FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > I bet you girls wish......
I bet you girls wish......
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"i love football too ...and have to be a lover of it to be a pompey and gills fan ( my boys birthplace and my own )
 "
if you have a spare couple of hours watch The Shouting Men ...very low budget but fans of low division teams ( and bonkers people ) will giggle at it ! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have yet to see any politician wearing shorts to show off a pair of lovely footballer legs… and tight pert buttocksI am thinking of lodging a complaint to the F.A and FIFA that the footballers shorts are way tooooooooooooooo long these days "
Shrek wearing tight shorts.
Are you trying to torment me!
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By *ollyWoman
over a year ago
aylesbury |
"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it  "
The OFFSIDE rule explained for girls.
Put simply...........
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till.
Behind the Shop Assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,*whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.
However until the purse has *actually been thrown* you are not allowed to move in front of the other shopper - (otherwise you would be 'Offside')...
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
The OFFSIDE rule explained for girls.
Put simply...........
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till.
Behind the Shop Assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,*whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.
However until the purse has *actually been thrown* you are not allowed to move in front of the other shopper - (otherwise you would be 'Offside')...
"
I knew someone would post that.
Hehe |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have yet to see any politician wearing shorts to show off a pair of lovely footballer legs… and tight pert buttocks"
you wont either, their rent boys are there for that  |
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"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
The OFFSIDE rule explained for girls.
Put simply...........
You're in a shoe shop, second in the queue for the till.
Behind the Shop Assistant on the till is a pair of shoes which you have seen and which you must have.
The female shopper in front of you has seen them also and is eyeing them with desire.
Both of you have forgotten your purses
It would be totally rude to push in front of the first woman if you had no money to pay for the shoes.
The shop assistant remains at the till waiting.
Your friend is trying on another pair of shoes at the back of the shop and sees your dilemma.
She prepares to throw her purse to you.
If she does so, you can catch the purse, then walk round the other shopper and buy the shoes.
At a pinch she could throw the purse ahead of the other shopper and,*whilst it is in flight* you could nip around the other shopper, catch the purse and buy the shoes.
However until the purse has *actually been thrown* you are not allowed to move in front of the other shopper - (otherwise you would be 'Offside')...
"
What if a second sales assistant rushes up to help the first one (they do that it's called queue management) just before your mate throws the purse.... can you catch the purse and knock the bitch at the front of the queue out of the way? Is the bitch at the front of the queue obstructing if she tries to stop you getting up to the counter now you have some dosh in your hand? |
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Now there are two sales assistants and you can move infront of the the other woman to catch the purse... what if the woman who was at the front of the queue pulls on your handbag as you go around her and drop the purse because of it?
Oh sooo many questions.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Now there are two sales assistants and you can move infront of the the other woman to catch the purse... what if the woman who was at the front of the queue pulls on your handbag as you go around her and drop the purse because of it?
Oh sooo many questions.
"
The 2nd sales assistant is like the linesman and if the woman in front of you pulls on your handbag as you move past her then that's a foul and a penalty. |
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Let's say your mate throwing the purse is a bad shot and it hits the sales assistant on the head and it rebounds back towards you... as long as you didn't push to the front of the queue before the purse is thrown.... can you still pick it up and buy the shoes? (assuming the sales assistant hasn't been knocked out) |
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Can you push infront of the first woman and then tell your mate not to throw the purse but to come to the front of the queue and buy the shoes for you... not touching the purse until the transaction has been completed of course. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Let's say your mate throwing the purse is a bad shot and it hits the sales assistant on the head and it rebounds back towards you... as long as you didn't push to the front of the queue before the purse is thrown.... can you still pick it up and buy the shoes? (assuming the sales assistant hasn't been knocked out)"
If the 'purse' hits anything on the legitimate field of play (including officials) and rebounds to you then you are deemed onside so long as you didn't move past the other shopper when the purse was thrown. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Can you push infront of the first woman and then tell your mate not to throw the purse but to come to the front of the queue and buy the shoes for you... not touching the purse until the transaction has been completed of course."
If she moves to the front and purchases the shoes herself then you are deemed not to have been interfering with play and the transaction is valid. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
Can you explain to us the difference between the offside rule in football and rugby?"
The football offside rule is explained above..
The Rugby offside rule is simple...
Anyone on a rugby pitch is offside cos it's a stupid game designed to give thugs something to do on Saturday afternoons. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
Can you explain to us the difference between the offside rule in football and rugby?
The football offside rule is explained above..
The Rugby offside rule is simple...
Anyone on a rugby pitch is offside cos it's a stupid game designed to give thugs something to do on Saturday afternoons. "
Egg chasing is not a sport that interest me
OK maybe i will watch Scotland in the 6 Nations but i don't have a clue what is going on  |
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By *b430Man
over a year ago
Tayside |
"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
Can you explain to us the difference between the offside rule in football and rugby?
The football offside rule is explained above..
The Rugby offside rule is simple...
Anyone on a rugby pitch is offside cos it's a stupid game designed to give thugs something to do on Saturday afternoons. "
I would say the opposite
There are far more "thugs" that turn up at football matches on a Saturday afternoon to cause trouble inside and outside of the grounds!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say the opposite
There are far more "thugs" that turn up at football matches on a Saturday afternoon to cause trouble inside and outside of the grounds! "
Lets av itttttttt!!
|
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OK - so I've positioned my self next to the first woman in the queue and without realising my left foot is closer to the counter than the first woman is... my mate throws the purse but stupidly throws it at the sales assistant instead ...the sales assistant doesn't catch it but instead puches it away from the counter and as luck would have it... straight at me. Can I buy the shoes? |
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By *b430Man
over a year ago
Tayside |
"I would say the opposite
There are far more "thugs" that turn up at football matches on a Saturday afternoon to cause trouble inside and outside of the grounds!
Lets av itttttttt!!
"
No problem
The rugby guys seem to be a little bit hardier than the poncy footballers who fall down for no reason, so lets be havin you!!!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
Can you explain to us the difference between the offside rule in football and rugby?
The football offside rule is explained above..
The Rugby offside rule is simple...
Anyone on a rugby pitch is offside cos it's a stupid game designed to give thugs something to do on Saturday afternoons.
I would say the opposite
There are far more "thugs" that turn up at football matches on a Saturday afternoon to cause trouble inside and outside of the grounds! "
*ALERT*
SENSE OF HUMOUR FAILURE!
*ALERT*
I was joking man! |
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By *b430Man
over a year ago
Tayside |
"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
Can you explain to us the difference between the offside rule in football and rugby?
The football offside rule is explained above..
The Rugby offside rule is simple...
Anyone on a rugby pitch is offside cos it's a stupid game designed to give thugs something to do on Saturday afternoons.
I would say the opposite
There are far more "thugs" that turn up at football matches on a Saturday afternoon to cause trouble inside and outside of the grounds!
*ALERT*
SENSE OF HUMOUR FAILURE!
*ALERT*
I was joking man! "
ALERT ALERT ALERT
You need to have a sense of humour too to know if someone else has had a failure - wee tip look out for the winks |
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"I would say the opposite
There are far more "thugs" that turn up at football matches on a Saturday afternoon to cause trouble inside and outside of the grounds!
Lets av itttttttt!!
No problem
The rugby guys seem to be a little bit hardier than the poncy footballers who fall down for no reason, so lets be havin you!!!! "
Just because they have faces which look like they had a fight with a brick wall and ears made out of playdough by a five year old... it don't make 'um 'ard! lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK - so I've positioned my self next to the first woman in the queue and without realising my left foot is closer to the counter than the first woman is... my mate throws the purse but stupidly throws it at the sales assistant instead ...the sales assistant doesn't catch it but instead puches it away from the counter and as luck would have it... straight at me. Can I buy the shoes?"
Nope, you are offside. Your foot is ahead of the other woman regardless of how the purse reaches you (by deflection from an official). You cannot purchase the shoes. |
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"OK - so I've positioned my self next to the first woman in the queue and without realising my left foot is closer to the counter than the first woman is... my mate throws the purse but stupidly throws it at the sales assistant instead ...the sales assistant doesn't catch it but instead puches it away from the counter and as luck would have it... straight at me. Can I buy the shoes?
Nope, you are offside. Your foot is ahead of the other woman regardless of how the purse reaches you (by deflection from an official). You cannot purchase the shoes."
I thought the sales assistant was the goalie... otherwise the woman at the front of the queue isn't second to last.... between you and the shoes. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
Can you explain to us the difference between the offside rule in football and rugby?
The football offside rule is explained above..
The Rugby offside rule is simple...
Anyone on a rugby pitch is offside cos it's a stupid game designed to give thugs something to do on Saturday afternoons.
I would say the opposite
There are far more "thugs" that turn up at football matches on a Saturday afternoon to cause trouble inside and outside of the grounds!
*ALERT*
SENSE OF HUMOUR FAILURE!
*ALERT*
I was joking man!
ALERT ALERT ALERT
You need to have a sense of humour too to know if someone else has had a failure - wee tip look out for the winks "
but but but ....You used the icon.
And as it came after the icon... well... in the icongraphy chart the icon supercedes the cos you could have got something stuck in your fookin eye (indicated by the use of the icon) and then were attempting to clear the blockage by using the icon.)
Fuck, I'll shut up now.
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK - so I've positioned my self next to the first woman in the queue and without realising my left foot is closer to the counter than the first woman is... my mate throws the purse but stupidly throws it at the sales assistant instead ...the sales assistant doesn't catch it but instead puches it away from the counter and as luck would have it... straight at me. Can I buy the shoes?
Nope, you are offside. Your foot is ahead of the other woman regardless of how the purse reaches you (by deflection from an official). You cannot purchase the shoes.
I thought the sales assistant was the goalie... otherwise the woman at the front of the queue isn't second to last.... between you and the shoes."
She is, but your foot was still ahead of the other shopper when the purse was thrown, which makes you offside. Even if the purse hits the goalie (assistant) and bounces back to you, the linesman should still have flagged you as offside when the purse was thrown. |
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"OK - so I've positioned my self next to the first woman in the queue and without realising my left foot is closer to the counter than the first woman is... my mate throws the purse but stupidly throws it at the sales assistant instead ...the sales assistant doesn't catch it but instead puches it away from the counter and as luck would have it... straight at me. Can I buy the shoes?
Nope, you are offside. Your foot is ahead of the other woman regardless of how the purse reaches you (by deflection from an official). You cannot purchase the shoes.
I thought the sales assistant was the goalie... otherwise the woman at the front of the queue isn't second to last.... between you and the shoes.
She is, but your foot was still ahead of the other shopper when the purse was thrown, which makes you offside. Even if the purse hits the goalie (assistant) and bounces back to you, the linesman should still have flagged you as offside when the purse was thrown."
I do know the answers.... I just never thought I'd see the day Wishy posted so much about buying shoes  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"OK - so I've positioned my self next to the first woman in the queue and without realising my left foot is closer to the counter than the first woman is... my mate throws the purse but stupidly throws it at the sales assistant instead ...the sales assistant doesn't catch it but instead puches it away from the counter and as luck would have it... straight at me. Can I buy the shoes?
Nope, you are offside. Your foot is ahead of the other woman regardless of how the purse reaches you (by deflection from an official). You cannot purchase the shoes.
I thought the sales assistant was the goalie... otherwise the woman at the front of the queue isn't second to last.... between you and the shoes.
She is, but your foot was still ahead of the other shopper when the purse was thrown, which makes you offside. Even if the purse hits the goalie (assistant) and bounces back to you, the linesman should still have flagged you as offside when the purse was thrown.
I do know the answers.... I just never thought I'd see the day Wishy posted so much about buying shoes "
Huh? Shoes? Who's talking about shoes? |
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By *b430Man
over a year ago
Tayside |
"Listen can any female explain the offside rule to me.
I struggle to understand it
Can you explain to us the difference between the offside rule in football and rugby?
The football offside rule is explained above..
The Rugby offside rule is simple...
Anyone on a rugby pitch is offside cos it's a stupid game designed to give thugs something to do on Saturday afternoons.
I would say the opposite
There are far more "thugs" that turn up at football matches on a Saturday afternoon to cause trouble inside and outside of the grounds!
*ALERT*
SENSE OF HUMOUR FAILURE!
*ALERT*
I was joking man!
ALERT ALERT ALERT
You need to have a sense of humour too to know if someone else has had a failure - wee tip look out for the winks
but but but ....You used the icon.
And as it came after the icon... well... in the icongraphy chart the icon supercedes the cos you could have got something stuck in your fookin eye (indicated by the use of the icon) and then were attempting to clear the blockage by using the icon.)
Fuck, I'll shut up now.
"
- Ye learn something new everyday on here (icon charts are different North of the Border) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"However... to question the analogy... are the arms included in the offside rule? Seeing as we are talking about catching a purse."
Yes, they are. Because you can score with your head, to do so usually means your head is forward of your feet (not always though), and if it was so would your arms be forward too. So any part of your person that is foward of the last defender puts you in an offside position. Think of it like a photo-finish at a horse race, that's what the linesman sees; if any part of you is forward when the ball is kicked, you are offside. |
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But if it is just your arms (and hands obviously) which are stretched out, if the ball hits them it is a hand ball and so no advantage is gained. I could be wrong but I just thought the arms were not included for some reason. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's a question of which offence came first: the offside or the handball. If you're offside and the ball hits your hand it's irrelevant as the ref should have blown for the first offence and stopped play at that point. It doesn't mean you can go whack someone because the whistle has blown though lol. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So even if you are not offside and your mate throws you their purse and you catch it... you can't buy the shoes as it's a handball... rather than handbag."
Correct. However, if you manage to chest the purse and then bounce it off your knee and it opens and the correct change lands on the till and the cashier accepts it - well done, you have a new pair of shoes!! |
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"So even if you are not offside and your mate throws you their purse and you catch it... you can't buy the shoes as it's a handball... rather than handbag.
Correct. However, if you manage to chest the purse and then bounce it off your knee and it opens and the correct change lands on the till and the cashier accepts it - well done, you have a new pair of shoes!! "
What if I pay by card on their internet site? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So even if you are not offside and your mate throws you their purse and you catch it... you can't buy the shoes as it's a handball... rather than handbag.
Correct. However, if you manage to chest the purse and then bounce it off your knee and it opens and the correct change lands on the till and the cashier accepts it - well done, you have a new pair of shoes!!
What if I pay by card on their internet site?"
Fifa don't sell shoes from their website but hey ho, if you wanna parade around in a new pair of Nike Superfly II Elite's be sure to unscrew the studs first cos they're a bugger on hard flooring. |
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"So even if you are not offside and your mate throws you their purse and you catch it... you can't buy the shoes as it's a handball... rather than handbag.
Correct. However, if you manage to chest the purse and then bounce it off your knee and it opens and the correct change lands on the till and the cashier accepts it - well done, you have a new pair of shoes!!
What if I pay by card on their internet site?
Fifa don't sell shoes from their website but hey ho, if you wanna parade around in a new pair of Nike Superfly II Elite's be sure to unscrew the studs first cos they're a bugger on hard flooring. "
but great for walking on backs  |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Rushden |
"OK, to make it very simple, here is the Offside Rule for women...
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V
If the flag is up... It's Offside!
I thought that meant the Queen was home "
Oooohh! You could be right! Have to look for her in the kitchen next time  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Fifa don't sell shoes from their website but hey ho, if you wanna parade around in a new pair of Nike Superfly II Elite's be sure to unscrew the studs first cos they're a bugger on hard flooring.
but great for walking on backs "
Well that's a straight red for malicious intent and unwomanly sporting behaviour. Where do you want me?  |
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