc. Paid for their driving lessons, cars, insurance, youngest about to embark on a PhD he's funding that. Also paying for the eldest to take driving lessons and she's married, working as is her husband. He may be many things I don't like but he's an A1 father." He sounds great. If only more estranged parents would still see the responsibility for their children as a shared thing. Have any single parent Dads had their ex behave anything like this well? In twenty years I've never met one who has. | |||
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"I split with my ex nearly 7 years ago and he has never given me a penny, brought a pair of shoes, coat or so much as a tie towards uniform, he thinks because he don't live with them anymore its not his job to provide for them, he feels its now his job to provide for his new partners kids, so his own kids go without, he does not even buy them birthday presents he says i should put from mum and dad on what i buy
That's a shame. But your children will come to realise what's going on. They will then make their own minds up about him later. I do hope you eventually change your mind about saying the presents are from both of you. Clearly they are not. Let him look after himself. "....... Mr ....... I was widowed nearly 8 yrs ago and received £462 a month ,widowed parent allowance and at times it was a godsend and don't know how id have survived without it !!!! Don't know how the single parents that don't get a been from there x survive ...  a we salute to single mums and dads and there constant struggle xxx | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . child ben, child tax credit and working tax credit, housing ben, possible council tax help are all paid to parents (if they qualify) to help with the costs of children. of course the absent parent should contribute but it sickens me when i see some mothers living the high life for themselves when the father is made to pay over the top " Or when the father doesn't pay a bean and leaves the mother to foot the bill for everything as happened to me . | |||
"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . child ben, child tax credit and working tax credit, housing ben, possible council tax help are all paid to parents (if they qualify) to help with the costs of children. of course the absent parent should contribute but it sickens me when i see some mothers living the high life for themselves when the father is made to pay over the top Or when the father doesn't pay a bean and leaves the mother to foot the bill for everything as happened to me ." me too, i work two jobs to make ends meet, and he has never given me a penny, to be honest i feel more bad for the kids, i don't need his money i do ok without it, but it says a lot for how he feels about his kids when he does not buy them a birthday present, he's never even got them a card, that's hard to explain when they are old enough to understand, how do you tell children, well basically your dad does not care about you, you cant so you lie and make excuses to save their feeling a token gesture would have been nice, the odd pair of school shoes ...... | |||
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"I do think this Is a marvelous post and The people here explaining there role As a single parent and the financial Side of things child maintenance etc I will confess I do use p*f site and Nearly every woman on there are single Parents along with other similar sites I,ve used also and not just on the Internet Either, It might be a stupid question But its just one I would like to share And that Is "I wonder If there are more Single parents around now than In Previous decades or longer" keeping The war years out mind second world war That Is where the spouse was lost In Action, Its just that there are so many Single parents around or it seems there Are I may be wrong but It seems there Are more single parents than single People ?? Difficult one to answer I Suppose. " difficult to read I'm afraid | |||
"I pay enough maintenance for everything. It was agreed when it was set up that school uniform and trips etc would be included. Obviously my child spends time with me too and I spend on her clothing whilst she is with me. does my maintenance money go towards my daughter? Who knows. What I do know is that its enough money to make a good contribution to the mortgage on my ex and her husbands 270k house with 2 new cars on their drive!" im the same i get to even pay for there holidays lol i dont mind paying for my children but should they not take into account how much money the other half has coming in before they take 30% of ur wages | |||
"If the CSA have worked things out then surely its an 'all in one' kinda payment and down to the main parent to budget accordingly for uniform as its pretty standard schools need them just like a child requires day to day clothing Although school trips arent compulsory i would say thats an additional expense so talk about it with the absent parent. If they say no, and you cant afford it simply say no to the trip " Just because the CSA have calculated, it doesn't mean it's a fair amount x | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . child ben, child tax credit and working tax credit, housing ben, possible council tax help are all paid to parents (if they qualify) to help with the costs of children. of course the absent parent should contribute but it sickens me when i see some mothers living the high life for themselves when the father is made to pay over the top Or when the father doesn't pay a bean and leaves the mother to foot the bill for everything as happened to me . me too, i work two jobs to make ends meet, and he has never given me a penny, to be honest i feel more bad for the kids, i don't need his money i do ok without it, but it says a lot for how he feels about his kids when he does not buy them a birthday present, he's never even got them a card, that's hard to explain when they are old enough to understand, how do you tell children, well basically your dad does not care about you, you cant so you lie and make excuses to save their feeling a token gesture would have been nice, the odd pair of school shoes ......" My daughter has had no birthday present, Christmas present, birthday card or Christmas card since she was 12. No help with uniform, support for her as a student, no offer to pay anything towards uni fees. Nothing. However, last year when he split up with his wife he contacted her and expected her to take him out to the pub to cheer him up. He also tried to contact me through Facebook via a family member who he had befriended claiming he still loved me. He'd heard I was now doing ok and had just received a small inheritance. He was quickly blocked. Arsehole | |||
"If the CSA have worked things out then surely its an 'all in one' kinda payment and down to the main parent to budget accordingly for uniform as its pretty standard schools need them just like a child requires day to day clothing Although school trips arent compulsory i would say thats an additional expense so talk about it with the absent parent. If they say no, and you cant afford it simply say no to the trip Just because the CSA have calculated, it doesn't mean it's a fair amount x" The CSA don't means test either parent! It's calculated at 20% of net pay for 2 children and 15% for one child.. But if the payments aren't made from the time of application then CSA can take 40% of the absent parents wages | |||
"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . " Children are made jointly so you should be paying out for your children the same as he is. | |||
"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . Children are made jointly so you should be paying out for your children the same as he is." If I did that they would starve | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . Children are made jointly so you should be paying out for your children the same as he is. If I did that they would starve " I am not sure I understand what you mean? | |||
"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . Children are made jointly so you should be paying out for your children the same as he is. If I did that they would starve I am not sure I understand what you mean?" If I paid out the same as him then my babies would go hungry or thirsty or have no new clothes or electric etc | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . Children are made jointly so you should be paying out for your children the same as he is. If I did that they would starve I am not sure I understand what you mean? If I paid out the same as him then my babies would go hungry or thirsty or have no new clothes or electric etc " I think you are confusing me now and my ead hurts
I was answering your post of "Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance"
That's why I said more or less....you both had the children so why shouldn't you both pay for them. | |||
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"The way I look at it is if I was still with my kids mum, what I pay her is what I would have to pay anyway. I have always paid up and it doesn't matter where the money goes as long as the kids have a good roof over their heads, good clothes, are fed well and are not going without. I also pay half of other exceptional expenditure, so school holidays, uniforms, kits for their social activities etc. And yes, she may still live in an expensive house, but I would rather her do that than having to uproot the kids when it isn't their fault." If only all dads thought like you! | |||
" of course the absent parent should contribute but it sickens me when i see some mothers living the high life for themselves when the father is made to pay over the top " I agree , but I've seen it the other way round too ! Father living the high life and mother receiving zilch ! OP - I believe maintenance should help towards everything from the cost of housing , clothes , food to school trips, extra curricular activities. It may be that you agree yourselves one offs - like a foreign school trip to split the cost, but there's no onus on the non resident parent to agree to this. | |||
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"My ex wants me to pay petrol for when he has then once a fortnight . He lives locally . " Lol. One of my ex's asked me to do that too  Having paid no maintenance she still thought I ought to be helping HER out on the pretence that it was for the good of our daughter. Cheeky mare!
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"My ex wants me to pay petrol for when he has then once a fortnight . He lives locally . Lol. One of my ex's asked me to do that too Having paid no maintenance she still thought I ought to be helping HER out on the pretence that it was for the good of our daughter. Cheeky mare!
"I can't drive at the min so I walk everywhere or we take our bikes or I fork out on bus . He wants petrol money ? He knows I have asked csa to calculate his payments and has kicked off and said he and none of his family will ever contribute to anything ever again and he will force me to sell house . Well nice to know he wants to make his kids homeless | |||
"My ex wants me to pay petrol for when he has then once a fortnight . He lives locally . Lol. One of my ex's asked me to do that too Having paid no maintenance she still thought I ought to be helping HER out on the pretence that it was for the good of our daughter. Cheeky mare!
I can't drive at the min so I walk everywhere or we take our bikes or I fork out on bus .
He wants petrol money ? He knows I have asked csa to calculate his payments and has kicked off and said he and none of his family will ever contribute to anything ever again and he will force me to sell house . Well nice to know he wants to make his kids homeless "Ever considered mediation? | |||
"My ex wants me to pay petrol for when he has then once a fortnight . He lives locally . Lol. One of my ex's asked me to do that too Having paid no maintenance she still thought I ought to be helping HER out on the pretence that it was for the good of our daughter. Cheeky mare!
I can't drive at the min so I walk everywhere or we take our bikes or I fork out on bus .
He wants petrol money ? He knows I have asked csa to calculate his payments and has kicked off and said he and none of his family will ever contribute to anything ever again and he will force me to sell house . Well nice to know he wants to make his kids homeless
Ever considered mediation? "Yes but he didn't show up unfortunately | |||
" of course the absent parent should contribute but it sickens me when i see some mothers living the high life for themselves when the father is made to pay over the top I agree , but I've seen it the other way round too ! Father living the high life and mother receiving zilch ! " As I point out in an earlier post. | |||
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"If the ex is already paying an adequate (or more) amount, is it right to ask for more just because they have a pay increase? If the ex with the kids gets a big pay increase that dwarfs the other persons pay, is it ok to still ask for more? Thats happened to my brother." Legally the ex's salary or wealth has nothing to do with it, maintenance is worked out as a percentage of the payers salary after taking into account the number of children and the days per year the maint paying parent has custody of the child. The ex could be a millionaire and it's irrelevant | |||
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" of course the absent parent should contribute but it sickens me when i see some mothers living the high life for themselves when the father is made to pay over the top I agree , but I've seen it the other way round too ! Father living the high life and mother receiving zilch ! As I point out in an earlier post." I hadn't read the whole thread DB. was rushing. | |||
"I don't got a kid but I know the father usually pays more, I recon both should pay similar." What if, because she has children, the woman is unable to earn her full potential and is on minimum wage? If she pays all she can afford and he only matches this then the children lose out. If he pays more so that the children get a better start in life then all to the good. Bear in mind that women with children are more likely to have the lower incomes. | |||
"Hi all Just a Quick question to both mums and dads . What do you think child maintenance should be for . ? Everything . A dad or mum gives the other parent maintenance and so they should not have to contribute to school uniform or school trips etc All reasonable costs to bring up a child....simples Or is it a fair ask to also ask for this as well ? Thanks in advance
(So far I have paid for every thing myself ) " | |||
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"I think they should help out, pay what they can afford not pay for everything so they go short themselves though." Help out ! So they don't go short themselves ! What planet are you on, if you have kids you should pay for them whatever the cost and if it means you go short yourself SO BE IT. | |||
"I don't got a kid but I know the father usually pays more, I recon both should pay similar. What if, because she has children, the woman is unable to earn her full potential and is on minimum wage? If she pays all she can afford and he only matches this then the children lose out. If he pays more so that the children get a better start in life then all to the good. Bear in mind that women with children are more likely to have the lower incomes." surely when calculating the maintenance payments the circumstances of both parties are taken into account? At least that is how I thought it worked. | |||
"I don't got a kid but I know the father usually pays more, I recon both should pay similar. What if, because she has children, the woman is unable to earn her full potential and is on minimum wage? If she pays all she can afford and he only matches this then the children lose out. If he pays more so that the children get a better start in life then all to the good. Bear in mind that women with children are more likely to have the lower incomes. surely when calculating the maintenance payments the circumstances of both parties are taken into account? At least that is how I thought it worked. " No not at all only the income of the payee, the number of kids and the days the payee has custody. The other parties salary and assets don't matter This is if you go through the official way of calculating of course | |||
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"I think they should help out, pay what they can afford not pay for everything so they go short themselves though. Help out ! So they don't go short themselves ! What planet are you on, if you have kids you should pay for them whatever the cost and if it means you go short yourself SO BE IT. "  | |||
"I don't got a kid but I know the father usually pays more, I recon both should pay similar. What if, because she has children, the woman is unable to earn her full potential and is on minimum wage? If she pays all she can afford and he only matches this then the children lose out. If he pays more so that the children get a better start in life then all to the good. Bear in mind that women with children are more likely to have the lower incomes. surely when calculating the maintenance payments the circumstances of both parties are taken into account? At least that is how I thought it worked. " I was only responding to the post I quoted where he suggested that both parents pay similar amounts. I was pointing out that it was unfeasible. | |||
"all parents should agree payments between themselves wot ppl dont know is this ............not ever one parent pays goes to ONE GOVERMENT Bank account in the HSBC bank in dudley in the west midlands and is held in that bank account for two wks then sent on to the parent with the child they keep track of whos pays into it by useing nationl insurance numbers as a referance number thereare millions and millions of pounds every wk going into that account earning intrest who gets that not the kids " Not sure where you got that information from .... A friend gets hers 3 days after her ex pays. He texts her to say its paid then few days later CSA text to say money on way and its usually in her account that day or the next | |||
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"I get £300 per month off my ex for 1 child. It's much less than csa calculate but I agreed on this figure and I've never asked for a penny more for trips etc or asked for an increase despite knowing he gets a good wage rise each year! I know he begrudges every penny he pays to the point of regularly making snide comments to my daughter. If I could afford it I'd tell him to stick the money up his arse but I can't as I receive no help from anywhere else despite the woman claiming most people get child tax credits. "Well if u dont its because your income is over 40,000 | |||
"I get £300 per month off my ex for 1 child. It's much less than csa calculate but I agreed on this figure and I've never asked for a penny more for trips etc or asked for an increase despite knowing he gets a good wage rise each year! I know he begrudges every penny he pays to the point of regularly making snide comments to my daughter. If I could afford it I'd tell him to stick the money up his arse but I can't as I receive no help from anywhere else despite the woman claiming most people get child tax credits.
Well if u dont its because your income is over 40,000"My income is nowhere near 40k but I still don't qualify!!! | |||
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"I get £300 per month off my ex for 1 child. It's much less than csa calculate but I agreed on this figure and I've never asked for a penny more for trips etc or asked for an increase despite knowing he gets a good wage rise each year! I know he begrudges every penny he pays to the point of regularly making snide comments to my daughter. If I could afford it I'd tell him to stick the money up his arse but I can't as I receive no help from anywhere else despite the woman claiming most people get child tax credits.
Well if u dont its because your income is over 40,000
My income is nowhere near 40k but I still don't qualify!!!"im baffled then | |||
"I get £300 per month off my ex for 1 child. It's much less than csa calculate but I agreed on this figure and I've never asked for a penny more for trips etc or asked for an increase despite knowing he gets a good wage rise each year! I know he begrudges every penny he pays to the point of regularly making snide comments to my daughter. If I could afford it I'd tell him to stick the money up his arse but I can't as I receive no help from anywhere else despite the woman claiming most people get child tax credits.
Well if u dont its because your income is over 40,000
My income is nowhere near 40k but I still don't qualify!!!
im baffled then "Taken from hmrc website - maximum income is 26k not 40!!! Income guidelines/limits We call them income guidelines because they are a good rule-of-thumb for the amount that you can get in tax credit in proportion to your income. (if you have a child, but you and your partner work less than 16 hours a week), working tax credit (if you’re over 25 and over 30+ hours a week) or working tax credit + child tax credit (if you have a child and you work 30+ hours a week). For instance, if you are single without children, £13,000 will generally be the upper limit to receiving tax credit. Situation Probable income limit You have one child £26,000 You have two children £32,200 Single without children £13,000 Couple without children £18,000 | |||
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"The child's needs simply. I'm quite sucked by some of the Facebook statuses I've seen from girls talking about the maintainence money coming in an how it's time for a high might out or a new set of shoes Usually the day after complaint that they don't have money for x y z for the child. " That's when ex's get pissed off and rightly so - I know all mine goes on my daughter and then some - just funding her dance classes is like a second mortgage | |||
"I have never been offered child maintenance , and nor do I want it , I'm happy to fund my son independently , from what I have seen and heard , it just causes arguments , no disrespect to those who happily pay it intended " Fair play to you. Lucky kid, sounds like you've got their back | |||
"The child's needs simply. I'm quite sucked by some of the Facebook statuses I've seen from girls talking about the maintainence money coming in an how it's time for a high might out or a new set of shoes Usually the day after complaint that they don't have money for x y z for the child. That's when ex's get pissed off and rightly so - I know all mine goes on my daughter and then some - just funding her dance classes is like a second mortgage "Hehe still maybe one day she'll end up rich and famous from it and will keep you in the lap of luxury :p | |||
"I have never been offered child maintenance , and nor do I want it , I'm happy to fund my son independently , from what I have seen and heard , it just causes arguments , no disrespect to those who happily pay it intended Fair play to you. Lucky kid, sounds like you've got their back "We do ok I'm nowt special ,, a man has to do what a man has to do | |||
"The child's needs simply. I'm quite sucked by some of the Facebook statuses I've seen from girls talking about the maintainence money coming in an how it's time for a high might out or a new set of shoes Usually the day after complaint that they don't have money for x y z for the child. That's when ex's get pissed off and rightly so - I know all mine goes on my daughter and then some - just funding her dance classes is like a second mortgage
Hehe still maybe one day she'll end up rich and famous from it and will keep you in the lap of luxury :p"Haha hopefully or if not at least if she's in the dance studio most night she's not wanting to hang round on corners like the rest of the teenage population where I live!! | |||
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"Well I know that I pay out way more for my children that I get in maintenance . And ok I may go out or whatever but that still doesn't mean I haven't paid lots more for the children . child ben, child tax credit and working tax credit, housing ben, possible council tax help are all paid to parents (if they qualify) to help with the costs of children. of course the absent parent should contribute but it sickens me when i see some mothers living the high life for themselves when the father is made to pay over the top " | |||
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"Mediation is the key if all parties turn up and can come to fair outcome. I was presently surprised as I thought I would get stung for everything but was very impressed with the mediator who quite clearly said and explained that both parties have to live. Even though I lost my job after the agreement was met I still made sure my child payments were paid even though I didn't have too as I was unemployed but I couldn't see my two kids go without. It has made me a better person and have a more closer bond with my kids and they can see that there dad is happy " | |||
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"Mediation is the key if all parties turn up and can come to fair outcome. I was presently surprised as I thought I would get stung for everything but was very impressed with the mediator who quite clearly said and explained that both parties have to live. " My ex has decided to not pay me for months. I've had 3 payments in the past 18 months and before that nothing for 6 months and it's far below what he should pay. The amount I agreed was way below what the CSA , Child Maintenance Scheme would ask him to pay as well, I was trying to be fair. There is no consistency to the timing of his payments and amounts. Makes it very difficult at my end. I don't expect him to not live, or to just scrape by, I do expect him to help financially towards his children. I've even offered that he pays directly for school dinners , music lessons , school shoes, uniform - rather than to me, as he seems to think he's funding my life! Far from it! I'm trying mediation again, we did it years ago and he walked out in anger, saying the mediator was on my side. I can't talk to him with him losing his temper, so this is the only way I can see us going forward. I'm not convinced he'll engage, but I can only try! At the end of the day though , it's up to him.  | |||
"What I am about to write is no judgement on anyone who has posted on this thread, or who will post on it - its a general opinion I have which I thought I would share. When you are a parent you give up the right to be selfish. Because in this fleeting heartbeat of our existence the only thing that we truly leave behind are our children. They are the only true legacy we have. The money, the cars, the houses are empty when we are gone - only our children remain. For 99.9999% of us on earth, everything else we do counts for absolutely nothing - save for the piece of us which lives on in them, long after we are ash and dust. What we give our children, the role models we are to them - that's the thing which matters. Everything else is just ephemeral. " Spot on | |||
 Its heart breaking.
The ex had them for Christmas recently and he bought each one present for under the tree. His 3rd child with his current partner got lots of presents. My youngest was heartbroken. Luckily father Christmas had left lots of presents at mine.
Maintenance needs to reflect school uniform mobile phone. 1st suit for interviews. Driving lessons. .....can't see my ex agreeing to any of it. | |||
"I have two children with my ex. One primary school and one in high school. I did mediation and the mediator told him off for threatening behaviour. He walked out and I sat in tears in disbelief. My ex doesn't contribute to any extra stuff and there will always be an excuse why. At the moment I now also pay a mobile phone contract for my eldest and he now eats as much as any man. The money for him hasn't gone up from the ex. it will be driving lessons some point. I have told my eldest that his dad and I will pay for it. That is going to be one hell of a battle to get him to give more money. My ex after our divorve gave me a load of debt which I can never pay off (already saught advice) and is still far to interested in my life. He had already asked my son at 12 if I attended swinging clubs!!!! So no. Maintenance doesn't drop in the ocean what our children cost. I get them what they need and all the love I can give. Their dad will always have an excuse Its heart breaking.
The ex had them for Christmas recently and he bought each one present for under the tree. His 3rd child with his current partner got lots of presents. My youngest was heartbroken. Luckily father Christmas had left lots of presents at mine.
Maintenance needs to reflect school uniform mobile phone. 1st suit for interviews. Driving lessons. .....can't see my ex agreeing to any of it."thats the thing, the amount of csa paid/received is what the government say the child/children need from each parent to be fed, clothed and basically live, they do not factor in any luxuries like phones, driving lessons, etc, that is down to the decency and common sense of the parents to discuss it and sort it out for the sake of the child, but there is no legal obligation to do so, its down to decency. | |||
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"Its a shame I am the only one to consider those bits that are needed. Driving lessons are going to be hundreds each week almost (no idea honestly how much it will cost) but can't see him contributing. "i have to say that im a single parent - no way would i pay for phones after the age of 18 - they are 20 and 23 now - theyve had saturday jobs and paid for things like this themselves - same with driving lessons - these are definately way over the needed clothes food and roof essentials | |||
"Its a shame I am the only one to consider those bits that are needed. Driving lessons are going to be hundreds each week almost (no idea honestly how much it will cost) but can't see him contributing.
i have to say that im a single parent - no way would i pay for phones after the age of 18 - they are 20 and 23 now - theyve had saturday jobs and paid for things like this themselves - same with driving lessons - these are definately way over the needed clothes food and roof essentials
"I agree. These things aren't essentials. When I was 17 I got my first 10 lessons as a birthday present and I paid for the rest from what I earnt doing a saturday job/working in the school holidays. It is a luxury in my opinion. | |||
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"My son is not at working age yet. But we have already discussed that he will get a Saturday job when old enough but his studies are prority. It is a luxury but also essential to be able to drive unless you have eady access to areas with suitable jobs/colleges. I was lucky that my college was on my bus route." Get him to do his cbt and get a 125. Way cheaper than driving. | |||
"My son is not at working age yet. But we have already discussed that he will get a Saturday job when old enough but his studies are prority. It is a luxury but also essential to be able to drive unless you have eady access to areas with suitable jobs/colleges. I was lucky that my college was on my bus route." Kids can study and still work. My daughter off her own back got herself a paper round as soon as she turned 13 and it's 8 months down the line and it's made no difference to her studies at all but it's made a huge difference to her understanding of money management plus I wish I had £70 to play with each month! | |||
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"My son is not at working age yet. But we have already discussed that he will get a Saturday job when old enough but his studies are prority. It is a luxury but also essential to be able to drive unless you have eady access to areas with suitable jobs/colleges. I was lucky that my college was on my bus route. Kids can study and still work. My daughter off her own back got herself a paper round as soon as she turned 13 and it's 8 months down the line and it's made no difference to her studies at all but it's made a huge difference to her understanding of money management plus I wish I had £70 to play with each month!" I am sure they can. As I said we aren't at that stage yet Motorbike licence. ...no thanks. His dad has suggested this but our son has no interest in bikes like his dad. I fully support my son in choosing a car over a bike. I saw the results of a friend in a bike accident and that has stayed with me since. When we get to the point of Saturday jobs then we will go for that to bulk up his lessons funds. He has said he will do all he can to help. I just hope his dad will too. | |||
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"Its a shame I am the only one to consider those bits that are needed. Driving lessons are going to be hundreds each week almost (no idea honestly how much it will cost) but can't see him contributing. "Phones and driving lessons are luxuries. If he is old enough for driving lessons then he is old enough for a job to pay for them | |||
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