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I know it's an old one....

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

But I do find it very funny

This has to be one of the funniest things in a long time. I think this guy should have been promoted, not fired. This is a true story from the WordPerfect Helpline, which was transcribed from a recording

monitoring the customer care department..............

Needless to say the Help Desk employee was fired; however, he/she is currently suing the WordPerfect organization for 'Termination without Cause.'

Actual dialogue of a former WordPerfect Customer Support employee.

(Now I know why they record these conversations!):

Operator: 'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'

Caller: 'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect .....'

Operator: 'What sort of trouble?'

Caller: 'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.'

Operator: 'Went away?'

Caller: 'They disappeared'

Operator: 'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'

Caller: 'Nothing.'

Operator: 'Nothing??'

Caller: 'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'

Operator: 'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'

Caller: 'How do I tell?'

Operator: 'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the screen?'

Caller: 'What's a sea-prompt?'

Operator: 'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the

screen?'

Caller: 'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I type.'

Operator: 'Does your monitor have a power indicator?'

Caller: 'What's a monitor?'

Operator: 'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.

Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'

Caller: 'I don't know.'

Operator: 'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find

where the power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'

Caller: 'Yes, I think so.'

Opera tor: 'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's

plugged into the wall..

Caller: 'Yes, it is.'

Operator: 'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that

there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just one? '

Caller: 'No.'

Operator: 'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again

and find the other cable.'

Caller: 'Okay, here it is.'

Operator: 'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely

into the back of your computer..'

Caller: 'I can't reach.'

Operator: 'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'

Caller: 'No...'

Operator: 'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and

lean way over?'

Caller: 'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's because it's dark.'

Operator: 'Dark?'

Caller: 'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is

coming in from the window.'

Operator: 'Well, turn on the office light then.'

Caller: 'I can't..'

Operator: 'No? Why not?'

Caller: 'Because there's a power failure.'

Operator: 'A power ..... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it

licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals

and packing stuff that your computer came in?'

Caller: 'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet..'

Operator: 'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack

it up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back

to the store you bought it from.'

Caller: 'Really? Is it that bad?'

Operator: 'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'

Caller: 'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'

Operator: 'Tell them you're too damned stupid to own a computer!'

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

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By *otsoSnowWhiteWoman  over a year ago

My Ice Castle! South Wales

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Do computers not work during power cuts then????

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Made me

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Old, but still very, very good (like me..).

True even today, in the age of tablets and smartphones. Seriously, some people should not be allowed to own such things....!

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

How do you switch a computer off?

You hit the ON button

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"How do you switch a computer off?

You hit the ON button"

How do you switch off a seriously grumpy computer - Hold the Power Button down, until it shuts down.

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By *andybeachWoman  over a year ago

In the middle


"How do you switch a computer off?

You hit the ON button"

My old computer used to turn itself off at random intervals, it was soooo annoying that I had to send it to computer heaven

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'

Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'

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By *andybeachWoman  over a year ago

In the middle


"

Customer: 'I've been calling 700-1000 for two days and can't get through; can you help?'

Operator: 'Where did you get that number, sir?'

Customer: 'It's on the door of your business.'

Operator: 'Sir, those are the hours that we are open.'"

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Another true one from a Novell NetWare Sysop:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"

Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"

Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty period. How do I go about getting that fixed?"

Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"

Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."

Tech: "Please excuse me. If I seem a bit stumped, it's because I am. Did you receive this as part of a promotional at a trade show? How did you get this cup holder?"

Caller: "It came with my computer. I don't know anything about a promotion. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point, the Tech Rep had to mute the caller because he couldn't stand it. He was laughing too hard. The caller had been using the load drawer of the CD-ROM drive as a cup holder and snapped it off the drive.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Fantastic

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By *londeCazWoman  over a year ago

Arse End of the Universe, Cumbria

I'm a database administrator for a system that records movements via a barcode reader which communicates by being docked in a cradle attached to a PC....here's one of mine

Me: Hiya, Caz speaking

Him: Hiya, **** isn't working

Me: Can you define "not working"

Him: yeah, the scanner is dead, it won't fire up

Me: is it in the cradle?

Him: yeah

Me: is the cradle plugged into the PC?

Him: what do you mean?

Me: there should be 2 leads from the cradle to the PC

Him: no, the cradle is in a different room, we moved it

Me: move it back to the PC, plug both cables in and let it charge - the battery is dead

Him: oh, ok, will do

Me: cool, ring me if it still doesn't work

.

.

.

15 minutes later....

Me: hiya, Caz speaking

Him: **** still isn't working

Me: I need a bit more information...

Him: I did what you said and now when I take the scanner out of the cradle, it goes blank again

Me: you need to leave it docked for at least 6 hours to recharge the battery

Him: oh, right...sorry

Me: No worries

.

.

.

**walks out of office and bangs my head against the wall whilst repeating "fuckwit" each time I slam my head on the wall

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By *aceytopWoman  over a year ago

from a town near you

years ago working for a breakdown company,

him,iv broken down the car wont start

i asked all the relevant questions,then i him where he was,Blackpool,he said,but i don't know where exactly,are you near any landmarks,churches pubs etc,oh yes he said im near a huge flock of seagulls,me:with respect Sir they may have flown off by the time we get there,is there any thing else you are near,well im right under the Blackpool Tower if that's any good.

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By (user no longer on site) OP     over a year ago

RAC Motoring Services

Caller: 'Does your European Breakdown Policy cover me when I

am traveling in Australia ?'

Operator: 'Does the policy name give you a clue?'

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