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stepdaughter
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?"
as early as possible i would say that way she has grown up knowing this no massive shock when she is older . but thats just my view
jo  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends on the personality and maturity of the individual concerned.
I'd consider waiting till after Christmas as it may impact on whether you get socks or a trip to Malibu  "
PMSFL
him |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
as early as possible i would say that way she has grown up knowing this no massive shock when she is older . but thats just my view
jo "
This  |
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I was 12 when I found out that my Dad is not my biological father.
I'd been looking up rude words in the dictionary, and came across the meaning of the word 'bastard'. I asked my Dad if that's what I was because I was born before my parents were married.
The truth came out, I thought about it, it made no difference to my life, so I carried on as normal.
I'd be telling a lie if I said I hadn't thought about tracing my biological father. But my Dad has always been there for me, he's battled alongside me, and against me, and he's my Dad. I adore him and no one would ever be able to replace him. |
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
as early as possible i would say that way she has grown up knowing this no massive shock when she is older . but thats just my view
jo
This "
This is the way i was brought up and love my step dad loads. Never met my real father and don't really care to if i'm honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it was never a secret or hidden fact from me,, i was 3 when he came into my life but i dont remember my 'real dad'
just grew up knowing that he wasnt. Made no difference to my childhood. i called him dad |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
How old is she now?"
she is nearly 14, been divorced from her mum for 7 years and dont feel like its my right to tell her.my son is 16 and knows and thinks she should know sooner rather than later and btw. i love her so much and its gonna devastate her  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
as early as possible i would say that way she has grown up knowing this no massive shock when she is older . but thats just my view
jo
This This is the way i was brought up and love my step dad loads. Never met my real father and don't really care to if i'm honest."
but if you grew up knowing he was ur stepdad then its not the situation im in. nice to hear u say that tho |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
How old is she now?
she is nearly 14, been divorced from her mum for 7 years and dont feel like its my right to tell her.my son is 16 and knows and thinks she should know sooner rather than later and btw. i love her so much and its gonna devastate her "
can you and her mother not do it together?
if i was your daughter id be fucked off that everyone knew about it except me.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
How old is she now?
she is nearly 14, been divorced from her mum for 7 years and dont feel like its my right to tell her.my son is 16 and knows and thinks she should know sooner rather than later and btw. i love her so much and its gonna devastate her "
If she loves you and you love her I can't see it devastating her. My parents told me when I was 12 that dad was really my step-dad. He was all the dad I had ever known and was dad to me. I had to sign papers in front of a justice of the peace to take his name and it was a very proud day for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was brought up from a very early age knowing my dad wasn't my real dad I think if they waited to tell me I wouldn't of took it well "
i regret so much not telling her years ago and my biggest fear is that she isnt gonna take it well. i love her so much and im so sorry for lying to her all these years |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was brought up from a very early age knowing my dad wasn't my real dad I think if they waited to tell me I wouldn't of took it well
i regret so much not telling her years ago and my biggest fear is that she isnt gonna take it well. i love her so much and im so sorry for lying to her all these years"
Don't look upon it as lying to her, just see it as wanting to be her father so much you didn't want to believe she wasn't made by you. You raised her as you would your own so why feel bad about it? xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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from personal experience even though i knew from day dot my dad was infact my step dad as i got older the curiosity to find out about my real dad increased.
wanting to find out who i am, part of me was missing and unknown. i loved my dad dearly but somehow i still had that missing piece.
to see what he looked like, his lifestyle, his hobbies, if i had any step brothers/sisters,, if he had a partner,, if i had any cousins or auntys/uncles.. new grandparents etc |
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
as early as possible i would say that way she has grown up knowing this no massive shock when she is older . but thats just my view
jo
This This is the way i was brought up and love my step dad loads. Never met my real father and don't really care to if i'm honest.
but if you grew up knowing he was ur stepdad then its not the situation im in. nice to hear u say that tho"
What i was trying to say was as long as your there for her she'll love you regardless. My real father is the man that brought me up, my biological father nothing more than a sperm donor. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
How old is she now?
she is nearly 14, been divorced from her mum for 7 years and dont feel like its my right to tell her.my son is 16 and knows and thinks she should know sooner rather than later and btw. i love her so much and its gonna devastate her "
No your wrong it is your right to tell her and it's better coming from you rather her mum in the middle of a teenage argument...
Take her out for the day, sit on the beach and tell her how much she means to you, how proud of her you are and explain that no blood tie can be stronger that what you have.
Good luck |
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"from personal experience even though i knew from day dot my dad was infact my step dad as i got older the curiosity to find out about my real dad increased.
wanting to find out who i am, part of me was missing and unknown. i loved my dad dearly but somehow i still had that missing piece.
to see what he looked like, his lifestyle, his hobbies, if i had any step brothers/sisters,, if he had a partner,, if i had any cousins or auntys/uncles.. new grandparents etc "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?"
I think now you've reached the ripe old age of 48 the time has arrived because if you risk leaving it any longer, you may become forgetful...
Anyway,,,good luck,,,,, and I hope it goes well for all concerned..  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"from personal experience even though i knew from day dot my dad was infact my step dad as i got older the curiosity to find out about my real dad increased.
wanting to find out who i am, part of me was missing and unknown. i loved my dad dearly but somehow i still had that missing piece.
to see what he looked like, his lifestyle, his hobbies, if i had any step brothers/sisters,, if he had a partner,, if i had any cousins or auntys/uncles.. new grandparents etc "
and she will have my full support when she needs to find these missing pieces |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say when she is old enough to understand you ARE her dad you just didnt provide the DNA that was from a donor lol coz it takes more than sperm to be a good dad and you sound like your head is screwwed on because you are thinking about her future and if it could/couldnt affect her.
what ever feels right for you its YOUR daughter m8
nick |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It depends on the personality and maturity of the individual concerned.
I'd consider waiting till after Christmas as it may impact on whether you get socks or a trip to Malibu "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's such a difficult age at 14 so it's not going to be easy to approach we always told my son from as early as possible so he grew up knowing he had a father and a dad. It's not going to be easy expect some tantrums
Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I But my Dad has always been there for me, he's battled alongside me, and against me, and he's my Dad. I adore him and no one would ever be able to replace him. "
That's exactly how a Dad should be.
It will probably never feel like the right time to tell your daughter. You've brought her up, so you're her Dad. In the summer hols, seems a good time to tell her as she has time to digest it. Just be ready to reassure her that it makes no difference to how much you love her.
I lost my Dad at 13, my Mum remarried when I was 15. My step dad stepped into the massive void my Dad left and was a true gentleman whom I loved dearly.
You sound like a good Dad and I am sure your daughter will adjust to the news. |
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Is an awkward one for sure.... Are always gonna be nasty fuckers out there who feel the need to 'spill the beans' for what ever reason... On that note can only add if she is to be told, then maybe best coming from you? Then any questions/reactions can be sorted at the same time... Good Luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was brought up from a very early age knowing my dad wasn't my real dad I think if they waited to tell me I wouldn't of took it well
i regret so much not telling her years ago and my biggest fear is that she isnt gonna take it well. i love her so much and im so sorry for lying to her all these years"
I think 14 is a very hard age any way . It's sad that your son knows and not your daughter.
I've been on both sides of the wall.
I remarried when my 2 eldest were 2 and 6 months. they both grew up knowing the man that was bringing them up wasn't their biological dad but he was still their dad . He was there to wipe their tears but also to tell them off like any other dad.
Now although they are both in their 20's he is still there dad.
On the other side i found out at the age of 5 my dad wasn't my dad. He never showed me any love but did my sisters.
At the grand old age of 43 i have atlong last found my biological dads last address but it looks like i'm too late either that or they don't want to know.
xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was 12 when I found out that my Dad is not my biological father.
I'd been looking up rude words in the dictionary, and came across the meaning of the word 'bastard'. I asked my Dad if that's what I was because I was born before my parents were married.
The truth came out, I thought about it, it made no difference to my life, so I carried on as normal.
I'd be telling a lie if I said I hadn't thought about tracing my biological father. But my Dad has always been there for me, he's battled alongside me, and against me, and he's my Dad. I adore him and no one would ever be able to replace him. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"from personal experience even though i knew from day dot my dad was infact my step dad as i got older the curiosity to find out about my real dad increased.
wanting to find out who i am, part of me was missing and unknown. i loved my dad dearly but somehow i still had that missing piece.
to see what he looked like, his lifestyle, his hobbies, if i had any step brothers/sisters,, if he had a partner,, if i had any cousins or auntys/uncles.. new grandparents etc "
If you are going to do it Cute, do it now.... Before it's too late... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I was brought up from a very early age knowing my dad wasn't my real dad I think if they waited to tell me I wouldn't of took it well
i regret so much not telling her years ago and my biggest fear is that she isnt gonna take it well. i love her so much and im so sorry for lying to her all these years
I think 14 is a very hard age any way . It's sad that your son knows and not your daughter.
I've been on both sides of the wall.
I remarried when my 2 eldest were 2 and 6 months. they both grew up knowing the man that was bringing them up wasn't their biological dad but he was still their dad . He was there to wipe their tears but also to tell them off like any other dad.
Now although they are both in their 20's he is still there dad.
On the other side i found out at the age of 5 my dad wasn't my dad. He never showed me any love but did my sisters.
At the grand old age of 43 i have atlong last found my biological dads last address but it looks like i'm too late either that or they don't want to know.
xxxx"
Or, for some reason, can't at the moment...
OP: Do it now... If she ever finds out from someone else, then you do risk losing her trust... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
as early as possible i would say that way she has grown up knowing this no massive shock when she is older . but thats just my view
jo "
so it's always part of her life-story ....this is recommended to adopting families, good luck! xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?"
A friend wrote everything down in a letter and posted to himself then put the dated received envelope in another envelope marked to be opened after 18. Why well so he could bring it out if someone spilled the beans showing he was going to tell her and was waiting the time. Secondly as its easier to re write it and be happy rather than fluff it off the cuff. The main thing is to let her know its not a big issue to you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"from personal experience even though i knew from day dot my dad was infact my step dad as i got older the curiosity to find out about my real dad increased.
wanting to find out who i am, part of me was missing and unknown. i loved my dad dearly but somehow i still had that missing piece.
to see what he looked like, his lifestyle, his hobbies, if i had any step brothers/sisters,, if he had a partner,, if i had any cousins or auntys/uncles.. new grandparents etc
If you are going to do it Cute, do it now.... Before it's too late... "
i took the plunge and found him when i was 18.. he wasnt interested in anything other than alcohol and his step son. I didnt get my questions answered though, but doubt most of that family even knew about me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
If you are going to do it Cute, do it now.... Before it's too late...
i took the plunge and found him when i was 18.. he wasnt interested in anything other than alcohol and his step son. I didnt get my questions answered though, but doubt most of that family even knew about me "
For all the right reasons I left it... Now that I can, it's five years too late...  |
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I have a very good friend who was adopted as a baby. He and his sister (also adopted) have always known they were adopted their parents told him that they picked them specially...
Seems to have worked for them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?"
I told my son when he was 8 he thought I was kidding
But then the questions started and he wanted to know about his real dad and as he's got older he's asked if he can't contact him
But I know his dad don't want to be involved
So I said I don't know how to contact him as he moved away |
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I don't have first hand experience of this so I can't provide advice however I just want to wish you luck, it's clear you love her and regardless if you are not her biological dad you have provided something every child needs and that is love xx |
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"I don't have first hand experience of this so I can't provide advice however I just want to wish you luck, it's clear you love her and regardless if you are not her biological dad you have provided something every child needs and that is love xx"
When I was pregnant and the bloke did a linford christie all the questions came into my head how will I tell that child their dad did not want to know and I how would I explain it all, how would I shield that child from heart ache and not being wanted...I never got the chance to experience that or motherhood but the time will become right however id do it sooner rather than later as it would be better coming from you rather than someone else |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was 12 when I found out that my Dad is not my biological father.
I'd been looking up rude words in the dictionary, and came across the meaning of the word 'bastard'. I asked my Dad if that's what I was because I was born before my parents were married.
The truth came out, I thought about it, it made no difference to my life, so I carried on as normal.
I'd be telling a lie if I said I hadn't thought about tracing my biological father. But my Dad has always been there for me, he's battled alongside me, and against me, and he's my Dad. I adore him and no one would ever be able to replace him.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
I told my son when he was 8 he thought I was kidding
But then the questions started and he wanted to know about his real dad and as he's got older he's asked if he can't contact him
But I know his dad don't want to be involved
So I said I don't know how to contact him as he moved away "
Should you not have got in contact with your sons dad and given him the choice? He might have grown up since and realised what he missed out on.. people change |
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
I told my son when he was 8 he thought I was kidding
But then the questions started and he wanted to know about his real dad and as he's got older he's asked if he can't contact him
But I know his dad don't want to be involved
So I said I don't know how to contact him as he moved away
Should you not have got in contact with your sons dad and given him the choice? He might have grown up since and realised what he missed out on.. people change "
My sister was in a similar situation. She contacted her sons father on facebook and explained what her son had asked and asked if he felt he could do it without hurting her boy.
Luckily, although he is a dick, he was very understanding and accepted the contact via email in Facebook. It satisfied my nephews curiosity and so far he hasn't asked to contact him again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I dont see why she ever needs to know??? Sperm donor is not a father, why would you want to hurt her? If she ever asks tell her and explain how you love her and that she means everything to you... but unless you need too why bother, its not like it will enhance her life any.. that is my opinion anyway. |
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"I dont see why she ever needs to know??? Sperm donor is not a father, why would you want to hurt her? If she ever asks tell her and explain how you love her and that she means everything to you... but unless you need too why bother, its not like it will enhance her life any.. that is my opinion anyway."
Thatwould be fine if no one else knew but for her brother to know but not her would hurt her even more than being told the truth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
How old is she now?
she is nearly 14, been divorced from her mum for 7 years and dont feel like its my right to tell her.my son is 16 and knows and thinks she should know sooner rather than later and btw. i love her so much and its gonna devastate her
No your wrong it is your right to tell her and it's better coming from you rather her mum in the middle of a teenage argument...
Take her out for the day, sit on the beach and tell her how much she means to you, how proud of her you are and explain that no blood tie can be stronger that what you have.
Good luck "
I don't think there is ever going to be the right time, there never is for things like this, but I do like this idea of a day out as just the two of you where you are straight with her and let her ask any questions she needs to ask. My step dad to me is my Dad, and most people never know that he isn't as there is no reason for them to. He didn't come into my life till I was 6 so I always knew, but I never had any interest in my 'real dad' as he had no interest in me out my younger sister before he passed away. No matter what, the man who has brought me up and been there for me and my sister for 27 years will be my dad, if I ever get wed he will give me away and be grandad to any kids I have... I have learned in many ways over the years that blood isn't always thicker than water, and think she will feel the same after the initial shock wears off, after all you've still been her dad despite being divorced from her mum for several years x |
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By *iguy39Man
over a year ago
manchester |
Never a good age. Have you posed as her real father? If so you will have to deal with the issue of misleading her. How old is she now? Personally I would leave it until she is 16 and has her exams out of the way. Make sure you tell her how much you love her as well! |
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my son was told that i wasnt his real father by his mother at around 3 years old
but the child had no one else to look up to other than myself as the career of both of them i was a bit lucky as he still choose to call me his dad anyway so made no difference in end
in one way i think earlier is much better than latter but do agree with some of the above comments |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"what is a good age to tell my daughter i am not her biological father?
why would you want to do this?"
i dont want and nor does my ex wife but im finding keeping it from her is really upsetting me |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"just to say how much all the sensitive comments have been appreciated
you thought about when and how your going to tell her?"
yes i have and i think it should be left till she finishes her school exams so at least it wont affect summat as important as her grades.i got back with my ex when she was pregnant and planned never to tell her but the more i bonded with her over the years the worse i feel about it and now i cant stand the thought of it breaking her heart. |
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A father is a role, not necessarily carried out by the sperm source. Similarly a mother can be a step mother. (Cue the emotional nutters freaking out about that last bit)
The person who is there for you for your life is your parent. Irrespective of birth. |
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