So, after my attempts at bear back sex and the rather sorry state of me afterwards, I decided to try vanilla sex.
Like the bear back, I'd heard a lot about it and how it was safe and normal. I tried it bear back and the bloody animal nearly ate me so I really was unsure about vanilla sex.
I remembered him from the 80s. Ice ice baby but how could I find him. If you though finding a bear was hard try getting close to an ex-rapper. I knew he had a gun. That put me off a little but I thought, hey vanilla sex is normal. There's nothing strange about it. So, I flew to Los Angeles, booked into a hotel and set out to find vanilla ice. Three weeks it took to find out where he lived. I kept an eye on the house for a week, checking his movements and following him about. That was my first problem. He'd noticed and only called the cops on me. I was dragged in for questioning and locked up in a cell. Next day, a restraining order was put on me. Wow! I thought!! Vanilla ice likes it kinky and he wants me to tie him up.
I bought some handcuffs, cable ties and ropes and went back that night to his house. I had to sneak in and found him in bed alone. I tried to talk to him but he just kept on screaming. I tied him up face down on the bed and stripped him naked. No way was I not having my vanilla sex. I'd brought a bottle of essence with me and two vanilla pods. They're expensive you know. It's a fiver for just the one.
I set about vanilla, covering him with the essence while reaching round to play with his little winkle using the essence to lubricate him.
He was just like the bear though when I climbed on and tried to have sex with vanilla. He tossed and turned as I rode him and the vanilla essence kept causing me to slip back out.
Anyway, I won't be able to write for a while. It seems the cops came in and caught us at it. Vanilla complained and had me arrested again. The trial is in two weeks but in the meantime I am owing on my prison warder fantasy.
Vanilla sex isn't at all boring, as I have found. And the essence makes your skin smell lovely and keeps it all soft. The guys in here like that. |
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