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Swinging - how does it work for couples
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"i doubt that any couple is going to come on here saying it isnt working for them. " Yes, I am very much aware of that. That's why I wrote, that maybe they can share they observations. Thank you for your post! | |||
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"I wouldn't say there's any jealousy when we swing, but every time we meet when we get home we discuss everything that happened, for example we played with a couple and the lady was only a small girl so I could pick her up and move her around, Mrs l didn't like that, been 6ft she's not made to be lifted, she said she didn't like me doing something I couldn't do with her, so now we know that that isn't something I will not do again, no jealousy just a dislike" Thank you! That's interesting observation. | |||
"The main problem we have is when we forget to communicate. Every now and then we wobble because one of us has expected the other to be a mind reader. ... Then we have a reboot and get back on track. " Thanks again that is very interesting thread for me. All my life I thought I was made monogamist, but I am starting to think that maybe that lifestyle could be for me. But happy being single so far | |||
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"We see the first hurdle to overcome is the concept that sexual fidelity is a valid barometer of love and affection. Once that is dealt with you can revel in the pleasure the one you love is receiving from others without jealousy. " Very true. I would say that if you feel jealous you should avoid swinging. | |||
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"I would like to hear what problems between ppl in couple swinging creates, And for whom it is not working. In your relationship or what you can see observing other couples" I'm curious as to why this interests you? | |||
This doesn't necessarily mean that we're an overly cautious couple. Just that our relationship wasn't really based on sex but rather on romantic love. It's taken quite a profound, and somewhat long winded, spiritual shift to realise that sexual exploration and romantic love are not necessarily incompatible | |||
"I would like to hear what problems between ppl in couple swinging creates, And for whom it is not working. In your relationship or what you can see observing other couples I'm curious as to why this interests you?" Me too. Quite specifically worded questions such as this make me wonder. | |||
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"I am not sure I got you right , but if I sound sometimes funny or weird, that's maybe because I am not native? Never in my life lived in English-speaking country (traveled of course), all I learnt is from reading, watching, listing, talking. I remember some vague knowledge of grammar from high school, but it was ages ago, and I left high school with very very limited knowledge of English, hardly able to communicate. Yeah, I know, that British and American people are expecting everyone speak perfect English, but would be nice if you keep in mind, that not everyone is native and some people put a lot of effort to learn foreign language. Thank you. As for why does subject of swinging interest me. Sorry to disappoint you, I am no journalist, not planning to write a book about it neither scenario for TV show. Just some human being are interested in people behavior, motivations, incentives, relationships and how it all works. And I am one of them. " I'm not concerned about your.ability to speak English it's clear that you're not a native speaker but you're easily understood. However just as you wonder about people's motivation so do I. | |||
"We see the first hurdle to overcome is the concept that sexual fidelity is a valid barometer of love and affection. Once that is dealt with you can revel in the pleasure the one you love is receiving from others without jealousy. " This is a good way of putting it. If you equate sex with love then swinging is probably not for you. If you can separate the two then mostly its about not doing something that you wouldn't do with your partner. For example if Mrs KL was to give a swinging partner a blowjob to completion (CIM) then I would be a little annoyed as its something she doesn't do very often with me. | |||
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"We never explain or justify our reasons for swinging or what goes on within our relationship, what we do and how we live works for us and that's all that matters. We have observed problems between other people mainly due to one of them doing it to keep the other one happy. But again that's their business and they might have reasons." This  | |||
"Its easier to be single.. we just shag " | |||
"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys "Swinging horror stories.  | |||
"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys "Not sure I would stand for that. One rule we have is that what is good for the goose is good for the gander. I (MR) like to see MRS getting the attention of both guys and girls but in the end its something we do this together as a couple. We prefer a jumble of limbs and group sex rather than straight swaps. But then I guess every couple have their own thing, likes and dislikes. Like everything in life its a balance between give and take. Sometimes one gives more and sometimes one takes more but overall things should even out for it to be sustainable. | |||
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"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys "This type of situation is a lot more common than people will admit. It just confirms to me that there's no set script for this swinging scene. Couples will adapt and find what works for them. Isn't that the case with most things? | |||
"Every couple is different as every human is different. What is good and working for you, doesn't mean should work for others. Rockinluv worked out their boundaries, no point to criticize them or judge them only for they won't work for you." I am by no means judging anybody. I was just giving my opinion and what our rules are. | |||
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"To us sex is separate to love. Jealousy is a falsely imposed emotion that serves no purpose other then to enforce "ownership" on another person. " This is how we look at it also. | |||
"Lets also not forget that without couples it wouldn't be swinging. It'd be just a lot of singles being promiscuous. (From what I can gather not much different to how some treat the dating scene). " I sometimes feel that couples are looked down upon as seriously odd for being on a swinging site by some singles......its as though they're thinking what the hell are you doing on here? There must be something wrong with you and your relationship  | |||
"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys
This type of situation is a lot more common than people will admit. It just confirms to me that there's no set script for this swinging scene. Couples will adapt and find what works for them.
Isn't that the case with most things?"This doesn't seem fair or to be working though? | |||
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"We have been together 30 years and not once cheated on each other. We both started getting curious about sex with others so thought swinging was the best way to go about it. We have met lots of lovely people and lots of sex we have no hang ups whatsoever and both get a real buzz and the sex when were together after is electric. We always talk about what has happened if there is something one of us is not happy with we make sure it doesn't happen again. Swinging can definitely work but you have to be totally committed to each other" | |||
"To us sex is separate to love. Jealousy is a falsely imposed emotion that serves no purpose other then to enforce "ownership" on another person. This is how we look at it also. " Same applies to us. | |||
"Lets also not forget that without couples it wouldn't be swinging. It'd be just a lot of singles being promiscuous. (From what I can gather not much different to how some treat the dating scene). I sometimes feel that couples are looked down upon as seriously odd for being on a swinging site by some singles......its as though they're thinking what the hell are you doing on here? There must be something wrong with you and your relationship "Some singles do assume that their own insecurities and jealous tendancies are universal. I do think though that most appreciate how strong most swingers relationships are. Many probably actually envy that type of relationship. | |||
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"Lets also not forget that without couples it wouldn't be swinging. It'd be just a lot of singles being promiscuous. (From what I can gather not much different to how some treat the dating scene). I sometimes feel that couples are looked down upon as seriously odd for being on a swinging site by some singles......its as though they're thinking what the hell are you doing on here? There must be something wrong with you and your relationship "and increasingly frequently | |||
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"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys
This type of situation is a lot more common than people will admit. It just confirms to me that there's no set script for this swinging scene. Couples will adapt and find what works for them.
Isn't that the case with most things?
This doesn't seem fair or to be working though?
"It works fine for us because I (stu) seriously lack self confidence and wouldnt want to join in until we had met with the person/people in question on quite a few occassions. First I would think my body would put them off because Im the guy with the huge belly and 3" cock women are always describing when they mention the bloke they would never want to meet, and then if I did get the nerve up to join in I would be convinced they were not enjoying my participation and just putting up with it to get to Emily. I often think Emily only plays with me through a sense of duty not lust. I dont like admitting to this because I dont want people thinking Im looking for sympathy. Im not. But I wont have everybody thinking Emily is some control freak who treats me unfairly either. We usually just give her reasons for me not playing as its easier than this long winded explanation. The long and short of it is I love watching her get it on with others and she loves getting it on with me while we watch her getting it on with others. I get more enjoyment like that than I would get putting myself through the humiliation of trying to join in. Emilys jealousy is more a case of not trusting the other women. Shes convinced they are gonna try and run off with me lmao we recently met a couple who she has developed trust and friendship with and she has asked me to join in and encouraged it. I had a play with the other womens boobs but she seemed more interested in what Emily and her fella were doing as she loved watching so the lack of response convinced me to settle back into my role as voyeur. It might sound like a nightmare to some but it DOES work for us. She plays I watch we are both happy and getting a kick from it. Its just really hard to explain how or why, but thats what the OP asked for | |||
"I wouldn't say there's any jealousy when we swing, but every time we meet when we get home we discuss everything that happened, for example we played with a couple and the lady was only a small girl so I could pick her up and move her around, Mrs l didn't like that, been 6ft she's not made to be lifted, she said she didn't like me doing something I couldn't do with her, so now we know that that isn't something I will not do again, no jealousy just a dislike"
We always brief before a meet and debrief afterwards, we have had moments we didn't like and it's all part of learning what works and what doesn't.
Communication is key | |||
"I wouldn't say there's any jealousy when we swing, but every time we meet when we get home we discuss everything that happened, for example we played with a couple and the lady was only a small girl so I could pick her up and move her around, Mrs l didn't like that, been 6ft she's not made to be lifted, she said she didn't like me doing something I couldn't do with her, so now we know that that isn't something I will not do again, no jealousy just a dislike
We always brief before a meet and debrief afterwards, we have had moments we didn't like and it's all part of learning what works and what doesn't.
Communication is key "We do the same. Emily wouldnt want me to bottle something up to protect her and vice versa. If something isnt mutually enjoyable we dont do it again  | |||
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"Swinging, also known as wife swapping or partner swapping, is a non-monogamous behavior, in which partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity - predominantly couples engage in this practice - it works for most couples and it's strange that any one on a swingers web site should question how it works for couples - almost as if it's strange! Z" That was really strange. LOL | |||
"Swinging, also known as wife swapping or partner swapping, is a non-monogamous behavior, in which partners in a committed relationship engage in sexual activities with others as a recreational or social activity - predominantly couples engage in this practice - it works for most couples and it's strange that any one on a swingers web site should question how it works for couples - almost as if it's strange! Z That was really strange. LOL" in what way was that strange? Swinging is a past time mostly enjoyed by couples yet you are questioning why and how couples swing! Z | |||
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"Maybe read some replay ppl got me, you may get some idea why." ok - i might if i have time Z | |||
"that was very interesting thread.. any new thoughts?" The biggest turn on is to be together with your life partner and them being turned on, excited and happy. Why would anyone feel so insecure that they would NOT want to walk through life and share fantasies (vanilla or otherwise) with the love of their life? As stated above.. To even think that you may have doubts or insecurities brought about by jealousy is a pretty good reason to not even try it. | |||
"I am not sure I got you right , but if I sound sometimes funny or weird, that's maybe because I am not native? Never in my life lived in English-speaking country (traveled of course), all I learnt is from reading, watching, listing, talking. I remember some vague knowledge of grammar from high school, but it was ages ago, and I left high school with very very limited knowledge of English, hardly able to communicate. Yeah, I know, that British and American people are expecting everyone speak perfect English, but would be nice if you keep in mind, that not everyone is native and some people put a lot of effort to learn foreign language. Thank you. " Sidetrack - Im impressed by your standard of English | |||
"We never explain or justify our reasons for swinging or what goes on within our relationship, what we do and how we live works for us and that's all that matters. We have observed problems between other people mainly due to one of them doing it to keep the other one happy. But again that's their business and they might have reasons." this | |||
"We never explain or justify our reasons for swinging or what goes on within our relationship, what we do and how we live works for us and that's all that matters. We have observed problems between other people mainly due to one of them doing it to keep the other one happy. But again that's their business and they might have reasons." much the same thoughts as ours | |||
"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys "Women sometimes possess men and it would appear you have that issue. To be honest she is being very unfair to you. She is happy to suck other men off but not let you have that. She needs to be more reasonable but in matters of jealousy reason is the first thing to go. | |||
"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys
Women sometimes possess men and it would appear you have that issue. To be honest she is being very unfair to you. She is happy to suck other men off but not let you have that. She needs to be more reasonable but in matters of jealousy reason is the first thing to go."Totally incorrect. We started swinging because I wanted to watch her get groped by other guys so I asked her if she would do that. She has never wanted to see me with another women and, for reasons I described in a later post, Im happy not to play with other women. Its nothing to do with anybody being possesed, if anything its about her doing anything she can to please me and thats more than fair. Youve clearly totally misunderstood our situation | |||
"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys
Women sometimes possess men and it would appear you have that issue. To be honest she is being very unfair to you. She is happy to suck other men off but not let you have that. She needs to be more reasonable but in matters of jealousy reason is the first thing to go.
Totally incorrect. We started swinging because I wanted to watch her get groped by other guys so I asked her if she would do that. She has never wanted to see me with another women and, for reasons I described in a later post, Im happy not to play with other women. Its nothing to do with anybody being possesed, if anything its about her doing anything she can to please me and thats more than fair. Youve clearly totally misunderstood our situation "Ok. I stand corrected.  | |||
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"I love watching Emily get it on with people, the more the merrier lol BUT one fantasy I always wanted to become reality was getting oral from two women. Now Emily admits she couldnt handle seeing me with another women so I dont play Im happy to watch. But the first time we had a couple here she encouraged the other women to join her sucking the guys cock. I felt kicked in the balls. It felt like she had said Im taking your fantasy that Im never going to allow you to have and Im giving it to this guy. Salt in the wound... We talked about it afterwards and she said she had no idea Id felt like that and Im totally over it now so these days her jealousy is the only issue. She has to contact women and Im not allowed any contact with them other than face to face verbal. I find it quite funny that she worries Ill cheat while shes getting fucked by countless guys
Women sometimes possess men and it would appear you have that issue. To be honest she is being very unfair to you. She is happy to suck other men off but not let you have that. She needs to be more reasonable but in matters of jealousy reason is the first thing to go.
Totally incorrect. We started swinging because I wanted to watch her get groped by other guys so I asked her if she would do that. She has never wanted to see me with another women and, for reasons I described in a later post, Im happy not to play with other women. Its nothing to do with anybody being possesed, if anything its about her doing anything she can to please me and thats more than fair. Youve clearly totally misunderstood our situation
Ok. I stand corrected. "Lol I can see how it would look as you described and Im sure there are couples who unfortunately fit your description. But also there are a lot of people making a lot of assumptions on this site rather than asking qestions. | |||
"Interesting thread" | |||
"We have been together 30 years and not once cheated on each other. We both started getting curious about sex with others so thought swinging was the best way to go about it. We have met lots of lovely people and lots of sex we have no hang ups whatsoever and both get a real buzz and the sex when were together after is electric. We always talk about what has happened if there is something one of us is not happy with we make sure it doesn't happen again. Swinging can definitely work but you have to be totally committed to each other" | |||
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"I am still wondering how does that swinging world working, especially for couples. I know that most of you will tell me that everything is great no jealousy at all, that it is that what you missed beginning monogamist. I am not saying that I don't believe, not at all. But we are all human, and to get rid of jealousy is, let just say - not always possible. I would like to hear what problems between ppl in couple swinging creates, And for whom it is not working. In your relationship or what you can see observing other couples" We've never had a problem we were talking to friends who indulged and chatted on the way home in the car and all these years later still enjoying it without any issues. It just works which is great. | |||
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"I thought you might also find it interesting that for some couples there is a lot of work that goes into preparing to swing before anything happens. With us, for example, I bought the subject of trying out a threesome about 4 years ago. Since then we have done a lot of talking, a lot of reading, a fair bit of rummaging around on Fab, and just generally moving ourselves forward to the point where we're both ready to give it a try. I'm sure other couples jump in a lot faster, especially where there is immediate common agreement. But I just thought I'd let you know our story
This doesn't necessarily mean that we're an overly cautious couple. Just that our relationship wasn't really based on sex but rather on romantic love. It's taken quite a profound, and somewhat long winded, spiritual shift to realise that sexual exploration and romantic love are not necessarily incompatible "How brilliantly expressed. We have been exactly the same, over a much longer period of 8 years, where we visited clubs, not to play with others, but just to get a feel of the scene, and have very slowly over the years pushed our boundaries, to where we are now, actually playing with others under circumstances we feel comfortable with. For us it's very much the excitement, that meet and getting ready for it, the build up to it, the meet and flirting and breaking the ice to actually playing. Do we get jealous? A little yes, but the beauty of it for us is we get to experience sex with others, but we know we love each other and make sure the last contact of any play is between us, and that where the actual act and the emotion seperate. The whole scene has created better trust between us, and a higher level of honesty. We have rules in the scene, which we keep to, but they are ever evolving as we come across different experiences and scenarios, and that in itself creates a level of honesty between us, as we are sure to discuss thins between us, as it's important to us we are both happy in what we are doing, and if one isn't happy about something, we simply respect that, accept it and move on. The biggest thing for us is that it doesn't take over a relationship, and be the defining thing for us as a couple, something we've seen happen to there people. As well as making sure we don't get addicted and start pushing our boundaries beyond our comfort zone just because we need a stronger fix! Oops but of an essay there | |||
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" Our bond is strong, and the sex is still explosive. The important thing in my eyes is to work out your boundaries together, be considerate of the person you love, be prepared to be flexible and forgiving and mostly enjoy it. sorry for chapter and verse lol "
There's been times yes when mistakes have been made due to miscommunication or just simply the speed at how things progressed but we don't hold a grudge over these things as end the of the day what we do on here or in clubs is extra to what we have as a couple. We talk about how these things made us feel and reset our boundaries to incorporate the things we liked and leave out those we didn't.
Cin | |||
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